Post by Nelly on May 17, 2005 13:39:30 GMT -5
Thank you, K.
Well, I came back on Sunday and am still getting over the jet lag. I have mixed feelings about my vacation. On one hand, it was so nice to get away from the monotony of work and visit new places, experience new cultures and bask in the wonderful South European/North African sunshine. My boyfriend and I did quite a bit of travelling and saw a lot of different cities.
Unfortunately, though, I picked more than I would have liked. I had a 1-hour picking session once every 2-3 days, so even though the damage wasn't too extensive, I still had to rely on token amounts of concealer in order to feel acceptable. Still, I left enough of my face uncovered to get a slight tan and when I looked at the pictures that I took during the trip yesterday, I was pleasantly surprised to find out that I had no visible facial damage on them and actually my complexion appeared quite healthy. Nevertheless, most of the time during the trip I was rather disappointed with myself. I had hoped to be able to forgo the usage of makeup while I was away, but I simply wasn't strong enough to resist picking my face long enough, especially at the end of an exhausting day.
Also, I managed to sink to new depths during the past couple of weeks. Not only could I not restrain myself from picking my own face, but I also picked my boyfriend's back and even his nose which has always been covered with huge blackheads. I have always found it really hard to keep my eyes off of them and finally gave in to the temptation that had been building up for weeks. I could tell that I was hurting him, but the satisfaction I got from squeezing out the oily gunk was overwhelming. The culmination of my madness came when I picked at a pretty big mole on his back and before I knew it, I had somehow managed to make the mole bleed. It bled for almost an hour while I just kept soaking up the blood with a paper tissue. I felt sooooo bad.. I couldn't believe I was such a psycho and that I was no longer just hurting myself, but those I care about as well. I should probably be admitted into a mental asylum.
Anyway, today I've been feeling pretty jittery. I think I'm still jetlagged and tired. I've been picking for two nights straight since I got back and today I was even peeling off some scabs on my chin at work, which resulted in a couple of fresh bleeding wounds that I have not been able to cover up, no matter how hard I tried. So now I'm sitting here at work, bleeding, looking and feeling like an out-of-control freak, trying to hide my atrocious face from my colleagues, wishing I was a little bit more sane. Oh well, what else is new.
Nelly
Well, I came back on Sunday and am still getting over the jet lag. I have mixed feelings about my vacation. On one hand, it was so nice to get away from the monotony of work and visit new places, experience new cultures and bask in the wonderful South European/North African sunshine. My boyfriend and I did quite a bit of travelling and saw a lot of different cities.
Unfortunately, though, I picked more than I would have liked. I had a 1-hour picking session once every 2-3 days, so even though the damage wasn't too extensive, I still had to rely on token amounts of concealer in order to feel acceptable. Still, I left enough of my face uncovered to get a slight tan and when I looked at the pictures that I took during the trip yesterday, I was pleasantly surprised to find out that I had no visible facial damage on them and actually my complexion appeared quite healthy. Nevertheless, most of the time during the trip I was rather disappointed with myself. I had hoped to be able to forgo the usage of makeup while I was away, but I simply wasn't strong enough to resist picking my face long enough, especially at the end of an exhausting day.
Also, I managed to sink to new depths during the past couple of weeks. Not only could I not restrain myself from picking my own face, but I also picked my boyfriend's back and even his nose which has always been covered with huge blackheads. I have always found it really hard to keep my eyes off of them and finally gave in to the temptation that had been building up for weeks. I could tell that I was hurting him, but the satisfaction I got from squeezing out the oily gunk was overwhelming. The culmination of my madness came when I picked at a pretty big mole on his back and before I knew it, I had somehow managed to make the mole bleed. It bled for almost an hour while I just kept soaking up the blood with a paper tissue. I felt sooooo bad.. I couldn't believe I was such a psycho and that I was no longer just hurting myself, but those I care about as well. I should probably be admitted into a mental asylum.
Anyway, today I've been feeling pretty jittery. I think I'm still jetlagged and tired. I've been picking for two nights straight since I got back and today I was even peeling off some scabs on my chin at work, which resulted in a couple of fresh bleeding wounds that I have not been able to cover up, no matter how hard I tried. So now I'm sitting here at work, bleeding, looking and feeling like an out-of-control freak, trying to hide my atrocious face from my colleagues, wishing I was a little bit more sane. Oh well, what else is new.
Nelly
Mine doesn't usually get a chance to set any conditions before I start picking his face. Before he knows it, I'm going at it without even asking. I guess that's pretty inconsiderate of me, but I can't help it.
), plus I haven't really felt like writing. On one hand, there's nothing exceptional going on and on the other hand I've been doing relatively well, so I didn't want to jinx it. There was a time about a week ago when I was really stressed out and picking viciously every day. But now I seem to be bouncing back and even though I still pick for a few minutes every day, my face is starting to look better again. I have not gone out make-up free yet, so I guess that could be my goal for this summer. I'm sorry to hear that you're going through so much anxiety and stress. I hope you find a way out of it soon.