Hecate
Junior Member
Posts: 84
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Post by Hecate on Nov 21, 2004 8:59:38 GMT -5
There is no other way,I've got to write about this every day.I'm ready to do anything it takes to beat this.After 2 days of no picking at all I had a litle lapse today.I'm PMT & that means increased risk for picking.Can't afford to even look at my face at this time of the month.I know my face is healing 'cause I menaged to leave it alone for the last few weeks aside from picking at few spots.I was so pleased with myself,my face was clear & scars didn't look that bad,until today.I get this distorted view of my face & my looks in general,my mood changes & I'm a different person for a week.That's when I usually mess up my face & this time I'm determened not to cause any more damage.Hope I'll make it with no picking for today.
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Post by reflection on Nov 21, 2004 9:24:08 GMT -5
Hey Hectate, Its good u r writing. It really helps. I had also managed ZT for 2 days and then today I messed up a bit. Try not to be too upset though i know thats not easy. U gotta expect to mess up, even though it comes at times when u dont think it will happen. I understand what u mean.I change so much when picking too. I feel exactly the same way about changing person and mood. I have even been told that my eyes and expression dont look like my own. The scars will heal. Dont worry. I stopped for 2 days aswell and did a really good face mask- so soft. How bout rewarding ur self? take oatmeal with warm water n rub in face to get dead skin cells away.. dont do if u have open wounds. then put on 3 spoons of yoghurt with 3 strawberries mixed together. After some days of picking its good to do this i find.. I hope the ZT works out for u n that its aight i wrote in ur journal. Good luck  Reflection |
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Hecate
Junior Member
Posts: 84
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Post by Hecate on Nov 22, 2004 5:44:04 GMT -5
Hey Reflection,thanks for your responce & advice, it means a lot.BTW my user name is Hecate,greek goddess of the underworld,not Hectate. I've done ok,no major picking through the day but I can't say no picking at all 'cause minor picks still count.I find it really hard not to touch my face & if I feel that something might be there it's almost impossible not to pick.It usually happens when I'm tired or first thing in the morning when my defences are down.As soon as I wake up, before I do anything else, I go to the only uncovered mirror in the house, which is in my partners room, & I have a look at my face.If I like what I see I can usually just walk away quickly, if not I end up picking.Through the day, if i remember,I stand few steps away from the mirror to avoid focusing on my face.It's hard work,I wish the mirror wasn't there at all but I'm sure that this sick opssesion would find another way to get to me,I've allready picked few times at my work ???I just have to surrender & not touch my face at all ,no matter what.So many times I was convinced that there was something on my face & after trying to get rid of it I discovered it wasn't there at all,too late 'cause my face has allready been damaged from picking at it.I simply see things that are not there or are so minute that they would not bother anyone else but me or others like me,people that suffer from OSP.The answer is that I can't trust my perceptions & I have to surrender & accept that I have no control over picking 'cause that's the first step to recovery from this dissorder.
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Reflection as guest
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Post by Reflection as guest on Nov 22, 2004 5:53:55 GMT -5
You sound really motivated and strong, I have also read the first step is to accept you have no controll. But i feel like I should have controll? Dont u need controll to get over it. Does ur partner know about ur problem? Maybe u can explain it and ask if the mirror could b covered or teh door locked.
I also dont pick so much when i dont see myself.
Shoudl cover them all but its hard.
Reflection
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Hecate
Junior Member
Posts: 84
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Post by Hecate on Nov 22, 2004 6:26:34 GMT -5
It's a paradox,when I trully accept that I have no control over picking I will stop trying to control it & that means stop picking .That way I will regain control over my life 'cause picking is what makes my life unmenagable.My partner knows about my problem but I don't think she will ever be able to understand the seriousness of it 'cause she is not a picker.I menaged to convince her to take of the other mirrors(we had lots of them) but she insists on keeping this one & I can't do much about it .It's sad but I think that people out there that don't have this problem will never be able to understand what we are going through even if they want to & are trying really hard to understand.
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Reflection as guest
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Post by Reflection as guest on Nov 22, 2004 6:31:07 GMT -5
I see what u mean. Im jsut not ready to do that.
Those with out CSPwill never understadn completly. Its just to different from anything and the feeling u get.
