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Post by Mags on Jun 13, 2004 5:31:02 GMT -5
We all have our dark moments where everything sucks! But it's important to remember that those times won't last, better days will come! Sometimes I hate my scars and my sores, and I also think that my face is already so bad, picking a bit more won't make any difference..But it WILL! And that's what we have to keep in mind. I think I can handle picking just a bit, but I can't, I always go overboard. That's me in a nutshell, I'm like that with everything!
I think when we get sad, we have to remember that we're not alone, there's many of us fighting the same battle, and we are not weak, we are strong! Admitting this is a sign of strength!
We have to put in a lot of energy and time into our recovery, and we will get over it. I got over my eating disorder, and I was really messed up. Well, you never really get over an eating disorder, the thoughts are still there, but I'm strong enough to handle them. One day, we'll be strong to handle the urges to pick, and we'll accept our flaws, they might be scars or imperfections. They're only flaws, they're not all we are. People see beyond them, the same way as they see beyond our body and looks. It is what's inside that matters, and we can't forget that!
I'm tryning to stay strong, writing this ensures to keep my mind on track, positive thoughts are the key!!
Good luck everyone, until next time!
Margaret
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Post by Margaret on Jun 14, 2004 2:24:00 GMT -5
I was out walking and it hit me, I've had enough and now I feel I'm ready to combat this disorder. All my attempts to stop have only been half-hearted, I haven't really been ready to stop, cause I've been scared what I'm gonna do without the skin picking. It's a reason why I started and kept doing it, I do believe it's an unconsious habit, but I also think I has psychological reasons to it as well. My skin picking got worse after I started recovering from my eating disorder, earlier I had focused all my energy on my body, and suddenly I started letting go of the control I had over my body, and that gave me spare time...to start picking more and more. Then feeling guilty and weak, hiding the damage, getting depressed..and starting to pick again.
It's the same cycle as with my eating disorder..something would trigger a binge, it would make me feel so guilty, weak, awful, I hated myself etc etc, then i'd get depressed and punish myself by starving myself and over-exercising..and after a while, the another binge would happen, and the cycle started again.
Have a piece of paper in front of you, and draw your cycle. It helps getting a perspective on the disorder.
But anyway, I'm ready to start my recovery and to let my skin picking go, I don't need it, I don't want to waste anymore time or energy on something so damaging! I know I have to stop completely, it's an addiction..an alcoholic cannot just have one drink..and we can't just pick "a bit".
Do you guys feel ready to get rid of this disorder?
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Post by Catherine on Jun 14, 2004 9:39:24 GMT -5
Hello everyone!
Thank you so much for being so honest. I was actually searching the web last night for another quick fix for the damage I've done to my face, but I found you guys instead. And I'm very thankful. I guess I'm beginning to realize that there is no "quick fix" in my situation. I have a collection of soaps, creams, and acne treatments that never really worked before! Anyway, I have been looking at it from the perspective that the acne is the problem, no acne/no picking. But I don't think so. My scarring is really more apparant in the summer. I have very fair skin, but when I get some sun on my face I get these weird dark blotches around my scar areas. I only really noticed it this summer. Margaret, I'm ready to quit too! I start a new job in a week and I that's my first goal, no picking this week. I'm trying to decide on a reward! Anyway, thank you again, I'm new and I already feel supported!
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Post by girl1818 on Jun 14, 2004 12:00:30 GMT -5
YES i am ready to be done with this. It has taken about 7 years, but I am now ready to make a commitment. Today will be my 5th day that i haven't gone on a picking binge...that is amazing for me. I picked a little in the beginning, but yesterday and today so far i am pick free  . I am fed up about what i am doing to my body...i just wish that i had known that it was a psychological problem sooner because i know that i would have had the strength to stop before this if i had known. |
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Post by egiggy on Jun 14, 2004 14:19:06 GMT -5
Good Job Girl1818
It must be really hard to hide this from your boyfriend.
Over this past year I have managed to tell my problem to a couple of people. First my therapist. Then my mom. Then my best friend. And Saturday, I divulged my OCD to an old college buddy who has manic depression (i felt he could relate)
But I cant seem to tell my ex-boyfriend (who I am still freinds with.) He has manic depression, so it helps that we can discuss other mental issues. But I dont want to tell him everything. Have you confided in anyone?
I am loving this website, because I can now talk about it openly. Other people just wont understand. Plus, the accountability of the ZT site is kinda like Weight watchers. It just helps to check in with others.
I want to be totally honest with this group. I slipped up yesterday for a half hour. But now I am back on track again. This site has definitely made me more determined to kick this thing.
I Have been Actively picking for 10 years, adn it has made me miss out on some opportunities (with friends, work etc)
Grrr....time to make it stop!
Good Luck
Egiggy
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Post by egiggy on Jun 14, 2004 14:31:28 GMT -5
Oops, I realized I had missed a page (still getting used to this chat format)
Girl1818, Its great your parents know about the picking. Best not to have to handle this all by yourself.
Have a great day!
E
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Post by girl1818 on Jun 14, 2004 15:00:21 GMT -5
egiggy,
welcome to our ZT thread:). Its been very hard not telling my boyfriend. Actually, my picking on my arms has been bad since i was in about 8th grade. I am now going to be a junior in college. So, in that time i have had quite a few serious boyfriends and have somehow gotten away with not telling any of them. Its only on my upper arms, so as long as i can keep them covered, they never see them. However, i've never had the urge to tell any of my past boyfriends...with my current boyfriend though, i have a strong urge to tell him. Maybe because i know how much he loves me, and that i know that he will be supportive of me.
