21 days to break a habit

[annemember]

Hi guys! Congrats Mora you have accomplished so much!!! Both physically and mentally you are beating the picking demon! You truly are an inspiration and I feel like I have improved but just need to have more faith in myself and you help me see that it is possible! I didn't have time to fully sign in now but will post more later. I feel hopeful today and am not have a pick fest!

[Illyria]

What's up my dear fellows of the pickers' board? (Or because of one very specific instance shall I say now mostly-pickers' board, or maybe recovered-and-in- recovery-pickers' board?)

Well girlfriend, you did the unthinkable. Moratorium, I applaud you for your courage, your persistance and the ingenious copping skills you displayed throughout this bumpy adventure. None of us can quite grasp how it must feel to reign with supreme merit in a queen's throne at the absolute top of the Everest of all overcome cutaneous nightmares. Nonetheless, I am not alone in believing that you have set a trend; things can get better and the worst addictions are not doomed to degenerate in murderous weapons. You've thought us so much, in so little time and I'm sure that I am here speaking for everyone by claiming that you deserve no less than a scintillating standing ovation (You'll have to settle for a scintillating virtual one though, but by no mean does it make it any less grandiose and triumphant). Your virtuous discipline, your healing candor and your valuable input in data info, news, research and empirical studies constitute all a source of wealth and referencial librarianship that you so generously poured freely along your precious posts.

Now, I have a confession to make. To answer back to both Coolhandluke and Irene, no, Illyria is not my real name though I wish it were. I agree with you Irene it is beautiful and I mainly chose it for the mysterious quality and the pristine limpididy it evokes. I've been secretely calling myself Illyria now for the past few months hoping in a bout of delirium that the awe the name inspired in me would somewhat transcend into an edited version of myself. Like still being me, but having reached a level of exhaustive completion. My potential would then be potentialized and no need mentioning that the self-slaughter tendencies and related afflictions would have perished in the process. Now, I feel so shallow revealing my source after you two thought it may have been a Shakespearian influence. Hum, well I don't know if you've ever watched the Fox drama Angel, but on the last few episodes of the serie's finale this year, there was this enigmatic goddess named Illyria. So I thought... well, you know the drill!!!

Can I say that the rest of this amazing forum symbolizes equally to me a kindred of bleeding hearts and for once my dripping blood is not just the result of a slashed body part. It is the very reason that conducted me to this place recently. If I had never shed so many tears over the sight of my scarred legs, my lacerated flesh or my injured face, I would have never discovered the unconditionnal love and the non-judgemental loyalty showering these pages. I don't know whether I'll ever get over the sordid fascination(obsession/repulsion) that the skin of my bony limbs and head seems to conjure up on a regular basis (I guess there is no need to tell you anymore I've miserably indulged). But the point is that you have all contributed to restore my faith in humanity. HOPPE, FLAWLESS DESIRE, MORATORIUM, ANNE, IRENE, JESS, LISA, COOLHANDLUKE, MARKER, and all of you with whom I haven't had the pleasure to chat with so far, give me a firm grip on reality. At times, I may feel so bad that I want to cut my wrists 'cause even if I am blessed with the greatest parents and the loveliest husband (I got married for the first time 4 months ago) I am so disconnected from their world that I'm constantly being reminded of how much of a misfit I am. They all try so hard to be there for me, but they're totally clueless. And that makes me resent them and feeling even more of an outcast. So why bother if my own husband, after 4 years of explaining, still tells me when he catches me in front of the mirror :"Just stop that nonsense. I thought you had dealt with that issue in therapy" or "Have you stopped your meds?" Makes me feel like vomiting and disappearing. For good. But how sad would it be to leave this earthly existence when it feels like I've just found my homeland. My people. Among complete strangers above all. I guess I still have a lot of learning to do. Definitely not my time yet.

God bless

[Flawless Desire]

First off, GOTTA HAND IT TO MORATORIUM FOR LEADING US ....Who will be next? Congratulations, you must feel so awesome! We will be keeping your website alive over here, keep us informed on your progress after 21. Are you starting a new thread? Title it....How to stay on the wagon?

