Post by thankfulheart on Sept 5, 2007 1:08:03 GMT -5
Hey everyone. I've been picking at my face and arms for about 10 years, and I'm 27. I got married 4 years ago, and let's just say my wedding day was very very scary for me. I wanted just a small family wedding--nothing big, you know. But my dad insisted on a BIG, LOVELY, ALL-OUT wedding. He had saved quite a bit of money for each of his girls' weddings, and he wasn't going to spend it on anything else!! On my wedding day (and long before that), I was so nervous to try and cover everything up for the wedding and pictures. I wanted to look like a princess on my wedding day, and though God made me beautiful, I had gone and made myself ugly. Everyone said I looked beautiful, but inside I felt so sad about what I had done. And then for the honeymoon and beyong...yikes! My man and I had "saved ourselves" 'till we were married, and I had never ever let him see me without make-up. I didn't know what I was going to do! To me, I was unrecognizable without make-up. Anyone else been in this situation (sores on your face/arms, and facing a wedding 
)
Anyways, it's been a long road down this destructive path, but I finally am seeing a glimmer of hope. Just a few months ago, I "came out of the closet" with my husband. He already knew, of course, but I refused to talk about it. Whenever he brought it up, I would close up. Now, I have felt a new and wonderful freedom from being able to just go ahead and completely open myself up to him, for the first time ever! If you have a husband, fiance, or boyfriend...I really encourage you to just take the plunge and confess everything you've been doing beyond those closed doors. If he doens't understand at first, give him time. Let him ask questions, and try to answer them truthfully. I pray that he will be as supportive as my husband has been for me, because this has truly been the changing point in this area of my life. If your husband isn't supportive, please find someone you can trust to tell. Though very humbling, and yes, very embarrassing, it is definitely worth it.
My husband, as of last night, has removed the bathroom mirrors from our house. He is right on top of things if he notices I am tempted to pick. He does not condemn me, but he cares about me and wants me better. Though he doesn't fully understand, he is learning more about this compulsion of mine as I open up to him, and is growing into a more compassionate person through this.
No matter how many "tricks" you and I might employ to stop picking, I would guess that no other plan will work better than being honest and accountable to the person who is closest to you and loves you for who you are inside.
When I first started getting "messed up", it was in response to a humiliating experience as a teenager. My dad pointed out a zit on my face in front of my whole family at the dinner table. I will never forget this. I had not really thought too much about zits at this time, so I was not self-conscious about this one zit on my face. But when my dad said, in a rather disgusted tone, "What, is that a ZIT on your face?
", I was a changed person. Little did I know what would transpire when I made the decision within myself to "never let anyone see a blemish on me..." WOW. How was this going to happen? Well, I would dig out the "bad stuff" and then cover it up/fill it in with make-up! I became more and more obsessed as the years passed. By the time I realized I was just creating a much bigger problem than having one dumb zit on my face, I was in too "deep" to pull out. You know the story.
Now here's the wonderful news of my life
: I have since thoroughly forgiven my dad. This was the first and most important step. But furthermore, little-by-little, my dear hubby has instilled in me a new line of thinking. He has been working at convincing me that it really doesn't matter. At one point, when I was so beside myself about the state of my face, he made me look him in the eye, and he repeated over and over, "It doesn't matter. God loves you and I love you..." I am still "in process", but I am beginning to accept the truth: God really loves me for who I am on the inside, and it doens't matter if people see the blemished outside. I know that when I am able to fully and consistently believe this (and it is true!), I will not have the need to pop, pick, dig, etc. an zit that arises. I still have the compulsion, but I also FINALLY have accountability. This is so important.
Something I did just today, in addition to taking down the bathroom mirrors, was to put a blown-up and beautifully framed picture in place of the mirror that had been hanging above my make-up corner (aka picking station). Now, this picture is of me and my two beautiful girls, ages 6 months and 3 years. Before getting it blown up, my husband helped me fix my face on PrintShop, wiping out all blemishes and scars! So now it is my "goal picture"! I really do look beautiful! And if I continue to let myself heal, one day I will look like the girl in the picture--the real ME! Also, this picture is a good reminder not to discourage my daughters about their appearance in any way! Words are so powerful--either for good or for evil!
God bless you all, and remember, YOU ARE DEEPLY LOVED BY THE ONE WHO CREATED YOU.
)Anyways, it's been a long road down this destructive path, but I finally am seeing a glimmer of hope. Just a few months ago, I "came out of the closet" with my husband. He already knew, of course, but I refused to talk about it. Whenever he brought it up, I would close up. Now, I have felt a new and wonderful freedom from being able to just go ahead and completely open myself up to him, for the first time ever! If you have a husband, fiance, or boyfriend...I really encourage you to just take the plunge and confess everything you've been doing beyond those closed doors. If he doens't understand at first, give him time. Let him ask questions, and try to answer them truthfully. I pray that he will be as supportive as my husband has been for me, because this has truly been the changing point in this area of my life. If your husband isn't supportive, please find someone you can trust to tell. Though very humbling, and yes, very embarrassing, it is definitely worth it.
My husband, as of last night, has removed the bathroom mirrors from our house. He is right on top of things if he notices I am tempted to pick. He does not condemn me, but he cares about me and wants me better. Though he doesn't fully understand, he is learning more about this compulsion of mine as I open up to him, and is growing into a more compassionate person through this.
No matter how many "tricks" you and I might employ to stop picking, I would guess that no other plan will work better than being honest and accountable to the person who is closest to you and loves you for who you are inside.
When I first started getting "messed up", it was in response to a humiliating experience as a teenager. My dad pointed out a zit on my face in front of my whole family at the dinner table. I will never forget this. I had not really thought too much about zits at this time, so I was not self-conscious about this one zit on my face. But when my dad said, in a rather disgusted tone, "What, is that a ZIT on your face?
", I was a changed person. Little did I know what would transpire when I made the decision within myself to "never let anyone see a blemish on me..." WOW. How was this going to happen? Well, I would dig out the "bad stuff" and then cover it up/fill it in with make-up! I became more and more obsessed as the years passed. By the time I realized I was just creating a much bigger problem than having one dumb zit on my face, I was in too "deep" to pull out. You know the story.Now here's the wonderful news of my life
: I have since thoroughly forgiven my dad. This was the first and most important step. But furthermore, little-by-little, my dear hubby has instilled in me a new line of thinking. He has been working at convincing me that it really doesn't matter. At one point, when I was so beside myself about the state of my face, he made me look him in the eye, and he repeated over and over, "It doesn't matter. God loves you and I love you..." I am still "in process", but I am beginning to accept the truth: God really loves me for who I am on the inside, and it doens't matter if people see the blemished outside. I know that when I am able to fully and consistently believe this (and it is true!), I will not have the need to pop, pick, dig, etc. an zit that arises. I still have the compulsion, but I also FINALLY have accountability. This is so important.Something I did just today, in addition to taking down the bathroom mirrors, was to put a blown-up and beautifully framed picture in place of the mirror that had been hanging above my make-up corner (aka picking station). Now, this picture is of me and my two beautiful girls, ages 6 months and 3 years. Before getting it blown up, my husband helped me fix my face on PrintShop, wiping out all blemishes and scars! So now it is my "goal picture"! I really do look beautiful! And if I continue to let myself heal, one day I will look like the girl in the picture--the real ME! Also, this picture is a good reminder not to discourage my daughters about their appearance in any way! Words are so powerful--either for good or for evil!
God bless you all, and remember, YOU ARE DEEPLY LOVED BY THE ONE WHO CREATED YOU.
