acne picking

[OCD]

soooooooooooo, i need help. this is out of control. why the F don't people just tell me to stop or make fun of me at least? i think it would help. people are too nice to me.

[boyohboy]

I'm 13 years old and I am a very agressive acne picker. I've had acne since the fourth grade and I've been picking at it since I can remember. I have scars and my face is already sad looking. I've tried to stop, but I always manage to bring my hand to that stubborn little blemish. I went to the dermotologist and she simply told me to stop, then she loaded my with all these creams. I took pills for awhile, which kinda cleared it up, but then I was taken off the pills, and my acne continued on, but not as bad as before. It seems like whatever I'm doing, I just gotta pick my face when I do it, like when I'm reading. Then I started to touch and pick my head, so now I have head acne too. After reading some of your stories, I am determined to stop. for good, because I don't want to wind up 40 years old with acne.

[ashley]

You dont know how much i can relate to you. im 16 and ever since i can remember ive had horrible acne. everytime im bored or angry or upset about my parents yelling at me i go right up to my room and pick at my face. i still pick even though while im doing it i know that my face will just look worse after. I feel like my mom wouldnt help if i try to talk to her about it, shes kinda like how your mom was. always telling me not to pick. I feel terrible, ugly, and more upset when i stop. and i dont wanna grow up and remember my childhood as me having bad acne. Ive skipped sports pictures, school pictures, and going out with my boyfriend and friends cause im so self conscience of my face. when i go to school, i try not to look at people dead on cause im afraid that theyll only be looking at my big pimple on my forehead. everytime i see someone having a conversastion i think its about my acne. Im really happy to see that im not alone and other people can relate to me. you dont know much this means to me that i can finally say what ive been needing to get out for a while now.

[RatherNotSay]

I'm 23. I've had very mild acne since I was 14. I've also been picking at my so called "acne" since I was 14.
I pick obsessively at it, at as a result it turns into a real acne problem.
I've never told anyone because it's extremely embarrassing. But people notice, which makes me even more ashamed. I've been caught staring at my pored 1mm from the mirror. When this happens I feel utterly ashamed with myself and try to pretend I was doing something (like a fool) and when I'm alone again I just go right back at it. When I have a black head, white head or whatever that I want to get to, I just can't leave it be, I can't concentrate on ANYTHING else until I get to a mirror and pop it. Picking/popping/whatever offers no relief I just feel like crap after.
I'd like to think it's just a little thing, and it's not that big of a deal but unfortunately, I spend at least 1 hour a day doing this, everyday. Sometimes I've made my skin look so bad, or I feel so ashamed I don't even leave the house because of it. I stay home locked up for a few days until I think it looks better, even though this never really works because I just stay home and continue.
It's a vicious circle and I don't know how to stop!
I see a lot of other people do it too, but none of us know how to stop!
I have an idea though.
I used to have an equally bad habit of biting the inside of my mouth. It was really bad and I did it for years, since I was 7, and I only stopped when I was 20. I would also feel really ashamed of myself when I made the inside of my mouth bleed from biting so much. I ended up stopping it by chewing gum every time I got an urge and then forcing myself to think how disgousting it would feel to have all the insides of my mouth bleeding and raw.
It worked. Now I have to think of a replacement thing to do when I get the urge to pick at my face. Something positive obviously, and force myself to think about how horrible it will look afterward. I hope I can do it because I don't want to spend my entire life like this it makes me feel like a crazy person!

[velocity]

I don't know what brought me here after all of these years (I'm 40) of picking at my face. This began in my early teens and believe it was triggered by comments from other kids about my acne. It put me in a compulsive zone to get rid of these imprefections so that I wouldn't be humiliated. I think I'd probably have normal skin if I didn't park myself in front of the mirror and pick for hours. I go into a trance...literally. The house could be on fire and I wouldn't know it. So I go into this trance where nothings on my mind. No worries. Just peace. And then when I've ripped it apart and stop - I become enranged at myself. Pure hate. Why do I do this to myself? It's gotta be a compulsive disorder. Am I going live this life until I die? Avoiding social situations, staying in the house for days, avoiding eye contact, taking it out on my friends/family when I'm typically a loving person, career implications in avoiding meetings or asserting myself more in a situation.

It feels incredible to talk on this board. I've never talked/told anyone, but in looking back in my life - it has been so damaging. I'm not living a quality life. I've tried all the tricks (hiding mirrors, putting up notes), but I cannot restrain myself.

Thanks for listening. It helps to talk it out. I know I can be a beautiful woman underneath the mess.

[robin]

This is my first time posting and admitting to being a face picker.