I just wanted to let you guys know how much your support means, Anne, Lisa, Illyna, Jess, anonymousartist, hoppe, Irene, Marker. Even if I have not directly spoken with all of you. It makes my day knowing you are here.

It really hit me driving on the way to work today, typically I have not thought about the website, unless I am at home with time to kill in the past, but today was different.

Since I think about my skin every single second of every moment of every day. ---Today it hit me, to think of one good thing that has happened, and quit being so negative. So I realized....one good thing is how I am so happy to realize that I am not a freak and this is not only happening to me!!!!! I swear for so long I thought it was. I love hearing what works for all of you. I am willing to try any tips that you truly believe in.

I thought of how greatful I am that people have the courage to post on this site and share, without that, I would still feel alone in all of this.

In moments of despair I come here, and sometimes just to come and check in on friends. Get some new tips, hear some successes, or maybe offer some words of encouragement to someone that had an even worse day then me!

Although I admit there are sometimes I wish someone would just lock me up for a few days, and put me in some kind of therapy group, with other people, and then send me back out into the world when I am ready. But until then, this is second best thing, and who says the LOCK UP would work anyways.

The other thing I read that I agree with that was mentioned.... ( I think it was Moratorium and Hoppe).

...but it was just how much of this I (quietly) do somewhat feel it has to do with how I was raised. I think back to my mother being pre-occupied with her appearance, to the point of having OCD disorders--as a child, I watched and learned!

I first recall her squeezing blemish type things on herself, when I was a kid I asked what she was doing and she told me what and why.

So that was it then. That is how I would handle them when I got them. Like mother, like daughter. She told me if you squeeze them, they go away. (She was not obsessive about it though like I became) Bad thing to teach your kid though. I wish she would not have done this, or said this. HOW IMPRESSIONABLE OUR YOUNG MINDS ARE!!

I remember her taking care of small blemishes on me later on in life. (Again re-inforcing, we will get rid of these) As I got older the need increased, and of course I "withdrew" from my mother as teenagers do. Nobody could help me now, I would "fix" myself.

Later, after a blood bath, she saw a bloody towel and asked if someone had been murdered? Not sure if she knew and was being sarcastic or what? (I'm assuming she knew I was not a murderer!!)

Eventually when I could see I was getting no where and causing a lot of damage. I begged her to take me to see a doctor, she never did, till it was too late. I remember picking and laying out in the sun. Bad discolorations from that.

I know I learned that we "Must Be" beautiful and we "Must be Perfect" from my mother, she did not realize that she was a silent example.

I know it is not her fault, she is only human, but it is hard NOT t to be upset with her. If she had just opened up her eyes and seen how much I was suffering, it was really so clear to everyone else.

However, what I learned is something I will hope to take with me and that is.... Let us not teach our own children this, ( Though, I currently have none, because I need to work on ME first, before I screw up someone else) but let them not see us torture ourselves.

Let us help them get the help they need when we see early signs of insecurities, depression, or blemish times.

Take them to a psych, counselor, dermatologist, (any, or all of the above) and get them the creams they deserve to try. Be supportive, teach them to accept themselves. (since we know how much pain it caused us that we could not have these things...or at least I didn't feel like I got them)

Although my mother and I ( with father) lived together all my childhood/teenage life, she was gone a lot at work.

Dad use to say things about my face too, if it got bad. Now I think back and know it had fostered my obsession.

Anyways, regardless, of what brought it on, it is here with me now, BUT..... now it is my choice. I realize that no matter what amount of help I seek, even if I saw a psych. It will be a concious choice to quit and get well, NOBODY can make you stop. Very similar to acaholism.

As soon as YOU admit you have a problem and want to stop..... you have a good chance, you will do it.

It cannot just be a choice though, it must be a conviction. Something you have decided in your head...THIS WILL happen!

I have already decided, I WILL KICK THIS HABIT.
THEN..... I WILL get cosmetic surgery to help erase the damage. It WILL happen. I just have to work on taking care of me right now.

