shihui's journal--please support me!

[sioned]

Hi Shuhui,

sorry about your picking! I just wondered if you've tried wearing cotton gloves whilst you're working so that even if you touch you're face automatically (as I do all the time) you can't actually pick anything. Whenever I make a conscious effort to wear my gloves all the time it really helps.
It's hard to think of other things to do to help when it is such an automatic reaction, and especially when you don't have any choice but to keep studying and being in the same situation. I wear gloves when I'm reading and writing notes, but obviously I can't when I'm on the computer (which is very often, now that of course we have to type everything!). I know you've said that when you are on this site you have your hands running on your face and often start picking as you're reading entries. I know what you mean - I do exactly the same (in fact I bet most of us do). What I have tried recently to stop doing this is to have a stress ball of some sort in the hand I'm not controlling the computer with, and squeeze it really hard everytime I want to touch or pick my face. It takes a conscious effort to do this and I'd be lying if I said I managed it all the time, but when I do, it does help.
I often feel as though I need an alarm that sounds everytime my hand rises above my neck. Or one of those collars they put on animals when they want to stop them scratching at a wound on their heads!
Maybe one of us on this board should invent something!

I wish I could give you some better tips, but this is all I can really think of right now. I really hope the rest of the week goes a bit better. Good luck with the chemistry!

Sioned xx

[amylou]

hey i read that you are depressed about your discolorations..i get those really bad also..i think also because of my birth control pill..it makes it even worse to fade easily..but i have been using Proactiv's skin lightening lotion and it works wonders for me! Try it! I buy it at the mall in dallas tx..where do u live..u might even be able to buy it online or at ebay

[shihui as guest]

thanks sioned and amylou!

chemistry test was a difficult paper by the way. sioned, what you said about the conscious effort to do it is really true! i don't even put in effort to buy gloves, i tell you. i will buy them...someday!

i live in singapore, amylou. i don't know if they sell it around here in pharmacies as i don't dare to walk into one. pharmacists here are just too straightforward. and i think it would be impossible for me to get it online. firstly, i don't understand how this whole thing buying online thing works. secondly, the payment method will most likely involve cards or sth? well, at least cheques right? so i will have to involve my parents some how or other if i want to get it online. and i wouldn't want my family to know about this.

okay. so i picked quite a bit today. my chin is in a total mess right now from all the pickings over these few days. i've got 4 scabs on the left side of my face and one above my right cheek. they were formed from pickings over these few days too.

i was in a pretty good mood earlier on because i went to cut my hair and i think that really refreshed me. it was a torture having a mirror right in front of me in a public place while i was cutting my hair. i was so self-conscious throughout and it made me upset to see all the damage that i know others can see too. however the haircut and the window shopping made experience some moments of relaxation. but i guess everything seems to be back to the dull state again right now. oh well...

anyway i'd better not pick till my scabs drop off by themselves and when my wounds heal.

[amylou]

here is the US..i can buy it at malls..so maybe at a mall there..if you buy it online you can get a money order..do yall have those over there.. or you could use a credit card or checks..check on it..its worth it! sorry about you chin..i hope it gets better..uhh i hate getting my hair cut ecp when my face looks so bad..it is so torture to look at yourself during that time...

[shihui as guestamyk]

hi amylou. thanks for your reply erm...i have no idea about money order and stuff! and i'm only 15...so i guess it's too young to get cheques and credit cards! the process of cutting my hair wasn't good. but it's the after effect that made me feel nice for the rest of the day. the worst thing that happened was that when the assistant was washing my hair, she came in contact with the sides of my face. and that really caused those freshly-picked spots to hurt and made me embarrassed! i was like thinking what would be in her mind when she felt those bumps.

pickings for the day:

-those bumps/scabs on my chin...again.

-one out of the 4 scabs on the left side of my face. not much damage done. but i'm afraid i'll be tempted soon enough to pick the rest out.

-scab above right cheek. not much damage either, but it has a tendency of forming a new one.

-okay. great. i just picked the 2 other scabs on the left side of my face.

-erm..after the previous sentence, i picked the last scab there. okay..at least the skin under this scab has already healed since i didn't pick on this spot that much. a forced happy smiley for this then.

ok..i have no scabs on my face left because i've picked all of them out already. mostly while i was typing this entry. and most of them are gonna form again. the ones on my chin seriously irritate me!! they are sooo tempting.

