Why do you pick and when did it start?

[brainfreeze30]

When I was 4, a friend of the family (from South America somewhere) told me that if I had scabs, I should pick them off so they did not scar. She picked the scab off of my skinned knee. I was really upset at the time (obviously). This is not when I began to pick, but I was a compulsive washer at the time and I had (and have) OCD, so this event impacted me.

When I was 9, I was spending the night at a friend's house. My friend's mother "helped" her remove white heads from her nose. I asked her if she could do the same for me, so she kind of did (but I really didn't have any). I was still a compulsive hand washer, and I think I began thinking about picking at my own skin all the time. I began picking at my face occasionally, and it really picked up when I was 11. At that time, I was having difficulty making friends in school because we had just moved. My life with my step-father had taken a turn for the worse. I mostly picked at my nose and chin. What made matters worse for me is that my step-father would comment on how I was picking, and would tell me how disgusting I was etc. I was also weighing myself compulsively at the time, and became borderline anorexic between the ages of 12 and 14.

I still pick, and I'm working hard at stoping, but I'm now 30. It scares me to think that I've been doing this for almost 20 years. I guess it's not that bad for me because makeup covers it well for the most part as I am able to prevent myself from "digging" like I used to do when I was younger. Even still, I am ashamed of what I do and it prevents me from doing many things I love to do (like swim). I am also late to work everyday.... I'm going to Cancun in October so please cross your fingers for me...

[Faus]

Wow.. I just discovered the wikipedia article on dermatillomania, and I am enlightened. I've picked at my skin for as long as I can remember, and it's felt so natural.. I don't remember starting it for any reason. I've always thought of it as just "grooming", but maybe that's been a bit of denial. I pick at my face and acne really bad, and I can't stop.

I also have psoriasis on my scalp, on the back of my head, which is a combination from hell.

It started when I was at least 8, when psoriasis first started appearing on my scalp. And it's gotten worse as the psoriasis patch spread and when I started getting acne when I was 10.

I can't stand the feeling of a bump, blemish, or scab on my skin, so I pick at it, sometimes until it bleeds.. even though it's not going to make it any smoother. It's not really about how I look, but how it feels. It makes me feel disgusting to have blackheads or whiteheads.. it's like.. "Get it out of me! Get it out of my skin!" It's like I'm raging war on this imaginary little enemy. I really can't stop. But I don't really have the time or money to see a doctor about anything. I can't trust psychologists after they almost ripped apart my family over something that wasn't even true, which was caused by the medications they prescribed. Acne treatments and shampoos have never worked for me.. so I guess I'm "stranded".

[Brandy]

I have pictures of me being in grade school as a very young girl having scabs all over my face. I was teased by members of my family (in a good natured way) about always picking scabs. Now that I'm an adult no one but my husband knows that I pick myself all the time. (thanks to make up) I am sick of dealing with this compulsion but I'm honest enough with myself to know that I wouldn't easily give it up. Mostly I just want to look normal. I would also love to fix whatever it is in myself that gets such a high off of picking my skin. I am now 29 years old and have been dealing with this for as long as I can remember. I don't seem to show other sign of compulsive behavior except maybe my addiction to refined sugar. Maybe these are related as I'm sure that eating so much sugar could possibly change a persons body chemistry. Anyhow, I pick because it feels good to me (at first untill I realize what I've done) . It calms me. I started before I can even remember. My mom is adhd and an extreemly urgent person with "emergencies" every minute of her life (non-rational emergencies) I think my picking started at a young age as a way to deal with my moms projected stress.

[eva 82]

I completely identify. I am a graduate student now and I am still picking, it started when I was in college. I think it's anxiety related, when I come home from teaching and going to class, I realize I go straight to the mirror and look for something to pick at. When I read it is the worst, I can't keep my hands from my face.

Also I think I am addicted to refined sugar! (I am trying to control this but it's hard) I don't have a weight problem, but I'm sure I'm not very healthy since instead of eating healthy foods, I eat mostly sugary foods all day. If I try to cut back on that, I find myself picking more. I almost think it would be worth to be a little overweight but have a clear face...I am sure I have made my acne worse because I pick so much.

[SusanFL]

Hello All,
I had no idea there was so much information about skin picking on the web. I have scratched and picked at scabs, bumps, whatever for years on my arms, legs, feet, and head. I realize I need to stop but it is so hard. I feel the tension building and I feel like I am coming unglued.

[Chicago1]

Hello Everyone! I'm so glad to be here "talking" with you.

Honestly, I'm not sure why I pick. I can't really tell the difference (in my mood or situation) between when I pick and when I don't. I've tried to stop and examine it, but I can't pick up a pattern.

