21 days to break a habit

[flawless desire]

Anne, I feel the same way. If I sit down and accept that I am making myself worse everyday, and I know it is going to look ugly no matter what I do to it, I will leave it alone.

Start to put it in your head that the doctor has already worked on the scar, and right now you are just in healing mode. If you touch it, then you will be right back to square one. Each day you don't touch it, you are helping the doctor bring it to the desired result that you both want. I have thought this before.

I do have a good optimistic outlook if I know that the reason I am suffering is for a better good. Like when you have an operation, you hurt for awhile so you can get better. Everything will ALWAYS get worse before it gets better. Even little things, think about trying to organize something, you have to drag everything out, and then you have to sort thru it, for a while, it looks worse, right? But you have to see the greater good at the end of the tunnel.

I know we have to quit dealing with the RIGHT HERE, and RIGHT NOW. We have to start setting goals, short term ones first, and then long term ones.

Once we have goals, we have to start taking the right steps towards putting them into action.

You have already taken the first step, you went to to the dr, and sought help.

I am not sure who all works and who doesn't. My work is a double edge sword, cuz it causes me stress sometimes that makes me want to pick, but the fact I am there 10 hours of day, keeps me away from the mirror.

So, I figured that the trick is to...Keep yourself busy!!

For those of you who might not be working right now and need to be at home.....at the very minimum.... see if you can get a job that you can do at home. There are a lot of jobs out there that you can do from home. I've done this before and would highly recommend it.

Or if you can leave the house and are willing to, then every day, you can make it a point to brighten someone else's day, if you were to volunteer somewhere, this would give you experience to get a job you might like and you would feel great about connecting with others.

Also, each day you do not pick...is a win. Each hour, each minute, each second that you do not pick is a win.
Because if you add them up, eventually they become weeks, months, years, of not picking.

I highly recommend going to your local book store and going to the self help section and getting any kind of book on positive self image, or goal setting. Any time you are feeling low, you can read this book from someone who has been where we are (challenged) and managed to overcome.

I love my books, and I am not even much of a reader to be honest, but the mental journey they take you on is amazing, and they truly do give you hope.

TIP OF THE DAY...REPLACE A BAD HABIT WITH A GOOD ONE.

EXAMPLE::: EVERY TIME YOU WANT TO DRINK SODA, DRINK BOTTLED WATER INSTEAD.

EVERYTIME YOU WANT TO PICK....BRUSH YOUR TEETH INSTEAD.......

EVERYTIME YOU WANT TO OVER-EAT.....EXCERCISE INSTEAD.

WHAT BAD HABITS CAN YOU THINK OF TO REPLACE??

[Duchess Dutchy]

Everytime you want to yell or scream: sing a song

Everytime you want to eat chocolate: take an apple

Everytime you want to check yourself out in the mirror, wash your hands in the kitchen (no mirror there LOL)

Lover Duchty

[anne]

Flawless, you are so right about thinking about the ultimate outcome and not our present state of trials. Thinking about everything working out in the future is the only thing that gets me by at times. Actually I haven't been as tempted to pick lately because my skin isn't really tempting me as bad it is just in a lumpy scarred state now and putting tea tree oil with a manuka oil I got from a health website seems to really help it, more than the prescriptions I got from the doctor anyways. Or maybe it is just a mental thing, but I don't pick with it

I think God is teaching me patience and when I want to cry I will pray and have faith God will get me thru. There has been a lot of transition in my life and I just got to be stronger thru things. Well I hope I can eat an apple instead of chocolate, duchess, but what about chocolate covered strawberries, pls?
Actually I think the reason why I crave sugar so much is I read it boosts serotonin levels as well as picking, so when I don't pick I feel like I need the sugar! Then after coming down from the high I feel like I need a boost again and since I am full I go to the mirror I'm not overweight although I wonder how much I will gain when I totally stop my skin obsession Maybe I will just eat lots of apples

[anne]

Flawless, I forgot to ask what work from home job did you do? I have always found the jobs require money on your part to start up and are therefore scams, or have something wrong with them. It would be nice to make some money from home until I eventually get a job out of the house! BTW I have a BA in english but no teaching cert so sometimes it's hard to get a job. I've done a lot of administrative type work but kind of want something different now because that got old

[Flawless Desire]

Hi again...

Let's see...Anne,

I remember that my mom got me a job helping her with mailers for her work. A lot of companies will pay people to do something as easy as stuffing envelopes, stamping them, and mailing them off. It was when I was younger, so I'm not sure the details of it. I know there are a lot of scams out there, so yes, you need to be careful.