I am 31 now....and I have been dealing with this problem for about 10 years....
Honestly, I have been very lucky the last few years as I am doing this activity less and less.... I sortof gave myself a rule that I'd only pick my face if it was just a really bad zit and besides that....or very unnoticable places on my face (like my chin) but for the most part, I have to fight the urge...

I'm trying very hard right now to get used to just having small pimples and black heads on my face and not touching htem...sometimes what happens is I'll have them there for a day or two and I cannot fight the urge...I'll just give myself permission to pick (just one) and then later on...I feel totally guilty. I just had an episode like that tonight and picked some black heads and now I feel horrible!

My boyfriend has such clear skin and I wonder if he knows what i am doing to myself....I hate how much this makes me have low self esteem because I'm always aware of how noticable the "aftermarks" are when I pick.... i just want to be able to stop altogether.... I'm happy when there are no mirrors around and when I'm in places I am mentally not aware of what I'm doing.. I want to just forget about my face and leave it be....

i am going to try.... my goal is to stop focusing in on my face when I look in the mirror....It helps to make eye contact! I want to keep reminding myself that I have a problem and that I enjoy the controle of trying to get the stuff out of my pimple but regardless of my own behavior, it is not good for my skin and I must learn how to not out on this compulsion...I want to remind myself that I don't need to do this, that I am strong and can overcome this altogether, that this can be a thing of the past if I can only let go and trust that whatever I have done in the past can be left there and that today I can stop this...

If it's any help guys, I have already gotten much better than how I used to be and my friends don't notice the severity on my face anymore...only I know that i'm doing this...and it bothers me...so keep on being aware of this and I wish you all luck!

[Sharon63]

I know exactly how you feel, you're not alone. I'm 46 yrs old & have been picking since I was in my early teens. I have scars on every part of my body. It's a daily struggle for me. Some days are worse than others, but it's on my mind at some point everyday. I've taken OCD meds, anti-anxiety meds, & tranquilizers to help me be able to stop picking. I've gone to dermatologists, psychiatrists & therapists. I'm currently using a combination of drugs & counseling, with some success. DO NOT GIVE UP! There are days when I'm completely overwhelmed with the desire to pick. It's important to learn your triggers. For me, it's being alone at night, especially if it's been warm and my skin feels oily. If I don't stay out of the bathroom & away from a mirror I will destroy my face. If I manage to stay away from a mirror, I'll pick other parts of my body. When I'm at that point, I take a low dose of my tranquilizer, fill my tub with water, turn the lights way down or off, and soak until I feel the anxiety begin to pass. I even have friends I call, who know about my problem, and they help me get my mind off my skin. I've even tried writing about how I'm feeling at the time I most want to pick. In fact, I wrote a poem once:

The Prayer

My thoughts are the same day in and day out,
Why am I this way? I'm so filled with doubt.

I wake-up each morning never quite sure.
When will I feel good? Is there a cure?

My stomach's in knots as my feet hit the floor.
Another day starts, "can't I just sleep some more?"

I take a deep breath and head for the sink.
The mirrors reflection sends me over the brink.

I've done it again, I think to myself,
and reach for the make-up that sits on the shelf.

It's all too familiar this sight that I see.
Embarrassed of the face that looks back at me.

Why can't I stop and leave things alone?
I just make it worse... the depression has grown.

I look to the sky and ask for His help.
Please take all the pain and despair I have felt.

I love you dear God, and I know you love me.
Please help me to see the face that you see.

I'll never stop trying to quit this awful compulsion, and you shouldn't either. My family and close friends don't understand why I do what I do, and I've told them that I don't either. It's not something I can explain. I hate it! I want to look like most everyone else does. I don't wear shorts or short-sleeved shirts. When I wear dresses I have to wear colored stockings to hide the scars. I don't look forward to going out, it takes so long to put on my make-up. I don't want to have to worry about this anymore. So, I'll keep trying and I really hope you do too!
Sincerely,
Sharon

[Midwestern]

I just want to say thanks to the last person for the positive encouragement ... and to everyone for sharing their stories and giving encouragement. My story is similar to everyone's here so I won't go into details but I hope that all of us can learn to love ourselves and stop being such perfectionists and stop thinking that picking will help us.

