21 days to break a habit

[bd8300]

hey anne, what are u talking about being jealous, look at u, u just completed day 4!!! Good job and congratulations on your success, i am so proud of you and happy for u.Look at it this way we are all making it through pick free days and we'll all reach 21 days b/f we know it, u aren't even a week behind.N/e ways to cut it short i'm very happy for you and glad to hear you r moving forward in your battle, u go girl!!

Moratorium, i'm sorry a/b what u r feeling but u have to stay strong and look at the good things in your life. Maybe u can take on a new hobby like painting or something? I'm going to try that, i think it will be a great way for me to keep busy and maybe find a new talent, or just express creativity. Don't worry, we all have some good days and some bad-everybody goes through them, just focus on your goal and how you would like to change for the better b/c u r in control of this situation. I'm sorry also to hear a/b the things u have been through. I promise if u do everything u can to make your self happy you will find the love that u need.

To Buffy,grl1818 and all the others i hope u are also taking care of your skin and checking off the days.

Welcome FlawlessDesire, i agree w/ Moratorium a/b your name-i love it!!! U can do this just make a plan and stick to it. Be diligent, strong, hopeful and patient, pray and have will power-the ingredients to overcome a bad habit.I suggest u print out the CSP chart on page 1 of this thread that is in Moratorium's 1st post...it is really helping me stay focused and every box that i colour gives me the drive to stay pick free and colour in another one.

I made it through day 9 and i have all of u to thank. Take care of yourselves, be kind 2 your skin and DO NOT GIVE UP, we are all here for eachother!!

Lisa

[moratorium]

Day 10! Wow! I'm sorry about my last message, I was feeling very tired and emotional and allowed some woeful pathos to bleed onto the forum. There really was no need for that! Thanks anne and Lisa for bringing me back to my senses. What a great idea about taking up a hobby to get the creative juices flowing Lisa. I'm sure you will be shown to have tremendous artisitc flair. Feel free to scan in anything you create, you already have a built-in following right here. I have been trying to teach myself the piano lately, and have already written a simple, little, bluesy song called 'Aspidistra'. It does tire the fingers out, another nail in the coffin for the picking deamon hopefully.

I'm so pleased the chart is proving effective for you too, it does feel nice to colour in a square knowing I have achieved my objective. I threw that thing together just after a pick-fest and it certainly doesn't hurt as a reminder to how low I was feeling when I started.

Hello there Heather, another recruit eh? This is astonishing, we've got a movement going on here. Just think what we could do if we corralled this collective picking energy together into some sort of psychokinetic force (rather than using it to pick.) We'd positively be the medical answer to animatronic limbs! ;D

[Flawless Desire]

Thank you guys for welcoming me into your circle. I'm glad you could appreciate the name, it was amazing how quickly it came to me. When choosing a name, I questioned my inner self...what do you DESIRE from this site more then anything? "to be" FLAWLESS
(I answered) and so Flawless Desire was born!!

Moratorium, you are very well spoken! Reading your posts, I would think you were a writer for a profession.
I think I will learn a lot from you. I love to write, but tend to write less intelligently, without the luxury of a big vocabulary under my belt. But I do write from the heart, and fortunately people seem to get the jist of what I am trying to say anyways.

You guys have some helpful tips. I will give them a try.

I was reading a motivational book (I recommend them!) That says.....If things have worked for you in the past, it is always best to go back to the basics, and do those things again.

So....I recollected all things that have worked and thought I would type them here to remind myself.

What worked really well for me once, was replacing the bad behavior with a really good one. For awhile, I would brush my teeth, or use teeth whitening strips for the entire time that I felt like I wanted to pick. The funny thing is, you would NOT BELIEVE how white my teeth are!! (Blinding) ha ha. (just goes to show how much negative time and energy I was putting into it)

LOL Now everybody is always telling me now how I have a movie star smile. How nice to be noticed for something beautiful, instead of wondering if someone is thinking about how your face looks.

The other thing I did was replace my daily drinking Mountain Dew, the sugary teeth yellowing (but yummy) Soda, with the very best water I could find. I have convinced myself that by drinking it, it is going straight to my skin and healing it. This served two benefits, and one of them I had not even planned, but by taking the caffeine out of your system a little bit, it lessens the desire to pick, because the anxiety is not so high. Anxiety is a big culprit, I think. I wonder how many pickers are caffeine addicts as well?