When I pick I'm not thinking, "Gee, work has been hard lately." I'm thinking, "I HAVE to get rid of that blackhead," or "What is that sticking out of that pore. Must eliminate!" I'm not trying to be obtuse; I'm sure there's an underlying stress when I pick, but I can't think of a time when I'm not stressed!

At those times when I don't pick, I wouldn't be surprised if I was just temporarily replacing the picking with another habit--and not realizing it. For example, I could be pulling out my hair or over-eating for a couple of days and not even notice. I'm sure most of us can relate to the "not knowing we're doing it" thing.

It's a very rare occasion when I start picking with some sort of external life problem in mind. Once in a long while I'll think, "I have nothing to do with my mind/hands, let's go to the bathroom mirror..." or "Ugh, I totally embarrassed myself when I said..."

I can say with some certainty that the scalp picking came from seeing my older sister do it. She has picked at her scalp for as long as I can remember. At first I was disgusted by it, but then I started to think, "Hmm... that's not a bad idea. I'm sure there's a lot of work to do in that area" and the rest is history. The other "benefit" of the scalp-picking is that it can remain relatively hidden. Same with back and chest picking.

Wow, I can't believe I'm writing so freely about this. I can hardly talk about this with anyone. Thanks so much for listening!!!

[Citified]

This is all really new to me. Finding out that other people do this, not just me. I just thought it was some gross habit that started because of stress, and then I just kept doing it.

I'm not sure exactly when it began. As a young child, I sucked my thumb. Once I stopped doing that, I started biting my nails. I don't think the picking began until after college.

Why? I'm not exactly sure. Stress definitely doesn't help. If I'm bored or watching TV I do it. The worst is probably when I'm trying to sleep. I have insomnia, and on a good night, I fall asleep 2 hours after turning out the lights, but often it's a lot longer than that. There's not much else to do when I'm alone under the covers in the dark, exhausted but unable to sleep.

[maruska]

Now taht Im reading these things I see that we are in the same boat.
Im still trying to find out why Im doing what Im dong and whether I can stop. Do I have the neeeded Will POWER to overcome this problem?
My parents keep telling me that nobody will want to look at me while Im at it, I will no one, no friends or boyfriend.
Im 26. The picking issue started somewhere in secondary school through to university. I recall a fellow student said to me on one of the rare days how beautifully I looked that day without any spots. I couldnt somehow accept the compliment within myself.
When I came back home I started to undo it all and make my face red again.
I dont know whether its boredom. I wouldnt like to think that.
But I feel i understand you all and Im trying to stop this nuisance.

[Beana]

I've followed the board for about a month or so. This is my first post. When I found the board, my face was all scratched, all picked. I've done it for about 6 years. It's the same ol story over again. I don't know why, mostly at night, it's a strange pull to do this. I'm not satisfied until every inch is picked over. I am trying to make all the area of my face flat with no scabs, but in doing what I'm doing I know I am making it worse.

I never knew this had a name (Dermatillomania) let alone a support board!

When I was reading the board, my face was so bad, I could not leave the house for a few days. It took so much strength to just stop touching my face so it would heal enough to be able to even cover it with makeup.

I think it started at the same time I started gaining weight, stress is a big factor. I am losing now and I also can correlate my desire to be thinner and perfect, with my ability to stop touching my face. As I do well on the diet I stop touching... Last couple weeks I had not lost anything and I picked everything again, the same horrible story, bleeding, burning skin. Almost like I think I deserve to be hurt. I have had the desire to take both hands and scratch at my skin til it came off but I have resisted that. ONLY because I could not explain that to other people. How would I say that happened.

Now, I am losing weight, bought some new clothes, my hair looks so pretty, and as I write this, my skin is clear, porcelain white and only a minor rough spot in one area if you touch it but nothing shows. I should feel so lucky to not have scars, but instead, I sit here quite stressed that there is nothing to pick. I don't understand these feelings. I have such a complusion to pick and scratch and yet I have a mirror here now to remind me not to do it and I am actually upset my skin is clear.

I'm so upset because I can't understand how I could ever do this over and over again. My skin is so soft, so clear and yet I am afraid to go to bed, I WANT to because I want to see if there is any scab that I should get off that I may have missed, but I know if I start, I won't stop, I'll make my face bleed. And in some completely unexplainable way, that is exactly what I want to do, I want to make myself bleed.

Well, wish me luck. it's 7:15pm here in California. I just hope I have the strength not to do it. I prayed my skin would finally clear up and I could stop touching it, now I have that. I just hope I find the strength to control this tonight. The most I have been able to be clear is about 2 weeks. And each time I promise myself I will never do it again, and yet I do.

Thanks for all the posts, I feel comforted by everyones stories.

