Why do you pick and when did it start?

[Alotta]

I think I started picking when I was in highschool.. maybe a sophomore? I can't remember. It was mostly my scalp then, I know I would pick and get a scab stuck in my hair (i always had a ponytail) and I was so worried people could see.

It calmed down for a little while by my freshman year of college. If I had a cut or chapped lips, I'd pick at that, but I wouldn't start a scab on my own.

By the time I was 20 that all changed. Suddenly it was like my whole body was on fire and the only way to calm it was to dig my nails into my skin and tear at myself. My back, shoulders, arms, and scalp were covered in giant bleeding sores. All of my clothes were bloodstained, I wore a hat to hide the scabs along my hairline.

The only doc I saw on a regular basis was my OBGYN, and that isn't her territory. I'd make something up, lie, brush it off. My mom asked why I was scratching and i told her about the itching. She took me to a dermatologist and an allergy specialist who concluded that my body had a naturally too high level of histamines and presrcibed allergy meds and told me to avoid acidic foods.

the allergy meds didn't do anything, but I lied and told my mom they did.

Finally, at age 24, I knew it was time to admit that the itching wasn't *real*... it wasn't because of something I ate. It just is. It was my fault for scratching. I found a doctor who didn't brush me off. He had actually seen this in other women.

I'm on an SSRI now, have been for nearly a year. My back and arms are clear of wounds, though I still allow myself to indulge in picking at my head which has left me with a few small baldish spots. I'm also embarrassed to get my haircut but I still go, sort of as motivation to stop.

I think the most painful part is that I have tried to explain to my mother many times about my picking and she won't accept it. She still insists that it's an allergic reaction. If I have a glass of lemonade while I'm at her house she'll worry that it will cause me to pick. I want to scream "no mom, i cause me to pick, not the damn lemonade, not the damn tomato sauce"

it feels good to talk about this.

thanks.

[Dee13]

Hi Alotta, I also can get a lot of histamines which means it's a body response to something. Acid foods can make me worse. You might want to try keeping a food and stress diary. It can reveal a lot of interesting things that you might be able to reduce. Dee

[FEELINALONE]

recoverery said:

I started picking my scalp when I was about 10 or 11, and picked it up again as a teenager, and didn't do it for a while, and then started back up in my mid twenties. It goes in phases, I'll do it for years and then stop, then get into it again. I don't know if it's related to stress or what, but it becomes something I look forward to when I get home or am in the bathroom at work or in the store room or changing room or whatever, or when I think people aren't looking... I remember vividly the first time I got a head scab, and picking it, and tasting it, and feeling like it was different from knee scabs. I also remember this kid David in class in 7th grade standing up, looking down at the top of my head, and saying loud enough for at least four kids to hear, "Your head is bleeding." I was so embarassed. I used to turn red when I was embarassed. I thought noone could see it. I purposely avoided looking at the scars and scabs in the mirror.

Later, when I was in my mid-twenties, I started it up again. I was working, going to college, and dating a guy that was messed up. The first inkling that I got that there were other people who did this was when that boyfriend told me his mother used to pick her head. He said, "She would sit, stare, and pick." I freaked out. One night I picked and picked and felt something underneath. I pulled it out with tweezers - it was a lump, like a cyst. My brother had head cysts on his scalp and he'd gotten them removed surgically. They had shaved his head and put stitches in after removing the bumps. I have one - again - in the same place, but because there is scar tissue there I don't mess with it.

I start new ones, let old ones get better. The hair that grows back there grows out funny and curly like pubic hair, and I have to comb it a certain way or it sticks out like Alfalfa. I hate it. I hate that I can't stop. Getting on here and reading this has made me feel better about it and like maybe I can actually find a way to stopping. I cut my own hair, because of two reasons. The reason I give the world is, why have other people mess my hair up? The reason I hold secret is that I can't stand going to get my hair cut. The last time I went the woman who styled it after cutting it left the whole fuzzy part completely exposed, as a lesson or something. I was so angry when I left there.

I can't believe that it's OCD. I always thought that diagnosis was limited to straightening fringe or bathing in Lysol. But as I read more about it, this tendency is similar to cutting - you lose yourself in the obsession of the pain - scoop out chunks of healing tissue - and the world falls away.

I don't want to romanticise it. I've gotten to the point where I don't feel pleasure about it - I don't think I've ever felt actual pleasure from it. I do it and I know that it is wrong and that it makes me upset - combing my hair hurts, washing my hair hurts. And I see other people without this, and I wish that I could be that way.

