Out of control picking!!!!

[Melissa89]

Lola, thanks for the advice about the face sauna....I may just go and get one, because that "clean" feeling is what I always look for when I pick. Alex from cali, I know what you mean...it's hard to be a normal teenager (i'm only 17) with this disorder....it's hard to get close to people, to room with them in a dorm or hotel, to go swimming or to the beach and just to feel comfortable about yourself.....if it weren't for the picking I know I'd feel great about how I look. In fact, I have a twin sister who does not pick and it hurts a lot to see how great she looks because her skin isn't getting screwed with like mine. I only wish it were so easy for me not to pick...somehow I got that bad genes...even though she also has a little OCD and can slightly understand my feeling, she never has gotten the strong urges I have.

[Gnosis]

I am 22 years old and I am screwing up my entire life with my skin picking! Just this morning, I started picking at my legs when the alarm klock rang, went on to my arms, continued on to my breasts and back to the legs again until I finally got out of bed and got stuck in front of my bathroom mirror... for hours with the tweezers... just destroying my face, making big flesh wounds... and the thing is I CANT STOP even if I have to be somewhere else to be. I missed school and everything today because I couldnt tear myself away from the mirror.. even though I knew I had to stop and get out of there... I am one of those who go into a paralyzed state when picking.. I just zoom out. cant feel the pain in my face until i snap out of it and immediately regret everything...

The worst thing for me is that I actually know that people look at my skin closely every day. I am a model and I also work as a makeup artist. as a model im supposed to look perfect at shoots, but I cant because I look like I just stuck my face in a lawn mower!!! as a make up artist, my clients look at me and my face as a sign of how skilled I am. If I cant take care of my own skin, then how am I going to make them look good? thats how people reason.
IT IS SO SAD! From the start, I actually have beautiful skin.. but now.. its all ruined... so many scars and marks and wounds... I pick at things that dont exist fram the start.. a tiny hair follicle or anything imagined... it is so sad to think my face could be perfect if I didnt suffer from this disorder

I too have anxiety problems, suffer from sleep depravasion which contribute to my obsessive compulsive behavior. On top of it all I am anorexic and I guess it all has to do with me wanting to cleans my body of disgusting things like puss and fat... I too have a morbid fixation with watching all the yucky stuff ooze out. It makes me feel satisfied.

I cover myself with tons of makeup everyday but not even five layers of super foundation will completely cover the flsh wounds on my face.. I am getting worse by the minute and I live by my self in my appartment so I really cant get that kind of everyday help I need to stay away from picking...
what am I supposed to do? I cant live like this! I need my face.... I want to reclaim my face... *cry* help me

[help me]

I am 16 and have been picking when anxious at my face for a few years. i am so ashamed. i was perscribed retinA by my doctor, which did nothing, yasmin which cleared up my skin for a month only, and im picking and looking horrible. my face is gross. i hate how my parents yell at me for picking when i dont even notice im doing it. im scarring too. i am scared to use the "wrong" products on my face or try too many at once. someone once told me to put toothpaste on my face and im not sure if its working much or not for me

[MAWG]

twinkletoes6 said:

Hi everyone. I'm brand new to the site and I almost cried when I read all of these postings and realized that I was recogizing so many of these stories as my own!
Question about something that I haven't seen so far that I find particularly horrifying and shameful: does anybody take pleasure in tasting the blood/eating the scab?
Please be gentle...this is a huge step for me.

Hi
I don't eat my scabs but sometimes I like to save them, like I'm proud of them or something... And the bigger the scab the better. Sometimes I wish the wound would heal quicker so I can pick at it again.

[MAWG]

kell said:

Hi there,

I also have a skin picking problem. I started when I was about 8, when I first started getting acne, and I'm now 26.

I pick at spots on my face, neck, back, chest, ears, legs, lip, shoulders and arms. I also scratch my scalp, pick at the skin at the side of my fingers, cuticles and the dry skin on my feet.

My problem has become worse over the last 5 years and I have never had a long term boyfriend because I am embarrassed of the way that my skin looks. I also have low self esteem and lack confidence.

I've identified times and places, where I pick the most and tried not to do it then. I've been doing well for 6 days, I've not stopped, but I've controlled myself most of the time. I pick when I am stressed, when I am day dreaming, when I am in an uncomfortable situation, when I feel an itch and when I don't realise I'm doing it.