These things worked well for me in the past, so I am going to put them back into the routine. I still don't drink mountain dew, but I did adopt Diet Coke into the daily drink. (not good either from a caffeine standpoint)

The very best thing I have found that I can do for myself is just hurry thru the "getting ready" process. Meaning, shower, get dressed as quickly as possible, (Otherwise, I will pick at my back and chest and now have even started on my legs---a new one---I never did this before)

However, once I am dressed and ready, half the battle is over, you glance in the mirror and realize, you may as well do something. You're ready to go.

Once I leave the house, it seems that I can't help but find something constructive to do with my time. It's the laying around in the bed clothes, and not leaving the house that wastes the day away.. (Just on days off...I DO work)

The other thing I do, is never get ready with the bathroom light on, instead I always put a hallway light on, just enough for me to see what I am doing in there, so I don't put lip liner on for eye liner. (LOL, I've done this) ha ha. ---they're about the same size!! ha ha


Sometimes, I have to yell at my boyfriend when he comes in and shocks me by turning on the light. (Thinking he's doing me a favor...how can I possible see what I am doing in there...he asks! ha ha)

Oh yeah and the fake nails help a little. Mostly they are a "feel good" technique that help you feel better about yourself, but they do help a little, in the fact that they are not ideal for picking. Especially if you get longer ones. Also, it is important to throw away anything that aids you in picking, or at least hide them.
Pins, tweezers, clippers, etc. You will grab for them in a pinch, in lieu of fingernails.

Anyways,.....those are the things that have worked for me before, so I am going back to the basics.

Just thought I'd let you know. I would say this is my day 1, since yesterday, I had already had an episode before I made my first post. (Hence what brought me to the site)

Good luck my friends...... Ciao
Talk to you tonight.

[bd8300]

hey girls, day 10 is going well for me, i've been at home all day doing homework (summer semester) and i am happy to say i haven't had to apply make-up (just some polysporin on some marks i wish to go away)

I was hoping everyone could reply to this and tell a bit about themsleves! I'm 21 years old, I live in Toronto, Canada, I go to the University of Toronto and finishing my 2nd year studies, I have a boyfriend of 5 years and I am 1/2 greek and 1/2 italian.

Hope to hear from all of u.

[buffy]

Ok...I messed up big time. don't know what i was thinking but I was on day 7 and my skin was beautiful and somehow convinced myself that it would be a good idea create some fresh new blemishes. I must have picked for 2 hours. Tiny marks, but lots of em. and on a background of clear skin they really stand out. They're very red and I'm hoping hoping hoping that it's more redness than actual broken skin...cause that redness fades a whole lot quicker than it takes for broken skin to heal. there is a bit of breakage though and will be some scabbing. one looks like a lovely beauty mark right above my lip. Honestly I was actually looking at my face yesterday and really seeing how perfect it was looking for the first time in months.... There was just no need! The trigger I think was depression. i was feeling a bit down and then of course, boyfriend fell asleep on the couch and i snuck to the bathroom and went to town. Started with one little mark and then when that was unsuccessful I thought I'd correct it by working on another spot and so on and so on.
Damn...I had been soooo good.
It's difficult to be motivated to start over when your staring at fresh puffy red marks. But I'm determined to do it better this time. i've got a friend coming into town on Thursday and that was a big motivation for me to stop the picking once and for all. now of course she'll see my lovely face all botched up. I was trying to dream up ways to put her off a day, but realising it wouldn't work I sent her an email this a.m. casually mentioning that I had picked last night and that it was this nervous habit I was trying to break and that my face might look a bit blotchy when she sees me. She's the first friend I've told (besides my boyfriend...He and I discussed it a bit this a.m.). i had to do it I decided. She hasn't seen me in years and didn't want her to think I had a new skin condition. Felt good (although I don't look too good right now)
Anyway, to make a long story short, I'm startin' over. Going to make it through day 1 (again!)

[Flawless Desire]

Hi Buffy,

I just wanted to respond. I think you did a great thing by telling someone. I told my mom and my boyfriend and that was the first step. I feel better. When I have a bad day, I know it's not a secret anymore. My mom actually told me something she had been battling for years which was an OCD type thing. So that helped us become closer.

That took a lot of courage to tell your friend, and don't even worry about it. Your skin healed before, and it will heal again, even if it's hard to convince yourself of it now. Plus now that you prepared her for the worst, she is going to think you look fine and wonder what all the fuss was about

Be young, indulge yourself in the fun and forget about everything else. You will be so glad you didn't miss the opportunity when it is over, and another benefit is that it is less time for you to focus on the other stuff when you are out having fun, who has time to obsess, right?