I think there are also AOL administrators, who get paid to answer questions for AOL users, and are technical support. It seems like there should be a lot of jobs for those who have computers, cuz you can do a lot at home and be connected to the world while doing it.

I also know a lot of people just go shopping and find antique, unique items and sell them on E-Bay, this occupies their time during the day, because all they do is go shopping (sounds fun) then photograph it and try to sell it on line. They make tons of money and investment is minimal. Just need to have an eye for unique-ness. Anyways, these are just some things people have told me.

If you like to write, you could write some articles and submit them to magazines or a local newspaper, there is often money paid out for submissions.

I do like getting out of the house, so I am happy with my job. Although it is a lot of pressure on me, it is also very rewarding at times.

I have to go to the doctor in a few days and I am only nervous about having to take off my shirt, because I remember being asked before about the spotting from old scratching wounds that have since healed over. I hate having to explain anything, it makes me so uncomfortable, and I assume they will look at me differently, thinking>>> this chick has problems. UGH...I HATE that.

I liked the additional ideas Duchess Dutchy had about replacment therapy. Replacing bad with good. LOL

Here's another....Whenever you want to close off and be alone, do the opposite and call a close friend or family member and reminisce. OR just RECONNECT with someone you haven't talked with for awhile.

We'll get thru this you guys.......we are going to be people with the most beautiful faces, minds and souls when this is all over.

We must quite striving for perfection though, it is NEVER going to happen. We can get close, but there will always be something we are going to be too hard on ourselves about.....ALWAYS! Unless we allow ourselves to not have to be perfect. Let's just be the best US that we can be.

Have a good day beautiful people!!!! Believe me there is someone right now who thinks your gorgeous, there is someone who adores you, just open your eyes, realize this, open your heart and let them in.

SMILE yourself happy for their sake as well as yours, for that's someone people want to be around. If we dwell in sadness and sorrow, it doesn't not make for a very fun environment for those who love us. We don't want to push those away who love us the most.

[anne]

Flawless, that ebay thing sounds fun but I'm not much of an autropraneur (sp?) I think I might try to write a book but I have to be inspired. I just want something to fill my time more till I get the dermabrasion, hopefully all the spots at once, and then after I heal I am going to drive to MO to see family. I just have a feeling when I go in to see Dr. Yarborough on Sept 2 he is not going to want to do all the spots I want him to and then I am going to have to wait longer and I am so impatient I want the scars gone! However, I'm telling myself to keep positive and be someone others want to be around like your post stated, I am tired of wallowing in this crap.

Tip for the day: Focus on getting thru the moment and leave tomorrow for God to work out.

[Dutchy]

Hey there girls!

I have been busy the last few days, that's why I wasn't that much online. I am starting up my own business (talking about working at home LOL!!) as an hypnotherapist/ Psychotherapist. I have been studying for two years and I am switching schools. Wednesday I have got an appointment with the supervisor from the new centre. I am very nervous about that meeting and have picked a little today. I hate it and ask myself WHyyyyyyy! But hey, I didn't hurt myself, just some redness in the face, you probably know what I am talking about. The redness will go away in a few hours. But still, the fact that I couldnt control it annoys me...

I will be having my practice at home untill I have found an outside practice. My mom will babysit while I work. I love this job, helping people. I have a degree in personelmanagement and worked as an international human resources manager for some years. A nice job, but I am so glad to be able to do this instead!

What a nice idea: an e-bayshop! I have visited an us-e-bay shop form a woman who is selling nursingcloths. Having an ebay-shop sounds like a lot of fun!

Well, I hope I can get through ne next days without picking and/ or thinking about picking.

Love, Dutchy

[anne]

Hey guys! Dutchess that sounds exciting, wishing you the best! Have you tried hypnotherapy on yourself?? Maybe you should give us all a hypnotic suggestion to stop picking! I was just thinking about the human mind earlier and how complex it is. It can do great good as well as create great inner turmoil, but I think behavioral therapy is a real answer. The mind loves to be programmed and the more good habits we can program in it thru repetition the better.

I feel like I am doing good not picking, however my skin is still a bit raised and swollen around the scarred areas, and it annoys me because even when I don't pick I have bad skin in these spots now, so I still obsess about it. I just keep telling myself it probably will get better in time and I will see the doctor soon. Also, I just want to get over the guilt of this self-harm-- that will be a real accomplishment.

