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Post by hoppe on Dec 9, 2004 11:41:20 GMT -5
Hi hecate I have wanted to respond to some of your posts several times before, but somehow never did it so far. But I want to tell you that I am happy that there are others, who journal here too. I recognize myself in a lot of what you are writing. I am really sorry that you are having such a hard time. Like you, I often feel completely drained because of this constant fight. In a way it was easier to handle my picking before I started fighting it.... . I also know all about set-backs - actually I feel like the queen of set-backs. But I think that so far every good period that has followed a set-back has felt a little better than the last good period. So overall there is progress despite the set-backs. And I believe that you need set-backs during a recovery, otherwise it is not really a recovery. Hope you feel better by now.  hoppe |
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Hecate
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Post by Hecate on Dec 10, 2004 7:13:00 GMT -5
The day is almost over & even tho I picked feel like I've got a good chance for a pick free day tomorrow.I was obsessed with one particular spot on my face & menaged to stop myself from going further.Woke up to find the photo of me & my partner on the front page of the national paper.I was not feeling good about my skin when the photo was taken & was surprised to see that it came out really well,no visible marks on my face.I'm so obsessed with my skin that in my eyes the imperfections are multiplied thousand times, comparing to what other people see when they look at me.I'm trying not to let this obsession rule my life & today I went to a party, & menaged to have a good time & not worry about the way my face looked like.I'm hoping that I'll be able to have a pick free day tomorrow.
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Hecate
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Post by Hecate on Dec 11, 2004 9:14:22 GMT -5
I've just lost what I was about to post & I'm too tired to write it all out again.Picked today, but not giving up,yet.I'll try to stay away from the mirror 2morrow & at least go one day without touching my face.I really need to do that.Hate seeing my face like this,scarred,with red patches & spots.Find it,esp. hard to leave it alone when it's like this 'cause I've got the obsession with making it bether,while it actually makes it worse.That's the insanity of OSP.I've got a really sensitive & light skin,so every little pick at it shows.There is no escaping the consequences of my insane actions.And as they say in NA,repeating the same mistake & expecting different resolts is insanity.And until I surrender & hand over my obsession to the power greater then myself I'm staying in my insanity.I've tried to control my skin picking & do it like people that don't suffer from OSP & it didn't work out.I need to stop fooling myself that I can stop after picking at just one. I simply can't afford to even look in the mirror,right now, let alone have a little harmless pick.
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Reflection as guest
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Post by Reflection as guest on Dec 11, 2004 12:48:11 GMT -5
Hecate Im sorry its not going great. I have realised the same as u.. its not possible to do a bit.. I gotta do ZT for a while.. I have manged today even though I just skratched on my back,. However I stopped so i count the day as ZT. I hope u can make it too.. Lets count the days together. Let us make the days a christmas gift:)
Relfection
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Post by Hecate as guest on Dec 12, 2004 7:32:01 GMT -5
Hi,Reflection ,that's a good idea.Great to hear you're doing well. I had an OK day & didn't pick much.Can't really call it ZT but it was prety close,couple of tiny picks & skratches but no real damage.Hope that 2morro I'll manage a full ZT.
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Hecate
Junior Member
Posts: 84
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Post by Hecate on Dec 14, 2004 5:59:07 GMT -5
Didn't pick at all yesterday & today could't resist to pick at one spot on my face but menaged to leave the rest alone.My face is starting to look bether,healing slowly & I'm hoping to be able to leave it alone entirely.Unfortunately,every little pick shows & it's taking a long time to heal.It's like my skin has had enough of the abuse & needs more time to recover.Beside my skin my mind & my soul have been affected by this obsession & I'm feeling really tired & drained from fighting it.I'm at the point of surrender & trying to let go of controlling OSP.I've proven to myself over & over again that I'm powerless over this but still keep fighting it.Must sink in on the heart level so I can surender entirely & I feel that's what I'm going through now.
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Reflection as guest
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Post by Reflection as guest on Dec 14, 2004 12:55:08 GMT -5
its good u managed aight even though u rnt healing as fast. Im experiencing the same adn so its not very motivating. What r u doing abou it? Are u using anything for it to heal?
I hope u keep it up. U sounds like u r doing better.
Reflection
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Hecate
Junior Member
Posts: 84
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Post by Hecate on Dec 15, 2004 3:50:35 GMT -5
Finally,day with no picking at all & I can actually see the improvement. ;D My face is looking a lot bether & that's a great motivation to keep doing ZT.This is the third day & I'm hoping to break my record & go another day without picking.This time I feel more confident & exited about it.Looking foward to another day of healing & selflove.Have a good feeling about this,like something has shifted in me & I'm finally moving foward in this process of recovery.
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Hecate
Junior Member
Posts: 84
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Post by Hecate on Dec 16, 2004 6:30:13 GMT -5
Done 4 days of ZT.Went as far as touching my face, feeling for imperfections then standing in front of the mirror.Battle was on between the destructive part of my mind trying to manipulate me into picking & the healing part which was urging me to get away from the mirror.The healing part won & I'm so gratefull for that.Usually I would give into the obsession fully convinced,at the time, that picking will actually make me look bether.Finally the self loving part of me has grown strong enough to speak up in those times of insanity & stop me from hurting myself.I will keep nurturing this part of me so that it will eventually overpower the destructive part that's responsible for my OSP.Doing it just for today,or a minute at the time works for me & I'm looking foward to another day pick free.
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Reflection as guest
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Post by Reflection as guest on Dec 16, 2004 19:11:07 GMT -5
Great. 4 days of ZT is amazing. I am really proud of u. ;D
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Hecate
Junior Member
Posts: 84
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Post by Hecate on Dec 16, 2004 21:57:12 GMT -5
On the fifth day of ZT! It's going well & I'm exited about it.I'm just not going to listen, at all, to the part of me that wants to harm me.Feel good about today & will check in later tonight. Hopefully, by then, I would've done 5 days of ZT.I'm going away for the weekend to the countryside,so will not be on the board for a couple of days.Looking foward to that & considering that I usually pick at home, might be celebrating a whole week pick free, when I get back.I'm not going to get carried away & have big expectations 'cause that might lead to disappointment.It would be amazing to make it to a week but ,now,I only have to think about getting through today.
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Post by Hecate as guest on Dec 17, 2004 4:43:28 GMT -5
I've done it-5 days no picking ;D My face is almost clear & the redness is gone.I'm motivated to let my skin heal & hoping that this time it will work.
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Post by hoppe on Dec 17, 2004 5:30:40 GMT -5
Hi Hecate 5 days of ZT - that is wonderful! I can imagine how good it must feel.  Hope you will have a nice, pick-free weekend in the countryside. hoppe |
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Hecate
Junior Member
Posts: 84
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Post by Hecate on Dec 19, 2004 9:00:32 GMT -5
Picked at a couple of spots while I was away,still don't feel bad about it 'cause I didn't do any damage.My skin is looking good & I'm pleased with my progress.I can say I did 5 days of ZT & 2 days of DG.Still I got to be carefull & work the steps to prevent a relapse.Want to continue with ZT,one day at the time.Had a good day,today.
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Hecate
Junior Member
Posts: 84
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Post by Hecate on Dec 20, 2004 5:54:04 GMT -5
Picked at 2 spots,just lightly,but I'm a bit dissapointed 'cause I was planing to do a ZT day.I can deff.call today dg & that's OK.As long as this does't escalate into a relapse I'm pleased with how things are Finally got the colour
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