I am very proud of Moratorium, and my support is still there with all of you. I hope you will continue to open up even more. The sky is the limit. Talk us thru anything that might be leading up to a pick, or might lead you out of one.

I have so much more to share. I even feel like I know what triggers some of my picking. I will share that later too.

Anne----I have a hypertrophic scar too, honey, and don't worry, there are a lot of things available to make it better. I tried to flatten mine too (self incisions) Believe me though, we're not Dr's. It will never be like it could be if we leave it to a professional!! Look online for some products to help it smooth out a little, I used one awhile back with a plastic sheet type thing and a little cream. I'll get back to you on the name though, it has escaped me. The things we do to ourselves though, will not turn out as good as we hoped they could. Let's just promise to go to a professional when we're ready. I need a partner in this. Don't tell me it got better from picking it....then I will want to tear mine apart too. ha ha.


Jess (Playin Wit Fire) I ordered the Dermatologic. I will let you know how it works for me. Thanks for the website. It was easy and simple.....AND it's on it's way. I hope it will cover well and not clog the pores, my makeup looks kind of cake-y in the summer, and it drives me nuts!
The thought of not wearing any, is out of my comfort zone right now though. (It's been YEARS!!!) Although I look forward to the day!!!


I hope to follow Moratorium and be the next one at 21 days. I don't even want to tell you how many I have left......I think it's 21. Yes, I realize that means no PICK FREE days yet.

It'll happen.
Your friend.....Flawless Desire.

[bd8300Lisa]

Hey everyone.

First of all, I want to congratulate Moratorium on breaking her habit and going 21 days w/out a single pick. U go girl, u r trully an inspiration for us all, you are a leader whom i believe all of us here would like to follow in your footsteps and reach our goals as well. I am so proud of you-u started this thread, said u would go 21 days w/out picking, made new friends and support and u didn't even have a slip up-you are a woman of your word and believe me when i say i admire you, your will power and determination.

To Flawless, Anne, Hoppe, Playinwitfire, Marker, Illyria,CHL and any others, i hope you are working hard and staying determined and coming closer to your goal and happiness each day.

Today i have successfully completed day 10 of being pick free-almost half way there.

Thanks to everyone for all of your support-i don't think i could be doing this w/out your help and kind words of encouragement in your posts.

God Bless you all

Lisa

[hoppe]

Lord, if you exist, give me strength ! I have a couple of deep and painful infections and my fingers want to do nothing else but....... . I am trying to tell myself NO. My immune system must have discovered them already and be fighting like hell. At least I hope so. I wish, it was not so hard. Does it ever get easier? Lisa, congratulations to your 10. day - but tell me, does it get easier?
Attacking one of those infections will take some seconds. Not attacking it will take some days.

I am so glad, I found you. I wish one of you could take my hand and hold it really tight all day..... . If I just could beat this. I know, if I can do this, I can do anything!! This is the ultimate temptation. I feel like an alcoholic who has to sit in front of a bottle of whiskey all day. Sometimes I wish I was a substance abuser instead. Then I could just keep away from whatever I would be addicted to. But I am addicted to attacking myself. I am addicted to the feeling of triumph that comes after eliminating a nasty infection, after beeing able to empty a pore filled with pus and bacteria and their poisoning secretions. That sounds insane. That is insane. But there are others like me, so has insanity hit us all? Or is this normal?

By the way, look what I just found on the internet (http://www.skinrxclinic.com/blackhead-pimple-kit.htm). "The Skin Rx Survival kit for squeezers and pickers". That is insane, or what? Or does any of you already have one?

hoppe

[bd8300Lisa]

Hey Hoppe, it will get easier, trust me. I hope u can make it through the day w/ out touching them-when u wake up tomorrow mornning, you will see that they are getting better and that will give u an incentive to leave then alone for another day until they completely heal-if u don't lay a single finger on them,they should be gone in a weeks time. Just try not to pick today, believe me you'll be so proud of yourdelf tomorrow that you'll be even stronger and day by day this urge will become weaker!

