Post by Notopicking on Sept 9, 2003 12:47:50 GMT -5
Hi I’m new to the boards. I just want to rant away if that is ok and share my frustrations =)
I HATE PICKING. Why the heck do I keep doing this to myself? My face hurts from picking it last night ant this morning. This sucks so much. I want to be happy; I don’t want to worry about my face anymore. I don’t want to hide from my family and friends. I’m so depressed over this. I have to stop. I’m wasting my life. There is so much I can do in my life, but I’m afraid to do these things because of my stupid picking habit. It makes me look ugly, but I still keep doing it. I don’t know why. I feel so stupid after I pick. I need to stop. I have such a wonderful boyfriend, good thing it’s a long distance relationship so he can’t see me in this state of idiocy. I love him so much and I know we will get married when the time is right and we figure out where we will live. But how can I live a happy life with this face picking. It’s freaking insane! I can’t keep hiding like this. Ugh. I can’t believe I have wasted so many years because of picking my face. Now how stupid does that sound. I’ve wasted part of my life because I like to pick my zits! BAH! I tend to quit for a while then start right back up. I don’t know why I pick. It makes me feel good I guess. I don’t know if it’s the pressure of always looking good that I think by getting rid of this scab and that zit I will look better, but I should know by now that my face will only look worse. I’ve always been told my entire life that I should model, that I’m beautiful that I should get into pageants. I don’t know if this pressure from others, which was not intentional of course they were just giving me compliments, has made me so conscious of how I look that when I see a zit it must go away so I can look better. But it only bleeds and I make an even nastier zit, it swells up gets all red, then a scab is formed from the pressure I put on my skin. Why do I keep doing this? I want to do so much in my life. I want to have perfect skin, well everyone wants that, but I don’t want skin that looks like its been picked so much that I have to wear layers of makeup to cover up my war wounds. Why?
I want to go out into this world feeling confident about who I am inside and outside. How can I do this if I’m constantly picking my skin and making myself even more depressed? I want to be around my boyfriend without thinking oh god he can probably see this scab I’m trying to hide. I want to be able to pull my hair back and not worry about a zit or a scab being seen. I want to able to talk to a person and not turn my face away or look down or not look at that person in the eyes when I’m talking. I want to stop wearing all this makeup. I want to get up in the morning wash my face, put some blush and lipstick and go on with my day. I want to spend only 15 minutes getting ready for school. I want to hang out with my friends more. I want this face picking to stop. I will make it stop. I will make it go away. I am tired of feeling like this; I’m exhausted from all of this. This problem will go away. I will succeed. I will overcome this. I have to ask myself what am I gaining from picking? NOTHING. I am gaining more zits, more scabs, more pain, and more depression. I’m over that! I don’t want any of that anymore because of picking my face. I’m 20 now; I’ve been picking my face for about 5 years. I’m so tired of all of it all. I’m so tired of hiding. I want to start my life finally. This has to stop. It is ruining my life. I’m not going to think about what others think about when they see me, that is what gets me all worried and makes me want to pick more during the healing process. If I can see that scab that is trying to be covered up then someone else can see it. But who cares!!! Who cares if they see something on my face? I don’t care anymore! These are people that I’m probably never going to see in my life again. If they are thinking about what I have on my face and why my face is so damaged, then when I heal up and I stop picking my face they will think wow her face looks beautiful now. Those who don’t have this problem probably are not even thinking about what my face has on it, they are in their own little world thinking about their own problems. My problem is the face picking and the constantly thinking that people see my scabs and zits and think I’m ugly, so of course I’m gong to think that everyone is looks at me disgusted. But I’m stopping that. When it all boils down to it that’s what is wrong here. It’s a constant cycle. I think having a zit is horribly bad because it makes me look ugly and people will think the same so I pick at it. The picking only makes the zit worse, so I pick at it more and again its worse. I leave it alone let it heal a little bit, but then hiding the scab looks bad so I pick it off and it just makes a bigger scab, and that zit that would have gone away in a couple of days is now an ugly mess. Where is the point in all of this? Absolutely nothing. This cycle is completely pointless. You want more pain; more zits; and more scabs then keep on with the dumb cycle! You want to stop the picking, get rid of the zits, feel confident about yourself then break the cycle! I will break the cycle. I will stop picking. And it’s starting right now.