[seabreeze]

Hey guys, I'm on day 16 - only 5 days left...Yippee!

I was away this past week and fortunately I have learned to deal with my travel anxiety a lot better so that I didn't pick. Travelling presents a lot of unknown situations and it used to overwhelm me with a lot of anticipitory anxiety, but I am managing it much better now. I give myself PERMISSION to feel anxious about it and tell myself that I am doing well and that I am improving so much. (compassionate self-talk)

Anne, I totally agree with you when you say "the mind loves to be programmed and the more good habits we can program in it thru repetition the better" This is it...it is the answer!

The truth is: THE MIND DOES NOT KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A GOOD HABIT AND A BAD ONE-- IT WILL BECOME ADDICTED TO EITHER ONE WE PRESENT IT WITH!

There has been a nagging, negative voice inside us for so long telling us that we are not good enough, not capable, not worthy of happiness, etc. THIS IS SO NOT TRUE! I know I got that from my parents. But I must move on now. I need to replace all those negative thoughts with a more compassionate voice that is self-respectful and self-loving. We need to substitute with more good habits, gradually leaning toward a more peaceful place of mind. This will take time because we took MANY YEARS to learn how to be negative thinkers. BTW, the zoning and spacy feelings are a symptom of anxiety.

Jess/Playinwitfire, I am so glad that you made it to 21 days with some slips and got passed them. WOW! I think the key is not to be so hard on oneself when trying to get over this condition. I am so glad you kept going and didn't "beat yourself up" over a couple slips. These 21 days should not be about being absolutely perfect, but in getting closer to our goal of stopping this self-abuse for good. And look how great you are doing now that you exceeded the 3 week challenge! Your new focus on self-improvement and self-discovery will be so beneficial for you. Thank goodness you have stopped worrying about your skin so much. I hope your next step will be to try and care less about what other people think and not compare yourself to others. This is so important for people like us. I am really working on that one right now. Trying to accept myself and like myself the way I am. Congratulations Jess!!!

Welcome Ameise, stick with us and good things will happen, I truly believe that. It is such a wonderful feeling to know there is support here whenever you need it. Wishing you luck and happiness. ;D

Dutchess, It is great that you are seeing the positive improvement in your behaviour. I'm glad you are realizing that this takes time and I am happy you are keeping up the effort. You will beat this! Congratulations for setting up your own business!

Flawless, your positive outlook is so empowering. I like the way you choose to "celebrate life". We should all try and see life as a celebration. Thank you for those words. Your suggestion to call a friend when you feel like distancing yourself is a great idea. I think this will help me next time I go through that time.

Girl1818, thank you for your kind words a couple pages back. I agree with you that we are all intelligent and we are all aware of what needs to be done. We know what we need to do so lets make it happen, no excuses! We are all creative, analytical, smart, sensitive people. Lets use our talents in positive ways that work FOR us, not AGAINST us!

Thanks for being there guys and keep it up!
:DSeabreeze

[anne]

Seabreeze,

Thanks for the inspiration, we all need it. Anxiety IS a big prob for me, and I think a lot of it comes from just dealing with picking for so long, it would make anyone anxious. I actually think I am normal besides the picking. Maybe I'm wrong and picking is just a symptom of other issues, however, most of the time I feel like my life would be pretty good if I would have never picked. Sure, I have problems like everyone else, but I don't necessarily blame them for my anxiety and picking, ex. screwed up mom, I really think I could have handled most of it fine had I not had this compulsion. Alot of people think I am laid back, but I guess that's because I get it all out picking Today, I am doing good, but I feel like it is all a big mind game to beat the picking and once I have I know my life will improve so much. I think each day I do get better! Maybe after my spot dermabrasion things will be better too.

[flawless desire]

Hi again,

Anne, I was thinking of more jobs that you can do to stay busy. Day care, watching a child and playing with them all day, what could be easier then that?

Or I was actually thinking about becoming a job headhunter/recruiter. Trying to hire people for companies. Many of these jobs require searching the net for good applicants or cold calling, getting good leads, doing first interviews and doing background checks.

My mom also told me about a job where you can be a secret shopper and get paid to go to stores and rate your shopping experience, what could be easier then that? LOL

Those are just a few more ideas. Right now, my job is the only thing that gives me self worth sometimes and gratification, and I realize I have something more to feel good about --a hard day's work. Plus if you are busy working, you won't be picking.