[FEELIN LONELY]

First of all, I really would love to applaud all of you for having the courage to speak about this awful habit!! I am 29 years old and have been picking my scalp since I was 17 years old. It began shortly after my grandmother was diagnosed with a terminal illness. Since that time I have been unable to stop. I have tried and tried and tried. I do believe the longest I've been able to go without the picking is maybe a week. Like you, in the last 12 years I have had 3 professional haircuts. It is so embarrasing and the thought of the beautician calling me on my sores just is horrifying!! When the picking first started I would save the scabs in a container and just collect them, and would look everyday @ them. Until one day there were so many I just about vomitted and thought to myself, "You've absoulutely lost it, What in the world is wrong with you?" More stressful times, I've noticed that I definanetly pick alot more. I have been to a psychiatrist about 3 years ago and I was actually diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and OCD. In nature I am a very high strung person. I like to think of myself as a strong person and I am, but not when it comes to picking my head! Have you ever picked the scabs and they get lost in your hair for something else to notice and they say, "Oh, you have something in your hair." Let me tell you that is quite embarrasing. I've also had people see my sores bleeding where my hair is parted. I think that is the most embarrasing of all. Yet still I continue to pick. I've even considered taking up smoking in hopes to replace one habit with another. I almost think that smoking could be an easier habit to break then head picking!! I have 3 small beautiful children, 5,3 and 1. Just the other day, my three year old daughter said to me in the car, "Mommy why does your head itch all the time, you always scratch it." I feel so relieved that theire are other pickers out there as well. I just want to stop but don't know how. I too pick my head until it bleed and it hurts to brush my hair or even watch it. The shampoo really burns freshly opened scabs. It's almost like an accomplishment to me when I find a really big scab to pick off, and even some scabs hurt to tear off more than others, I will just dig my fingernail in deeper and deeper until I can peel the scab off!! Yes I know totally crazy!! A couple of years ago my butt got really dry in the summer and I began picking @ it until I had several sores develop and then I would pick those off as well. My butt hurt so bad and I would keep picking! That habit died fortunantely, but now I have about 12 scars all over my bottom! Thank you all again for sharing your stories. You all are very brave!!!

recoverery said:

I started picking my scalp when I was about 10 or 11, and picked it up again as a teenager, and didn't do it for a while, and then started back up in my mid twenties. It goes in phases, I'll do it for years and then stop, then get into it again. I don't know if it's related to stress or what, but it becomes something I look forward to when I get home or am in the bathroom at work or in the store room or changing room or whatever, or when I think people aren't looking... I remember vividly the first time I got a head scab, and picking it, and tasting it, and feeling like it was different from knee scabs. I also remember this kid David in class in 7th grade standing up, looking down at the top of my head, and saying loud enough for at least four kids to hear, "Your head is bleeding." I was so embarassed. I used to turn red when I was embarassed. I thought noone could see it. I purposely avoided looking at the scars and scabs in the mirror.

Later, when I was in my mid-twenties, I started it up again. I was working, going to college, and dating a guy that was messed up. The first inkling that I got that there were other people who did this was when that boyfriend told me his mother used to pick her head. He said, "She would sit, stare, and pick." I freaked out. One night I picked and picked and felt something underneath. I pulled it out with tweezers - it was a lump, like a cyst. My brother had head cysts on his scalp and he'd gotten them removed surgically. They had shaved his head and put stitches in after removing the bumps. I have one - again - in the same place, but because there is scar tissue there I don't mess with it.

I start new ones, let old ones get better. The hair that grows back there grows out funny and curly like pubic hair, and I have to comb it a certain way or it sticks out like Alfalfa. I hate it. I hate that I can't stop. Getting on here and reading this has made me feel better about it and like maybe I can actually find a way to stopping. I cut my own hair, because of two reasons. The reason I give the world is, why have other people mess my hair up? The reason I hold secret is that I can't stand going to get my hair cut. The last time I went the woman who styled it after cutting it left the whole fuzzy part completely exposed, as a lesson or something. I was so angry when I left there.

I can't believe that it's OCD. I always thought that diagnosis was limited to straightening fringe or bathing in Lysol. But as I read more about it, this tendency is similar to cutting - you lose yourself in the obsession of the pain - scoop out chunks of healing tissue - and the world falls away.

