Greta's journal

[Greta]

I found this place on the Internet today and it looks really great. I live in Sweden and since I learnt the english words for my problem I have discovered we are so many, and there is a lot of information to find about skin picking in english and german. For a couple of month ago I dídn´t know about this desease. I only thought I was stupid who just didn´t stop with this crazy thing that I´m doing. Now I can understand more about this complicated situation and I realize that I have suffered from it for at least 10 years.

I have all the typical symptoms, like terrible scars for example. I pick especially on arms, breast and back where no one can se it when I´m wearing clothes. On my arms I have hardly any pigment left - it´s all scars. And I can pick for hours in front of the mirror... But I also pick my face, and I have a silly concealer that I try to cover my new spots and wounds with every morning before I go to work.

I´m 25 years old and I have decided to stop picking. But I´m to proud to search for help. I´don´t think any doctor in my small town wuold understand this.

I have tried a lot of methods to stop but I don´t have the character to go on. When I get stressed and feel that I´m doing a bad job at work and that noone likes me or whatever, then I´m there again. Well, you all know about this, so I dont have to write more about it.

I´m going to write here everyday from now on. Maybe it can leed to some progress.

[hoppe]

Hi Greta!

I am so glad you found us!

I had the same experience as you- when I finally found out that there is a name for this in English, it was amazing. Finally (after 7 years) I could put words to my problem - and find others that suffer from it too. I really feel there is no good word for this in any other language I know.

Greta, I was glad to read that you are from Sweden - I live in Sweden too (however, I am German originally). And I am also 25 ... LOL. I hope you will continue to write here - and that it will help you to stop picking!

hoppe

[Greta]

:)Thank you hoppe for answering me on this forum. It´s good to know that I´m not alone in the world with this problem and not even the only one in Sweden!

Today I didn´t plan to write anything here because I feel so bad. But your answer hoppe made me happy and encouraged!

But still a bad day... I haven´t stopped picking at all. It´s only worse than yesterday. I took a long bath and desinfected my skin yesterday before I went to bed and decided "never more". Today, after work, I was tired when I got home and now I´ve been standing in the bathroom this evening in front of the mirror, not for so long, but long enough to examin the whole body and scratch every pimple that I have. It´s very fast done and I don´t listen to myself saying stop, stop, STOP!

But I will keep on trying! Will start a cure of acne treatment as soon as I´ve been to the drugstore, that use to help me. I shouldn´t have acne all over my body if I didn´t make them myself. But the treatment take away the blackheads and makes it a little easier not to pick.


When I read some of the topics in this forum, it feels like I´m reading about myself. It feels like I have written it myself, it´s exactly my feelings and my words. That´s quite spooky.

[hoppe]

Hi Greta

I feel the same way as you - most posts here could have been written by me... . It is strange that so many different people think so similar and behave in such a similar way.... . Well, mostly it makes me feel better that I am not alone.

I am sorry to hear that you picked! Do not beat youself up over it. Things do not change over night! Try to be kind to yourself. Light a candle, sit down with some nice music - take a deep breath. You are not alone anymore. Come here, whenever you feel the need to. It helps!

BTW - since I am also in Sweden - what acne treatment are you buying?

hoppe

[Greta]

TY hoppe for your care and your kind words!

I buy Stioxyl 5%. Tried 10% at first but it was much to strong. The bad thing with stioxyl is of course the bleeching of clothes. The skin gets very dry as well but I like that. Last time I used it for 4 weeks with a very good result.


Greta

[hoppe]

Hi Greta

Thanks for telling me. I don't know stioxyl... is it the same as benzoyl peroxide?

Hope you are feeling better!

hoppe

[Greta]

Yes it is Benzoyl peroxide, and now I have started treatment!

Second day today and the skin feels so clean already. Only a few new spots. Of course I have picked them as usual, but it is good that they are just a few. This weekend I try to focus on not to pick. I have told my husband to "watch me" and I try to think nice things about myself. I think this will work. And this time I will not stop using stioxyl after only a few weeks. I must go on with it as long as I still pick and also after I have stopped picking. Hope that will happen.

Greta

[Greta]

Well, here I am again. A lot of time has past away since I wrote here last time. But I have had some progress during this time anyway. I used stioxyl for a few weeks and got better skin, and I did not pick so much during that time. Then I stopped using it and tried to make it without, because it takes a lot of time from me to use the medication every morning and evening, and it makes me stand more in the bathroom, witch I try to avoid. It also bleeches clothes so I can only use white t-shirts.

