OSPA - Obsessive Skin Pickers Anonymous steps1-12

[Spring Angel]

That sounds fine Hoppe, I have a friend in England I talk to in the later evening too. Are you in GB? Let's give it a try, why don't you IM me tomorrow night at 10:00 my time? Will that work?

luv,

Spring

[hoppe]

Hi Spring

No, I am in Sweden.

Your time confused me a bit - you know what is tomorrow for you is today for me. But I guess you mean 10 pm, 01/26 at your place? (which would be 7am 01/27 here). Better to have the date with it to reduce confusion.

Anyway, 7am might be kind of to late for me, because I have to get to work. Would an hour earlier be okay for you? Which would be 9 pm, 01/26 for you?

hoppe

[hoppe]

Oh and Spring - I read the introduction and step one on the other site. But I am not sure what to do before our appointment....? Am I supposed to write down step one and post it (or send it to you) beforehand?

I am feeling really low today - but I am looking forward to try this, that helps me a little to get through this day.



hoppe

[Spring Angel]

I have another appointment 1/26 with my AA sponsee. Can we do it 1/27 at 9:00 p.m. my time?

I'm sorry you are low. Be thinking about the insanity of the picking, as defined in the Step One reading, and about your powerlessness. What human power has tried to stop you from picking? Your mom, husband, friends, doctors? What good did that do? How have you tried to stop? What happened? You could even type a bunch of stuff out and post it on Step One, or you could copy and paste into an IM when we meet, for more privacy, Whichever you prefer.

Meantime you can start saying the Serenity Prayer when you feel picky: "Higher Power (or Great power of the Universe, or OSPA Group, or whatever higher power you can think of, Ocean, Love, Hope (See Step 2) , Grant me the Serenity to Accept the Things I cannot Change (other people, places and things) Courage to change the Things I can (mostly just you), and Wisdom to know the difference."

Also evening and morning, a prayer to whoever is out there or some Power: "Please relieve me of the obsession and compulsion to pick that victory over it may bear witness to those I might help of the Love, Hope, and great Power that exists in this world." (addapted for non-God peoples).

say this in the evening, then wash your face gently gently, cradle your face in your hands like you would a newborn baby, and sleep well, then say the second prayer in the morning when you arist IN EARNEST. Then Act AS IF the obsession and compulsion has been removed from you for that one day. Check in at the website, welcome a newcomer, or someone with no replies to their post, Then re-read Step One, repeat above and then we will meet very soon to Formally do Step One. Okay? Too much info?

Hopefully that will keep you occupied til we meet. If you feel picky, read more of the steps, and the welcome, and post your thoughts and questions.

I would recommend for this time that you go to the other website for the 12 step forum, and register there.

it is www.selfinjuriousskinpicking.com/bb/

Click on the OSPA forum and the Welcome and the Steps will come up. The steps are separated so it is more clear and you can read what other people have posted too.

Okay? Write back if you need to talk. And just for one day don't pick, you can pick the next day if you choose, then the next day just don't pick for just that day, you can pick the next day, but the next day just don't pick. Just keep putting off the picking for one day. We can all quit for one day, I've read your ZT journal so I know you can quit for one whole day. We do this one day at a time. Only one day to think about.

Okay, Gotta get to worky.

see you soon,

luv,

Spring

[hoppe as guest]

Hi Spring

I will try to IM you when it is 9pm, 01/27 at your place. But if you don't hear from me, come here and check my journal, if I cannot come on because of some technical problems with the messenger or something I will leave a note there. It will be 6 am at my place, so there is of course also the possibility that I will not wake up in time - in that case forgive me. ;D

Spring, I have a question about those prayers. In principle, I am okay with prayers (to the higher power I chose, not God), but I wonder if it would be okay if I use my own words and not some preformed prayer??

And do you really think it is neccessary that I register at the other site? I am considering to post the different steps in my journal. I will think about step one tonight and then I might post it there. Maybe you can have a look there before we meet online, then you would already get an idea what I have to say about it. But I am not sure yet whether I will post it or not ..... I will see.

Spring, thanks for helping!

hoppe

[Spring Angel]

Hoppe,

Okay, I'll look for you at 9:00.

It's great to use your own words on the prayers, even better and more personal to you , you know?

And you don't have to go to the other site if you don't want to. All the same info is here, just not separated out by steps, and I haven't finished transferring the later steps over to here.

And I think posting on your journal makes sense too. That's where you do all your online thinking already. So I'll check it out tonight.

I'm excited for you Hoppe. This is a big step toward recovery! I know you really want to end the nightmare.