Duchess, congratulations on your new business venture, that does sound very fun and exciting! KEEP US POSTED ON THAT PART OF YOUR LIFE AND HOW THAT IS GOING FOR YOU.

Seabreeze, glad to hear that your travel anxiety is subsiding. I kind of know what you mean, if I didn't HAVE to go somewhere, I know that I typically would stay within the comfortable confines of my city's limits.
Often I go places, though, and feel like I got to see something that was inspiring, and come back with a new found awakening, so travel can usually be a good thing to shake things up.

I am reading an inspirational book...I won't tell you who it is by till I am done writing this, as some people might find him hokey.

But I want to post some things in here that are inspirational from it. Think about this for a minute!!

"As you look over the last ten years of your life, were there times when a different decision you might have made, that could have made your life dramatically different from today, either for better or for worse?

Maybe, for example, you made a career decision that changed your life. Or maybe you failed to make one. Maybe you decided during the last ten years to get married--or divorced--. You might have purchased a tape, a book, or attended a seminar and as a result, changed your beliefs and your actions.

Maybe you decided to invest in a home or a business. Maybe you decided to start exercising, or to give it up. It could be that you decided to stop smoking. Maybe you decided to live in another part of the country, or take a trip around the world. How have these decisions brought you to this point in your life?

Did you experience emotions of tragedy and frustration, injustince, or hopelessness during the last decade of your life? I know I certainly did. If so, what did you decide to do about them? Did you push beyond your limits, or did you just give up? How have these decisions shaped your current life path?

More then anything else, it is our DECISIONS, and not the CONDITIONS that determine our destiny. You and I both know that there were people who were born with advantages. Gentic advantages, environmental advantages, family, or relationship advantages.

Yet, you and I also know there are people that we constantly meet, read, and hear about who ,
against all odds, have exploded beyond the limitations of their conditions by making new decisions about what to do with their lives.

They've become examples of the unlimited power of the human spirit.

If we decide to, you and I can make our lives one of these inspiring examples. HOW? Simply by making decisions today about how we are going to live in 2005 and beyond. If you don't make decisions about how you are going to live, then you've already made a decision, haven't you?

You're making a decisions to be directed by the environment instead of shaping your own destiny.

My whole life changed in JUST ONE DAY--the day I determined not just what I'd LIKE to have in my life or what I wanted to become, but when I decided who and what I was committed to having and being in my life.

That is a simple distinction, but a critical one. "
END QUOTE-----

(So before you decide to pick, decide how this one episode is going to affect your future/ destiny, and how NOT picking would affect it. )

-----All information in quotes --above-- is from Tony Robbins
(Don't laugh, he's my hero)

Because seriously guys, if we decide to change our habits, we are going to shape our own destiny rather then let it shape us and who we become.

Let's get to work on becoming someone we are proud to know.

I know we can get thru this if we stay positive!!! I know, it is sooo hard, but that will make us stronger.

[Poi]

Hey everyone, its been so long since i've posted i've been keeping myself busy, surfing a lot and just keeping myself busy in general. I'm posting at 1:29 A.M. pacific standard time that is, and today will be day 14 with no FUCKING picking. lol sorry for the cuss word i'm just happy for myself.

Duchess, I heard about your slipup, its ok, i made a calendar myself once for this same reason and i kept slipping up. I think whats keeping me going is all the wonderful people here supporting me and not only wanting me to be the best I can be, but also helping me believe in myself and know that I can succeed without having to pick. Keep going, I know you can do it.

I'm ready to complete day 14. ya baby

For everyone else, hello, I love you all, and keep staying pick free.

Love<3
~Poi

[Seabreeze]

Poi, I am so glad you are still with us and DAY 14-that is so wonderful. Just keep staying busy and having fun and it will get easier. I am on day 19 and feeling like a new person already. Everyone, keep it up... you will succeed. and Poi, we love you too!!!

[Chipmunk]

Ahhh!

I fell off the wagon... back to day one.

My fault, really. I know one of my triggers is extreme fatigue and I didn't get any sleep for the last two nights.

Oh, well. I'll just start again.

Those of you who are succeeding, you have my prfound congratulations and respect. Don't give up!

[Flawless desire]

Where are all the usual people who post on here? It has been days.

Not sure if you succeeded, moved on in life, and left behind the post memories, or if you fell off the wagon and don't want to talk about it.

Anyways, Just curious.

I'm still not pick free, but I have lessened the episodes and time spent, so I don't think it is a total loss or anything by any means.

I got a lot of helpful tips, and will still get to being pick free...hopefully soon.