21 days to break a habit

[girl1818]

ok, so i'm on like my TENTH day one in the past month, and am getting very frustrated. I had almost made it to day four, but my skin was looking bad (not sure why) and i went on one of my worst picking rampages in a while. I'm lucky because i didnt really create any sores...maybe because i was able to stop picking after the stuff came out instead of searching for more like i usually would.

anyway, i was just wondering, for those of you who are pretty deep into their days...did your skin start to look worse after a few days of not picking? It was mainly my scars that stood out more...not sure why. possibly because i was really tan, and now the tan is fading. i'm on day one again today, and need some encouragement i'm also very frustrated because i promised myself that my arms would look better by the time i went back to school, and i only have (gasp) 20 days left... grrrr. I'm hoping that if i can go the next 20 days - no pick - i'll at least be able to wear tank tops out at night. it's soooooo hot in the apartments

[hoppe]

Girl1818, I am sorry to hear about your slip up. But I hope you can also feel a bit happy that you managed to go to day four without picking. I try to look at it like that, every time I start again after I did not pick three days. At least I gave my skin three days off.

Well, I hope you make it this time. I think, you can!

hoppe

[Illyria]

I have major computer problems so I haven't been able to post anything recently. But if my favorite chicks still believe they can bear my rambling and an undetermined phase of sporadic mesages, I'm still game!!!

Lisa, I have to say I'm quite impressed with your successful achievement. Your perseverance is inspiring and your encouraging sweetness uplifting. Maybe you'll become our good luck charm and some of your victory will rub off on us like a magically healing silky lotion. Jess, please do not let any setback erase all of the glorious endeavour you fulfilled 12 (11) days with. Nothing - no matter how painful or disappointing - can take away what you just recently accomplished with wonder. And there lies the challenge. To keep getting up when we're knockeddown, over and over again. And again. And the same goes to you Girl1818; I think it's amazing you've positively managed 4 good days, but it seems to me that the advice Hoppe gave you is pretty wise. Let's take whatever we can take, keep a record of that and be more lenient when it comes to our failures. Some may be ready fo a 46-day-trial (random number, but why not?); however, others ( including yours truly) aren't quite there yet. I realized I often set the bar too high and set up my own defeat in some kind of subconscious all-or-nothing sort of way. I can personnally attest that for the time being, I can't go longer than 3-4 days max. If I indulge after that, it doesn't mean nothing can be salvage and that I might as well go all the way down to the bottom. Till a short while ago, that is nonetheless how I was conducting my pick-free projects. And then I found you guys. I discovered that I may never have a perfectly pickless skin devoid of any self-inflicted damage - as minor and trivial as they may be - yet, this does not signify either I must look like a circus freak, about to adopt the life of a recluse. I have a disease and the more I inform myself, the more I witness the testimony of so many others just like us. Except no more hiding in the shadows. Anne, you have a strength of character that is so endearing, not unlike Flawless Desire. You guys are pillars of this foundation and I personnally need your knowledge and unprecedented dedication.

Hoppe, I was a bit amused by your story with the health system where you live. Not that I find it funny in any way, but the absurd setting is so familiar to how mentally ill patients are treated here, where I live. Like second-class citizens, subject to insane rules and criteria of classification. Makes you feel like giving up before having even started yet. Sounds like you could be living in the canadian province of Quebec. I, myself reside in the Montreal area, so wouldn't that be odd?

Anyhow, neighbours or not, you are all a piece of my heart and a fantastic motivation to pursue my relentless struggles.

[bd8300Lisa]

Hey Illyria, good to hear from you, thanks for what u said about me-I hope i can encourage everyone to try to quit, even if they think of me as a good luck charm-hey whatever helps, but i just want you guys to know that I would not have reached day 17 w/ out all of your support and help.

My skin looks good now, I am able to get out of the shower, quickly apply my BP cream and that's it. All of that crusty stuff is gone, I have few spots from where scabs were but they are quickly fading and they don't bother me, they don't nedd to be covered, but since it takes me a/b 10 minutes to do make-up now I put on my facial moisturizer in the morning, followed by a little bit of concealer and a dust of powder.