We will love you until you can love yourself,

luv,

Spring

[Vianney]

Hello everyone. i just got on this site for the first time tonight. I am familiar with the 12 steps, too. My dad is a recovering alcoholic and i am a recovering bulimic and hopefully one day soon, a recovering picker! This is the thread i need. Let's do this!

I am confused though. What's going on with all the neosporin. Does it actually heal or is it just the substance that makes it impossible to pick (or both)? I need any suggestions right now. I'd like to get to the point where I don't have to wear makeup, but that doesn't seem realistic right now.

I AM POWERLESS!!

[Spring Angel]

Hi Vianney,

I'm just a firm believer in neosporin and yes for both reasons. It is also very nurturing to put a healing ointment on your wounds. A self-caring gesture. Want to get started? Just IM me any evening, or Saturday (over today) or Sunday (tomorrow) We work the steps on IM mostly. We will set an appointment time, and I'll have you do the reading on step one, and refer you to another website for some more reading before we meet. Does that sound okay? I am in California, what part of the country are you in or what country? We will have to work out the time difference and stuff.

I am really excited to hear you are a recovering bulimic. Did you work the steps on that? Or what did you do? There are many bulimics on this website as well as skin pickers, so maybe you can help them to recover as you have.

Looking forward to meeting you. Click on the icons on my post for my IM addresses!

Welcome!

luv, Spring

[Spring Angel]

Step Five: "Admitted to God, Ourselves, and another Human being, the exact nature of our wrongs"

Step 5 (I would like to credit the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, Fourth Edition for the quotes on this post)

First, the reason for sharing our Fourth Step Inventory with another Human Being is this: (from Alcoholics Anonymous, page 72)

"If we skip this vital step, we may not overcome our [picking]."

It is important because it requires us to let go of these terrible things we have done, these harms we have caused, these resentments we have held. It requires us to Humble ourselves, and let go of our egotism and fear. It requires us to be honest with another Human Being. We must tell all our life story.

We tend to push these ugly parts of our past way inside, where no one can see them. This puts us in contant fear and tension, leading to more picking. (from page 73) "We must be entirely honest with somebody if we expect to live long and happily in this world"

"we think well before we choose the person or persons with whom to take this intimate and confidential step."

"Such parts of our story we tell to someone who will understand, yet be unaffected. The rule is we must be hard on ourself, but always considerate of others"

(from page 75) "When we decide who is to hear our story, we waste no time. We have a written inventory and we are prepared for a long talk. [It is a ] life-and-death errand."

"We pocket our pride and go to it, illuminating every twist of character, every dark cranny of the past. Once we have taken this step, withholding nothing, we are delighted. We can look the world in the eye. We can be alone at perfect peace and ease. Our fears fall from us. We begin to fee the nearness of our Creator. We may have had certain spiritual beliefs, but now we begin to have a spiritual experience. The feeling that the [picking] problem has disappeared will often come strongly. we feel we are on the Broad Highway, walking hand in hand with the Spirit of the Universe".

[When we are done] we find a place where we can be quiet for an hour carefully reviewing what we have done. "

And now the Fifth Step Prayer:

(page 75) "We thank God from the bottom of our heart that we know Him better.... Carefully reading the first five [steps] we ask if we have omitted anything, for we are building an arch through which we shall walk a free man at last. Is our work solid so far? Are the stones propoerly in place? Have we skimped on the cement put into the foundation? Have we tried to make mortar out of sand? If we can answer to our satisfaction, we then look at Step Six"


So that is it for step five. Very important to divulge your deepest darkest secret to your listener. Get the five most awful things you have ever done out of the closet and out into the open so they cannot do you any more damage. And be free!

luv,

Spring

[Spring Angel]

Step 6: "Became Willing to have God remove all these defect of character"

From your resentment list, column five, you have written your faults, what defect you had that played a part in each incident or resentment. These defects might be any of the seven deadly sins, Pride, Greed, Lust, Anger, Gluttony (consuming too much, food or otherwise, always needing more of something), Envy (Jealousy), Sloth (Laziness), and Fear is also included here as a defect. Other defects might be selfishness, self-seeking, self-centeredness, arrogance, meanness, sarcasm (sarcasm means "to tear flesh"), Deceit (lying), Cheating, Stealing, lateness, stubborness, abusing others (verbally or otherwise), picking on others, etc.

So write them down, and if you want to do a really good exercise to help you understand them better, write next to them what their OPPOSITE is. that way you have a goal to shoot for. something to replace to character defect with once it is removed.

