Out of control picking!!!!

[mylifeisdictatedbythis]

Hi. My name's Matt and well.. wow thanks so much everyone, i'm so pleased i found this forum. the world feels a smaller place now ive found you guys. Well, actually, everyone here seems to be female, so i still feel kinda alone

I'm 16, going on 17 in a few months and have been picking for about as long as i can remember, maybe 10 or 12 years. It all started with the skin on my fingertips, cuticles and nailbeds. It was particualrly bad around the sides of my thumbs, It used to concentrate there when i was younger. I did it all mostly sub consiously, and was young enough be naive about it and take it as a habit. Well, i grew more aware with age and of course then being a teen i started getting the whole acne problem. Well, the skin picking manifested on my face and its dictated my life ever since.

A year or so ago, i actually thought to look this up on the web... i mean i thought it was just me i wasnt expecting to find anything! but i did find loads of stuff, and it was at that point that i reduced the picking off my thumbs and fingers. I used to pull grrreat big bits of skin off, and then the edge of that area i picked got picked more and more, usually i only stopped when it bled and got real sore, but i only moved onto another finger or thumb that might have been healing from a previous episode. Anyway, although that reduced, the obsessive compulsive disorder that plagues us all obviously didnt and i started doing it on my pimples and moderate acne. Actaully, to tell truth, i dont know whether i have ance or not, but i feels like even if i hadnt before, i do now!!! my face is such a mess, everything is picked, from the smallest pimples to those great big whiteheads. Theyre the worst, i get this disgusting satisfaction from squeezing a whitehead and seeing the pus erupt over the mirror or over my fingers.

Then it all turns red and stays red for ages... being a man im not very patient, and im still in education, and i live day by day with this fear of going out anywhere. Its sunday today and my face is the WORST ive seen it in many months. This morning i just piked at this massive red thing (used to be a spot, now just an inflammed, partly scabby gross thing) and i picked and picked until it bled. and then i moved on to others. I do it daily, every wash routine includes a mirror stint in which i pick at something or other. and omg its monday tomorrow, i have next to no make up or treatment i just wash it and put on the acne scrubs... all the girls here have tonnes of make up to apply but as a guy i dont feel like i can do that, and i dont know how anyway... oh help please... i dunno what to do, its consuming my life, depressing me day after day.

I have sooo many scars, my face looks like a warzone, and everyone at school is all fine and im the only one... i never see anyone else like me. Thank god im not the only one tho, its nice to see so many ppl here all with the same thing supporting each other. I hope being a guy in all u women i wont be rejected

I cant control anything, not the spots, not the picking, not the desires... i think about it from the moment i wake up to point when i go to sleep

i judge my day on how bad my face looks, and its particulrly bad atm cos i had a week when i tried really hard to stop, clear up my spots, and have my face looking much better by today, BUT ITS SOO MUCH EFFING WORSE TODAY!!!! I feel like ive failed, i know its just depression, but its always there, nagging at my face, pulling at my pimples. urgh! be glad for a reply of any kind really, this is the first time ive ever talked about it at all, i never mentioned it to parents or freinds or gf's... never had one anyway, never had the confidence cos my face was so disgusting.

Sorry this is sch a long post, its my first post on this forum.

Matt

[natalie]

hi every1.

don't know where to start but my skin is in a total mess.

as soon as i can feel any sort of lump or bump on my face i stand in front of the mirror and squeeze then all day as it changes i squeeze and squeeze,.

i cant do this no more. in the winter times i think to myself IL just pick 4 a few more months and then by the time summer is here my skin would have healed up. I'm real scared as I'm a pretty girl but don't feel it no more.

I'm scarred on my face, chest, breasts, bikini line, legs, knees, arms and hands.

I'm 23 and i been doing this since i was about 15, where something happened. I'm thinking this is what triggered off my silly behavior.

i feel so abnormal next to my friends, them and their clear fresh skin.

can the doctor prescribe anything. i am at the end of my tether.

Natalie

x

[jcofkentucky]

I started out cutting on myself. Then I was hitting walls. Now I am skin picking and nose picking. I too hate it and get angry at myself. I know that some of it is my little girl that still exists inside me and always will be there. I just have to learn to show her attention, love, care, and affection and when I do I don't pick so much sometimes I don't pick at all. I have to let her know I haven't forgotten about her. The skin picking is her way of getting my attention and saying "Hey I need some TLC". Do you ever wonder what part of you urges you to show yourself TLC, or allow yourself to have fun like a child, then the part of yourself that says it is time to be a grown-up and not pick at sores.

