Reflection as guest
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Post by Reflection as guest on Nov 28, 2004 8:43:32 GMT -5
Hey Hacate,
Congratualations. I feel like many of us are managing to pick less.. I havnt picked seriously lately and u r on 3 day of ZT and Hoppe too is on her 4 day of ZT. This is possible. I must be. We just have to work and work.
Good luck.
Reflection
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Post by Hecate as guest on Nov 29, 2004 8:04:21 GMT -5
I picked at few spots today but didn't do much damage.At the time I was aware of what I was doing but did not want to stop. Even tho it was compulsive picking I menaged to fool myself into thinking that I had a choice.Guess it was a short slip into denial.At times I just forget that I don't really have a choice.As soon as I start thinkin that I have any control over picking it starts controling me & that's how I end up losing control. Touching my face or looking at it closely usually triggers a different state of mind in which obsession with detail & compulsion to pick take over & my thinking is distorted,it switches into the "picking" mode.I find it really hard not to go there even tho I know what to do to prevent it.It seems to be a process of daily surrender & I am slowly geting bether at it.
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Post by Hecate as guest on Nov 30, 2004 6:20:38 GMT -5
Picked at few spots today.For months now ,haven't had a bad picking session.That's a big improvement but it's not enough any more.My goal is to get past 3 days with no picking at all,one day at the time.I've been doing really good & I'm ready to go further.Got to surrender & pray to my higher power to take this obsession away.
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Hecate
Junior Member
Posts: 84
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Post by Hecate on Dec 1, 2004 6:13:08 GMT -5
Full day with no picking. ;D Caught myself looking at my face,touching it & then remembered 2 get away from the mirror.Working on being fully present in the moment & conscious of what I'm doing.Most of my picking happend when I was really tired in a half consciouss state of mind.Now, I'm making sure to stay away from the mirror esp. before going to bed or first thing in the morning 'cause that's when my picking is most likely to happen,when I'm not fully alert. My face is looking really good,scars are healing ok.Today,for the first time in years I looked at my face & actually was admiring it instead of feeling the urge to pick at some imaginary imperfection.
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reflection as guest
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Post by reflection as guest on Dec 1, 2004 12:12:01 GMT -5
Hey Im really really happy for u!!!! ;D I feel the same way except for today i broke my ZT. I had managed 2 days but today picked at 6... But not deep and seriously so i guess thats really good. Im back at trying...  Keep it up. Reflection |
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Hecate
Junior Member
Posts: 84
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Post by Hecate on Dec 2, 2004 6:44:51 GMT -5
2 days of ZT Had no real desire t pick 2day & I'm gratefull for that.I'm really tired,got 2 be carefull not 2 mess up now, before I go to sleep.I can feel a bump on my back & I'm starting 2 get opsessed with it.That's how it starts & then I wake up to face the damage.Not this time...I hand it over,it's out of my control.
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Post by Hecate as guest on Dec 3, 2004 4:55:06 GMT -5
Last night I ended up picking at that bump on my back & found it really hard to stop.Lucky didn't pick at anything else,got interupted by a weird noize in front of my window & the desire 2 pick just dissipated.How weird to pick straight after loging off,obsession started while I was still writing in my journal.Today I picked at few spots ,didn't do damage but I'm really pissed off ,feeling sooo tired & drained dealing with this obsession.Hope I'll do bether 2morrow.
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Reflection as guest
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Post by Reflection as guest on Dec 3, 2004 12:31:32 GMT -5
Sux u picked but u r so motivated so i trust u will be better. the past days i decided to do ZT 100% and have ended up picking compulsivly.. I think the only way to manage is doing ZT but picking is allowed to some extnet such as a minute.. or at one spot.. If not i cant do it.. wat bout u?