And how can we be so sure God will remove these defects? Hasn't he already removed from you or greatly reduced your obsession and compulsion to pick, simply by working the first three steps? Why then would he not be able to duplicate this miracle on your other character defects, each one of them. Will they be removed all at once? Perhaps, but more likely it will be a process, a gradual improvement in character, that may actually be noticed by others before it is even noticed by you. They will say "You have grown a lot this year" and you will look at them in amazement until they explain what you were like, and what you are like now. Some of these defects you may be reluctant to give up. Pride for example may have taken you a long way, as may have ambition. But taken you where? To material possessions? Certainly not to happiness and peace, or you would not be here. Key things to let go of are Pride, Ego, selfishness and self-centeredness. Your demands upon the world. You must be willing to let go of your demanding self.

(from the BIG BOOK page 76) "We have emphasized willingness as being indespensable. Are we now ready to let [our Higher Power] remove from us all the things which we have admitted are objectionable? Can He now take them all-every one? If we still cling to something we will not let go, we ask God to help us be willing.

luv,

Spring

[Spring Angel]

Step Seven

"Humbly asked Him to remove our Shortcomings".

What does Humbly mean? From "Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, published by Alcoholics Anonymous World Service, Inc, page 72 we can ascertain this: The basic ingredient of all humility is a desire to seek and do God's will.

Humility is "....more than a condition of groveling despair." We first see humility in Step One, when we humbly make the admission of powerlessness over picking. Now we see that we must (page72) [make] honesty, tolerance, and true love of man and God the daily basis of living."

and from page 74 we can deduce that humility is the state you get to when your ego has finally been p"puntured". This is a desireable and necessary state for our continued recovery. In recovery "failure and misery [are] transformed into priceless assets" Humility, then is the "Healer of pain" (page 75. Thus it is indespensible.

So it is at this point that rather than being beaten into a state of humility we now SEEK humility, and to do the will of God, and for this it is necessary to have our defects removed.

And from page 76:

"The Seventh Step is where we make the change in our attitude which permits us, with humility as our guide, to move out from ourselves toward others and toward God. The whole emphasis of Step Seven is on humility. It is really saying to us that we now ought to be willing to try humility in seeking the removal of our other shortcomings just as we did when we admitted that we were powerless over [picking], and came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. If that degree of humility could enable us to find the grace by which such a deadly obsession could be banished, then there must be hope of the same result respecting any other problem we could possible have."

(from the BIG Book, page 76, second paragraph)

"When ready, we say something like this: 'My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding, Amen'."

This is the Seventh Step Prayer.

luv,

Spring

[Spring Angel]

Step Eight

"Made a list of All Persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

From your inventory, you have determined that you have been at fault in many situations and have held deep resentments.

Write down the names of these people, places, or institutions.

Make a Chart.

The chart will have four columns across the top.

column 1: NOW
column 2: LATER
column 3 MAYBE
column four: NEVER

Put each name under one of these columns. Mabe Jane can make a chart and give us a link to it here?

(from the BIG BOOK page 76)

"Now we go out to our fellows and repair the damage done in the past. We attempt to sweep away the debris which has accumulated out of our effort to live on self-will and run the show ourselves. If we haven't the will to do this, we ask until it comes. [(An Eighth Step Prayer)]. Remember it was agreed at the beginning WE AOULD GO TO ANY LENGTHS FOR VICTORY OVER ALCOHOL [(originally in italics)]."

That's it!

luv, Spring

[Spring Angel]

Step Nine

"Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others."

(from page 76 of the BIG BOOK)

"Probably there are still some misgivings. As we look over the list of business acquaintances and friends we have hurt we may feel diffident about going to some of them on a spiritual basis. Let us be reassured. To some people we need not, and probably should not emphasize the spiritual feature on our first approach....Our real purpose is to fit ourselves to be of maximum service to God and the people about us...[O]ur man is sure to be impressed with a sincere desire to set right the wrong. ...The question of how to approach the man we hated will arise. It may be he has done us more harm than we have done him and, though we may have acquired a better attitude toward him, we are still not too keen about admitting our faults. Nevertheless, with a person we sidlike, we take the bit in our teeth. It is harder to go to an enemy than to a friend, but we find it much more beneficial to us. We go to him in a helpful and forgiving spirit, confessing our former ill feeling and expressing our regret. Under no condition do we criticize such a person or argue. ... We are there to sweep off our side of the street, realizing that nothing worth while can be accomplished until we do so, never trying to tell him what he should do. His faults are not discussed. We stick to our own. If our manner is calm, frank, and open, we will be gratified with the results"

We must pay back money we owe, or make a start on a payment plan.