Girls, stick to the plan, after about 7 days straight (no cheating) results are great and things seem to go by a lot quicker.

Luv you guys and push yourselves really hard-YOU ALL CAN DO THIS

Luv, peace and happiness to everyone

Lisa

[annemember]

Well it's late here and I can't sleep I stared at my reflection for quite some time and just rubbed lotion in my face I guess it's better than picking

Flawless desire-I am trying to focus on the right way to fix my scars too, I am thinking dermabrasion. I am seeing someone about it on this next Monday. I have indententations and then a thick line of tissue nearby it in weird shapes in a few spots. It started after getting impetigo and I blame myself too but really feeling guilty doesn't help so I try to let it go now. I try to let alot slide lately because worrying doesn't help us. I am feeling kind of lonely tonight because my husband is away. I'm just trying to focus on my goals in life and be positive about it. I hope your surgery goes well and the laser helps alot. Will you just have one laser treatment or is it multiple treatments?

Tip for the day: Pretend you are happy and you might just cheer up, also treat your body like a temple and love your body as a holy package containing God's unique creation--No desecration! I try to feel God's love for me and then I'm not so alone and more at peace. Christianity is very healing

[bd8300Lisa]

CHRISTIANITY is healing. God is with us all!!

Great tip of the day Anne!

[annemember]

Ok, so I had sort of stopped counting days because I just felt too weak to do it lately, but I am starting up again. I feel stronger now and have a good resolve to stop squeezing, picking, scraping and even rubbing too hard Logically I know there is nothing I can do that will help my skin from me touching it, I need professional help and time for healing. I think I've known this but to actually FEEL it is different. I think I feel it more now and hopefully this will be my turning point. Plus I have appointments with doctors scheduled to fix the scars. I think the anxiety of knowing I have to go spend time and money getting my scars fixed caused me to pick more in my own cheap attempt to renew my skin but I know now it doesn't work that way. I really don't have many breakouts now so it's just been the swollen scar tissue I've had problems with. I think the sooner I get a cosmetic procedure done to fix it the better and having the goal helps me not to pick at it.

Also trying to stay positive and focus on positive things really helps. If I look in the mirror and feel depressed by how it looks I try to visualize what it will look like healed- even different stages of healing like a day later or 2 days later what it would look like, so you visualize the future if you didn't pick. This past year has been hard for me in so many ways but I want to come out of this stronger. I hope to post my successes here soon ;D

[playinwitfire]

Days remaining: 5

I hadn't kept record on my chart caus I'd been so busy job hunting n writing CV's. So yesterday I was pleased to colour in 4 whole squares. The time just flies by..when you've got your head burried in shit loads of applications and CV help books.

I'm still on detox now its just second nature now and the weirdest thing i didn't expect is that i havn't had to wash my hair for 5 days cus its just NOT getting greasy!!! i had night sweats and the predicted breakout of grease but thats it. my skin is MATTE in the mornings and its unreal. To anyone thinking about it..the epsom salt baths (the water actually goes murky with the heavy metals that are drawn out) and dry brushing are great for making you feel good. Aromatherapy too has grabbed my attention its just so relaxing. I used to see it as useless but omg you've gotta try it in the bath (make sure you use carrier oil or it burns on the surface). Juniper is for detox by the way..and lemongrass which is also good for opening pores.

ok heres for my final comment of willpower!

C'MO0N!! YOU CAN DO IT!

wheres mora? mwomi!!!

live long..xxxjessxxxx

[moratorium]

Lisa I just wanted to congratulate you on reaching day 17 and beyond! If anyone deserves to disperse of their crusts; it is you! You've done so well and this is a real testament of your inner strength. If you can do this, you can do anything. The world is your oyster.

