Why do you pick and when did it start?

[TraLyn]

It's been a little more than a month and I am still picking! I can't imagine life pick free. My hairline is so raw. I hide it by wearing bangs which is something I haven't done since junior high. I really try to quit but it is so difficult. I woke up one morning picking from my sleep! I graduate from college this summer so I hope I'll be able to cut down. I definitely believe it's anxiety related.

Does anyone have any tips on how to cut back and eventually stop this painful embarrassing habit

[Amey]

Hi TraLyn, I can't tell you how to stop picking altogether (I'm still trying to figure that out myself) but as a fellow scalp picker I can offer some tips on cutting down.

Try wearing gloves whenever possible to stop yourself from picking without realising what you're doing - particularly at night if you do it in your sleep.

Try and go for as long as you can without picking and keep a record of how long you last. When you give in, don't beat yourself up about it, just try again a few days later and try to beat your record. I've never lasted more than a day and a half but I've found that even that can make a big difference to the picks healing.

Finally, one thing that's helped me is monitoring my progress. For each pick I have, I score 1 point for a small one, 2 for a medium, 3 for a large. If the pick is on my scalp then it scores double. Add up your score and then each day try to get your score lower. It might not stop the frequency of the picking, but in my case at least I've found the severity decreases and the picks heal more. When you can get your score to below milestone numbers, treat yourself to something.

Those techniques worked for me - a month ago I had 15 scalp picks and 6 elsewhere on my body; I'm now down to none on my body and just 4 on my scalp. When I started the scoring technique I had 35 points to begin with and I've now got it down to 12. Obviously competing with myself is something that works for me, I hope it helps you too but if it doesn't don't give up because everyone's different and there will be other ways in which you can cut down, you just need to find them.

[TraLyn]

Thank you Amey. I will try the gloves and I will develop a system to keep track. Things appear differently when you can read them on paper. I really hate having this habit but I guess there could be worse things to have

I will keep you posted on my progression. I've also found vitamin E is soothing to healing picks.

[LAURA1243]

As far back as i can remember i have picked. It started off with biting my lip and picking the scabs on my arms and legs. Then i started to chew my fingers and still do - im 16 now.

I do it has a habit i guess - sometimes i dont realise when im watching tv - like im in a trance of some sort. Other times i do it if im in a uncomfortable situation or very anxious, nervous and scared and i know im doing it but can stop.

[lin]

Hi,
I'm like Laura in that I do it out of habit.

For me, it all started about 4+ years ago. Before that ,I never did it .

I think what triggered it for me was that around 5 yrs ago I suffered from a very serious Major Depression. I was treated for that Major Depression (with SSRIs,example:Zoloft), but then I began to do the "picking thing". Don't know why I started...Maybe it was a "comfort thing" for me during a time of severe stress and saddness.

If anybody out there has ever suffered from a Clinical or Major Depression, they know how terribly lonely a desease that is. So the loneliness may have made the picking start for me---as a "comfort thing".

Anyhow, once I got the hang of the picking thing, I could no longer stop. It became an obsession.

The situation seemed to become worse and worse with each passing year. I joined this Group in 2005, and was thrilled to know that other poor souls suffer(ed) from the same affliction as me (in various forms, be it picking zips or scabs, or pulling hair,etc).

Knowing this group , I finally had some support.

As pickers, we suffer mostly in silence in the "outside world". Most of us hide the problem from most people and so we become ashamed & often retreat into our own quiet lives. Therefore, it's good to know that there is a support group like this one.

For me, this group has been especially helpful. This group is not only supportive but also many members have great tips .

I don't take any topical or ingest any meds for my picking. I do take TWO Anti-Depressants though (yes TWO). One of them seems to make my picking worse, but the other seems to balance it out.So it seems to me that lately I'm not picking as much (at least since they added the other Anti-Depressant 4 weeks ago).