The funny thing I have noticed is when I am having a bad skin day I actually try to overcompensate by really wowing people with how funny I am, interesting, confident. ETC. I think people cannot believe how confident I appear to be. Some of my best "personality" days, are days when I had to force my chin up and do a presentation with pride at work. Much better then my good skin days for some reason.

Inside I want to crawl and hide for days, but can you believe that nobody knows that? In my field I am a leader and people listen to me and look up to me, and I really am quite shy due to my issues, but I know I can't let it interfere with my work.

The ironic thing about all of this is, that if I did not have a skin problem, I would probably think people should just automatically like me for being flawless. And it just doesn't work that way. In talking to a co-worker who does modeling on the side, I was shocked at how nice she was, and wondered why she didn't have more friends.

Here is what she said: , even though I am not flawless but I have found, because I am "perceived" to be, people typically label me as a snob and shy away from meeting me at all, as they think I think I am better them them. Which I do not. I have the same insecurities as everyone else, if not more, if I have a zit, I have to face a whole camera crew staring it down, my job depends on not having one.

*Oh yeah, when you look at it that way, it sucks being her, I would hate for my job to depend on my skin.

Turns out that people often shy away from people that are flawless automatically because it makes them INSECURE about themselves. Those people actually have to work harder to make real friends. People feel like a wreck next to them. So I guess in a way I'm glad I have the "real" friends who like me for me.

I guess I learned that people identify and want to hang around with people that have problems and insecurities just like them, and it actually makes us more likable then the perfect skin girl down the block. Because there are more people like us, then like her.

It also turns out that everybody has problems, whether, it's drugs, alcahol, smoking, over-eating, etc. The list goes on.

So I although we hate our skin issues, maybe it also makes us the likable people that we are. I know I am trying hard to make sure that people get to know me, and don't just judge me on skin deep.

Good luck with your friend....you are going to have an awesome time!!

By the way....let's start on day 1 in our quest. I haven't done to well either, and I don't want to beat myself up about it right now.

[bd8300]

well, i really hate to write this post b/c i don't want to bring any negativity to the table but i had a slip up. It was on one area of my face that started off as a zit and as it was clearing i felt that bump in it today and thought i could get it out, but skin came along w/ it too and i hate open skin wounds-they're ugly, they hurt, sting and u can feel it all day.

On the up side, it was just this one thing and it didn't really affect the way i felt a/b the rest of my face, i just have to not touch it and i know it will crust and fall off in a/b 3 days if i do not touch it.

I was thinking a/b this situation and had to tell u guys b/c i believe this battle is all a/b honesty. I am going to start over and fill in a new csp chart. My start date will be July 21 and finish date on Aug 10. I'm doing this b/c i want to train myself not to pick and i won't tolerate a minor skrew up like this one. I have to make this work b/c if i don't admit this now and gain control of what i did, things will just go downhill. So even though tomorrow is day 1 for me instead of day 12 i'm happy to say i only messed up one spot and am starting my countdown over for the sake of breaking this habit once and for all!!

[anne]

Hi guys! Flawless Desire and Heather and others I'm with you on starting day 1 again I was bad but my skin made me do it!!! It's the same areas that have been infected and get swollen and fill with weird fluid, an impetigo like thing. I felt like if I didn't pick at that moment it started to look bad again it would just get worse, and I guess my mind would rather see healing skin than skin that looks like it won't heal, weird, huh I'm changing things up and putting cortizone 10 ointment on my skin now, let me know if this is bad. I feel like my skin needs the hydrocortisone because when it heals it looks good for a day and then it starts to get inflamed in certain spots again. I wanted to see my derm this week but he is sick all week so I have to wait till next week. I hope my skin heals faster than I think, it is just so frustrating because besides these spots that I've had problems with for a long time now, the rest of my face is looking great! Probably because I focus on the same spots now so much I get all my aggressions out on them and nothing else.

I have been feeling down about it because a friend is coming Thursday or Friday and I really wanted it to look ALOT better. Flawless desire I know what you mean about people relating with you more anyway when you are not perfect, it is true. If I went out now looking like I do, I would boost everyone in the worlds self esteem about their skin it would actually make me a very likable person if weren't for the scare factor

You have to try to laugh but I'm so sick of these problems I want to cry Maybe I'll be getting better now that I'm starting day 1 again and it can only go up.