[Beana]

Having a few good days. Mostly because when I have gone out some people who know me have commented that something looks different, or that I looked so pretty. I didn't say anything.

I am a bit shocked they noticed, I thought I hid it well before. I do see the mirror and my skin is so smooth and clear.

i just hope it lasts.

[ria]

It's such a relief to know i'm not alone. I started picking at about 18 - i lived with a group of people that bullied me and i started picking at my face to release pressure and stress. It was only a bit then, but it's got worse since. I'm doing well in my career. But i put a lot of pressure on myself to achieve, - and i've had a lot of pressure from family because they think i cope, they think i'm successful and they think it will continue. I just feel ashamed and a fake. I feel disgusting. My mum seems to be able to help everyone elsse she knows with problems but seems unable to grasp mine - that it's not about cleaning the skin, but it's about the behaviour and what underlies that.
I was doing so well last week. Then out of now where i attacked a few small spots thinking they'd be fine. It kept going until my whole skin was red, weeping and swollen. It feels horrible. I was supposed to be going out on Sunday for a lovely evening with my boyfriend now i've had to make excuses as to why i can't. I just can't face it. I feel such a lier -

I shut myself away - i even thought of driving somewhere where i can be alone and not see anyone.

Like some of the other posts - i know i'm pretty - and it makes it worse, because i can see myself ruining myself with this behaviour. The scarring is getting worse. The redness used to go quickly, but now i'm covering myself with blotches.

I was diagnosed with anxiety rather than depression, but i think the depression comes after the anxiety - resulting in the picking. I feel so low, i feel worthless.

I'm now starting the no picking goal again - each day i get through without picking out of panic about the state of my skin is an achievement. I keep thinking my Wednesday it'll be so much better. Thankyou for making me see i'm not alone

[ahmadha]

weirdo13 said:

I was just wondering when everybody else started and why(if you know). For me, I was always prone to picking. When I was little I would pick my lips when they were dry(still do). Although I didn't scratch when I had chicken pox in 3rd grade, when they scabbed over I picked everything single one.
It didn't get bad til my sophomore year in college. I was paired with a random roommate who liked to have her boyfriend over all the time and made out with him while I was in the room. It was very awkward to feel like you shouldn't be in your room, your haven. I was too nonconfrontational and immature to do anything about it. I had so much anxiety and I didn't know what to do with myself so I released it with picking. I didn't even realize what I was doing. I ended up switching roommates, but I was stuck with the habit.

[Tralyn]

I don't know when I first started picking. I cannot believe I'm not alone. I'm gonna take a wild guess and say I've been picking since I was around 9 yrs old. I am now 32. There are times when I can go long periods of time without picking. My usual alltime favorite is my hairline. The scab forms when an area is "irritated". After scratching it for so long it eventually forms a scab. In efforts to keep the area "clean" I remove this scab by gently picking around it until it loosens up. Once an edge is lifted up enough to grab I proceed to pull it slowly. By doing so it enables me to lift the entire scab fully intact. I then turn the scab over and "evaluate" it. It makes my skin itch even more to see the little raised areas of skin from pulling the scab though the hair. Sometimes the skin under the scab becomes so painful I scrub it with peroxide to promote healing much faster and the cycle starts again before it heals completely. Talk about weird! I haven't shared this with anyone until now.
I also enjoy pulling out my eyelashes slowly, but that's another story altogether. I pretty much have rituals for everything involving picking ;D

[CrazedChris]

I am a 31 year old female that has been picking for about 16 years. That is unbelievable to admit. Until yesterday, I had never heard of this being called a disease, and just thought I had this horrible habit that I needed to continue hiding. (Although how well can you "hide" it when the results are completely visible?!?!?!) I typically spend about an hour a day picking my face...even if it's a day where my skin starts out looking good! It's so irrational. It is a vicious cycle, and I end up cancelling plans, staying in, or spending hours covering up my damage. When I think about it...an hour a day for sixteen years translates into (1 hour x 365 days x 16 years = 5,840 HOURS!!! or...243 DAYS of my life!!!) There are so many better uses for my time, yet I uncontrollably pick. I also hate how I feel as a professional at work with a face that looks so bad... Now, I've become a wiz at covering up blemishes and redness...but it's still there. Just less noticeable. I have not walked out of the house without makeup since SEVENTH grade. I envy my friends with beautiful skin. And everyone around me seems to have beautiful skin. Even if they get a pimple, it's just one...or two...and goes away. I have a face full of blemishes! I don't have a square centimeter on my face that is truly clear of blemishes and/or scars. It sucks. I just want to thank you all for your posts, as they have already helped me. I am considering telling my fiance or mom about this, but it's just so hugely embarrassing. I don't know that they'd get it.

[of160183]

HI LALEH!

What is your e mail address??

Have a nice day!