I used to take ZOLOFT four or so yrs ago, and personally I think that helped me because they use ZOLOFT for obsessive-compulve-behavior. However, after a while I could no longer tolerate Zoloft so they switched me to Celexa. I tolerate Celexa better, but it does not help me with my OCD, just my Depression. So I'm back to square one on the picking thing.

(Remember though, that we are all different, so if an SSRI does not work for me, it may work better for somebody else).

Anyhow, my other Anti-depressant (Wellbutrin) focuses on the Dopamine in my brain, not just the Seratonin , as Celexa does. So the combo seems to be helping me lately. We'll see though, since I only started on Wellbutrin four weeks ago. So far so good. I seem to pick less in the last month. Don't know if that's coincidental or a product of the double Anti-depressants.

Something that I also started doing lately & which is helping my scabs heal faster , is that I place Neosporin cream on the wound & then I put a band-aid on top. I try to keep that band-aid on the wound for a day or so, and that keeps me from touching the wound ,but also disinfects it. (The worse thing for me is to have an infected wound)

Then once I remove the band-aid, that's the tricky part because then the wound is exposed and I have to concentrate to not touching it for at least one more day. If I can not touch the wound for a total of 2 days, I'm half way there. Once the wound is half healed then I'm less likely to mess it up further. But this takes SO MUCH concentration because as soon as I get under any stress (even the slightest), then I want to return to that wound that I tried so desperately to heal for 2 days.

Sometimes I don't make it past my 2 day goal and I have to start all over again . I try not to panic, since if I panic, the situation worsens. The trick is not to start picking on yet another wound or else I have an additional wound to heal. And I discovered that the more wounds I have, the more upset I get and then I give up!

Giving up is another issue with me. Once I give up, I start felling hopeless.

So as long as I can recognize that, I take a deep breath and say to myself: "Its OK...tomorrow will be a better day", and I try to move on.

Right now I have 3 band-aids on my body. Thus ,I have 3 major wounds to heal this week. I just hope that another bump does not arise soon, because trying for me to heal too many wounds is just so upsetting. I can deal with 2 or three wounds simultaneously, but past that, I get down on myself.

I've gone through periods in which I've had 10 to 12 wounds to heal simultaneously on my body. That was hard since it was impossible to deal with so many wounds at once for me. And once I get that hopeless feeling, then I give up.

P.S. I found out something interesting just this week. I read somewhere that Katie Couric picks her feet (until they bleed) whenever she is under stress. So I guess famous people can acquire picking problems too.

Txs for listening, Lin

[Pending I guess]

Well I'm not really sure why I started...didn't really know it was a problem til I googled it today. Kind of happy I found that it was though because I think I need to stop - especially since I've started doing it in class without thinking and I'm kind of scared someone will catch me. Embarrassed...

I've had dandruff since I started maturing and had lice twice in the last 6 years so I don't know if thats why I started picking really bad but I do and I don't really know what to do about it. I also do it to other places on my body like with zits on my face and chest and sometimes it hurts and bleeds but I don't care.

I do shower regularly so I don't know...I always feel dirty and gross. I've tried cutting my nails and I still don't know how to quit but I really want to because my hair looks ratty all the time...I am stressed with a lot of things I don't know if thats connected

[Struggling along with you]

Wow! It is comforting to know I'm not some singled out weirdo, but at the same time I am so sad because I know what you all have gone through with trying to deal, understand and magically stop this.



I think it started when I was a kid. I remember my mom always telling me to leave my bug bites and scrapes alone. I can't really remember it being a big problem for me though until this second move to a far away state since my husband is military. I hadn't had "acne" since puberty (I'm now 25) but when we moved here (TX) I started to brake out bad.



My husband has told me I make the acne worse by always picking so maybe the acne is a result of my anxiety? I was recently looking at some pictures from a couple years ago and was so disappointed in the difference, I have what I think of as a beard of scars since most of my acne is on my chin and lower face. My shoulders and back broke out a couple weeks ago and now it's crazy!