[natalie]

hi yeah i fully get where you are coming from, sometimes on my own i feel like a little girl (have 2 children so is hard).
when im around people i put on this stern, grown up, fake image which just does not feel real.

i feel like a fake i really do and i dont know where im going or what to do.

every little thing stirs up emotion inside of me and every time it ends up in my skin becomin damaged.

i sometimes think that this is just a phase, but its been goin on nearly 9 years, how long does a phase last?

im scarred all over and its my own doin, when occasionally people get a glimpse they say what happened to your skin? i say, oh i had ezcema as a child and it scarred!!!! how bad is that?

i cant go on through my life bein this way. i want to act like an adult not like this.

im gonna do something drastic unlesss this ends..............

[ka]

I was trying to look up products to use for the acne that I have recurring on my chin (I never used to have that problem) when I landed here by accident. I hadn't realized I was a picker. I pick at my face, mostly, but sometime my back and chest, too. I also pick at my cuticles and the skin on the side of my fingernails but never realized it was connected.

I'm a bit upset about realizing how big of a problem I have, but at least I don't have to go drop a lot of money to get rid of my acne--I just have to manage to keep my hands off. Easier said than done, I know, but I'm going to try.

[Krissypoo]

My name's Kristin and I've been picking since I was about a senior in high school...I'm 21 now. I do it in hopes of achieving perfection. I admire supermodels with flawless, airbrushed skin and want to be just like them. Like alot of you on this site, I am also considered to be a pretty girl. I do have a boyfriend who tellsme I'm beautiful even without make-up (when my skin is red and mutilated), but I know that he's just being supportive. He knows about my problem and asks me to stop--for him. He says if I love him I'll stop. but it isn't that easy-not at all. I think for most of us girls (sorry boys) the problem lies in the media and all the attention it gives to the image of "perfect" women. this does not just include stick thin bodies, to me it means a perfect face and perfect skin. I have to stop wishing I'm someone else and embrace myself. This site has really given me the inspiration to just quit picking cold turkey. I'm going to try washing my face in the dark from now on and see how that works. I'm also going to put a post-it on my mirror that says "stop picking!"

I really wish all of you the best of luck in your efforts!


P.S. does anyone else hate being in pictures because your skin tone looks "off" I notice that the concealer I live by looks absolutely awful in pictures.

[embarassed]

Wow. I was looking for acne tretments and stumbled across this site. Made me aware that i have a serious problem. Now in my 30s and my skin is seriously discoulered and I have strange wirnkles and damage sepcifically cuased by the picking but i still cant stop myself and when i am finished gouging at my face, neck and shoulders i go after my poor partner who is v. bemused and doesnt understand why i am so obsessed with spots.

had to laugh about the scab/nodule comment cos thats exactly how i feel when i pick those off. i think i like the pop sound that spots make. sorry its so gross. i really dont understand why i do it and i want to stop.

[alec]

WOW. I'm wearing a bandaid on my chin as I type! I had never realized that I'm not the only one who has to do this. I really can't believe that so many others suffer from this paralyzing obsession.

I started picking when I was very young...mostly just the corners of my thumbs, but when I developed minor acne in my teens I moved to my face. I've always told myself that I just "had bad skin," but this forum has given me the courage to truly look at my own role in the state of my face. In all honesty, my "real skin" is quite beautiful, but I've done so much damage that it's now increasingly scarred. I'm 25, and my skin is starting to show a bit of age...it's not healing as fast as it once did and I worry that all my picking is going to age me even more quickly. Every time I pick, I notice the scarring sticks around more than it did in my younger years.

My boyfriend is ever supportive, but can't understand why I get so much pleasure from standing an inch from the mirror and poking and squeezing, and prying off scabs and dead skin. It's so gross, but it's such a stress release for me that I'm totally addicted. It's almost hypnotic...a strange meditation. He thinks I'm nuts and sometimes I agree...after caking on the concealer to cover my wounds, I often feel totally crazy.