DO u go to therapy? If so, wat kind and is it helping?
good luck
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Hecate
Junior Member
Posts: 84
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Post by Hecate on Nov 22, 2004 6:51:45 GMT -5
I've been going to therapy for year & a half but it's not helping much.I think that finding this support group has helped me more than therapy ever did.Nothing can replace the understanding & support that we get from people going through the same thing.I'm so gratefull that I've , finally, found this site.We can beat this deasease together,I could not do this any other way.Thank you for sharing your experience with me.Stay strong
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Hecate
Junior Member
Posts: 84
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Post by Hecate on Nov 23, 2004 5:38:01 GMT -5
No picking & the day is almost over.I've noticed that my picking is in negative corellation with the amount of stress I'm going through.I'm not 100% sure but it seems to be that way for me,more stress less picking.Would like to know if anyone else has the same experience. I'll start comparing the two & hopefully will soon find out if there is a connection.For me there is a deffinite connection between being tired or hungry & picking.Most of the time I mess up just before going to bed or right after I get up when I'm still not awake properly.Few times I found myself picking at my face while I was in bed in a half consciouss state of mind & made me realize how powerless I am over picking.Now I'm more aware of the process of picking & what is happening before I actually start.On a good day I can stop when I catch my hands feeling for bumps on my skin before I've done much damage.On a bad day I can stop after few picks & even tho I feel angry,guilty & ugly after that it's still a big improvement comparing to how it was a year ago.Recovery is a slow process & sometimes I feel like this opssesion will never end & my scars are getting worst.But I've surrenderd now & I pray to my higher power to take this pain & opssesion away & give me another pick free day.
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Reflection as guest
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Post by Reflection as guest on Nov 23, 2004 11:37:46 GMT -5
hey, I also picked when I am stressed. I think many people do and that its a way of cutting out and getting away from that stress. I also feel like my scars r worse.. i guess sometimes its even more visible when u stop picking cos then u actually see how long ti takes to heal. Do u put anything special on for healing? I am so confused about what creams to use cos i dont wanna use all these chemicals around yet the ones that say they dont ahve any, often dont tell the truth. And it hurts to wash and i see no point when i pick. Its difficult. Do u try to hide it with make up? I always wear foundation, cover up, and blush. Its so bad for it and makes it worse i guess. well i hope u still not picking. I havnt today. good luck |
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Post by Hecate as guest on Nov 24, 2004 6:17:27 GMT -5
I've done OK.No obsessive picking just few spots earlier in the day.Somebody not suffering from this dissorder would've probably done the same without paying any notice to it .For me tho, picking at few spots just proves that I have no control,just had to do it,totaly powerless over it.It was a good day 'cause I stopped at that point without doing any damage to my face,still it has not been a pick free day.Keep forgeting that picking at just one is not an option for me,for now.What to do then if there is something on my face that needs to go?That is the hardest part for me.Is it possible to pick sensibly without being triggered into obsessive behavior?
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Reflection as guest
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Post by Reflection as guest on Nov 24, 2004 12:50:19 GMT -5
Hello Hecate,
It is really hard to stop once u start. How bout getting a facial once in a while for that? If not u could use those paper stickers for black heads and just leave the rest. I dunno. I end up picking so i havnt gotten to that problem yet. My skin is good when I dont pick thats wats so sad. Im on my 1st ZT today and havnt picked but have strachted.. dead skin keeps fallin off its so disgusting. I hope u r well n if u think u might mess up if u pick once, dont start it cos its better to keep away 100%.
Good luck
Reflection
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Post by Hecate on Nov 25, 2004 4:20:41 GMT -5
No picking today.Few times I almost went there & then rememberd to get away from the mirror.Got to give time for my scars to heal.Before I started picking I had clear, smooth skin & have no idea what it's gonna look like when it actually heals.It freaks me out,it's allmost easier not 2 let it heal 'cause then I can put away seeing the permanent damage.Would like to know how long it takes for scars to heal ,guess the dermatologist will have an answer?Then I "just "have to stop picking.  |
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Reflection as guest
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Post by Reflection as guest on Nov 25, 2004 10:07:07 GMT -5
Hey
I started putting pure vitamin E on my scars today.
From now on at night i think thats what I will do.
I am scared of not healing too. I hope for perfect skin. hmm... but how can I even think of that now??
Im glad u havnt picked today. I havnt either. Keep it up.
Goodluck
Reflection
(If u find out how long form teh dermatologist, please let me know.. it would be a motivation. And could u also ask him for ways off getting scars away. Does drinking water, fresh air help??) thanx
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Post by Hecate as guest on Nov 26, 2004 3:35:32 GMT -5
No picking today.My face is looking a lot bether but I have been anxioys & depressed all through the day.Not sure but don't think it's 'cause I haven't been picking.I've seen my new GP today & she was a real bich,it looks like it won't work out & I've just transfered all my files there.I deserve to be treated with respect & that won't be happening so now both me & my partner will have to find another GP.Anyway through all this stress I did not pick & even tho I'm still feeling down I know it will pass & I'm not willing to mess up my face 'cause of this.
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Post by Hecate as guest on Nov 27, 2004 7:03:33 GMT -5
3th day no picking. ;D That's the best I've ever done.Had a big day,organized a birthday party for my partner & it went really well.I was stressed ,bit depressed & anxious earlier in the day&now I'm tired but feeling OK.Had no urge to pick today & can't believe how easy it has been to leave my face alone.I'm really grateful for that hoping to keep this up one day at the time.
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