I only recently like about six months ago started concealing with medicated concealers and mineral powders I've always hated cover up.I remember an incident a few years ago when a nurse of some sort in a doctors office told me I had chicken pox sores, I told her no that it was just a break out and she looked at me like I was crazy and tried to tell me different. I still can't believe that.



I've caught my three year old trying to imitate me as they usually do. That's how I know I'm doing it from time to time when I see her looking at me and touching her beautiful flawless face. I get so serious with her and tell her STOP touching your face! I do not want this to become her problem too, though really it already is. Earlier we took showers, I usually don't bother my face when it's freshly clean but in this case I had used a concoction to really cleans my face that left my face, shoulders, and back perfectly dry to pick away any scabs new or old and went crazy. It was already past her bedtime but I had made such a mess that I had to take another quick shower to clean away the wreckage.



I wish my husband was here, he couldn't stand it, if I was too quite in the bathroom he'd tell me to get out, I think I depended on him to keep it at a minimal level but since he's been deployed it's gotten way out of hand.



Thank you for this message board, it really is a good thing to read and write about it. Now if we can just try to be bigger than the problem.............

[misstake]

Hi there,

I'm actually visiting this site for the first time and I must say (as everybody says) I'm amazed to find so many similar stories!
Now I'll tell mine, because that will be the first time for me and I have the feeling it will help me achieving my quiting goal.

I've always had a very pretty, flawless skin, even in my teens. Instead of being extremely happy with it (which I would be at this point in life!), I didnt care much about it. I used all kinds of stuff in the shower, and in the evening I just splashed some water in face face to clean it. That this non-routine didnt cause any break-outs shows how easy my skin-type actually is (or was...).
However, I never picked at my face, because I didnt have any issues with it. I guess I just didnt see an occasional blackhead or something.

Then I got to college, and I somehow became a little bit more aware of my skin. At some point I quited using the pill as a birth control method, and got an IUV (Mirena). Looking back in time, it feels as if from that point on, my skin became a bit worse.
Maybe due to the change in hormones, it produced more oil, and I got more prone to reak-outs. For me, that was a disaster and something I really wasnt used to!
As a reaction, I started to use all these over the counter products against blemishes. As we all know (now), most if not all of these products are very harsh and overly drying to your skin. That way they cause more harm than do good.
But it took me a veeeery long time to come to that conclusion! In the mean time, my skin had became very irritated, stressed, dry and just ugly. I wanted to cover it up by make-up all the time in public, which isnt very healthy for skin either!

Anyway, finally a came to the point that I understood I had to quit using those products. Immediately, my skin looked better. At that point, there still was no real picking-problem, although of course I picked more in times of pimples.
But by the time my face got better, I got really obsessed with having a perfectly flawless skin again. So started spending too much time in front of the mirror...and eventually also squeezing every little imperfection I spotted.

This face picking disorder started almost two years ago, and now I'm 24 and scarred. I still have quite easy skin in the way that most of my scars heal pretty well, but I just keep on creating new ones. I can leave things alone from time to time, but sometimes, mostly in times of stress or times of bad skin due to the time of the month, I just loose myself in picking and totally ruining my face...

I really really really hate this awful selfdistructing habit and whish myself and everybody else here all the best!!!

Sorry for my poor English (I'm from Sweden)
It was really nice to tell my story here

[Lori2007]

Hi everyone! I was in a serious auto accident 4 years ago. After that, I started having the post-trauma depression. in order to ease that depression, I started picking scabs, which gave me a sense of security! I have picked so much that I left scars on my arm and forehead. I am being treated by a dermatologist but the scars are still there, as well as the anxiety which caused my picking in the first place. Does anyone really know how to get professional help! If you tell me to stop or give me ideas to stop, I guaranty you it will not work. I need to get to the bottom of the picking (no pun intended), so I can find out why I do it and maybe cure the underlying problem that is causing it? Thanks!

