|
|
Post by facepick on Sept 5, 2003 11:48:21 GMT -5
I'm trying to replace our old threads. Here's my vent: someone came and posted 53 pages of spam. And this stupid board won't let me delete in mass. So, I would either have to delete them all one by one or delete the board.  UGHHH!!! Some people!!! |
|
|
|
Post by its me e on Sept 5, 2003 12:51:05 GMT -5
what a bummer! do what you have to -- we understand.
e.
|
|
|
|
Post by Stef (Incubabe) on Sept 5, 2003 21:03:53 GMT -5
That royally sucks. |
|
|
|
Post by ready2heal on Sept 6, 2003 12:35:51 GMT -5
oh darn that sucks. i'm happy to say that i have nothing to vent about today! things are going great.  |
|
|
|
Post by Canuck on Sept 8, 2003 18:12:35 GMT -5
Here's my vent: I hate school.School makes me tired and unmotivated and cranky. Blah. I've never had such a rough transition into the school year! I'm just through with my first week of classes, and I already dread the homework and the lectures and the readings. It's so frustrating! I hope that all the rest of ya'll are starting off school on a better foot than I am!  |
|
firegirl
New Member
super girl
Posts: 48
|
Post by firegirl on Sept 8, 2003 20:08:07 GMT -5
ahh, the opportunity to vent my frustrations! saturday night was my friend's birthday. Our local hangout was having a "halfway to mardi gras" party, and we all headed there for dancing and celebrating. my picking was calm last week, so my face was pretty clear. i also lost a few pounds without even trying, so i was feeling super good about my tight shirt and jeans. i had some extra cash, i didn't have to work until 2 on sunday, and all of my best friends were coming. i knew it was gonna be a great night! well, actually, it was! i ran into people i hadn't seen in a while, the dj was awesome, everyone was passing around beads and having a great time. Sean, this awesome, nice, smart, funny guy, kept dancing with me, and i ended up having a fantastic time hanging out with him. (just a little history, my boyfriend of 6 years and i broke up in january, and i haven't really had an interesting person really appeal to me since then) anyways, the night goes on, Sean's saying beautiful things, we're dancing all close, it was perfect! i couldn't believe how much i was attracted to him! at the end of the night, my friends were getting ready to go home, so Sean and i went outside to say goodnite. but then...  when i started to kiss him, i freaked out! i started thinking how normal i looked in my clothes, but after the jeans and shirt come off, i have scars everywhere.  here i was, relaxed and having a great time... a beautiful man (and a great kisser) giving me his total attention, and all i can think about is my skin. i had no plans on sleeping with him- he knew that and there was no pressure- and i really really wanted to keep kissing him- but i couldn't stop freaking out inside my head-imagining his reaction when he saw me naked. my thoughts were completely off base and premature, logically i knew that, but i couldn't stop stressing over what might happen if i ever fall in love again. then i stressed about what a nut this guy probably thinks i am, and i stressed about wishing i could explain it to him, and i stressed about him feeling bad that i was rejecting him, and my brain just would not stop freaking out. i ended up pulling away far before i wanted to, and babbling some stupid line, "i don't think we should do this." he looked so confused, and i felt like a complete bitch. he kept saying, "i just wanted to kiss you-that's all" and apologizing. i felt like a complete moron. i ended up running back to my friends so that i wouldn't start crying, and throwing his number in a garbage can. sigh. the picking is so much more than physical damage, you know? |
|
|
|
Post by Stef (Incubabe) on Sept 8, 2003 21:09:03 GMT -5
Here's a vent for ya...I dont care anymore so here goes everything...
Well I started school and I hate it. Everyday that passes is twice as bad as the day before. I come home angry and depressed because I know Im not getting a good education and I try so hard and I get nothing out of it. Then I get home and I have to listen to the bag of hormones known as my mother, bitch about insignificant things that have no meaning or point in anyones life. I pretend to care. Then I lock myself in my room for the rest of the night, listening to music and chatting online with people I dont know and will never meet. I leave my room only for food and to run on the tredmill, which I have been neglecting lately anyways. The only up so far is that Ryan and I got back together and Im so thrilled about that. But then again I feel awful...because as some of you may know, over the summer I promised Ryan I would stop cutting. Well I did. Until last Friday. My dad was home and was pissing me off as usual. His presence alone pisses me off because hes a rotten, horrible person, who doesnt know that marriage means you DONT FUCK other people. Yea...but anyways...I ended up going nuts and slicing myself up. Yea...and I have yet to tell Ry or Maura, which Ry will prolly find out on here so...oh well. I just cant stand dissapointing him like this. And I cant take all this hurt I feel whenever Im at home. I just cried for like 20 minutes straight because I feel soo awful. Ill end up crying myself to sleep...and I still have Chemisty homework to do. Blah. I hate this......everything.