About two weeks ago I decided to do ZT again, and I managed to keep away from picking for about one week. But this week I have spoiled it again. So now I will start with ZT again...

Two interesting things that indicate a change:

* At the beginning of this week I gave my husband my concealer and told him to hide it somewhere and not give it back to me as long as I don´t beg on my knees for it. It has worked out great because: 1) I dont pick so much when I know that I can´t hide the scars with makeup. 2) The scars heal much better when they are clean and not covered. 3) I know the concealer is here somewhere if I really should need it, but as long as I don´t need it I feel proud of myself

* The second thing is that I gave up the Pill before christmas. I had heard that giving it up could cause a worser skin and more pimples. But my skin is actually better now! It is in some way softer and smoother, and not that "dead" anymore. I had also heard that being on the Pill could give depression, and now I realise where my bad temper has come from. This means that I´m now feeling like a real woman with controlled feelings! Quite terrible that I have been taking those pills for 10 years!

Only sad that my habit for picking still remains. But I´m working on it, and today there´s a new beginning!

/Greta

[Greta]

I really feel like picking now... Picked since last post: 1 small behind my ear. While sitting in front of the computer, it´s so easy to forget what your doing and put the hands to the face. I read the posts on this forum and I wonder how this can be such a great problem for so many. In different countries we sit, and many of us seem to have known nothing about this illness until we found this board.

Now I will take a warm and healthy bath and there will be no picking tonight! Tomorrow I will be away all day and by Sunday hopefully my skin has started to recover from my misbehavior during this week.

Hopefully!

[sioned]

Hi Greta,

I'll be hoping for you too!
And for me, and for everyone else of us who are all hoping that the weekend might help and heal our skin!

Good luck, and let us know how you're doing.
(I'm going to start ZT tomorrow as well!)

Sioned xx

[hoppe]

Hi Greta

Welcome back!

I like what you did with your concealer. I wish I had that kind of strength. But I do not. I get anxious if I do not have my favourite concealer in my coat pocket, where I can feel it is there... . Unfortunately, it is not produced anymore and I fear the day I run out of it. Which is soon.

Very interesting how you discovered that the pill had such an influence on your feelings! Good you stopped it.

Hope you have a nice weekend. And that your skin recovers quickly!!!

hoppe

[Greta]

Thank you Sioned xx and hoppe for your support and coments. You really give me strength and it feels good to be back on the board. Yes, hiding my concealer is a very good thing I´ve done. It keeps me away from making those really big sores in my face.

Unfortunately I can´t say that I´m pickfree. This has been a good weekend, but also a bit tough. Today I found out that a friend has been fired from work and is therefore moving away. I saw a lot of friends yesterday but I didn´t have fun. I just found everyone so annoying and self-satisfied. Especially I hate when people start talking about work, when we are supposed to have fun.

And I´ve had my sessions... Although my skin is healing. It´s easy for me to leave old wounds alone right now. But it´s much harder to keep away from new pimples popping up. When I feel that hard little bump under my skin I just have to do something about it. So that is what I have to fight against now. It´s really sad when all the pores get "filled up" just because I have stopped picking. Then it´s really hard to convince yourself that your doing the right thing. A vocie inside me says: "Just pick it out, just make your skin clean, then you will feel much better afterwords and your skin will look nice again." Only lies to myself, I know, but that´s how it feels.

I´m often out on the Internet looking for more information about skin-picking. Today I read some about Cheek-chewing and found out that it´s related to skin-picking. That was interesting because I do that to! Not all the time but I have done it quite a lot when I was younger and it is really a terrible habit, I can tell. At least good that I don´t do Cheek-chewing all the time!

Now I will do ZT until next time I write!

[Greta]

It is never to late to stop picking.

So I think I will stop today.
My life is pretty good right know.
I shouldn´t be sad anymore, I shuold be happy.
There are 0 reasons to pick and 100 reasons to stop picking.
I´m treating my acne now and it works perfect!
Know I will also start sitting om my hands, using glows in the bathroom, stop looking at the mirror and have the light turned off - to break the habit and let my skin rest.

I think I´ll take a bath. See you!

[Greta]

I didn´t pick almost anything yesterday. I was on a conference, left home very early in the morning, was amongst people all day, and got home very late. It gave me no opportunities to pick, and my skin healed very well. I picked at two old scabs today, and used a needle on a new pimple. That´s all for today and I will try not to pick anything tonight.

I´m not treating my acne anymore, it didn´t work out this time, only gave me bigger scars. Instead I´m trying not to pick and clean my skin regularly.

[shihui as guest]

glad to hear you're doing well