Also Jess, well done on day 5! Good luck with your job hunting too, any potential employer would be insane to pass up the opportunity of such a colonically purified, astute, matte-skinned wonderkid. ;D

I have been completely reborn throughout this ordeal. I am still fervently pick-free. That's 32 days now and what's more, my skin looks better than it has done in years. I'm really not exaggerating, it is the clearest and most blotch/crust-free epidermis I've been held hostage in for many a year. I wanted to continue with the positive momentum I'd built up with the 21 days and so set about adhering to a few immune system boosts, inspired by the scientific discovery that the acne bacterium Propionibacterium acnes is really quite virulent and sophisticated, our immune system being the key to tackling it. When there are less bacterial parlays afoot, I find there is much less to pick at/get preoccupied with.

Below are a few immune system boosting tips I found on the net, I've been sticking to them, much like Jess' detox initiative, I'm sure it works on the same principle. The de-stress axiom in particular has been a revelation, cohabiting with the picking daemon is a sure-fire route to wonderfully elevated levels of stress and anxiety. If you cut it out, automatically you feel much more at ease with yourself. It's hard when you are so entrenched with self-loathing but just coming to a compromise to accept who you are, how unimportant a slightly inclining pore really is in the grand scheme of things can give you a lift in spirits which has helped my body immeasurably in its fight against skin intruders. I would definitely say my skin is healing little blemishes so much faster now than when it had to contend with my roaming skin brutalities.

There are natural ways we can strengthen our immune system. Some of these ways are listed here:

-get plenty of sleep and rest, the body rejuvenates and strengthens when it is at rest. Many people like to think they can function just fine on 5 to 7 hours a night, but the truth is, we require at least 8 to 10 hours per night.

-cut down worry and learn to de-stress, there are studies that prove that stress and depression effect the body physically and can even weaken the immune system.

-eat a well balanced diet, don't skip meals. The four food groups have everything our bodies need to thrive. Learn the vitamins in your food and get a good dose of each one.

-always take a multivitamin, learn what your body is lacking. Ask your doctor what vitamins and minerals you should increase for your age. For example, women need extra calcium. We need extra folic acid as well.

-have a regular exercise regimen. Exercise makes our body stronger, increase circulation of blood and nutrients, and helps flush the body of toxins.

-drink plenty of water, this helps flush the body of toxins and keeps you well hydrated

-eat foods with high antioxidant levels. They are listed below. Antioxidants are vitamins in your diet that can reduce your risk of cancer and other diseases and can give your immune system a boost. Eat a diet full of fresh fruits and vegetables, which are excellent sources of antioxidants.

-Antioxidant vitamins include vitamin A, vitamin C, vitamin E, and beta carotine. Food sources include: fruits and vegetables, dairy products, melons, berries, dark greens, whole grains, dairy and meats (high protein).

There are things we can do to strengthen our immune system. Start today for a healthier you!

Flawless and anne, scars bearing our own signature of inner conflict are without doubt the hardest skin flaws to acquiesce. I really hope you find success with your cosmetic undertakings. They can do amazing reconstructive procedures these days, encouraging the skin the renew. I hope you can find peace with the erasure of your battle wounds.

Amidst my new lease of life, I'm often heard geeing myself up with the motto: 'scarred up and ready to go.' It may be a rather unconventional motivator by society standards, but it makes me feel like some sort of vindicated warlord... well one that's preparing to go for a jog anyway.

Illyria, Quebecian goddess in residence, I'm sending you my thoughts too. I do worry about you. The Montreal social services have surely got it all wrong! It seems they're oblivious to the fact their hallowed halls of ill-repute (in which psychotherapists convene) have a goddess or two going unworshiped amongst them. They really must get up to speed with modern day mental health worship therapies. It's no wonder there's little faith in the system.

You are a brilliant individual Illyria, I know behind the mercurial wisdom lies a very fragile and damaged soul. Don't be afraid to let down the guard anytime you are feeling the strain, we are all here for you.

My dear hoppe, forgive me if I stop at nothing to urge you to keep trying for the therapy you are owed. I understand how difficult it must be for you with all the various factors you cited but please, express your need as urgent. Write letters/phone people, take direct action because you need professional help as much as any global citizen no matter the current boarders they reside within.