[anne]

BTW Buffy, we are in the same boat looking less than and going out Thursday It's not so much that I wanted to impress my friend but just have a better day knowing I hadn't picked for awhile Let's just strive to get thru a pick free Wednesday and maybe things will be better, happy healing thoughts your way

[moratorium]

Hi everyone,

I'm so sorry to hear of everyone's transgressions, it looks like I'm the only one left standing! I have to say though, I completely empathise with how much of a struggle this pick-free undertaking is. I'm on day 12 now but I feel crap - I feel like a bag of nerves. I've curtailed the picking avenue in my mind but that doesn't mean my nervous system isn't feeling the 'cold-turkey' effects of not having a regular dose of dopamine-type pickin' good-feelin' surging through me. I'm convinced now that picking really is an addiction and as hard to beat as smoking or alcoholism.

Of course, that doesn't mean we can't do it. buffy, Lisa, flawless and anne, I'm bowled over by your determination and will to start again. That takes a lot of guts.

buffy, I can't tell you how proud I am of you for actually telling your friend and boyfriend about your picking. I know how reluctant and embarrassed you were, but by doing such a thing you are refusing to lay down and be goverened into the inhibition and lying picking can shame us into. I am so pleased you told your friend and didn't cancel the meet-up. You deserve to be able to live your life despite the CSP intervals.

Also, it shows such self-awareness that you were able to identify what triggered the session. All too often picking is mood-related and helps to release a proven pick-me-up (excuse the pun!) Hopefully next time you can be more aware of when is a 'high-risk' time for you, and try instead to find an alternate solution to the problem. Perhaps stepping outside for some fresh air, just looking up into the sky to see how those tiny clogged pores are almost infinitesimal in the grand scheme of things.

Flawless gave some really excellent tips too. The teeth whitening ruse sounds like a masterstroke! Sound advice on drinking lots of water rather than caffeine too. I rarely drink caffeine, but thinking back, I had been drinking more tea than I usually do when I got into the CSP stupour I'd been having. I also found an article on the web about CSP and trichotillomania and it said taking additional B vitamin supplements has been shown to improve picking. As a vegetarian, I'm certainly no stranger to lacking the odd B vitamin, so I'm going to start taking a complex.

Thanks also Flawless for the compliments, but trust me, I'll have run out of long words by the time Day 21 rolls around. Even more reason to stick it out. Just to see me get verbosely desperate. Also, on any subject other than picking I'm up sh*t creak! I haven't got one proverb to string together. ;D

Lisa and anne, I'm so sad to hear you're feeling down too. I hope the 'cortizone 10' proves effective. The manufacturers really should think about producing a 'cortisone 21' just as a subliminal wager of support.

I hope the second wind of 'Day 1's go well. Just think how many years of our life we've spent submissive to the disorder, wherein we didn't even regard such a thing as 'a slip-up' but merely a way of life. It shows that you do have the resolve to beat this.

[buffy]

Thanks for all the support and good luck to you who are still going strong or just starting over like me. I proudly made it through my second round of day 1 and am offically working on day 2. By the time I see my friend it'll be day 4 so I'll just be begining to feel that pick free bliss again which will I hope will help to fuel my self confidence when I do see her. I think sometimes you have to learn a lesson the hard way so that you can start over again KNOWING that this time there's no cheating. I have to remember that although I need to remain strong throughout my quest I just can't becoming overly confident to the point where I don't feel i need to work at it...where I start to slack and then slip. Confidence in myself is, of course, key, but so is a consistent conscious effort. of course, it's a balance....don't want to obseess over it to much. Better to take my mind off of it whenever possible.
However, despite the dreadful pick session i had back on my former day 7 (2 days ago), my skin seems to be healing quite quickly and nicely. I had resolved NOT to wear any cover up at all yesterday and today...hoping that maybe makeup free skin will allow the wounds to soak up more oxygen and expedite the healing process. I must admit I dabbed some of my cat's prescription steroidal antibiotic ointment on each spot. Have never tried this before but within about an hour my red spots were almost completely nill...just little scabs on white skin. After that I soaked in the siunshine for anout 15 minutes. I never let myself tan but I decided that this week there was going to be no self tanner (which i mainly use to even out my complexion) ...just natural rays (forget the skin cancer and aging effects just this once....my skin actually is glowing a bit -albeit under a nice array of nicks) I think that the sunshine might expedite the healing process as well. And last but not least I went downstairs to the vitamin store and bought a little vile of tee tree oil, diluted and applied. and presto it seems to have advanced the healing of the scabs by about a day (they look pretty crusty and dry) and cleared up any little infections. i swear this is not in my imagination. Normally by day 2 my face is still sore. But it looks more like day 3 than day 2 today.
So anyway, enough obsessing! I'm going to work though this and be strondger because of my mishaps. To Anne, Heather, Bd8300 and Flawless...it's good to have a group to start out with again....I understand your woes but I also know it can be done. (I did it for 7 days before and can do it for 7 again (this time multiply that by 3))
To Moratorium and everybody else who's made it through the hard times and gotten this far you are true insprirations and evidence that our goals our truly attainable...it's all within you and it's within all of us. Sorry you've been battling some inner deamons Moratorium. Just know you've got a power that's stronger than them...if you canovercome the picking you can battle all those others nasty monsters to. Do aknowledge and accept them but just never let them take you. You'll make it though the inner turmoil too. at least it is no longer fueled by the external evidence (i.e. picking)