|
|
|
|
Post by Carree on Sept 9, 2003 8:50:32 GMT -5
Firegirl-
I have been married for 7 years so I have not been in the dating scene for quite awhile. I think that your fears of getting close to someone new are totally understandable, having to open up to someone about our picking is the scariest thing - It makes us feel so vulnerable. I know exactly what you mean about feeling so good about yourself when you are able to wear a great outfit that covers all the scars. Then knowing that getting close to someone may eventually lead to something more where you will have to open yourself up and reveal your "secret". I really wish that you would not have thrown away his phone number - you should have given him and yourself a chance. I know that is easier said than done but you never know when that right person will come along, someone who will love you for who you are inside and out!
Hang in there and don't be too hard on yourself.
Carree
|
|
|
|
Post by Carree on Sept 9, 2003 9:13:57 GMT -5
Incubabe-
You seem like such an intelligent young woman who wants so much out of life. Please just take care of yourself and try to block out all of the bad things in your life. You have great people who care so much about you, let them help you. You have done so great with your picking and your cutting, don't forget about all you have accomplished over the summer. I remember your post where you listed how you were able to stop, reread that.....you have helped so many others. Please help yourself!
Carree
|
|
|
|
Post by Stef (Incubabe) on Sept 10, 2003 0:31:44 GMT -5
Yea. I just kinda had a pickage fest. LOL. I broke out on my nose so I wasnt digging and gouging anything. It was fairly easy so Im hoping it wont be too bad in the morning...ah well. I havent cut since Sunday. I was on the verge yesterday and was sp upset over everything going on in my life, when it hit me...that i was lying there, on my bed, with a boxcutter in my hands, about to do something I promised I would never do again...and also realizing how stupid I was for doing it the weekend before...it all hit me and I just bawled, thought about Ryan and how dissapointed he will be when he finds out, and how I dont want to face him because I dont want him to think I break my promises. I ended up freaking out and throwing the cutter somewhere across my room. Ugh...im so mad at myself! For being soo stupid. Now I only have more scars to deal with! Stupid stupid me.
|
|
|
|
Post by kathy kathy on Sept 10, 2003 1:16:58 GMT -5
me too! I told myself I was going to bed an hour ago and now here I am after an hour in front of the mirror picking. DAMN IT I JUST WANT TO STOP PICKING! And I have to get up early and actually face people tomorrow. This bites.
Kathy
|
|
|
|
Post by scarreddaisy on Sept 10, 2003 7:24:27 GMT -5
Well I'll vent a bit.. School is tough.. it' draining me pretty badly.. Last night I was reading the Bible ( which in itself is weird.. because I gave up on God ... hell when i was 10 maybe? earlier? ) and I started picking my scalp to the point that i was just hurting myself.. I could hear my nails scrapping my skin off my scalp and diggin into my skin.. It was horrifying... My skin everywhere esle for the most part is good.. a few spots on my back.. I'm seeing this guy so I think that vees me away from it... though I'm starting to think its just a "flind" which is really kind of dissapointting...I dont want that... Any in further news.. my dad, is a crazy sob... and I mean crazy.. I was just in the kitchen making myself breakfast and he comes in talking about how i need to make them and he talkes to you in this way like, spray the pan, put the egss in and im looking at him like i damn well know how to make eggs and I dont need his guidance.. he's very isulting that way.. to my intelilgence.. in just about everything.. anyway, this escalates in a huge argument and him telling me i am a bitch because I wont listen to him direct me on how to make eggs... And he's a fucking dead beat.. he hasnt worked in .. 13 yrs? He stays home all day ( though he drops off at ciollege because he "needs" the car... for what? ... I dont know.. in case he runs out of ciagerrettes probably..) and he plays and chats online... ALL DAY... i mean tell me if this is normal people... 52 yrs old and he plays on www.neopets.com all day.. I'll tell you now its not normal and I am tired of it.. I have asthma and I hate smelling lke smoke but he smokes in the car with me and yells at me if i open the windows for air..I used to sleep in a room with his computer in it and he would smoke 3 packs a night.. and I would gag and chocke the whole night and get beat up if i opened up the window or asked him to stop.. i ended up sleeping on the floor in the liviing room for the remainder of our stay in the apartment... god.. I am jstu so tired of this shit... I honest to god wish he would jus die.. I dont say this lightly either.. i wake up every day and look to see if he is breathing... thats no way to live.. i hate thinking that way... but i truly hate him that much... and sine he is such a schlub my mom cant just kick him out on his ass cuz he has no car to go away in .. not that he would... god's not that kind... i'm just frusterated.. this has been going on for 14 years... he stopped working the year we moved here.. i'm tired of his games im tired of being scared.. im tired of being sad.. im tired of being angry.. i am tired of being stressed.. i am tierd of being poor.... I am just so very tired of it all |