[Midwestern]

Oct 22, 2009 18:35:24 GMT -5 @Sharon63 said:

I know exactly how you feel, you're not alone. I'm 46 yrs old & have been picking since I was in my early teens. I have scars on every part of my body. It's a daily struggle for me. Some days are worse than others, but it's on my mind at some point everyday. I've taken OCD meds, anti-anxiety meds, & tranquilizers to help me be able to stop picking. I've gone to dermatologists, psychiatrists & therapists. I'm currently using a combination of drugs & counseling, with some success. DO NOT GIVE UP! There are days when I'm completely overwhelmed with the desire to pick. It's important to learn your triggers. For me, it's being alone at night, especially if it's been warm and my skin feels oily. If I don't stay out of the bathroom & away from a mirror I will destroy my face. If I manage to stay away from a mirror, I'll pick other parts of my body. When I'm at that point, I take a low dose of my tranquilizer, fill my tub with water, turn the lights way down or off, and soak until I feel the anxiety begin to pass. I even have friends I call, who know about my problem, and they help me get my mind off my skin. I've even tried writing about how I'm feeling at the time I most want to pick. In fact, I wrote a poem once:

The Prayer

My thoughts are the same day in and day out,
Why am I this way? I'm so filled with doubt.

I wake-up each morning never quite sure.
When will I feel good? Is there a cure?

My stomach's in knots as my feet hit the floor.
Another day starts, "can't I just sleep some more?"

I take a deep breath and head for the sink.
The mirrors reflection sends me over the brink.

I've done it again, I think to myself,
and reach for the make-up that sits on the shelf.

It's all too familiar this sight that I see.
Embarrassed of the face that looks back at me.

Why can't I stop and leave things alone?
I just make it worse... the depression has grown.

I look to the sky and ask for His help.
Please take all the pain and despair I have felt.

I love you dear God, and I know you love me.
Please help me to see the face that you see.

I'll never stop trying to quit this awful compulsion, and you shouldn't either. My family and close friends don't understand why I do what I do, and I've told them that I don't either. It's not something I can explain. I hate it! I want to look like most everyone else does. I don't wear shorts or short-sleeved shirts. When I wear dresses I have to wear colored stockings to hide the scars. I don't look forward to going out, it takes so long to put on my make-up. I don't want to have to worry about this anymore. So, I'll keep trying and I really hope you do too!
Sincerely,
Sharon

Thank you Sharon for this support. I really connected with your poem. My acne got really bad again this summer after I stopped an antibiotic because of stomach aches. Unfortunately, I got out of control again with picking ... and let my anxiety take over. There were so many days when I didn't want to get out of bed because I felt sick to my stomach with what I would see in the mirror ... or with the prospect of seeing other people. I agree that writing helps and finding other ways to deal with the compulsion. I try to be around other people and tell myself how my acne will clear up if I let the medicine work and give it time, how it will look worse if I pick at it. I also try to relax myself by talking it through with my mom or fiance and taking a nice warm bath and listening to some classical music. It usually helps ... as long as I have my acne under control ... I have chronic cystic acne that I've recently learned is actually hormonal (spironolactone has helped tremendously ... if you have really oily skin and lots of breakouts along your jaw line I recommend trying it ... it took 2 months for it to work for me ... but now my skin is much better).

Oh yeah, and smiley faces help I don't know what it is but it evokes a feeling of happiness.

It's important I think to get beyond yourself ... because ultimately what matters is out there ... the ability to help others and make a contribution ... which is hard to do when hiding from the world.

[GoingCrazy]

It's amazing to see just how many people pick their skin as much as I do. I have had skin problems for years but recently I have picked my tiny little zits into huge scabs. I'm on numerous medications and told my doctor that I couldn't believe how clear my chest and back were but my face was such a mess. She asked if I ever picked those areas and I said no. She told me I have to stop and if I don't, no amount of medication will help me.

I recently read an article that has helped me to think about putting my hand to my face. www.acne.org/habit-reversal.html

I have started to employ some of the techniques from the article which have made it easier to stop picking. One of the things I do is keep an old stick of eyeliner next to my bathroom mirror which is where I do almost all of my picking. Whenever my hand goes to my face, I put a tally mark on the mirror which helps me keep track of just how often I touch my skin. Another thing that I do that really helps is I wear gloves when I am by myself in my apartment. I can still do most things (I am typing this article in them) and it keeps me from picking COMPLETELY.

Picking is a compulsive disorder that we all obviously have an issue with. With persistence, we can all try and kick this bad habit!

[NO MORE]

I feel all of your pain-everyone! I too have suffered with this disorder for YEARS and YEARS. I randomly read about the vitamin inositol helping this problem. i have been taking it and even if it only has a placebo affect-it is worth a shot right? placebos have actually been proven to be quite effective if you truly believe that it will work. i also like the fact that it is NOT a prescription. also, i noticed that when i quit smoking cigarettes my urge to pick decreased. the main thing is just being conscious of it ALL THE TIME. i haven't looked in the mirror in a few days and don't plan on it for the next YEAR. i am so fed up with this! i used to have beautiful skin and i have torn it to shreds. my heart goes out to you-may we rise above this horrible problem and live happy pick-free lives!!!