reflection
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Hecate
Junior Member
Posts: 84
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Post by Hecate on Dec 4, 2004 5:36:15 GMT -5
I relate 2 that Reflection.I've been trying to work the 12 step program on picking but for some reason it was easier for me to quit drugs that way then 2 stop picking.I end up not picking for 2-3 day max & then have a lapse.I've decided to do my best & accept lapses as a natural part of my recovery.I've been seriously trying to stop picking for year & a half & menaged to cut down a lot,even not pick for few days.I've learned to be a lot more aware & stop myself before I do any major damage.Before I would end up in a trance & become aware of what I was doing when it was too late.What I'm trying t say is that I've made a significant progress & I'm happy with that even tho I still end up picking but not nearly as much as I used to.Feel like this obsessive picking cycle is near it's end & believe that I'm progressivly getting bether. I will use the tools that I was given in NA ,knowledge that I've got about OSP & most importantly the support I get on this board to eventually free myself from this obsession. I've got faith that it will happen when I'm ready.Untill then I'll do my best,one day at the time. Did not pick today
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Hecate
Junior Member
Posts: 84
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Post by Hecate on Dec 5, 2004 6:42:06 GMT -5
I've gone through another day with no picking :)It wasn't that hard,but i'm aware that I'm entering the danger zone 'cause most of my recent lapses happened on the 3th day.Maybe this time I'll do someting different,perh not look in the mirror the whole day tomorrow.I'll worry about that 2morrow,I am doing this just for today.I'll make sure not to be too hard on my self.Usually if I end up picking at the spot that's ready to be picked at I would not count that day as a success. I'm thinking about changing this & starting to count those days as pick free days.Only if I end up picking at someting that doesn't need to be picked will I think of it as breaking my ZT(maybe call it GD,as someone suggested).People with eating disorders still have to eat,sex addicts still have sex,but in a healthy way.I'm not prepared to walk around with a pimple that is ready to be squeezed.My skin is naturaly clear & I only get few pimples when I'm PMT so should not have to pick often.OK sometimes I'm not able to distinguish between what needs to be picked at & what doesn't,part of my desease,so I will consult my partner before I do anything,at least for the first few months.Not sure wether this is a good idea.I'll think about it & pray to my goddess to lead me in dirrection that's the best for me.
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Reflection as guest
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Post by Reflection as guest on Dec 5, 2004 6:42:52 GMT -5
Im sooo glad u r progressing and feeling that this compulsion will soon b over for u. I feel I am nearing an end too, but then now again its getting worse. I dunno y, but I agree with u that the long term is the important and not the times when u slip...
Congratulations on yesterday
Reflection
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Hecate
Junior Member
Posts: 84
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Post by Hecate on Dec 6, 2004 6:58:05 GMT -5
Hey,Reflection,thanks a lot for your support.Sorry to hear that you've picked.Seems like we're both going through a bad patch,right now.I've picked,today,enough to feel bad about it & can only hope that this phase will,soon be over. I'm really stressed out & tired.Sooo sick of picking but still can't seem to stop.I've picked a bit at my face & I've really messed up my chest,even tho there wasn't anything there to pick at.I dont often do that & I'm scared that I'll start picking at other parts of my body besides my face. I had a really bad day,my partner & I actually talked about breaking up.I feel like it's all too much for me to cope with & I'm really exhausted.Hope I'll feel bether tomorrow
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Hecate
Junior Member
Posts: 84
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Post by Hecate on Dec 7, 2004 4:57:01 GMT -5
Picked a bit today.Loked at my face & felt great sadness seeing all the scars.What have I done to myself :'(When my face is all messed up, from picking at it, it's easier for me to be in denial about the extent of permanent damage.Somehow I convince myself that eventually the scars will totaly disappear & my face will look like it did before this OSP started.Now that there is not that much superficial damage to distract me, I'm starting to realize that the scars are not going to go away.It used to make me feel bether thinking about them as battle scars, but the last few days,when I look at my face or other parts of my body(chest,back) that I've scarred it makes me want to cry.It's like I'm finaly realizing what I've done to myself & I'm starting to care.I don't want to keep hurting myself any more.
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Hecate
Junior Member
Posts: 84
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Post by Hecate on Dec 8, 2004 6:10:03 GMT -5
Picked a bit today.Keep trying not to, but end up picking anyway.I'm sick of failing & ready 2 try a different approach.Maybe I do have a subpersonality that wants to be heared(just finished reading a post about it).I'm considering trying the exercize that's been suggested.The only thing that's bothering me is that I will have to keep doing it every day.For how long?Well, I end up picking every third day,if I'm lucky,so maybe it's not a bad idea replacing it with something harmless & helpfull :-/I'll pray for the willingness to do what ever it takes to beat this compulsion.Honesty, openmindidness & willingness is what it takes to recover,at least that's what I'm told.Hope I will be willing enough to try something new.After a year & a half of trying to stop picking,I'm becoming desperate.I'm sooo sick of destrying myself,my partner says not sick enough,otherwise i would've surrendered by now.I'm getting more & more confuzed & feel like I'm going insane.Please,goddess take this obsession away.I've tried & failed.I surrender.
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Hecate
Junior Member
Posts: 84
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Post by Hecate on Dec 9, 2004 5:41:11 GMT -5
Today I've picked as soon as I got up & then few more times through the day.It's deff. getting worse & all i can do is have faith that this is just a bad patch.I feel emotionnaly drained & tired from being stuck in this sick cycle.
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