Post by Icyblackkat on Nov 21, 2003 15:02:30 GMT -5
Well actually I just needed to get some stuff down, but I guess it's sort of an introduction.
My name's Becki and I've been picking for as long as can remember but it's probably only been about 10yrs. It started with my arms, I remember having cuts on both my upper and lower arms.
Somehow I stopped though but quickly moved to other areas like my back, stomach and backside. It started getting really bad when I was getting over the chicken pox in grade 4. That's when I started on my scalp, I got annoyed that the pox wouldn't go away so I "helped" them along by attacking them with my nails. It's been one of my main focuses, the others being my legs (shins) and feet. Although there doesn't sem to be any boundaries in what I will and won't pick. My face, back, stomach, chest, neck, hands, cuticles and earlobes are also "victims". It's my legs that bother me the most though, I will not wear anything that shows any part of my legs. During the summer I'll be the only one walking the beach in jeans. I doubt this will ever change, even if somehow the scabs can heal the scars will always remain. I constantly find myself staring at other women's legs just wishing mine could be so smooth and without giant red/purple faults marking them up.
Picking has effected my life more than most people can even fathom. I go for my legs first thing in the morning and when I do I feel so detatched, even though I can hear my voice screaming at me in my head to stop. Time flies by and many times I've missed the bus to school because of it. I find it much easier to go a day without eating than a day without picking. I constantly skip gym class in fear that someone will look over at my legs when I'm changing, on that note, I even wear pants during gym while others wear shorts for obvious reasons. I'm so afraid of people's reaction to my problem, most likely because my reaction to it is of such disgust, pain, regret, and I feel like such a freak. Actually it wasn't untill two days ago that I even knew there were others with similar problems, I thought I was the only one in the world
Thats not everything either, add on the depression, IBS, anorexic tendancies, drug and alcohol addictions, stress at home, and whatever else and you got the messed up 17yr old that sadly is me. I feel so alone and seperated from everything alse in the world. I have such a hard time simply functioning, I'm so tempted just to give up and slip completely into insanity. But first I want so badly to at least try and get help for myself but I'm sooooooo lost.
Thats about it, thanks to whomever took time out to read this. I don't expect anyone to respond as this was more for the benifit of getting it down on "paper."
Thanks also for the opprotunity to do that.
My name's Becki and I've been picking for as long as can remember but it's probably only been about 10yrs. It started with my arms, I remember having cuts on both my upper and lower arms.
Somehow I stopped though but quickly moved to other areas like my back, stomach and backside. It started getting really bad when I was getting over the chicken pox in grade 4. That's when I started on my scalp, I got annoyed that the pox wouldn't go away so I "helped" them along by attacking them with my nails. It's been one of my main focuses, the others being my legs (shins) and feet. Although there doesn't sem to be any boundaries in what I will and won't pick. My face, back, stomach, chest, neck, hands, cuticles and earlobes are also "victims". It's my legs that bother me the most though, I will not wear anything that shows any part of my legs. During the summer I'll be the only one walking the beach in jeans. I doubt this will ever change, even if somehow the scabs can heal the scars will always remain. I constantly find myself staring at other women's legs just wishing mine could be so smooth and without giant red/purple faults marking them up.
Picking has effected my life more than most people can even fathom. I go for my legs first thing in the morning and when I do I feel so detatched, even though I can hear my voice screaming at me in my head to stop. Time flies by and many times I've missed the bus to school because of it. I find it much easier to go a day without eating than a day without picking. I constantly skip gym class in fear that someone will look over at my legs when I'm changing, on that note, I even wear pants during gym while others wear shorts for obvious reasons. I'm so afraid of people's reaction to my problem, most likely because my reaction to it is of such disgust, pain, regret, and I feel like such a freak. Actually it wasn't untill two days ago that I even knew there were others with similar problems, I thought I was the only one in the world
Thats not everything either, add on the depression, IBS, anorexic tendancies, drug and alcohol addictions, stress at home, and whatever else and you got the messed up 17yr old that sadly is me. I feel so alone and seperated from everything alse in the world. I have such a hard time simply functioning, I'm so tempted just to give up and slip completely into insanity. But first I want so badly to at least try and get help for myself but I'm sooooooo lost.
Thats about it, thanks to whomever took time out to read this. I don't expect anyone to respond as this was more for the benifit of getting it down on "paper."
Thanks also for the opprotunity to do that.
