|
|
Post by raerae on Apr 19, 2004 5:47:00 GMT -5
its monday april 19th. nearly midday. ive been awake for just over an hour and i havent picked yet  although i have caught myself 'scanning'! im gonna have a nice bath, exfoliate, cleanse, tone and moisturise, file my nails and the sides of my thumbs (the bits prone to cracking and peelng), get a few minutes fake sun and maybe get my hair cut. my idea is that if i 'celebrate' day one of zt itll be easier to remember to continue doing helpful things for my skin instead of ruining it. fingers crossed. |
|
|
|
Post by reformedpicker on Apr 19, 2004 15:08:41 GMT -5
good luck raerae- please keep us informed on your progress- it's so inspiring! you deserve to treat yourself to pampering!
I'll keep my fingers crossed for you too!
|
|
|
|
Post by raerae on Apr 20, 2004 6:37:05 GMT -5
aw thanks, reformedpicker  well, i did some serious exfoliation yesterday- 4 different products and, with the help of the boyf to do my back, covered every inch of skin! after the application of vast quantities of cocoa butter my skin is much smoother and my upper arm looks much, much better also, since id really tried to cut back on picking for the week before starting zt proper, my face is clearer than it has been for ages- no active wounds, just fading blemishes. i noticed a little zit on my forehead yesterday which i popped, dabbed with alcohol and left alone. that brings me around to the definition of zt. if i defined it as 'zero touching' id have failed- many times over. i think, for me, zt means zero tolerance of; picking 'sessions', squeezing regular pores (btw thanks to whoever it was, M i think, who reminded us that the white stuff in your pores is there for a reason- to keep skin soft!) and 'bumps', squeezing zits that clearly arent gonna go, over-squeezing zits that have already popped, picking scabs, and 'scanning' by touch when im watching tv etc. i dont think im one of those people who can ignore a blatantly poppable zit but i think i can learn to deal with it sensibly and then leave it alone. also, if i start doing any of these but stop myself in good time, y'know... override the urge, then im not counting it as a failure but as an achievement, a step towards retraining. it has to be this way or the whole business is gonna get too dispiriting!!! didnt get a sunbed session or a hair appointment yesterday so im gonna call the salon now... love to all. rae xxx ps id also like to say a general thankyou to M for the great advice to emma in 'tips for quitting'. |
|
|
|
Post by reformedpicker on Apr 20, 2004 11:54:11 GMT -5
raerae- I LOOOOOVE your definition and explanation of zt- very realistic and do-able. I think I might just be ready to try it starting Monday. Writing it here will help me commit and be accountable. Thanks!!!
|
|
|
|
Post by raerae on Apr 20, 2004 12:11:05 GMT -5
ill look for you on monday then (((hugs))) rae xxx |
|
Kat
New Member
Posts: 46
|
Post by Kat on Apr 20, 2004 12:46:26 GMT -5
so far, i haven't picked (badly) today!
I managed not to touch my nose for 2 hours this morning - but NEEDED to blow it when i got up - i couldn't breath and it was driving me mad!
And blowing blows scabs out - but it didn't bleed badly so no massive scab formed, and i've been fine since!
go me, go me, go me!
|
|
|
|
Post by reformedpicker on Apr 20, 2004 17:55:34 GMT -5
go you, go you, go you Kat! Congratulations!
Raerae I am scared to death, but I'm going to go for it- Monday it is for me to go zt. If anyone would like to join me please do! I think I might start a new thread and then I can watch my thoughts through the process. It can be my little journal- for as long as I can last... In fact I think I might just do that now so I can record my feelings of fear leading up to the zt. I hate to bore everyone with my loooong winded commentary though. I need some sort of online journal- I type so much faster than I write! Does anyone know of such a thing?
|
|
|
|
Post by raerae on Apr 20, 2004 19:47:17 GMT -5
excellent work, kat  be brave, reformedpicker please do post on this board and write as much as you need to... itd be great to hear how zt is going for you. im going to bed now, goodnight all. rae xxx ps still early days , but im doing ok zt-wise! |
|
|
|
Post by raerae on Apr 23, 2004 17:23:56 GMT -5
im not feeling so great today. nothing to do with picking- other life stuff has got me down  buuut under the circumstances ive done ok in that ive managed to not resort to picking as a means of escape, or rather ive started but managed to stop before doing any significant damage. i know taking it out on my skin never helped make things better before. im trying to hold on to that thought. |
|
|
|
Post by reformedpicker on Apr 23, 2004 21:29:14 GMT -5
hi raerae- i've had a BAAAAD attack on my face- I'm so mad at myself, just disgusted. I think the anxiety of working myself up over starting zt on monday was dumb- i've printed your realistic definition and put it on cards- this way I can remind myself of how not scary it is! Maybe I just wanted to have one last completely thorough go at it before it ends- who knows.