[J]

I cannot believe this site is real. It seems like there are a billion other people like me on here. Well, I am 22 and I started picking in High School, I think. I just felt like I was dirty all over especially my face, my neck, my chest and my back. So I would scratch and pick and frantically look for something that would yield some kind of relief. Regardless of the pain the bigger the seed or pus or black head that came out...the better, right? Wrong. I hate this picking habit. I see pictures of my face and I am so embarrassed. All I see are these bright red spots everywhere. Blemishes that make my face look worse than I thought it did. Is this how people see me? My boyfriend is so supportive, he tells me that I can quit and that my skin will clear up someday. I wish I could quit just for him sometimes, but even when I am not doing anything my hands are all over my face. I don't have the self control to keep my greasy mitts off my skin. I just wish there was a solution. Some kind of counseling or something that I could participate in. I know I pick, but I don't know how to stop the picking. I read once that a picking habit means that you don't love yourself, that it isn't possible for you to accept that in this moment you are completely beautiful and whole. Maybe it's just that I can't stand the thought of others seeing ugly pimples all over my face, I guess instead I would rather have them see the red puffy face I create on myself, which is much worse by the way.

[guest]

It has been so enlightening to read everyone's posts. I was a member here a few years ago, but subsequently forgot my login info and then decided to start fresh anyway(I'm waiting approval).

When I was active here before it was quite helpful, but something was always lacking for me. While people were brave in sharing their stories, I sort of felt like many of us were simply reporting how we thought or observed we felt, rather than truly connecting to these feelings. Now, reading the more recent posts I do not get that feeling at all. It seems that everyone is pouring their heart out! This is so awesome. Since all of us who suffer from this affliction are a very small percentage of the population it seems that they only way we can gather is online. We are all over the world. This forum is an amazing tool.

I just read all the previous posts and don't much feel like telling my story at this time. However, I will say a bit.

I'm 26 and began picking when I was 11 or so; though I had a spell when I was 9 when I pulled out my eyelashes(I did that only once because my mom revealed to my volleyball coach at the time that it was not true that I was on some medication that made them fall out, as I had explained to avoid embarrassment). I have gone without picking for a few months here or there at most, although it has steadily become more intense over the years. Once I couldn't wear tank tops, now I cannot wear short sleeves.

Though lately I am mostly spaced out when it comes to delving into the psychological mysteries of picking and self-punishment, I surely believe there is some reason for all this suffering. I am searching to learn why I have had to suffer in this way, because this IS my path. It cannot be in vain, no one's suffering is in vain. We are all trying to understand, and can help each other in this endeavor. Best of luck to all of you. Thank you so much for the inspiration.

Peace, Gardenia

[AndreaSue]

I started biting my nails at 5, compusively, to cope with the tremendous anxiety I experienced (and still experience) as a small child. Then it was hair-knotting, then hair-twirling, then I was constantly and obsessively (and compusively) touching my hair ALL the time, it was like I needed to make sure it was still there or something (weird); it was like I could just FEEL it wasn't right. Then I started picking my dandruff, and then my face. It's as bad as it's ever been now, but it gets me high. I swear to God it gets me high. Isn't that sick?

[AndreaSue]

I just thought I'd share my poem with everyone. If anyone can appreciate it, it's you guys.
----------------------
"Ripe"

My skin is made of forget-me-nots,
Willow-the-wisps,
And things like this.
I pluck them off, one by one…
I will never be done.
Such insane an urge can be delved deep with sin
But the gripping and ripping of dry patchy skin
Relieves such a tension that is mounted within--
And the itching, it feels like a slow boil
Of water, the slaughter, the incredible toil;
But to me, it seems less like insanity’s place
And more like I’m fixing a sad angel’s face,
Like sketching, then erasing the unneeded lines--
I feel dirty, unworthy, without it at times.
Still growing, and knowing that the burning will end
The only control, only part I can mend.
I’m not skilled or strong-willed at reshaping my form;
My whole body’s a mess like a torrential storm,
So my picking, though sickening, to me’s not a pain—
Though deceiving, it’s relieving—to my ill-minded brain.
------------------------
(c) 12/15/2004