I don't want to romanticise it. I've gotten to the point where I don't feel pleasure about it - I don't think I've ever felt actual pleasure from it. I do it and I know that it is wrong and that it makes me upset - combing my hair hurts, washing my hair hurts. And I see other people without this, and I wish that I could be that way.

[betty]

I know this is not a new sentiment, but I cannot tell you how reassuring it is to just find out that I am not alone with this. There were times that I felt that I must be the only person in the entire world who constantly scratches her head, and just to know that there are other people who go through the same thing, well, it makes a huge difference. I can pinpoint the exact time I started, and I can pinpoint the exact reason: I started compulsively picking at scabs on my head in 4th grade, and it was a direct result of being hassled by my mom and my sisters for even scratching my head at all. They would constantly nag me for scratching my head even the tiniest bit, so, as an act of rebellion, I said to myself, well, I am going to scratch my scalp until it bleeds--and I did. Then I discovered that the bleeding meant scabs, and I have not stopped since. I can identify with all the things that people have posted here, embarrassment at classmates spotting scabs on your head, or a hair stylist spotting it. (That happened to me once that I can recall, very vividly, that she pointed it out, and just would not let it go. I pretended that I didn't know what she was talking about, and she just kept going on and on about, how I must have known it was there, because it looked like I had been picking at it, etc etc--it seemed like she wanted to embarrass me on purpose, she was relentless.) I can also recall being fascinated at the texture and appearance of scabs on my head, and it was almost like I made a scientific study of them. I do derive pleasure from it, very similar to someone who bites their nails or whatever, and I doubt I could stop, even if I wanted to. The practice is like an old friend to me. Of course, people comment on it, boyfriends, relatives, etc....they can't help but notice that I scratch my head a lot. A lot. But very few people know the real secret, that it is only to cultivate scabs, so that i can then pick them off again. This is the first time I have ever written down anything about this, or even articulated my thoughts on in out loud. Again, i can't begin to describe what a relief it was for me to learn that there is an actual name for this, that it is actually done by other people. I have always thought I was completely alone in my freakish ways. I don't know how unique it is to have it strictly confined to just the head. I never pick at scabs on my arms, for instance, although I will admit to a certain fascination with chapped lips, and I do love to scratch mosquito bites. All of that is probably just an off-shoot of my main love. Certain events stand out in my mind, like hearing about a girl at school whose lip split in the middle of the night, and she couldn't go to school because she had this big scab in the middle of her lower lip--oh, how I wished that would happen to me. I got poison ivy once, and that was horrible, I did not enjoy that at all, but another time, I was bitten to death by mosquitoes, pretty much just on one foot, and while it was awful, another part of me relished the awfulness of it, because it gave me an excuse to just scratch and scratch and scratch. But scratching my head still remains my true love. I feel strange just writing this down, but strangely relieved, in a way..........I wonder, now that I know there are others out there, if people enjoy it the way I do: I sometimes will scratch away at the edges of my scalp, where it is easy to get a cut going, and then I purposely pour water in it, just to make it sting. That sounds so sick, I know, but maybe others can identify with that. Or how thrilling it can be to see all the fresh blood when you yank off a scab, and how you look forward to the new one forming......Or how thrilling it is when your fingers find a scab already there, just waiting to be picked at....perhaps you can tell, by the way I am writing about this, how much I enjoy picking at my head, even if it is twisted and sick and disgusting.....It must provide something I need in my life, or I wouldn't have done it for all these years........Can anyone truly say it is bad, if it is confined to an area, like a scalp, that no one can really see? I have never seen any scars anyway, on my head. I refuse to believe it has to be classified as a mental health problem, as an OCD behavior.......

[Dee13]

I totally relate to everything you all say about scalp picking. It's my main vice. Most shampoos makes my head itch so it makes my scalp picking worse. Dee

[J]