That felt good hehe. Thanks =)
I HATE PICKING. Why the heck do I keep doing this to myself? My face hurts from picking it last night ant this morning. This sucks so much. I want to be happy; I don’t want to worry about my face anymore. I don’t want to hide from my family and friends. I’m so depressed over this. I have to stop. I’m wasting my life. There is so much I can do in my life, but I’m afraid to do these things because of my stupid picking habit. It makes me look ugly, but I still keep doing it. I don’t know why. I feel so stupid after I pick. I need to stop. I have such a wonderful boyfriend, good thing it’s a long distance relationship so he can’t see me in this state of idiocy. I love him so much and I know we will get married when the time is right and we figure out where we will live. But how can I live a happy life with this face picking. It’s freaking insane! I can’t keep hiding like this. Ugh. I can’t believe I have wasted so many years because of picking my face. Now how stupid does that sound. I’ve wasted part of my life because I like to pick my zits! BAH! I tend to quit for a while then start right back up. I don’t know why I pick. It makes me feel good I guess. I don’t know if it’s the pressure of always looking good that I think by getting rid of this scab and that zit I will look better, but I should know by now that my face will only look worse. I’ve always been told my entire life that I should model, that I’m beautiful that I should get into pageants. I don’t know if this pressure from others, which was not intentional of course they were just giving me compliments, has made me so conscious of how I look that when I see a zit it must go away so I can look better. But it only bleeds and I make an even nastier zit, it swells up gets all red, then a scab is formed from the pressure I put on my skin. Why do I keep doing this? I want to do so much in my life. I want to have perfect skin, well everyone wants that, but I don’t want skin that looks like its been picked so much that I have to wear layers of makeup to cover up my war wounds. Why?
I want to go out into this world feeling confident about who I am inside and outside. How can I do this if I’m constantly picking my skin and making myself even more depressed? I want to be around my boyfriend without thinking oh god he can probably see this scab I’m trying to hide. I want to be able to pull my hair back and not worry about a zit or a scab being seen. I want to able to talk to a person and not turn my face away or look down or not look at that person in the eyes when I’m talking. I want to stop wearing all this makeup. I want to get up in the morning wash my face, put some blush and lipstick and go on with my day. I want to spend only 15 minutes getting ready for school. I want to hang out with my friends more. I want this face picking to stop. I will make it stop. I will make it go away. I am tired of feeling like this; I’m exhausted from all of this. This problem will go away. I will succeed. I will overcome this. I have to ask myself what am I gaining from picking? NOTHING. I am gaining more zits, more scabs, more pain, and more depression. I’m over that! I don’t want any of that anymore because of picking my face. I’m 20 now; I’ve been picking my face for about 5 years. I’m so tired of all of it all. I’m so tired of hiding. I want to start my life finally. This has to stop. It is ruining my life. I’m not going to think about what others think about when they see me, that is what gets me all worried and makes me want to pick more during the healing process. If I can see that scab that is trying to be covered up then someone else can see it. But who cares!!! Who cares if they see something on my face? I don’t care anymore! These are people that I’m probably never going to see in my life again. If they are thinking about what I have on my face and why my face is so damaged, then when I heal up and I stop picking my face they will think wow her face looks beautiful now. Those who don’t have this problem probably are not even thinking about what my face has on it, they are in their own little world thinking about their own problems. My problem is the face picking and the constantly thinking that people see my scabs and zits and think I’m ugly, so of course I’m gong to think that everyone is looks at me disgusted. But I’m stopping that. When it all boils down to it that’s what is wrong here. It’s a constant cycle. I think having a zit is horribly bad because it makes me look ugly and people will think the same so I pick at it. The picking only makes the zit worse, so I pick at it more and again its worse. I leave it alone let it heal a little bit, but then hiding the scab looks bad so I pick it off and it just makes a bigger scab, and that zit that would have gone away in a couple of days is now an ugly mess. Where is the point in all of this? Absolutely nothing. This cycle is completely pointless. You want more pain; more zits; and more scabs then keep on with the dumb cycle! You want to stop the picking, get rid of the zits, feel confident about yourself then break the cycle! I will break the cycle. I will stop picking. And it’s starting right now.That felt good hehe. Thanks =)
!