After I've picked I feel really angry with myself, but I love the feeling when I've been successful at picking a ripe spot, where I'm able to remove the centre cleanly and inspect the evidence afterwards (sorry, not very pleasant, I know). When I get one of those I look for another, and before I know it I have bright red, blotchy, painful skin, all over my body.

During the day, my hands search my face, back and neck, looking for lumps. When I find one I can't stop thinking about it, touching it, until eventually give in and I pick at it. Then when I am in a picking frenzy, I go into a trance, and can be doing it for an hour maybe longer before I realise what I am doing and stop.

I did try to go to the doctor for help about one year ago, I explained my problem, and ask to see a counsellor. He just prescribed me some antibiotics for spots, which helped to decrease the number I have, but does not solve my problem. I have lost confidence to go back and seek help again. I have also tried to tell my friends before, but they don't see my problem as being serious, and have dismissed me.

It has been really helpful to read your messages and gives me a sense of belonging to know that there are other people with the same problem and that I am not suffering alone. Hearing stories of people that are recovering or have recovered gives me hope.

My main way of avoiding picking has been not to look in the mirror and to spend more time around others, as I pick more when I am on my own. I've tried keeping my nails short, and I'm recording in a diary each day that I am successful.

At the moment, I am trying to keep my skin clean for an interview for my professional qualification I have on 20th April, then a ball the next day (my dress is quite low at the back). It will be after that that, when I don't have a reason not to pick that I will relapse, as when I have something other than me to do it for I am far more successful. I don't want to be doing this for the rest of my life, but at the same time, something inside me does not want to stop.

I found this website, which you may already know about. I have found quite useful www.stoppickingonme.com/index.php and thought you might be interested too.

I hope that you all find the courage and the strength to quit, just don't give up hope.

Thanks for reading this

Kelly

Hi
I just read your message and just wanted to let you know that I feel the same way about the satisfaction you get when the scab comes cleanly off and you can inspect it.

[Torrevieja]

:-/i'm 15, i've been doing it for 6 years and it all started with picking the skin around my nails. recently it got so bad at like 2am [when i shouldv'e been sleeping for school] that i felt so guilty n out of control. it feels like i have to see blood to wake up. on that night i was so annoyed i gave myself scratches on my right wrist with the pin i'd been using to pick my fingers with. i scathed the skin repeatedly on the same line with the pin. i wanted to feel pain, so i'd 'wake up' and smell the coffee about what i was doing. then i felt how deep i'd lightly sliced my skin, and realised i'd have a scar, and that 'from tomorrow i'd be seen by peers as a Girl Who Self Harms', when they'd see my wrist. The scariest thing ws that when i felt the pain on my wrist finally, i felt guilty ---> then i felt motivated to see tomorrow and make a change -----> then i felt great that i had some sort of motivation. i confessed to some friends and they understood.
i continue to pick my nail skin and any scabs/black heads around my body. my sis has excema on her back so she screws at me for messing up two scabs on my right arm. so does my mum. the two never commented on the scar line on my wrist. i pick daily. late at night for at least 20mins, when i'm alone and have just got out the shower, and i cannot stop- it is routine.
i have never suffered any traumas, i am a perfectionist and so it does seem i'm trying too hard to stop the world from knocking me down that i forget to be a friend to myself. my family is fine and my grades are already above the nat average. nothing that could be an issue has happened to me in my life. how could i develop csp or ocd out of nothing?
i don't really understand. i want to quit this my self, without any drugs, but i find myself thnking that as i tear myself to shreds sometimes... lol ironic i know.

anyone identify? any hope?

[Dee13]

Hi Torrevieja, a lot of us are perfectionists, some of us have OCD and depression but that is not a requirement to be a picker. Do you have a Dr. you can see or get a referral from? We are all mutilators of our selfs to some extent. Talking about things can really help and you don't have to go on medication. Dee

[Torrevieja]

i do have a doctor but i guess it just feels like this is too small a problem to go to someone with. It feels like peeps'll just end up asking me to talk about my problems and how i'm dealin with life.
even still i guess you have a point. its just that i feel that if i tell myself this is not right and say 'you have chronic skin picking disorder' i'd be coming out of denial and want to do something.
i'm taking it one day at a time and i'm slowly cutting down on my fingers and trying not to pick spots on my arms or legs. i do believe i can do it alone but it is really bad when i give in. the 'will' is there though, at least lol.