Hi, I and 22 years old and from Tennessee, and Laleh, I relate to you in so many ways. I, as well, am POWERLESS to my skin picking and pick at all the parts of my body that you describe as well. I, however, have been married for 3 years, and it has put a terrible effect on my sex life because I am too embarrassed to be seen naked in front of my husband.
It all started when I was 13 and started getting acne. I didn't even have bad acne at all, but I would pick at what I did have and like many of you have described, I would go into a trance and start picking at things that weren't there, and would end up doing it for at least an hour. I then moved on to my back, arms, legs, around my nipples, stomach, chest, neck, really just anywhere. I would come home everyday after school and pick, and then look in the mirror and see my red, bleeding face and feel like complete crap and then I would do this routine of face washing/scrubbing. After that, I would put that over the counter acne medication on my face (that white stuff with the salicylic acid). I would go through like a tube of that stuff a week at least. When I wasn't doing that, I was scratching at my scalp. I quit wearing my hair in a pony tail because I was embarrassed of the scabs and scars on my neck and back. I also quit the school swim team I was on, because I was so afraid of people seeing the marks I had done to my body. I had once been a very outgoing, happy person, but I had now become a depressed socially-withdrawn person.
I thought I was getting better about it at around the age of 17, because I would go sometimes at week without doing the hour long picking routine, but I was still indulging myself in it for at least 15 minutes or so and still scrubbing the face for too long and picking at my scalp. Recently I have been getting worse about picking at my "clothed" areas and this is why I am too embarrassed to be seen without them on in front of my husband. He doesn't even know that I have this problem, because I do it when he is either not at home or preoccupied. I also have urges to pick as his skin, and sometimes he lets me, which makes my problem even worse. My skin looks terrible and it isn't healing because I keep picking at the same places over and over again. I have just told myself that I can just quit, but I have never gone for more than a week without doing it.
I am so glad to have found this site. Maybe this can truly help me to quit. I am hoping for a happy ending to this story. Thanks for writing, Laleh.
~J~

[MCpick Alot]

my name is Mary im almost 19 and I've been pickin as long as i can remeber my grandfather and my father think I'd be a good nurse since i was always interested in picking scabs, not only mine my families as well when i first started i woke my dad up from a nap by rippiing off a scab on his elbo **FREAKO** o know thats pretty bad. i find my self pickign mostly when im bored or upset like anxiety but ive been on zorplex for over 2 months or three so anxiety isnt a main factor anymore. but when im bored or zoneing i tend to find or look for bumps on my shoulder and biseps jsut to squeeze. ill go out of my way durring work or school to pop a pimple or find a black head. i sit up on my bathroom vainety and pick my back. ill sit on the couch and pick my mothers face or my dads back im gross! i would pin my boyfriend who had bad acne and pop his back i didnt care how much pain he was in as long as i got to feel that sucker pop and see the gross puss. i am a freako i need some mucho help and tips on how to "quit"

[Thetis]

Hi guys, it's such a relief to find others like me. i feel for you all and wish you the best of luck for the future in trying to kick the habit. i started when i was really young, just scratching at my scalp but now at 20 years old i have scars all over my face, legs, arms, tummy and the most severe on my chest. everytime i do it i know it will cause another scar but i can't help it, it's like any lump, bump or pore has to be squeezed or scratched at until it bleeds and i know all the yuk is out, i feel better, cleaner until i look down and see all the red swelling! My chest used to be my best asset but now i can't wear anything that might show off the marks i've made! i dont know what to do, i'm too embarressed to tell anyone, but knowing i'm not alone really helps ^-^

[Dean]

So what can we do to stop?

It is a disgusting habit that somehow relieves stress.

[TracyAnn]

I started picking in Junior High because my parents, especially my mom, encouraged picking. She would use it as a way to try to clear up my acne (and the acne of the brother and sister). I started to pick really bad as a form of competition against my brother... which I know is odd. But hey, kids interpret things oddly.
Anyway, it got worse and worse. Probably the worse was when I was 18-20 yrs. old. I am 23 now and I can glady say that my picking is virtually non-existant. I have minor set-backs every now and then, but they are rare.
I tried everything, but what finally worked for me is a slow retreat, meaning I began restricted myself more and more. First it was a time limitation... only 5 min in the bathroom. Then it was a look limitation.. only certain blemishes were allowed to be touched. Then it was a tool limitation... I could only use this blackhead popper I had (I used to go crazy with my nails, digging into my skin).
I found that as my skin got cleaner and cleaner, it was easier not to pick. I think that when you have scabs on your face, you think "one more isn't going to make it look any worse." But when you have no blemishes, and you know touching your skin will cause more.. you restrain.
I am sure my method won't work for everyone, but it has really worked for me.
Stay strong everyone.