I desperately want to stop, but worry that the satisfaction I get from picking outweighs the satisfaction I would get from having clear skin.

I'm temped to throw away all my makeup so that I can't justify my picking with the ability to cover it up later. I'm getting married in a year and would love the have a healthy face by then...I want to feel beautiful. Give me courage!

My heart goes out to you all. May we all find the strength to heal.

[Betsy Vance]

I feel your pain. This topic has actually touched me so much.

I've picked my spots ever since I began to get them. I get some kind of odd satisfaction when I pop whiteheads, it's really sick when you think about it.

Rencently I started to squeeze all the blackheads on my nose.. and not surprisingly I enjoyed seeing the greyish gunk come out. In the mornings the skin on my nose would be cracked and start to peel off.. and because I squeezed the blackhead a spot would form (which I later popped).

My obsession has gotten worse. I started to sqeeze all the large pores on my breasts, and one night I spent hours squeezing the majority of them. Resulting in more red spots, dark marks and extensive bruising. My mother recently saw and I couldn't bring myself to tell her what I had repeatedly done to myself, she thought a guy had done it.

I'm only 16, and I desperetly want this to stop.

I though I was alone, obviously not.

[Rhi]

Darls, what does your mum want to hear? 'I pick my pimples' or 'someone else is hurting your little baby girl'? Blackheads on your nose is VERY bad. When i first started to pick i did that. When a pore is prematurely emptied it distorts and is easier to get pimples and blackheads. So the more you pick the worse it comes back. I don't pick anymore (massive struggle! I stopped at 19 and started before 16) but now i am trying to fix the rednedd on my nose. VERY unattractive. And since you're only 16, try to stop now before you really get hooked. I put a sticky clear oil on my face and i stopped touching it cuz it felt so damn sticky (it was some sort of scar oil).
Also, your chest area is very delicate! Pimples on your chest are mostly caused by sweating, so why don't you try to stop for a bit and start wearing things that air off your cleavage! It will help you feel sexy and you won't want to pick again!!!
Look, i didn't think i could stop but after years i DID IT! I remember when one minute without picking was awesome, but now I NEVER do it! PLEASE STOP while you're young!!!

xxxx

[Rhiannon]

EVERYONE! When your picking tones down ( I assure you it will!) you WILL be left with scars, as I was. Now i use bio oil! it is fantastic! The redness on my nose, cheeks and chin are fading. I'm yet to see if it clears the crater-like scars, but i do feel a lot better about the redness fading!!!!

PUT A STICKY SUBSTANCE ON YOUR FACE like a scar oil!!!!!! Can't stress this enough!!!! If it's clear you can wear it 24/7 but you will hate the feel of it when you go to pick!!!!

[UK picker]

OH MY GOD! THATS SO TRUE! I ALREADY FIGURED THIS OUT.I USED TO PICK MY BACK ALL THE TIME BUT THEN I STOPPED AND NOW IT HAS HEALED EVERYTIME I LOOK IN THE MIRROR IM SOOOO PROUD OF MYSELF I WANT TO CRY! LOVE

Look said:

Your problem is not picking, it's an unhealthy obsession with perfection. You're getting messages that you are attractive. In fact, your pursuit of perfect skin is probably the only really unattractive thing about you (those guilty scars were created by your self-hatred, not by your pimples, which would have disappeared on their own).

The problem is not the scarring, it is your inability to accept yourself the way you are. Makeup, skin peels, and treatments won't eliminate the real problem even if they temporarily relieve the pimples. They are just cover ups, and they allow you to persist with your unrealistic obsession with unattainable perfection. Even if all the scars were magically wiped away, your self=hatred will find a way to write itself all over you. You'll never be in control if all you do is remove the immediate temptation. The pimples will come back.

You need to learn to love yourself, pimples and all. Your family and friends already do, why can't you?

Behavior therapy might help. Maybe get someone you love and trust to stand by you as you look at yourself in the mirror. Look, but don't touch. Learn to like what you see.