Is there no support system for your community who you could maybe try to contact for help/assistance. Perhaps even an embassy representing your country of origin? I am confident if you keep trying, someone, somewhere will be able to help. Explain the gravity of the situation and how much your troubled past is affecting you. Kicking the CSP can wait for the time being, it is your only support mechanism, finding a new one should be your main goal. I really wish you all the best hoppe.

girl1818, I'm so sorry to hear of your distress. All credit to you for bouncing back and living to fight another day. Actually having such the will to quit is the first step, the driving force to kicking it. Even if you can't physically follow through at this point, who knows, if you maintain such a pragmatic overview, one day you may find you are able to back up your pick-free intentions.

"Tip for the day: Pretend you are happy and you might just cheer up."

LOL. anne, I must say that advocation of faux-optimism is ingenious! hehe... aww anne. Pretend you are happy... I have never before seen something so sad yet at the same time so encouraging. What a sweetheart.

Best wishes, as ever,

Mora.

[anne]

Mora,

Thanks for coming back and the encouraging words! Glad you are doing so much better. Even though I still have my battle scars and want to rid myself of them I do feel better that I have picked less. It's still one day at a time but I am calmer lately. I hope to have the same level of success you have found soon. A few questions, how do you deal with emotional and stressfull issues now? When you would go to look in the mirror and fall into habit, how do you deal now?

Flawless Desire: I was reading on hypertrophic scars and they say cortisone or kenalog injections help if it is in a series. I had some awhile back but think I will get more. Have you tried them? I am going to get my indented scars treated thru punch elevation probably, but not sure about hypertrophic scars if I will need an excision first and then maybe spot dermabrasion. This all may sound like a lot of money but for smaller sections of the face it's not too bad, $60 a scar for punch elevation and maybe $500 at most for dermabrasion over it, have to get exact prices this coming Monday. I just feel like as long as the scars are there I am tempted to pick and I don't feel as safe. I know I can't live the way I was anymore and I deserve a whole lot better, we all do. I think God will help us but we have to reach out and take his hand, we have to really do some work but he is our strength! I guess you could say I am religious, been to church all my life but recently since I moved and had these problems I haven't been as much because I am too self-conscious to meet new people with scars I feel a bit guilty for that. I want my life back I feel robbed by this disease!! However, we will be stronger after beating this so maybe it is a gift is disguise.

[bd8300Lisa]

Hey everyone, I hope you are all making progress.

I have completed day 19 today! Just 2 more days to go, I'm so happy.

To Moratorium, it was nice to hear from you and all your encouraging words, you have been an inspiration and a motivator for me to over come this disease.

To Playinwitfire, good job on your success, your post sounded so good, would you mind telling me a bit more a/b your detox? It appears that it is cutting down the sebum production. How long have you been doing it. Keep at it because it sounds like you are seeing some great results. Congratulations on all of your pick free days, 21 days is less than 1 week a way-I bet you look and feel great.

To all of the others, keep pushing yourselves, stay positive and together we can and will get better and reach our goal.

Luv u all and thanx to everyone for their support.

God Bless,

Lisa

[seabreeze]

Hey guys, there is so much support going around on this thread... it is very encouraging and inspirational to read all of your efforts and successes! Mora, I am so touched by your caring words of wisdom and your deep insight and awareness. I am working on the 21 day rule. It's funny, I also mapped out a 21 day strategy a few months ago, based on the same habit-breaking theory but back then I wasn't ready, and couldn't get past the first day on every single one of my many attempts. I have dramatically improved over time and I owe this to my constant commitment to learn more about myself and to adopt new good habits one at a time. I found this site 3 days ago, and I am on day 3. I honestly thought I was the only one in the world who had this problem . It's been over 10 years for me, and just knowing I am not alone in this is so important for me. Thanks guys and I hope I will see us all pass 21 days and more!

[anne]

Welcome Seabreeze! I'm on day 2 so we can go at this together! I think I will get scar revision in a few weeks so it is extra important for me not to pick now, or I will probably cancel it if I have new marks. I really don't want to pick anymore, don't feel like there is any reward in it, it's just the habit is hard to break--and this is a very old habit for me, been doing it since I was 16 off and on and I am 29 now! I'm hoping by the 30 mark I will have this well behind me and will be alot wiser and healthier.