Here's to Working though day 2!

[bd8300]

hey everyone, i'm happy to say that i made it through the day w/out a pick!! The pimple i picked 2 nights ago is drying and i haven't touched it . Other than this screw up i've been pick free for 12 days but this is now more than having a clear complexion, it's about breaking a habit once and for all and that's why i made the decision last night to make July 21 my new day 1.

Hope everyone is well and keep the positve posts coming, we can overcome this habit together!

[anne]

Sounds like your doing great BD8300 in spite of your little set back! I think we will all have little slips but just need to stay vigilent and focus on our 21 days goal. I made it thru yesterday without picking and think the cortisone 10 ointment is working well! I think the antibiotics in neosporin and even polysporin was giving me some inflammation from overuse of it, (many people develop allergic reactions to neosporin especially) so the hydrocortisone is working good. I'm also putting hyaluronic acid serum under it from GNC to give added healing. I'm hoping by tomorrow I will have a much easier time with the makeup. I'm not sure if my friend will drive straight thru and get here today or break up her trip and get here tomorrow. Kind of hope tomorrow. I should be busy this weekend and next week so I think staying pick free will be easier for me. This past week I was just bumming around too much which is never good for my skin. I need to try to make my days go faster so I don't focus on the state of my skin. I want to release all the negative energy in me from last week, I think I may be at a turning point!

[moratorium]

I'm on day 13 and have nearly made it to two weeks! I never thought it possible. I'm thrilled to hear everyone being so positive despite the setbacks and taking good care of their wounds.

Just looking at my skin now and how much better shape its in -(even with pending pre-menstrual trickery) I really don't feel the inclination to go down the picking route again. I feel like I've landed in some parallel universe - blackheads are starting to come out by themselves, without my cajoling! My hygiene is also much better, I can exfoliate without worry of the scabs and damaged areas and thus help the skin to rejuvenate. I just feel like such a fool for having conspired against my skin to do such needless damage. If you treat it well, it seems to respond. I thought the only way to get results was through ruthless mutilation!

I feel less self-conscious too. What is the worth of turning a tiny, innocuous bump into a fully-fledged eyesore? I have this and many more questions for the picker within, who I'm trying to disassociate from. The worst part is that I bear so many scars of evidenced delusion. At least it is now in my hands whether or not I incur anymore.

I hope noone is feeling disheartened for having to start over. This is about your own inner battle. You are the one setting the pace.

[playinwitfire]

hey Moratorium wow this is such a postive thread..i think its a gr8 idea that you've got every1 in2 this..I'm going to give it a shot 2 i think, the 21 day chart and see how i go..its a really cool design you've got there, visual aids can be so much more exciting too cus you can look back on your journey..and if u slip up then u think oh no its gona spoil my chart! kool idea im trying it..in fact im going to go print a chart rite now. The longest I've been pick free honestly is a week. I can't imagine how I'll look after 21 days really..there's only 1 way 2 find out

I understand where ur coming form witht the picker within concept..I find myself even personifying the habit n thinking well its betrayed me, caught me off guard, decieved me etc etc..n then that way begun disassociating myself...just by thinking well its not worth my time or my pain just like a friend that takes n takes and never replenishes. Its just a matter of spotting the same old tricks of the habit and not falling for them.

I'll post my chart at some point so you can see how im doing

Lov n hugz...be strong XxJessxX