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Post by fixme2 on Nov 4, 2010 0:17:40 GMT -5
my face burns I picked at it tonight, there were a lot of raised spots, not red, but i made them red
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Post by fixme2 on Nov 16, 2010 1:28:38 GMT -5
last monday I went to a counselor for the first time about this problem and bawled my eyes out about it... all sorts of speculations about how it got started and what my home life is like, I think just so he could try to become more familiar with me. I enjoyed talking about myself and having a professional listener hear my problems. He emphasized that this is a habit that has become very natural to me. He made me say out loud the "tradeoffs" or reasons I like doing this. I need a more healthy way to relieve tension in my life, but sometimes, the tradeoffs seem worth all the pain. Because one comes after the other, the instances of feeling o.k. with picking and feeling guilty don't overlap, so I forget my priorities, and the instances cycle. I just read that it can take up to a year of practicing treatments before the urge to pick actually goes away- if ever. That's daunting. I was able to keep myself occupied and not pick for 4 days, then on friday I started to forget and by sunday I full on picked before showering. I went to counseling again this morning and we spent a lot of time on how im heartbroken right now, and how i'd like to make more friends, but school is the priority in my life for the next two weeks, so I should "schedule a time to be upset" about things, and the rest of the time put it on the back burner for the last who-rah of school. Unfortunately the time I allotted to spend on being hateful was in front of the mirror tonight. I was home alone, and I did school work all day, and I forgot to pay attention to my next move once I got home. I need to remember that showering is a time that can trigger picking. I have become better about being patient with myself. Talking to Jordan cheers me up a lot because he is so worry free. He's a great roommate, I'm glad he's not mad that I hid the dishes. Maybe next year my resolution can be not to pick? I successfully quit smoking that way...I'm afraid if I smoke again it will trigger picking. I can make it these 2 weeks until I see the counselor again, it's just going to take some focus. It'll be a good excuse to push my sadness about boys away for a little while. Just finish your book and don't pick. Thats all you need to think about for the next 2 weeks. Awesome. I'm afraid that my moods are fluctuating kind of rapidly. The difference in happiness between sunday and monday was insane, but i still picked. I'm afraid Im a hypochondriac haha.
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Post by fixme2 on Nov 16, 2010 1:40:37 GMT -5
I feel like I should note that since I went home on the first, I've been overwhelmingly depressed. I got the urge to check my ex's facebook and found out he's got a new girlfriend, which made me crumble again. I'm feeling a lot better now. It's like I woke up early this morning and totally unconsciously decided that I'd cried about it enough.
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Post by AI2IEKMK on Apr 1, 2011 4:05:29 GMT -5
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Post by fixme2 on Apr 26, 2011 3:08:02 GMT -5
wow someone else actually posted here I wish it wasn't in Japanese.
It's been a good 6 months since I've posted here. Time is crazy. I am much the same. I'm still hopelessly single. I still cycle through episodes of depression and euphoria. I did pick up pot smoking again after having quit for all of 2010; I don't feel any better or worse about my life because of it.
I am happy to say that my skin has been looking quite good. The last time I picked it was 5 or 6 days ago, but overall the reduced picking and some sunshine has kept my skin feeling decent.
I started to focus more on the anxiety that I feel before the act of picking takes place, and then more on any anxiety I am feeling at any given moment. I have been slowly teaching myself to manage it, instead of praying for it to miraculously disappear. If it's a bad day or hour or week, I sort of just tell myself that yes, you do feel bad right now. You feel it, but you won't always feel it.
The mirror in my bathroom remains covered, and when I'm tempted to uncover it I ask myself why I need to, and the answer is always, "I don't". I have started using a full length mirror in the spare room, which has good light. I've made a habit of checking myself out from arms-length of the mirror, which usually helps enhance my confidence.
I still keep in mind hints from the book I read last summer by Eckhart Tolle, about maintaining a certain level of "presence" in life. It's taken a really long time for my new thoughts and behaviors to become a regular part of me, and realistically, I am still going to slip up and pick at my skin for a long time to come. The important thing is to keep learning how to widen the time frame between "accidents"
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Post by fixme2 on May 20, 2011 17:15:48 GMT -5
today is friday. There are about ten healing red scabs on my chin and right cheek. 5 days ago we hosted a party at the house and i took the towel off the mirror. I got up in the middle of the night and destroyed my face. So i put the towel back on, and minus some scratching of the damage already done, i haven't picked again.
A new boy appeared in my life and exploded my confidence, and then changed his mind, i suppose, and i sunk back into the usual attitude of self dismissal and hopelessness. Obviously i lack a healthy level of self actualization still. I am absolutely average looking, and perhaps more lazy than average. I struggle with lethargy and an undercurrent of pointlessness in everything i do. This is convenient, since being lazy and doing nothing is the safest thing, and since all the times i've gone out trying have come to nothing, what's the point of trying again, right?
my life is limbo here. pointless suspension. self self self self self is all i i i i am about.
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Post by Yuuki on May 25, 2011 3:38:30 GMT -5
Fixme2: it isn't japanese, it's chinese... and it's not a real user, but a spam bot!!  Reason why I haven't checked this board in a LONG time: there really should be admins and mods, spam's everywhere and it's a real shame. Take care, fellow pickers! |
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Post by sdf on Jun 25, 2011 7:50:29 GMT -5
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Post by Meadow on Jan 13, 2014 1:03:29 GMT -5
Hi! I'm a picker. I pick when i don't even realize I'm doing it. Like a person who would bite their nails. I started getting pimples after my first pregnancy. Never had pimples before.. I hated having them! So I picked, dug, squeezed!! And I got creative!! Used tweezers, straight pin, toe nail clippers. I started picking my toe nails and the bottoms of my feet. And I thought it would be a good idea to dig at the tiny red mole looking things.. Yea they r attached quite well too.. And u can dig out some whiteish stringy stuff under those! And I have cut off ugly moles and skin tags!!! Yes I know I have a problem!!! I just don't understand what's wrong with me. I don't know if it calms my nerves by digging at myself. But I have a warning for all my fellow pickers!! My life is a mess!! I developed a sever case of MRSA. I have been fighting it since 2008. My Drs. can't cure me of it.. I break out about every 4 to 6 wks with new case of MRSA. I just get put on antibiotics. They told me my body doesn't not fight MRSA like a normal person, so I will keep getting it back. And I get very sick. Headache, upset stomach, fever, not to mention the MRSA is very painful itself. I worked for a bank for 14 yrs. and after I kept getting infected they started treating me like a lepar! I did end up loosing my job and found out who my friends really are. People don't understand MRSA is on everything , everywhere , I have stopped picking and now soak in a bleach bath 3 times daily to help keep my infections down. So Take my advice and stop picking! Let the white things where they are. Use acne creams for pimples, let moles alone! And skin tags. I learned the hard way. God Bless!
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