|
|
|
Post by Stef (Incubabe) on Sept 12, 2003 23:23:13 GMT -5
Stress sucks. It gets the best of us. I dont have a rant today but a more uplifting post. The other day, coming home on the late bus from a theater meeting I was thinking about a line from an Ataris song which goes: "Appreciate the good times but dont take the worst for granted because you only get so many second chances." And it really made me think about all the second chances Ive been given that Ive blown. And I dont intend to blow anymore. I got Ryan back and it's soo perfect and Im not going to mess it up again with picking or cutting. I havent cut since last week and I dont plan on it. I didnt pick much last night either. 2 or 3 at the most and they were all on my legs. Im happier now that I have Ryan back. My dads home from his stupid trip and is pissy as ever. Male PMS I think. But Im ignoring him so as not to lose my good attitude. ;D
|
|
|
|
Post by ready2heal on Sept 13, 2003 11:29:14 GMT -5
that's awsome Incubabe! it's cool to read posts from you when you're in a good mood. i have a vent today. first, let me just say that i'm probably one of the youngest or maybe even the youngest here. i'm 14 years old and a freshman in high school. well, i liked two guys in my school but now it's down to one. Yesterday i found out that one of them isn't a virgin and it just totally turned me off. i felt bad yesterday because this guy is my friend and he's a cool guy, but i don't think i'll ever look at him in the exact same way as i did before. but, on a good note.. i was kinda leaning towards the other guy anyways because he's so nice and funny and smart and cool! but he'll probably never know how i feel about him because i'm sure not gonna tell him! but i talk to him online a lot and at school, and we are friends so that's cool. but i'm so shy around him, i'm going to try to open up more around him at school. ok.. i guess the vent was over a long time ago lol.
|
|
Teresa =)
Full Member
"What does not kill me makes me stronger"
Posts: 109
|
Post by Teresa =) on Sept 14, 2003 1:18:48 GMT -5
hey well in fact i think incubate is good!1 ur actitude is great!! anyway yes dont let other sutff stop ur good actitude!! the most importnat here is motivate urself and dont be that hard with urself1 we are person plis not goods! lol learn to leanr than is the best;) and u will love and care more about urself! anyway today i was all day on damn uni since 10 ma to 5 pm .. i was tudiyng mahths all mornig and was okey will not that difficult.. then i have economics class okey .. and then i supostly had an intrview with aiesec!(dunno if u know it) and i supostly to have at 12 m but the change the interview on a new ppaer and they wrote all names pple excepts mine i mena i was so dman angry and was =that was really my face! and i was on bad mood a lil time and thanks god i went on friday to check aiesec any other way i will not notice they didnt reserve my interview and all my work and all the stupi dinamics and all the effort will be off just ofr a fucking fault of coordination ..! anyway i was angry...and i telled that how was possible to some friend who has an importnat plac eon it and how u cnat manage somethimng so simple...and well so they change my inteeview at 3:45 and well i was very angry but instead of yell i went to luch with somefirneds and was okey.. the suddleny all was later.. and they put a girl before me! and my appointment was on 4:15 pm and agg lol i was so pissed off istead of pick.. (i odnt pick on public never i usually d it when i am along and late on night once a day.. if i do off course...)anyway i was insulting my friend who work there and she told me i ma sorry form all the equiment we want to say i ma sorry... but evne she said that for a couple of times i was still angry.. and then she came and gved me a massage on my back.... then i was jumping all around trying to get away nerves.. as i am so hiperactive somethimes.. then the interview was okey i think ... anyway then i go out lol.. as usually saturdays but today i come early i am very tired-... anyway good night to all.. and sleep please! see ya teresa |
|
UGHHH!!! Some people!!!
when i started to kiss him, i freaked out! 
here i was, relaxed and having a great time... a beautiful man (and a great kisser) giving me his total attention, and all i can think about is my skin. i had no plans on sleeping with him- he knew that and there was no pressure- and i really really wanted to keep kissing him- but i couldn't stop freaking out inside my head-imagining his reaction when he saw me naked. my thoughts were completely off base and premature, logically i knew that, but i couldn't stop stressing over what might happen if i ever fall in love again. then i stressed about what a nut this guy probably thinks i am, and i stressed about wishing i could explain it to him, and i stressed about him feeling bad that i was rejecting him, and my brain just would not stop freaking out.