I'm here 4 u.

Lisa

[hoppe]

Hi all

I had an emotionally tough day. This morning, I read a lot of posts on the site, which made me realize some things.
I have so far considered myself a face-picker, that is my problem and that is what I want to stop doing. But when I read those posts I started thinking. There was a girl who wrote that she is a scalp picker, and she asked, if there are others. Well, yes, I thought, I am a scalp picker. It is nothing that has upset me much so far. I have done it as long as I can remember. I have always told myself as long as I pick my scalp, I do not pick my face, so that means scalp picking is okay. And since I have lots of hair on my head, no one sees it. I do it a lot, mostly unconsciously to begin with, but I notice it as soon as it starts hurting really badly (which does not mean I stop). I can literally go on for hours.
I kept on reading posts and there was another girl, who tried to keep herself from picking her back. I thought about my back. It is not really a normal back. It is a gallery of scars and pimples of various sizes and shapes and colours. Well, again, nothing that really has upset me so far. I never wear anything, where my back is visible, and I never expose myself in public (for instance, I never go swimming), so I do not need to bring myself down over my back. It is just the way it is. I pick at every thing on it that I can reach with my hands (and that is a lot dependent on the body position), and again, as long as I pick my back, I do not pick my face.... .
I read more posts and there was another girl, who was grateful that it was rainy and cold the day after she had picked her arms a lot, because then she could wear long sleeves without feeling bad about it. Well, I live in a place, where it often is cold. That is fine with me. Then I can wear long sleeves and hide my arms. I do not pick them a lot, but occasionally. As long as I pick my arms, I do not pick my face...... . To make a long story short, I realized that I am not only a face-picker. I am also a serious scalp picker. And a very advanced back-picker. And an occasional arm-picker. Add leg-picker and chest-picker to that. Maybe I should instead mention the body parts I do not pick. That would be.... none. Actually, I do not pick my hands. I cannot hurt them, they are too important. I need them to pick everywhere else.

By the way, of course I did not have strength enough today. I picked my face. I had to. The pain inside of me was too much, and unfortunately, picking is the only way I know to efficiently deal with it. I wonder if any of you has a similar experience, I mean using picking to deal with emotional pain? My father hurt me very much when I was younger and although years are passing by, the pain does not get less intensive. Today it was really bad, because he called me. He calls approximately once a year. It is like talking to a stranger who somehow acquired my father’s voice. He talks for 10-15 minutes, about his job and his new wife, and that was it. While he is talking, I have the autopilot on. It is not really me, who is answering. I just take his words in and like one of those computer programs I rearrange them to give answers, which sound intelligent without being it. The real me is turned off, because I simply cannot handle talking to him emotionally. The second it is over, I usually collapse and cry for hours. Today was no exception. However, the pain was really bad. When I reached the point, where I considered going into the kitchen and finding a suitable knife to end it, I went to the mirror instead. As soon as I raised my hands to my face I could feel, how I calmed down. Five minutes there and I could not feel the pain anymore. I know it sounds crazy. But it is as if my mind gets so focused on my skin that there is no room for anything else.

Well, I am honestly sorry for this depressing and far too long post. I hope you are doing better than me (which should be easy... .). I really hope you make it. All of you. In regard to myself, I think I was classified as incurable today.

hoppe

[anne]

Hoppe, poor thing, I know how you feel about picking for emotional reasons! It's almost like a security blanket at times--it does numb feelings, but actually it's probably better to just deal with the feelings or go out and live life right and create some better vibes for yourself. You have to realize when you are feeling so very low it is only a feeling and feelings are temporary. It's hard to deal with I know. The other day I was pmsing and even though I wasn't picking out of control I just started crying out of control and seriously though I needed antidepressants or something. However, today I'm better feel much calmer and more hopeful. It's funny how it happens that way. When I feel things in my life are out of control that is the worst and especially when my skin is out of control.

