Question for fellow facepickers

[Harmony]

Hi all,

Harmony here. Basically, I wanted to know if others have suicidal thoughts because of picking. I should say that I dont have any intention of actually commiting suicide now or ever.

But I do have the thoughts sometimes after bad picks. Because I feel so sad and hopeless like I am never going to have a normal relationship because I am always going to have to hide picking. You know the hopeless 'i am such a freak' feeling.

Anyway, just kind of want to know I am not alone here. I have been to therapy and my therapist said its normal to have these thoughts sometimes and she distinguished between having the thoughts sometimes and actually intending/planning to do it. So just wanted to make that clear for everyone so I dont scare any people.

[flower]

i dont get suicidal thoughts after picking but i do get them sometimes if i have a really horrible thought come into my head and it really upsets me and wont go away.

[dabbit]

Well i suffer from clincal depression cause of my OCD and CSP,which luckly i am beening treated for and on 60mgs of citalopram a day for, and whenever i pick badly my depression gets very bad and i have prevoiusly tried suciede twice because of my skin and bbd. but that was almost two years ago so i try to put it behind me now.
But i still get good days and bad days, in which these thoughts reacurre
So i dont think your alone in your depressive thoughts.
Are you on any medication? as well as your treatment

[flower]

im on 20mg citalopram. dont you find that the side effects are horrible

[Harmony]

thanks flower and dabbit. I am usually pretty good at putting the thoughts behind me.

It really helps if I play music or get out of my room and outside.

I am not on meds- doc prescribed them but I was too scared to take them. The therapy helped a lot but now I am too poor with no insurance to afford it.

My hardest struggle is to keep positive and stay out of the bathroom at night.

I go thru this cycle of picking my scabs off at night then I use tweezers to get those little white pustules out and then I squeeze zits. In the end I look like death warmed over and I start thinking about my ugly face and unemployment and I just get so down.

If I lived alone I would cover my mirrors but I live with roomates so its not an option:(

Anyhoo thanks again for the responses!

[lauryn]

i tried twice

[anonymousartist]

It's not because of picking, but I have struggled with suicidal thoughts on and off since I was 11 and my family became a mess. I haven't had a really down time in a long time but sometimes when I'm feeling imperfect I can't help but fall back on the "what if I just killed myself" thought. It's not healthy though, and it is a reminder that sometimes other things in my life are too unhealthy and I need to balance them. We can't take on everything at once (maybe we can't even totally stop picking all at once).

[sophie]

I get suicidal thoughts, but not specifically because of picking. My family is a bit messed up also! Picking,for me, is a way of dealing with the suicidal thoughts without actually doing it.When I'm doing it I'm not thinking about anything, it kind of numbs me for a while.

[flower]

same here my familys totally messed up. i say its like living in a real life soap. lol

[metric]

hey, i'm kinda new here, i've just been lurking around for the past couple weeks

i definitely have those thoughts...like everyone else said, its just so incredibly frusterating. so that voice in my head starts going (you're such an IDIOT, you're so DISGUSTING,etc) ...and the whole self-loathing cycle begins again.

the best thing that has ever worked for me is talking to my fiance - telling him exactly what i did and how i feel. knowing that he wants me to vent and tell him everything is so comforting, it makes me feel like someone is finally on my side. after about a half hour he calms me down and reminds me of the incredible progress i've made.

it's easy to forget the positives when all the negatives are looking right back at us in the mirror everyday. we all obviously have problems finding the good in things, so my advice is to find someone who can show you how! hope this helped!

[EvilKitty]

I feel rather hopeless and bad about myself after I pick my face, but not necessarily suicidal. Mostly what I want to do is crawl in a hole and hide so no one can see me.

[flower]

i know what you feel like. i feel really ashamed of myslef for doing it but something tells me to keep on doing it. its a horrible urge i have which doesnt go away until ive done it

[Bea1]

Yeah all the time. But i'm not going to do it, cos underneath I'm just a hopeless optimist and I can't shake the (possibly unfounded) belief that one day my life is going to be bloody fantastic! And I want to be around for that. I have random thoughts come into my mind all the time that really upset me. My brain skips around too fast and that's what makes me anxious. I can be doing something completely unrelated and then be assaulted by one of these thoughts. Here's something weird and disturbing though: I get this image of slitting my wrists into my mind quite often (when I'm upset). It's utterly unreal and disconnected from what the reality of doing that would be like (and I never would do that, just so we're clear) And the thought calms me down. It's not the thought of killing myself. It's just a visual image of doing that. Maybe the thought puts me back in control of the situation, cos it makes me think that at the end of the day it's my decision to live or something? So, weirdly, it's kind of a positive thought...

[lorieann75]

Greetings. It would be hard for me to say with 100% certainty that my past bouts with severe depression/suicidal thoughts was a result of my picking/compulsion disorder. Honestly I always had a problem with depression, I believe, even before my OCD kicked in during my teens- so it's hard to say.

However, I can say that after a particularly damaging "session" of tearing my skin up, it is "easier" to think those negative thoughts such as "whats the point?" or "Well the damage is already done so..." etc.

[blondie88]

Hey, I'm new here. Yeah I've had alot of suicidal thoughts.. and usually when im incredibly stressed (especially after a picking session) I constantly repeat: "i despise you, i hate you, i will kill you"... etc. I feel worthless, angry with myself, and completely hopeless.
When I'm in an okay mood and my skin hasn't been touched then I feel stupid looking back onto those thoughts. But I don't think there's been a time these past 2 months or so that I've been truly happy all day... Ah well, I haven't picked much today, I observed my face for about an hour, finding all the spots I'd consider picking, then settled for a few near my hairline. lol.