Still, there is a part of me that wants to hide it just because it is so ugly and well, its weird. lol. Its been hard to hide it from him since hes been coming and visiting me and staying @ my house...but i'm somehow doing it...day by day. I'm praying that this website will help me to stay strong and that i won't even have to tell him because i will stop!! i have a goal that my arms are going to be completely cleared...scars and all (well, as much as the scars can possibly heal) by the time i go back to college in august...after all...this past year, it was ridiculously hot the first two or three weeks of school, and i went through all of them wearing long sleeve shirts...except to sleep in. I don't want to do that again!!
hope you're having a pickfree day ;D
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Post by Margaret on Jun 14, 2004 17:45:05 GMT -5
Well, I haven't even touched my face since my decision to stop. I know I have scabs, so by not touching them I'm trying to pretend they're not there! I was playing with blutac when I was studying last nite..it was hard to not pick, because I kept telling myself don't pick, don't pick, don't pick...and of course that makes me want to pick!!!
It's one day at the time, and I'm sure we'll all eventually become pick free!!
Girl1818, it's great to hear that you're ready to take the journey with me, we'll make it! Be strong!
Catherine, great that you joined us, and you sound ready to stop picking.
Remember guys, we'll all have setbacks, but it's one step back two steps forward. Everytime we'll have setbacks, we have to post a message, ok?
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Post by Mags on Jun 15, 2004 3:18:47 GMT -5
Well, I had to go outside, so of course I had to put make up on, and my scabs were nearly coming off and they were looking so ugly, so I had to pick them off, otherwise I couldn;t cover them. But my face is starting to look better, I've been resisting the urge to pick, I don't want to take any steps back, only small steps forward, I've had it with this skin picking, I can't wait until the day I can look at my face in the mirror and not see open sores and scabs!!
Off to the gym, going to do some combat tonight, need to get some anger out!
Good luck everyone, my thought are with you!!
Margaret
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Post by Margaret on Jun 15, 2004 23:20:13 GMT -5
Where are you all?? It feels like I'm talking to myself..not that I mind that though ;D Well, I went to my psychiatrist today, and I cried a lot. I'm in big big trouble because I haven't even started an assignment that's due tomorrow..I've been avoiding it hoping it would go away, but of course it only gets worse. And with exams coming up, I just couldn't concentrate on both things! I was too scared to talk to my lecturer face to face, because I know I'd cry..I'm so emotional, it's annoying! So I just wrote her an email, hopefully she'll understand and give me an extension, otherwise I'll fail the topic, and that's not good! When I stopped crying about the assignment, we decided to start the habit reversal after my exams instead, and we just talked about why I pick and stuff like that. And actually it's a lot of voluntary picking, it's not all an unconsious habit, it's a reason why I injure myself. So we went a bit deeper into that, and I cried a bit more, but it was really good! Because I was so scared about talking to my lecturer, I rushed into the toilet after my appointment and popped some pimples..I know, very naughty, but it feels so good!! But I just popped them, and I've got a facial on now trying to kill the germs and then I'll be all pretty again  Hope you're all doing ok, you have to post something soon though! Take care! Margaret |
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Post by girl1818 on Jun 17, 2004 17:51:02 GMT -5
margaret and co.
good for you! it takes strength to even go and see a psychiatrist about this. I hope that you are still doing good, and keeping in good spirits...me, i've been doing a little bad...pick free for 6 days, then i broke down the past two days...gotta go...in a rush...post more later
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Post by princessdrp on Jun 18, 2004 12:06:40 GMT -5
testing
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Post by princessdrp on Jun 18, 2004 12:19:54 GMT -5
HI I am new to this site. I am needing a ZT partner. I think it is great idea to have someone they can count on a daily basis for support. It is especially good for those that live alone because they will have someone to "checkin" with. If anyone is interested in being a Zt partner please feel free to reply.
Thank you
princessdrp
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Post by Margaret on Jun 18, 2004 18:26:41 GMT -5
Princessdrp! Join us! I try to post every day, and that way we support each other in the process of recovery!
Anyway, I've been trying hard to let my face heal, but it takes so long, and sometimes I think it looks worse than when I pick!
I must admit that I have popped a few whiteheads, but I hate them and I really can't stand them. As long as I don;t pick them to death after, I reckon it's ok.
keep posting guys! I think I check the board too often, I'm studying for exams and it's so easy to just log on..and that way I have a break from study!
Take care!
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Post by girl1818 on Jun 19, 2004 18:19:29 GMT -5
yes princessdrp, definitely join us Mag, i agree with you that sometimes i feel that my arms look worse when i dont pick them than when i do pick them...i think that it is because when we have open sores, we focus on them...and don't notice our scars as much. But when there are no red sores, we notice how bad our scars are. I had to go to a family birthday party today and it was outside...and i was miserable because i refused to wear a tank top...Thank God the humidity dropped and it actually turned out to be a beautiful day...BUT i can't hide from tank tops all summer... i have too many plans  It's so sad because this problem really does keep me from going out...its too much of a hassle to think about what i need to wear. I'm sick of cancelling plans for stupid reasons, and not seeing my friends as much as i'd like to. Dont worry about checking the board too often...i check it more than once a day...hoping for new answers lol. I hope that your exams are going well...talk to ya later |
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. I am fed up about what i am doing to my body...i just wish that i had known that it was a psychological problem sooner because i know that i would have had the strength to stop before this if i had known. 
It's so sad because this problem really does keep me from going out...its too much of a hassle to think about what i need to wear. I'm sick of cancelling plans for stupid reasons, and not seeing my friends as much as i'd like to.