I have to say I went to the makeup counter at prescriptives today and just told the lady I had a skin problem and hypertrophic scars and such and needed help with makeup and she was super nice and did her best to help me. She seemed like she truly cared and was genuine in her empathy for my problem. I think it just went to show me that people do care out there and not everyone is just looking at you thinking gross or just rude.

Flawless desire- I am using curad scar pads at night to help flatten and smooth the scar tissue, were you talking about silicone sheets? It seem to work well for awhile right when you remove them but then later in the day it will kind of swell again. My scars have really just recently healed up better, they used to have white fluid coming out of it, does this sound familiar to anyone. The doctor said it was tissue fluid, and it still happens sometimes, it bothers me because it is not a zit, and it shouldn't be infected still but it makes me worry it is. I need to go the derm again soon. I think if I can keep my emotions in check, not pick, and seek professional help like you said I will be good. I'll be your partner in this!! I am on here sporadically lately but will cheer you on!!

I'm thankful everyone else is here cause we all need the support! I am going to try to add something positive with each post so I can keep you guys spirits up, I am trying to see the glass as half full instead of empty and broken lately

[bd8300Lisa]

Hi Hoppe, i read your post and i must say it broke m heart to know that one of my new friendds is feeling so hurt. Don't you ever consider taking a knife again-it's just not worth it. I am a very emotional and sensitive person and take things to heart quite easily and have found myself in front of the mirror many times b/c it was the only way to calm my self down and escape. Now i instead will go have a shower, come here or read the Bible and pray.

You are not incurable!!! You cannot believe this or else this disease will be impossible to cure. Make a promise to me that u will take the following advice....

If it is just to hard for you to quit picking cold turkey right now b/c of the state of your skin, allow yourself about a week of letting things get better on their own-if u must pick make sure u don't pick a new spot and don't have hours and hours of picking sessions. Make your trips to the bathroom as quick as possible and set a limit for yourself. Once your skin gets a bit better, be harder on yourself and cut the bathroom time. U have to find what works best for you and stick to it. You are not incurable and u will over come this when you are ready.

I hope that evryone else is doing well. i'm now finished day 11. During these past 11 days i've kept my school notes, bedroom, and bathroom very neat and tidy. This i think has helped me quit picking b/c i like the way my surroundings look when i maintain them. Itis nice to walk into a clean room and uncluttered washroom, it makes me feel like an organized person who has no time for skin picking. This has been hard on me too but after about 8 years of face picking i have made a deciision to call it quits for good.

Take care everyone and hang in there. This disease is in our control and only you have the power to stop it and you can if you use all of your powere.

Lisa

[moratorium]

First of all, thanks so much to everyone for all the lovely responses to the completion of my 21 day trial.

Jess, I certainly did experience the 'cold-turkey' uneasiness after the first week or so, it knocked me for six. Picking is a really strong dependency, it's so hard to kick. I literally had to raise my head above the parapet when it felt like removing picking was like dislodging a key component in the innerworkings of my brain, allowing all these miscreants and looters to rampage about the place as the walls collapsed in. It's like how a scab can interweave into a gauze dressing and you find yourself having to adopt the gauze as a permanent extension of yourself because if you remove it, you'll open up the wound again.

Jess, I also wanted to thank you so much for the dermalogica recommendation! I've been using it these past few days owing to the stifling heat and it is magnificent stuff. It's so light and beautiful to wear in the hot weather. It's a complete lifesaver.

marker, keep at it. I know what you mean about disrupted appetite. Before I began this salvage, my eating habits were terrible. When I would pick with such catastrophic abandon, sometimes I just couldn't eat for a whole day afterwards. Not dissimilar to how a wounded animal goes off its food. I'm sure it's the same for people at the other end of the spectrum who overeat to compensate. I was struggling to maintain a healthy weight but during these 3 weeks I've been eating really well, which obviously has helped to heal tissues too and fight off infection. I don't feel like such a vertiginous, scabbed mutant anymore.

I hope you can overcome your guy-trouble. What a waste it would be to actually bear this momentary instance of guy-trouble as a lifetime's worth of enlarged pore or scar tissue. That's a sacrificial tribute I've a feeling he's yet to have earned!