[Dee13]

Hi Torrevieja self mutilation starts as a small problem but it can get big fast and once your totally addicted you have to be a mega being to overcome it. May be you need to find a different specialist to work with. Of course I have never totally got my scalp picking under control.

[Torrevieja]

hi its me again and its so nice that there's people here who care! i've been doing ok, i've formed a few scars on my legs, tits n so on, places people don't see in general. I had a harsh break up with a boy i truly still love n it wrecked me cos i think he's got serious depression,been going for months. (yes, we 15 year olds get pretty down too these days lol) anyway i'm taking each day at a time, i've been a little down, but i found a nice dark rimmel nail varnish shade of my sisters and i used it. it took time to make it look like i'd had my nails done at a salon but they're looking good. My point is when i pick at myself, my nails can split or whatever n the varnish chips, i'd rather have the painted nails that stay long so i'm picking less
so yeah i'd recommend painting your nails in a way you love. and be dedicated to keeping them pristine. its early days still but i feel confident, this is my new thing, and i'm guna keep at it as long as i can

picking is a horrible thing to do, and i know its not over for me or all of us, but keep thinking about that 'want' to overcome, and it'll grow to the point where hopefully we will. much love.

[little sister]

it really is soooo hard to stop this. i woke up the other night and my upper lip was bloodied because i was actually picking in my sleep!! that's another reason i now cover the damage w/ bandaids whenever possible. i also wear a mouthpiece for teeth grinding while i am alseep. my life is pretty 'normal' so i don't know what is so stressful -other than the fact that people will look at my face when it's bad, so i feel like i am creating this stress.

[TIGRE]

does any one else pull off a scab sometimes and see a hard white "nodule" on the back of it? It feels SO GOOD when I see the pimple literally pulled out of my skin, and it makes me feel like the terrible bloody, painful picking that led to that was all worth it. I know its terrible, but I wanted to know if anyone else felt that way. I feel like I'm insane, but its just so overwhelming when I see a big gross white thing on the back of a scab, like I'm sucking the bad stuff out of my face. I'm gross and crazy, right?

[theonlyproblemleft]

i feel like my picking is such a weird problem at this point...i was diagnosed with depression/anxiety at 12 or 13 and now i am 22 and finally feeling like i am passed it...but i still pick...i really don't know when i started but its been a problem for a long time...somehow i think that it will look/feel better (or at least be easier to cover up) if i get rid of the scab or pop the pimple...of course then it really turns red and is more of a problem

i'm immediately drawn to pick at any skin that feels hard or solid in a tiny spot, i guess in an attempt to make everything feel or appear even...but i can't believe its still going on...i've been in such a great place emotionally for a while now (without my SSRI!!!) i just feel like this compulsion should stop

[BaneOfMyExistence]

I am 28 soon and have been destroying myself. I just feel so emotional right now because I have found other people who do the same things and feel the same way. I know I am hurting myself, but I just cant stop. I am overwhelmed by reading the other posts on here because I understand. . Over the years I wished I simply had a weight problem or something a bit more "socially acceptable" that seemed to me easier to solve than something that seems to be so deeply ingrained and complex.

It's psychological warfare.


I wish you all the best with your battles, even though most of the time it feels like its an uphill one.

[Chicago1]

does any one else pull off a scab sometimes and see a hard white "nodule" on the back of it? It feels SO GOOD when I see the pimple literally pulled out of my skin, and it makes me feel like the terrible bloody, painful picking that led to that was all worth it. I know its terrible, but I wanted to know if anyone else felt that way. I feel like I'm insane, but its just so overwhelming when I see a big gross white thing on the back of a scab, like I'm sucking the bad stuff out of my face. I'm gross and crazy, right?

OH MY GOD, YES!! Ahem. Yes, I know exactly what you're talking about. If it's gross and crazy, well, that's what I am. Speaking of crazy, my mouth is literally watering thinking about it. I daydream about picking the way some people think about sex or eating. I fantasize about how I cleared a pore the night before or how I'm going to extract a "ripe" blackhead I saw or felt. There's nothing like a "successful" pick; it's the highlight of my week!

I'm having a difficult night. I'm afraid that I will run to the bathroom mirror as soon as I leave the computer. Reading other testimonials usually helps a lot, but tonight I feel like it's barely making a difference. I'm not sure what's causing the urge, but it's so strong! If these forums can't help me, what hope do I have??

It's so bad that I'm wondering how I'm going to get to my bedroom to sleep instead of walking into the bathroom that's next door.