[anne07]

I cant believe I found this forum! I always thought i was a freak or something. What i realize that i do is if i see a flaw, ex: ingrown hair, i get it and then can never leave it alone. I dont pick my face though. Last month I had some insect bites on my arms and continued to scratch and pick at them. I couldnt stop until i started wearing long sleeves. For me If i dont see it, i wont pick it. Winter time is sorta like my time to heal. With the longer sleeves and constant wearing of pants I dont pick at myself. Because I dont see the "flaws" maybe? I am aware that I am OCD though. 7 years ago i was diagnose with Panic disorder, social phobia , and ocd. I was on medication for two years but decided to go at life on my own, I have been medication free since. I sometimes feel I need to get back on the meds mostly for the picking. But I hate having to depend on something like that just to be normal. I dont date because Im too ashamed of what i am doing to myself. I mean really how do you explain something like that. I was dating someone once and he did ask why i was broke out on my upper arm, i said that it was an allergic rash to something. Oh believe me Ive used them all, Poison ivy, break out, allergy to soap, detergent, etc. Well the thing is the "rash" was never going away. Good thing we ended up not dating anymore. I didnt have to explain myself anymore. I have noticed that its during my "idle" times I catch myself unconsciously picking....watching a movie, home alone, boredom. When im occupied it doesnt happen, especially when im around others. Not a pick! I tend to catch myself running my fingers over the unsuspecting scab, then i snap and catch myself, pull my sleeve down and leave it alone. I tell myself in my head "that was a close one" and let out a breath. I know the damage I do to my skin would be much much worse, but i think my constant exposure to the pubic at my job keeps me from getting too carried away. Im trying any and everything I can think of to completely stop, I even got acrylic nails! Im just so glad that Ive come across this site. It feels good just posting this out there knowing im not the only one.

[anonymouspicker]

hey. wow. i am not alone. i have been picking since i was 15. i am 21 now. you name it, i pick it. face, back, breasts, nipples, bikini line, legs, stomach, arms, absolutely everywhere. i can do this for hours at a time and it only feel like minutes. it makes me feel sick afterwards, and i have lost of scars, especially on my back and arms. For me it is habit and compulsive rather that the inability to accept myself. I also used to be obsessed with plucking my pubic hairs. this has only stopped because i shave. i feels so down about it all. but thinking about it now completely makes me want to start picking, and plucking, even though i havent plucked for nearly a year. how do i stop?

[imapicker]

Hi, I’m 36 and have been picking forever. Right now my breasts are the worst and I feel like I am never ever, ever, ever, ever, ever going to stop. I squeeze until white stuff comes out, then if I think I see something I get the tweezers and start digging and squeezing and digging and squeezing…until I get what I’m after or the blood has made it to difficult to see what I’m doing. As soon as there is a scab I will use the tweezers to gratifyingly remove it with a rush of satisfaction and start all over again and again and…When I do squeeze or pick something out it is AWESOME!! I can’t believe it. Day after day I get white stuff comes out of my nipples. The kicker is that if I lay off a few days it builds up so when I pick again there is a lot of white stuff coming out. It is so cool. Squeezing the bumps on my nipples is the worst place for me and the best place. They are always scabby, bumpy and ugly. I opened up a bump on my nipple with a pair of scissors. I snipped it open then dug into with tweezers until I got the white stuff. Honestly, it was the best. I couldn’t believe how much came out. I haven’t done it sense but I know it’s there, always. I haven’t been in a relationship in years. Picking has been a total drain for soooo long. I have butchered my arms and face too. I have hit my arms so bad it has looked like I put them through a meat grinder. Blood, scabs and sores have covered my upper arms. I know people notice and talk about it behind my back so I have cut down. I hate not having control. I keep telling myself that “people understand bumps but they don’t understand picking”. Really, I haven’t mutilated in a week or so b/c I keep reading your blogs and it helps me stop b/c I want to quit forever. I use Eucerin Plus, intensive repair body crème. It helps a lot and on the back it claims “clinically proven to relieve skin bumps often found on the upper arms and legs”. It’s expensive but a little goes a long way. I only use it at night b/c it is to thick for daytime. It’s been a great help. Oh yeah, I have anxiety and all the other stuff but meds haven’t helped that much. It is definitely a behavioral issue with me. Reading the blogs have been a great help. I hope mine helps you. One more thing. The other night I wanted to pick my arms. I used a washable marker to mark all the bumps I wanted to pick. I was able to trance w/o tearing myself up. It was funny. Both arms were covered in marker and I don't know why.