Illyria, it makes my heart leap to bask in all this praise. ;D Hopefully the fact I've actually managed to do the deed excuses some of this textual crap I've deigned to pour forth along the way. Who needs Shakespeare eh Illyria? I think your Illyrian association is inspired. This faux-Ilyria who you've employed to act as your representative seems like the ideal woman for the job, whether or not she's occasionally distracted by ethereal onscreen entities. I don't identify with my real name either, too many bad memories of having it screamed at me in various aural assaults. My pseudonymity isn't quite as spiritually enlivening as yours however, I'm often to be found adopting the little known name of a very injury-prone, failed South African sprinter who has had long-term complications with a calf! ;D

Illyria your 'limbs', 'head' and all operative extremities are forever welcome around these parts no matter what their exterior appearance. It really does feel like a meeting of like minds. Just because your loved ones may be entirely decent, astute folk doesn't appertain to your own personal battle with brain chemical imbalances and malaises. You shouldn't feel guilty because you have a mental illness. Epileptics aren't condemned because they are prone to fits.

Don't leave Illyria, we need a few goddesses around the place.

FlawlessDesire, its fascinating to hear you thrash out what you believe to be your CSP trigger. It really sounds like such a perpetuation of neurotic ideas. I'm so very sorry she was not supportive or showed you unconditional love and acceptance regardless of what condition your adolescent skin happened to be in.

I agree, we should not be instilling this fixation into our children if we have them. I myself don't think I'd ever be capable of having children, I'm far too much of a basketcase and have absolutely no understanding of maternity or how it is meant to manifest. Good luck on racking up some pick-free days.


(((((hoppe))))) - I agree with the sentiments of anne and Lisa, what an absolutely heart rendering post. You are so hard on yourself. It must seem so overwhelming to identify all the many symptomatic ways your CSP presents itself. What you describe really is not uncommon. Nowhere on the body is safe from picking - it is the compulsive cure-all for skin conditions wherever they may be. Or at least it likes to think so.

I used to think the worst case scenario would have to be... being a contortionist CSP sufferer. My poor flexibility has saved me from a lot of close calls with out-of-reach inflammations! I can't imagine what crevices I'd have found to excoriate were I able to loop my head through a variety of limbs to arrive face to face with clogged pores of the posterior.

hoppe, please don't despair. It is desperately sad to hear what you have been through, but you are putting so much pressure on yourself. It is well known picking has an almost palliative, calming effect on the nervous system. It is a very ingrained coping mechanism. Often the only one your body has ever known. You are asking so much of yourself to have the combined strength to deal with your emotional depression, family crises, skin problems and expecting to be able to kick CSP at the same time. You are not a superhuman, Nordic machine! You need help just like anyone else. One thing at a time my dear hoppe.

I strongly urge you to see your doctor to discuss one or more of the issues at hand. There really is help available, you can't be expected to therapise yourself on top of harbouring all of these destructive thoughts. I think it would be a really empowering step in the right direction to get a referral to see a psychiatrist/psychologist to help you work through some of this.

It is extremely hard to do but I believe it is is something you should think about. I haven't suddenly found the strength to attempt to kick CSP on a whim. Let me tell you, I too had the knives and blades out several months back, I have prominent scars on my arms, not picking scars, slashing scars because for those moments even picking didn't seem a potent enough self-harm. Suicide was a perennial thought. A constant distraction. It really does help to reach out and allow your maligned survival instinct a voice. Therapy has helped me to help myself. Please, hoppe I beg of you to make an appointment with your doctor.

anne, I love your makeup counter assistant! What an angel. Maybe it really is a pick-friendly world out there if we make our way to the right counter.

Lisa, congratulations on Day 11. I can't believe how good my skin is looking now. The improvement from a month ago is tenfold and the spots I was worried about are clearing up so quickly. The stress and anxiety of the picking cycle really does worsen the skin in more ways than simply the appearance of sores and scabs.

Sending you all my love,

Mora.