Ninth Step Prayer:

(page 79, Big Book):

Reminding ourselves that we have decided to go to any lengths to find a spiritual experience, we ask that we be given strength and direction to do the right thing, no matter what the personal consequences may be....we are willing. We have to be. We must not shrink at anything.

Don't tell the wife of someone you cheated with that you had an affair with her husband. this would only cause more hurt. Keep this principle in mind when making your amends. You don't want to create more chaos or cause yet more harm to innocent people.

At home: A living amends. We change our behavior and do not engage in the hurtful behaviors of the past. It is not enough to simply say I'm sorry and then continue to do the same hurtful things. We must make our amends daily through better behavior.

With our Children: Depending on the age of the children, they may not understand what you are making amends for. Again in this case, a living amends is necessary. A change in attitude and behavior toward your children so that you do not inflict further hurts.

(page 83, BIG BOOK):

"The spiritual life is not a theory. WE HAVE TO LIVE IT [(originally in italics)].

"There may be some wrongs we can never fully right. We don't worry about them if we can honestly say to ourselves that we would right them if we could. Some people cannot be seen -- we send them an honest letter. And there may be a valid reason for postponement in some cases. But we don't delay if it can be avoided. We should be sensible, tactful, considerate and humble without being servile or scraping. As God's people we stand on our feet we don't crawl before anyone."

Ninth Step Promise:

(page 83, BIG BOOK)

"If we are painstaking about this phase of our development we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend theword serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disppear. We sill lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

"Are these extravagant promises? We think not, they are being fulfilled among us --sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we aork for them"

luv,

Spring

[Spring Angel]

Hi,

I have just added the instructions for steps 5 through 9, and will get on 10, 11, and 12 soon. Great work everyone, you are keeping me very busy! I love working the steps. The more the merrier. See you soon!

Luv,

Spring

[Spring Angel]

Step 10 "Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong prompltly admitted it."

From the Big Book of AA step 10 is about continuing to take personal inventory of the resentments and anger you have toward others, listing what their hurts affect (your pride, ambitions, personal relations, pocketbood, security, or sex relations, or self-esteem), looking for OUR part, that is how we hurt them, and what defect caused it (using the character defects of Pride, Greed, Lust, Envy, Anger, Fear, Gluttony, Sloth, or other defects such as selfishness, self-seeking, self-will, etc), and then praying for that person who hurt us, remembering that they are sick people, praying for our fear to be removed, or defects to be removed, and making amends to that person if necessary.

Step 10 is basically working steps 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9 on a daily basis.

If we are slipping, we need to go back to step one, reaffirm our powerlessness, our faith and turn our will back over (steps 1, 2 and 3).

To do step 10 you can do this: buy a small pretty journal, and keep it by your bed. At night before your prayers, jot down anything that happened during the day or yesterday etc, that is causing you discomfort, resentment, anger, fear, etc. then work a mini-steps of 6, 7, and 8. Next day, make amends as soon as possible. As you get better at identifying your feelings you may see the resentment the same day, and be able to identify your part and apologize on the spot, thus never allowing a resentment to build up. In this way we learn to improve our relationships with our fellows.

We can practice this at work, at home, at school, at play.

We have entered the world of the Spirit. We continue to set right any new mistakes we make as we go along, ..."continuing to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment, and fear...Love and Tolerance is our Code." (Big Book page 84)

The Tenth Step Promise:

(page 84, Big Book)

"And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone-even [skin picking]. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in [skin picking]. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically.. We will see that our new attitude toward [skin picking] has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality - safe and protected. We have not even sworn off, instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience. That is how we react so long as we keep in fit spiritual condition.

"It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do, for [skin picking] is a subtle foe. We are not cured of [skin picking]. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God's will into all of our activities. 'How can I best serve Thee - Thy will (not mine) be done.'"

Step 10 is a maintenance step, kind of like when you go on a diet and then when you have lost the weight you go on a maintenance plan so you don't gain the weight back. If we don't do this, we are bound to slip, and maybe never find our way back to OSPA, falling back into the cycle of picking and remorse, then despair, then swearing off, picking, remorse, and so on, as our testimony in Step One illustrates.

So continue working your steps every day, 24 hours at a time, and keep your side of the street clean, and your way of life in keeping with your higher power's plan for you, and you will be a success.

The second maintenence step is Step Eleven which goes hand and hand with this one.

Keep up the good work and Keep Coming Back!

luv,

Spring