Congrats Lisa and playinwitfire, you all really inspire me that it is possible. Also I want to cut back on sugar because I know I am addicted to it but it's so hard to have will power with the food AND the picking. I'm not really overweight but want to get in better shape and just feel better all over. Last night after drinking a chai tea my mom called me and everytime she calls me I always end up feeling uneasy. I have a lot of issues with her, she has always affected my self-esteem with just the tone of her voice I told her about going to get scar revision and she acts like I shouldn't do it and just makes me feel dumb all the time. The older I get the more I realize she has her own mental issues and I shouldn't let her affect me. My dad is positive but my mom is negative and gets worried and nervous easily. She is very judgmental and controlling. I want to love her and forgive her but sometimes I just feel like I can't because she has screwed me up and made my picking worse alot. She's never picked herself, but she cleans neurotically and has control issues so I guess I get my neurotic behavior from her. Anyone else with nutty moms??

[Illyria]

Hello to you all,

I only have a few moments before heading to the repair shop for my computer. I see that Lisa and Jess are flying on the calendar tracks of recovery and skin control mastery. Way to go girlfriends! We are all waiting to cheer you with virtual confettis and balloons at the finish line!!!

Anne and Flawless desire, you are dangerously tempting me with all your talks about laser treatment and dermatologically-scar-removal! I might very well inquire about procedures myself (both as a way to diminish the remaining after-effects of CSP and as a preemptive measure to motivate and condition myself to stop picking pre- and post- surgery).

Moratorium, it was so uplifting to hear from you. It is also dumbfounding to witness to what extent you read me with circumspection. A few lines and I feel like you've captured my eternal shortcomings; the essence of what makes me altogether shine and drift away. Letting my guards down... And I thought I was doing such a good job at camouflaging my vulnerabilities behind a veil of literate analogies. I guess it takes one to know one !!!

An extended greeting to Seabreeze. I hope you will find here all the support and warmth I was able to get on my regular visits. Your virtual name is so endearing. I can envision myself wearing a flowery vintage summer dress (strapless if possible) and Prada sandals, a colourful pucci tote resting by my side. I'm sitting on the white sand of a tropical beach, my skin is golden, flawless and silky, the sun is beaming down on my smooth neck and tiny pearls of sweat are dripping from an ever so clear forehead. OK, won't happen this season, but who knows, I might fly away to some exotic paradise this winter where I could finally strut my stuff around ;D with nothing else but pride on my bare skin (and a Guess? bikini of course!)

Gotta go and face dull reality instead. That is, for the time being. Ciao!

[anne]

Hi guys, I am in a rotten mood after seeing my derm This was the last appointment covered by insurance, they gave me three free appointments and now I am going to have to go pay my own money for scar revision. Well the derm thinks I should wait awhile before getting scar revision. He hasn't helped me at all since I 've seen him. He just gives me cream that does nothing and acts like I'm a lost cause or something. Then he always gives me a cortisone shot in the hip which usually doesn nothing for the swelling, which I think at this point is all hypertrophic scarring but he thinks some might still be inflammation. I asked him if he though punch floats would work in the indented areas and he basically said no they were too big for that. So he didn't tell me what would work I am going to see Dr. Yarborough-famous for dermabrasion- Monday. I'll just get his opinion. It is all healed but maybe not ready for something so invasive as dermabrasion right now. The derm told me maybe Dr. Yarborough could start me out with a chemical peel since dermabrasion is a lot to go thru. Well for one 1 wouldn't get the full face and 2 I have already been thru more than this guy can imagine.

Had to get all that out. I just feel like while it's good my picking is getting MUCH better I am losing hope my scars can be fixed. Plus my mom is constantly annoying me and my allergies are horrible here in New Orleans!!! Oh well at least we didn't get the hurricane any Florida residents out there? Let's just all vent today