Hecate
Junior Member
Posts: 84
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Post by Hecate on Dec 8, 2004 6:49:48 GMT -5
Hi,Reflection Seems like you're going through a rough patch right now. Remember to be gentle & kind to your self.I'm trying to do the same. Hoping you'll ,soon, feel bether. Your sister in recovery
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Post by hoppe on Dec 9, 2004 11:12:42 GMT -5
Hi reflection Have not heared from you for a couple of days. Hope you are doing good! Sending you a smile -  hoppe |
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Reflection as guest
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Post by Reflection as guest on Dec 10, 2004 10:45:28 GMT -5
Thank u Hecate n Hoppe for resonding. Im actually doing well.. even though i have picked a bit i would say im on my 4rt day of DG. I was at Oxford interviews.. it went aight.. and was fun. Hopefully I will be able to continue my positive attitute here too. Reflection |
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Reflection as guest
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Post by Reflection as guest on Dec 10, 2004 18:13:26 GMT -5
I am done with this. From now on I need to be strict. REALLY strict. I need to take my goals more serious. I cant keep pushing the boarder. My skin is dull and I am making it worse everyday by ruining it like i do. I managed for 4 days then today messed up. I start ZT i think, even though DG is good. Its just I need to heal because I have red marks and red cheeks in my face. So here is my plan: 1) ZT all day 2) Go out for a walk with someone... just need some air. 2) Drink lots and lots of water. 3) Follow my Montignac diet.. it has been difficult as I have been done and so overeat today as I had stressed so much. BUt NO sugar so I guess that was good. 4) Wear thick layers of Zinc cream or vit E when at home and B-lotion 5) Goal: I WILL FROM NOW ON COMPLETE 3 WHOLE DAYS OF 100% ZT!!!! My reward will be: ordering one of those elastic ropes for exercising.. dunno the name.. its not a skipping rope.. hehe Wish me good Luck. Reflection |
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Post by hoppe on Dec 11, 2004 4:20:26 GMT -5
Hi reflection It is good to have you back. I was really worried about you the last couple of days. At first I want to congratulate you on the days of ZT/DG you managed. I know, it was probably easier because you were not at home, but it is still a great achievement!! And it means you can also do it at home, it will just be a little harder. I hope you will be able to follow your plan. But I think it is always dangerous to demand to much from yourself - do not set yourself up for failure! BTW, I have felt a bit envious since our last chat, where you mentioned what you want to do next year when school is finished.... . I wish that was me! Part of the reason why I came to Sweden is because I love the Scandinavian nature so much - the forrest, the lakes, the mountains. I think it is a great place to find some inner peace. Unfortunately I do not see to much of it as long as I am in the city - but I sometimes dream of going somewhere alone for a while, rent a cabin, write a book, something like that. Maybe one day. I hope you will have a good day! hoppe |
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Reflection as guest
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Post by Reflection as guest on Dec 11, 2004 12:44:59 GMT -5
Hey Hoppe, Thanx for kind words. I hope its not too demanding. I have decided not to do the diet... Sure i need to loose weight but there is so much to stress about so i will jsut avoid sugar and eat healthy with lots of water. HAvnt really had sugar for a month, excpet some sips of cocktail which were necessary at a party.. hehe I feel im gettng back to my old self. And like i read about piano... u have felt separated from it. Painting has been like that for me the last month.. I think cos last time i did paint it was out of frustration from picking.. Most times my self portraits are.. I havnt wanted to face the mirror so perhaps that is why i havnt paiting. BUt i will tonigh. I will force myself into that harmonious trance. TTYL Reflection |
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Post by hoppe on Dec 11, 2004 15:38:32 GMT -5
Hi reflection Hope you are painting right now and enjoying it. I find it interesting that you usually paint selfportraits. I wonder how much they differ from each other- I mean I guess each one is influenced very much by the current mood you were in while you were painting? If you do not want to face the mirror, maybe you can paint something else? hoppe |
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reflection as guest
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Post by reflection as guest on Dec 12, 2004 2:41:42 GMT -5
Hey Hoppe, I paint self portraits and they are usually sad. This is shown in my eyes. Last night I sat in the living room by the fire place with my dad listening to christmas music and painting. My dad asked me if i couldnt draw a happy face. My parents always hope to see a happy painting. Untill last night i havnt painted one. Last night I painted my face by memory and not reflection. I painted myself smiling. I feel it looks distant and fake. It is not like me. Perhaps I should start seeing myself as a happy person. Perhaps by painting myself happy, I will end up happy. I am on my second day of ZT. ;D I am happy, yet kinda uncomfortable. My face is looking better but my body isnt. I have been over eating the last couple of days and I feel so fat and ugly. However I have been eating healthy. I have to much to do to be focusing on the diet but I will try to reduce the amount of food I eat. And stick to 3 meals per day with no snacking except one fruit at night. Why am I so dissapointed. I should look at the positive aspects: Been to an interview Met lots of new people Went out and danced, which I normally do not do. And I felt comfortable. Ate little while gone Eating a lot now is probably a reaction to the stress and little food I had before Hadnt picked for 3 days… Messed up for 2 day… And am now on my 2nd day of full ZT. That means 5/7 days I did not pick. Havnt eated sugar. I should be happy and pleased with myself. |
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reflection as guest
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Post by reflection as guest on Dec 12, 2004 4:18:52 GMT -5
I just picked at two.. Not for long and didnt really count. I will continue ZT as if nothing happened. Im just too tired to concentrate on work..  I should |
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Reflection as guest
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Post by Reflection as guest on Dec 12, 2004 13:56:25 GMT -5
BAD day Havnt worked at all and have been picking and over eating all day.. Dont feel like anything.  Reflection |
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Hecate
Junior Member
Posts: 84
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Post by Hecate on Dec 13, 2004 6:02:26 GMT -5
Hi,Reflection Sorry to hear that you had a bad day.There is probably nothing that I can say to make it bether but I want you to know that I care & I'm here if you need support.Remember lapses are a part of recovery & "this too shall pass" as they say in a 12 step program. WE can do this together. Hugs from Hecate
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Reflection as guest
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Post by Reflection as guest on Dec 14, 2004 12:58:48 GMT -5
Hey Hecate... Thanx for ur words.. However its still going bad .. its worse. i am waiting for something to happen. Something that will vanish all my scars, my body and my compulsive mind. I am waiting for something to take it away. I am not aware of the fight and strenght it takes. I dunno if i can do this. I dunno if trying pays of.. I know it does.. deep inside i know its the only way. I just dunno if it is too late. I am ruining myself. I feel so bad about it but i cannot stop doing it. I feel like shit and i look and feel dead. I dunno wat to do.. Make a new years resolution list... AGAIN? Yet another year. I hate this. Im lost. |
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Post by reflection on Dec 14, 2004 16:52:20 GMT -5
I need to start fresh...
I know this might be annoying to everyone on this forum but i feel I really, really need to do this because my life is out of controll. I will write about it in my new journal. This will be called Reflection's Selfportrait aswell.
I hope this is ok. I just really need a new start, and this is one way.
Reflection
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