[PickAFlowerNotYourSkin]

Hi all,

I'm going to try to keep this short because I have a tendency to over-analyze and over-explain. By the way, I've noticed many people on this board are as wordy as I am. I have been diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (specifically Hoarding) and I have linked my obsession with preventing mistakes to compulsive hoarding of information and inability to sort necessary information from extra info. Perhaps I am seeing so many people on this board struggle with brevity because they too get anxious about not understanding and explaining every little thing. After all, we know Compulsive Skin Picking is often associated with OCD. Darnit, I'm doing it again. haha.

Anyways, my skin picking did not become problematic until late highschool, early college...

However, I can actually remember the very first time I ever picked my skin when I was 4 years old. My older sister saw an ingrown hair on my leg and told me how I could squeeze it out. When I think about that incident I not only remember the euphoria I felt as that little hard ball broke through the skin's surface but I actually re-live the pleasure.

I have an awful memory. I cannot remember the actual act of losing my virginity to my boyfriend when I was 18 years old despite the fact that I was sober and in love. I can't even remember if I enjoyed it (and I do not have any history of sexual abuse). It drives me crazy that I cannot remember some thing as precious as my "first time" less than 10 years ago, but I could tell you the texture of the wallpaper in my dad's office over 20 years ago when I first picked my skin.

I can also remember the first time I associated skin imperfections with social acceptance. In the 6th grade, a popular girl in my class begged me to let her squeeze a pimple on my face because it was driving her crazy. Up until that point I only looked for ingrown hairs, but that day triggered an all out war on every single pore on my face.

I am a trance picker. I have cut down my fingernails, removed light bulbs from my bathroom, painted over my mirrors, and been through extensive therapy for my OCD. But I am writing this right now with my face, chest, and bikini line covered in self-inflicted red bumps and scabs...and all I can think about is checking to see if anything new has come to the surface. One blackhead and a promise to extract only that blackhead can easily result in a 2 hour picking session and a very sore neck and back.

For me it is not just about picking my skin (although that is what causes me the most distress). I love picking at everything. I love to go to an office or library and remove the rubber balls from all of the computer mouses so I can scrap the accumulated junk off of the wheels. Recently someone suggested using a q-tip and rubbing alcohol so I didn't have to touch all the gross stuff in there. But I declined because I needed to actually feel the release of friction as the gunk came off the wheel.
If I am at a bar or restaurant and someone breaks a glass, I am the first on the ground looking for every last invisible shard of glass. The employees usually ask me not help for liability reasons and I find myself actually begging these people to let me pick up the glass. And I get the added benefit of feeling needed.

yeah, that was my short answer I'm trying Hypnosis in a couple weeks. Wish me luck!

[PickAFlowerNotYourSkin]

Andrea,

I really do appreciate your poem. You have a wonderful way with words...may I quote your poem on my MySpace blog (with due credit, of course)?

AndreaSue said:

I just thought I'd share my poem with everyone. If anyone can appreciate it, it's you guys.
----------------------
"Ripe"

My skin is made of forget-me-nots,
Willow-the-wisps,
And things like this.
I pluck them off, one by one…
I will never be done.
Such insane an urge can be delved deep with sin
But the gripping and ripping of dry patchy skin
Relieves such a tension that is mounted within--
And the itching, it feels like a slow boil
Of water, the slaughter, the incredible toil;
But to me, it seems less like insanity’s place
And more like I’m fixing a sad angel’s face,
Like sketching, then erasing the unneeded lines--
I feel dirty, unworthy, without it at times.
Still growing, and knowing that the burning will end
The only control, only part I can mend.
I’m not skilled or strong-willed at reshaping my form;
My whole body’s a mess like a torrential storm,
So my picking, though sickening, to me’s not a pain—
Though deceiving, it’s relieving—to my ill-minded brain.
------------------------
(c) 12/15/2004