I'm praying for sun- it has been cloudy and rainy for over a week (after a month of perfect spring weather) and I am feeling it big time- I am on a roll- so beyond edgy it's scary. I hate it when I feel like this- I call it 'ants in my pants' when NOTHING is right- I don't think I'll relax until the sun shines it's happy face! I hope the weathermen are wrong- they say it won't happen before Monday- if they know what's good for them they will change that. I'm kidding, of course, but I am really on the war path. PMS x 1000000
|
|
sos
Junior Member
Posts: 77
|
Post by sos on Apr 24, 2004 18:22:37 GMT -5
I can so relate to the PMS and cloudy/rainy days...I feel the best when the SUN is shinning brightly...So sorry to hear about attack...I hope you feel better soon!!! I've been doing good ever since I found this site and all of you... ox, sos |
|
|
|
Post by reformedpicker on Apr 24, 2004 22:42:04 GMT -5
I'm feeling a little better about everything today- despite the fact that it's even more dreary outside...- I WILL overcome this- I hate it and I am sick of it having such a huge impact on my entire life!
When I first fofund this site I picked more than ever, to be honest. I think I felt like it wasn't as terrible as I thought- I'm not the ONLY person- there are lots of people who have this problem, so I feel a little more accepting and less like a freak- if that makes sense. I guess I gave myself permission to accept my picking and quit feeling shame and guilt- I'm still disgusted with what I look like when I'm finished picking- but it's a different kind of shame.
Finally, after a couple weeks of this I realized what I was doing and figured out why (giving myself permission, maybe?) and now I am seeing a shift in my attitude.
I have to remind myself this is not a place I need to comisserate and wallow in the misery of being a picker- it's a place I can feel understood, accepted and talk to understanding people who are in the same boat. It's a wonderful resource to have all of these supportive people who understand what we do and the impact of it. It's nice to be able to be honest about slipping up without being scolded for it! I also think for me the accountability factor of knowing I will be held to my goals to some degree is really great!
Sorry to be so wordy...when I stop typing I tend to start picking!
|
|
|
|
Post by raerae on Apr 27, 2004 13:22:24 GMT -5
i just realised i havent checked in for four days. must try harder... my anxiety levels are kinda high at the moment  (im starting a training placement on friday- having got baaad stress and f'ing up the previous one last summer) and so is the urge to pick. ive slipped up a handful of times since i last posted, but managed to stop myself in good time. my face is looking okay, but ive noticed how even when there are no active 'picks', the texture and colour of my skin, mainly on my forehead, really reflect the damage ive done over the years. my upper arm is looking a lot less bad tho', so i guess thats something... i went to a football (soccer) game on saturday- the weather was fabulous and my face got a little tanned... cant complain about that yay for sunshine! sorry this post is somewhat downbeat... im struggling a bit at the moment, with life in general. BUT i havent picked today |
|
sos
Junior Member
Posts: 77
|
Post by sos on Apr 27, 2004 16:16:08 GMT -5
Hey raerae, So sorry your going through so much stress right now...I hope things get a little easier soon...I love the sunshine too...I don't tan but I need the Vitamin D...I'll be praying for you...keep your head up... o.x., sos |
|
|
|
Post by raerae on Apr 28, 2004 13:19:43 GMT -5
well, i managed not to pick all of yesterday and im doing good, so far, today ;D i was waaay anxious today cos i had to go to a meeting about my new training placement. but my boyf took a day off work, and accompanied me there and back, which made the whole thing a lot less scary! and it was sooo nice not to have to worry about my face- only a tiny bit of concealer needed. my arm is still not too great tho'. so (im so dumb!) i decided a wool sweater would be just the thing to wear... duh!... it was really humid today and, MY GOD, i was hot  i need to heal my arms as a matter of urgency cos i really cant bear the idea of spending summer in anything more than minimal clothing. my antidepressant meds make me feel constantly overheated and i really dont want to be bright red in the face the whole time im on placement. its so embarrassing and makes me totally self-conscious  but, right now, im just so thankful for the healing my skin has already done, and thankful for this board and all the wonderful people here  sos, i really appreciated your kind post love to all, rae xxx |
|
although i have caught myself 'scanning'!
buuut under the circumstances ive done ok in that ive managed to not resort to picking as a means of escape, or rather ive started but managed to stop before doing any significant damage.
(im starting a training placement on friday- having got baaad stress and f'ing up the previous one last summer) and so is the urge to pick. ive slipped up a handful of times since i last posted, but managed to stop myself in good time.