[shihui as guest]

*looks at name for the previous post*

okay..currently im wondering what i was typing.

[hoppe]

Hi shihui

I am sorry you cannot leave your scabs alone. I really feel for you!!

When you pick while writing here, do you do it without looking in the mirror? Or do you get up, go to the mirror and come back?

Hope you are feeling better.

hoppe

[Nelly]

Shihui,

I'm sorry you've been picking. (I'm actually picking at one scabby spot myself as I'm typing right now.. arrgh..)

Wishing you a speedy recovery and a positive disposition..

Nelly

[amylou]

Put some neosporin on your scabs..it helps them heal and prevents your from trying to pick hope your doin better

[Holly]

Hi shihui,

I really feel for you.
As Amylou said above, Neosporin will help.
In Canada we have Polysporin ointment and cream.
I use both. I usually use the cream but I have decided that I will use the ointment if I am staying home and the cream under my makeup if I am going out.
They help to keep the scab moisturized and prevent infection, helping the wound heal quicker.

Your local pharmacy must have some sort of antiobiotic cream or ointment. Ask your mom to pick some up if you don't have any at home.

I have been reading that Vitamic E helps scars. I will be trying it soon when I get the scabs on my arms healed.
You can buy the Vitamin E capsules, poke a hole in them and apply the oil to your scars.

Keep trying, we're all in this together.
Holly

[shihui as guest]

thanks guys, for all the encouragement. hoppe, at times i do it w/o the use of a mirror. but most of the time i will take out my pocket mirror and pick. i keep it in the cupboard hoping that i will just leave it alone because it would be too troublesome to take it out and put it back just to pick. but this didnt work. despite the hassle, i still keep taking it out to pick, then putting it back.

picked a lot today:

[i've marked those spots with * that are picking spots that ive been picking for days as well as those that are bound to be picking spots.]

-2 spots on my left cheek. one was a *newly formed pimple and the other was just some really old bump that hasnt really healed..despite me not picking on it for probably 2 mths already.

-****those healing skin/scabs on my chin. can't leave them alone

-***2 of the healing skin on the left side of my face. same place where i have been picking on for the past few days.

-almost healed skin above my right cheek..last time i picked on it was a couple of days ago. and i had to ruin it even though it's healing well. now it seems like it'll form a darker healing skin.

-****new bump below right nostril. think it's a reoccuring bump. so now im obsessed with it.

-some skin on my nose. now i have red patches.

well, i cant be bothered to put smileys on my pickings because everyone of them has a rating ranging from at least to maybe

so i'll do an average: and plus the bad picking session..shall give another smiley:

guess i don't really have the mood to hang around here any longer for the day. so i'll drop by your journals some other time when i'm feeling better. sorry about that. *hugs going out to all of you

[amylou]

THROW AWAY THAT POCKET MIRROR! That would be a huge step to stop some picking! I know you might go to another mirror..but try to keep yourself occupied by doing something else..besides picking. I wish you fast healing and strenth to pick less! much love! amylou

[shihui]

thanks for your reply, amylou. i don't think i'll throw it away...i like that pocket mirror a lot. i guess i'll try resisting the urge to look into it but if i fail again, maybe i'll lock it up somewhere else.

well, guess what? i did ZT for one day!!! it's the first time i've succeeded for one day since ages! the last time i didn't pick at all was when i went on a holiday. but i had never succeeded in ZT on an ordinary day in my country before.

yesterday was my first ZT day. today shall be another. i hope i won't ruin it. everytime i have the urge to pick, i'll tell myself that if i would to pick, all the efforts i put in yesterday would be gone. and if i would to pick, i may never be able to kick the obsession. because in future when i want to try ZT again, i'll allow myself to pick right after one day of it. and that is caused by the mindset that i will have that i can break a ZT cycle because i've done it before.

i'm trying to be very firm on myself. i hope i will be able to overcome the obsession. i currently have quite a number of scabs on my face. 3 on the chin, one under right nostril, 1 on left side of face. hope they'll drop away on their own soon enough.

[amylou]

OH YEA FOR YOU!!! HOW EXCITING! that is such a huge accomplishment..it gets easier the more time you go! Good job! Try to have another ZT!

[shihui]

great. i picked. i didn't make through the second day of ZT. and i'm still picking now because i can't seem to stop anymore...i just want to go on and on picking.