[Illyria]

I'm sipping my coffee in bed, laptop resting on my legs and dreading the day about to unfold. It is nice and sunny which I love, but because of last night's skin sabotage my willingness to go down at the pool is, well, non existent.

Lisa, I want to congratulate you on your 11th day. It looks like we have a second winner in sight! Don't give up on your hard work, and if you ever feel tempted, just think that there is a whole army supporting you in your awesome progress.

I feel the same way about my surroundings being tiddy. When my house is a mess and chores are piling up it seems that things are cluttering my already-full-of- cumbersome-thought-mind. I feel suffocated and the chaotic scene becomes a realistic reflection of my somber and confused brain activity. It goes back somehow to what Anne wrote on the need to maintain control/fear of losing it. I'm not sure of the dynamic sustaining the correlation, yet I'm pretty sure that Anne, you've touched a crucial spot. I, myself master a lot better my urges when I believe that my tasks are done or properly planned and when it looks like an organized pattern is managing my days. But ironically it becomes a vicious circle. The quest for control can be so tight and obsessive that the stress it creates will in turn translate into a picking saga. On the other hand, when things are left "loose" there is a higher probability I will mirror on myself the lack of structure my environment has been neglected with.

Hoppe, I totally identify with the analogy you illustrated of an alcoholic having to stare at a bottle all day. I may be biased in saying so (I suffer from CSP and not alcoholism, therefore who am I to compare?), but at least a substance abuser can lock himself in a place where no booze or drugs will be available. But how can a victim of self-infliction can possibly protect themselves from their own hands? How can you run away from yourself? One can lead a life devoid of addictive substances (albeit likely a very tough thing to do for an addict), but have we come to a point where we would need to amputate both our hands to ensure the end of any further damage?

On another topic, I too do not restrict my injuries to my face. I guess you could call me a "body picker". Where there is flesh, there is also room for mutilation. No area is sacred enough to be off limit. And they say your body is your temple... that would have to be my ultimate wish. In the meantime, this forum will be my sanctuary.

I had a quick look at the website on survival kits for pickers. Personally, I would not feel comfortable owning such a device. There is enough tools around in my bathroom from which I have redirected the proper usage in order to transform them into surgery equipment. Who's to say I wouldn't do the same with their appliances? (but again that is silly me :

Flawless desire, I read somewhere your fantastic idea about a retreat of some kind for skin sufferers (it was not on this thread, but can't remember specifically where on the site). God knows if such a thing existed I'd be a regular visitor. I completely adhere to the notion that an outside place, especially designed for CPS patients, could offer a safe and viable alternative to A: being stuck at home in a spiral of destructive behaviours that sometimes take epic proportions lasting for days; B: committing yourself to a psyc ward (which is what one should do in a suicidal instance); but for all the times we're down and fed up and do not require the help of drastic clinical assistance, this retreat could represent a second home where the healing - even if temporary - might at leat have a chance to get started. I'm too sick right now to conduct such a big project, but if I were to live in your hometown/a nearby city/OK even the same country!, I'd happily second you in your endeavour. I could be your assistant or something. Just the thought of it relieves me of annoying inner voices. Wow...

Gotta go, but remember, we are not alone. No matter what.

[anne]

Well today is going good, glad to see you are still hangin with us Mora, we need your inspiration! It's so good to hear that your spots have mainly cleared. I wanted to give a tip to those out there that when my spots were open and a bit infected I used the curad silver in the pad hydrocolloid dressings for a few days and it helped alot. I know duoderm was recommended earlier, haven't tried that, but this is similiar except the silver in the pad has an added antibacterial effect. It is a thicker pad though and you wouldn't want to be see out with it on. It helps to bandage up when you are hangin around the house though because you don't see it and aren't as tempted. If you picked at a boil and it is swollen I've found the gel pads with the silver in it help draw out the crap and help heal faster. It can be a little uncomfortable at first but the discomfort will go away after it is on for awhile.