[vkm]

I am a 22 year old college student. I started picking when I was 3 years old. I started picking at my face only. My family thought that it was only a bad habbit and I could stop. Back in the day, OCD was unheard of. I went all through my child hood picking at my face. I would wipe the blood with my school uniform or bend over when no one was looking and use my white socks. It was really traumatizing because kids at school would say I had a disease and not want to youch me beacause they thought it was contagious. Not until I reached the age that I could start wearing make-up was the teasing over. SOmetimes I would go a few months without scabs on my face but generally, I had one every year. SOmetimes I had 2 and 3 really big ones. I would not start the scabs. Usually it was due to a mosquito bite or a pimple. I pick and pick and pick and it gets larger ans larger. Not until I got to college that I took a psychology class did I learn about OCD and realized that I had all those symptoms. I was in one way relieved but at the same time not. I read about having to be put on meds and going through cognitive behavior therapy. I was in some way in denial. I started to think about how I felt before, during and after my scab picking and realized that this is more serious than what I thought. I have the obsession to make my face even. I don't like to feel bumps or anything hard so I pick until I get to what I want it to be. For the last 2 years I have been using tweezers which has made it worse. I peel and peel and it gets really large. I don't want it to bleed but I just don't want to feel anythink bumpy or hard on my face. I cannot control the urge. Sometimes I could be running late to school and work and I will not stop picking until I am done with my routine. Sometimes it takes up to 1 or 2 hours daily. I never go one day without picking. I usually do it in the car after work or at home but sometimes I will do it at work and I will lock myself in the bathroom for a long period of time and not come out unitl I am done. The people at my job have not figured it out yet but I hope they never do. I work at a really prestigious company and it is embarassing. Yesterday I went to the psychiatrist for the first time ever and he said my problem is pretty bad. I wear like 10lbs. of make up to cover up my scars and scabs. He prescribed Zoloft 50mg to start but he said that eventually I have to reach 200mg. I have never drank psych drugs before. I start on my meds tomorrow so if anyone has any advice about this medication, please let me know! I am a little nervous about this whole thing.

Thanks for listening and sorry for the long story!

[outofcontrol]

I have picked since I was4, I think. I am now a young seeming and acting 40. When I was 4 I had chicken pox and I had a giant scab on my hip. Then a while later I had so many mosquito bite scabs I had to wear long sleeves in the summer. Throughout my adolescence, there was always some place on my body that I picked. Then in high school, I was having problems with my evil stepmother and felt scared with every step I took in my own home. I ended up making an area on the side of my head at least 4 inches in diameter raw by picking and pulling out hair. After that, I usually had a place on my head that I picked. Now I have barely any eyebrows on the left side and 3 scabs there which I have been tampering with for close to a year now. My life is hell because of this...it's right on my face and I have to try to get my bangs to cover it and have to wear giant sunglasses (thank goodness for THAT trend!) when I go outside in case the wind blows my hair away from what it's covering. I am thinking that reading this site and writing my secrets here might help!

[JJ]

Hi everyone. I thing I must have been living under a rock for the past decade. I'm 23 and have been a skin-picker since I was 13.. and this entire time, I never thought to look the condition up online. Somehow I thought I was this random girl that was just completely nuts and had just a weird habit. But a week ago I discovered this site and realized that every posting sounded as though I'd written it myself. A real eye-opener! I don't feel ashamed anymore for the first time in years. And for this entire week, I haven't picked my arms, face, or legs once. I guess you can chalk it up to suddenly realizing I have a problem that's not imaginary. I still have crazy urges, and I keep catching my hands inching towards my sleeves or bumps on my face. But I keep telling myself I can be bigger than it all if I own up to it, and I have to do something to distract myself and keep it from happening. Maybe therapy is the next option, but i feel like it's a first step. I want to thank all of you for making me feel empowered and real again. I hope this is the beginning of a new chapter- and hopefully a few new layers of healthy, untarnished skin, no? : ) Good Luck, Everyone!

[JJ]

Hi everyone. I thing I must have been living under a rock for the past decade. I'm 23 and have been a skin-picker since I was 13.. and this entire time, I never thought to look the condition up online. Somehow I thought I was this random girl that was just completely nuts and had just a weird habit. But a week ago I discovered this site and realized that every posting sounded as though I'd written it myself. A real eye-opener! I don't feel ashamed anymore for the first time in years. And for this entire week, I haven't picked my arms, face, or legs once. I guess you can chalk it up to suddenly realizing I have a problem that's not imaginary. I still have crazy urges, and I keep catching my hands inching towards my sleeves or bumps on my face. But I keep telling myself I can be bigger than it all if I own up to it, and I have to do something to distract myself and keep it from happening. Maybe therapy is the next option, but i feel like it's a first step. I want to thank all of you for making me feel empowered and real again. I hope this is the beginning of a new chapter- and hopefully a few new layers of healthy, untarnished skin, no? : ) Good Luck, Everyone!