I thought I'd add that I have recently moved to the New Orleans area and if anyone lives in the area maybe we can email or pm each other (have to learn how the pm works). I wouldn't usually meet up with anyone from the internet but I feel like I can trust you guys Well I will post more later, have a great pick free day!

[Illyria]

Moratorium, I'm adding a few extra lines to your attention; when I posted my reply you had beat me to it by a few moments.

I just want you to know how glad I am to hear from you and how your sweetness was so spiritually uplifting - as usual. I guess that means you'll still be joining us once in a while. This place could never be the same without the treasure of your incandescent light. You have been rewarded for your blessed earthly presence and no one is more deserving of the eden promise that a glowing skin can conjure up than you are. I hope your healing halo will shower us with its mystic properties.

And do not worry; I'm not going anywhere. I may only be the pale replica of an imaginary goddess, but I believe I have found a sanctuary of tremendous strength among all of these wonderful and intelligent hurt souls. A battalion of martyrs is often more driven than the placidity of a scattered, individualistic herd.

[bd8300Lisa]

Hey everyone, day 12 is now done for me and i feel great-not even thinking a/b my skin.

I took a super quick shower tonight and applied my BP as usual and I was even able to go talk to my mom w/out makeup on (which i usually don't do b/c she is as big a critic of my face as me) but she said my skin was looking good.

I am wearing less and less makeup each day (just apply lotion+necessary concealer+dust of powder, and lipgloss) and my time in the bathroom has been cut short big time, today i spent a total of 1.5 hours in the bathroom (includes morning cleansing + make-up, all the times i had to go to the toilette and my evening shower). It feels so good to be free.

Girls please hang in there and make this change, you all deserve to be happy and not worry about your skin and nothing would make me happier than to hear my new friends are succeeding. If you need any help/advice or just someone to talk to please feel free to ask. I'm here for you all.

Lisa

[hoppe]

Hi all

I am sorry if I scared you the other day. I am a deeply troubled soul and sometimes it shows . Today I am feeling better. I did not pick (at my face) yesterday, and I will see how things will be going today. I will try not to demand to much of myself, so if I do not pick, it is fine, and if I happen to pick - well, then I will classify it as unavoidable and hopefully not feel to down about it.

Lisa, thank you for offering a helping hand whenever someone needs one (and I surely do). Congratulations to your 12 days without picking!! But I must admit I felt sorry for you when I read that you cannot show your face to your mother without makeup, because she will criticize you. I imagine that must be tough. Correct me if I am wrong (I did not have to much experience with mothers), but shouldn' t a mother do the opposite - I mean love you unconditionally and encourage you to show your true self, because that is beautiful also without a thick cover of coloured cream?

moratorium, I hope you are still going strong. Was day nr. 21 as you imagined it to be?
Also, thank you for worrying about me. Believe me, I tried to get professional help, because I cannot live with the pain inside me anymore - but so far it has been unsuccesful. Last December I tried to get referred to therapy, but it took 8 months and assessments by two different psychatrists/psychologists before it was concluded that I could be referred to therapy/psychoanalysis. In June I was told that I would get a letter with an appointment sometime during September. However, when I contacted the therapeutic unit to tell them that I would move in July and wanted to give them my new adress, I was told that that would mean that I now no longer belong to their unit. I still live in the same town, but because I now live in another part of it, I belong to another unit and if I want therapy -well then I have to start all over again. The problems gets worse, because I have only lived in this country for 1½ years and I do not speak the language very well so far. That means I need therapy in another language, and apparently most wont even give it a try to do it in English.... (let alone my mother tongue, but I am not asking for that). At the moment I honestly do not know how to proceed. At some point I might contact the new unit, but I am afraid of another set-back.

I have read about Illyria's and Flawless Desire's wish for a place where CSP sufferers could reside for a while until things are healing again. I find the idea wonderful. Like a Betty Ford Center for CSP patients, which should include therapy sessions, professional skin care, makeup tips.... . I would love to help build such a place.

Sending my love to all of you.

hoppe

PS - I had some major problems posting today - the first two times only half the post would appear... wonder what went wrong