[avery]

i know what all of you guys are going through.
i'm 100% sure my skin would be flawless if i could just leave it alone. if i get angry or sad or stressed, i have an obsession with getting close to the mirror and examining my pores. if i have a pimple or a blackhead, i squeeze it.
no matter how much i tell myself not to do, i still do it. i can't make myself stop. it's like my body won't listen to me.

i'm gonna try and find a way to stop myself from doing this, because it's having a huge impact on my self-esteem. i like this guy and don't even have the confidence to ask him out or kiss him because my skin is so terrible. i have to wear a lot of make-up and i go through a lot each month.

it's a terrible habit : (

[Sharon1]

I am SO glad to see how many people are reaching out to each other here! Knowing you aren't alone can make all the difference in the world to someone who thinks they're the 'only one' picking at their skin. Like I said before, I've been fighting this battle for many years. Everyday I wake up saying to myself "today I will stay out of the mirror & let my skin heal", and I'm sincere each time I say it. Some days I'm successful, & others I'm not, but I'm determined to try. I know how upsetting it is to desperately want clear, smooth skin... then find yourself in a mirror, tearing it apart. Usually there's no rhyme or reason to why we're compelled. Feeling a bump under the skin, or seeing acne anywhere on the body can 'eat' at you until that's all you think about. I want to thank everyone who's sharing their experiences & possible solutions. Any positive suggestions or ideas are greatly appreciated! The bottom line is, "you are NOT alone." I wish all of you complete success & a lifetime of healthy skin. Sincerely, a fellow struggler.

[Jacob]

Hi everyone. I'm really amazed how similar all of your problems are to my own. I'm twenty four now, (a guy) and I've been picking/popping/squeezing/ and all of that crap for about eight years. It sucks. I'm an outgoing person and I feel trapped in my home lately. It is a perpetual cycle that will never stop unless I leave my home more often. I realize this, because the most healthy my skin has ever looked is when i have people "in my face" frequently. This keeps me from picking, because I know that the redish sqeezed areas of my face are obvious, more so than the zit itself. I have a stay at home job, and this is a stressful one. This does not help, but the money and freedom is unbeatable. My family does not pick at their skin from what i can tell, or ever have. I think this is completely related to my own stress. I brux my teeth (clench) and pick at my skin frequently. I hate myself as soon as I'm done, and realize that i'm only making matters worse with each "session" because i'm sure you all know that picking and squeezing damages your dermis and suppresses and spreads the infected zit area farther and deeper into the skin, making it worse. then when the f'd up zit is trying to heal, the nasty scab over it bothers me and i pick that. Making a scar that can take a longgggg time to heal. I realize that a " permanent depression" in my skin, is wayyy worse than a "temporary bump" that will go away. But still in knowing this, I STILL DO IT. there is something wrong with that. Man o man is this annoying. but venting really helps. This is the first time like a few of you, that i've ever talked about it to others. I think that the person above that mentioned leaving your house and "getting out there" is one of the best solutions. I have a job upcoming on the Harbor on a tour boat part time that is going to help with my issues, because of the fact that I'm a salesman, and will be interacting with strangers and my friends on a regular basis, and won't want to look weird. So my opinion is to get a public part time job. it will help you. I also had really clear skin when I was having intercourse more often. I don't want any of you to feel uncomfortable about me mentioning this, that is not my intention. If anything, it kind of makes me feel a little uncomfortable...but anyway i feel that being intimate really helped ME because i didn't want my lover to be unattracted to me for one, and because sex is a powerful stress relief for me. Now that i've been single and celibate, i feel this also impacts my stress level, and in return, my acne.......but for any of you that are underage, don't take that advise. Anyway that is what I know about myself. hope your all doing better. -Jacob-

[toastergirl17]

I should have looked this up a long time ago. I thought that I was some kind of freak because of my obsession, if I can call it that. All i know is that sometimes when im alone or just feeling weird, i go to the bathroom or my bedroom mirror, see myself in it, and get the urge to pop a pimple. I always say, "Ok, just this one" but it always turns into more. Then I negotiate with myself, saying that as long as I stick to one location it might not be so bad. However thats like a crack addict saying that as long as they just stick with the low grade stuff, it will be alright. It might take most of the urge away, but its already started. I then continue for perhaps hours till there isn't a spot on my face clear of either redness, enlarged bumps, or even scabs in the making. Afterwards I feel horrible because I know that ive destroyed perfectly healthy skin and that now I look horrible, but in a sense I dont care. I used to when my mom would tell me to stop picking my face, but now i do it in private so no one has to see and so the next day I can blame it on just being a teenager with acne. I dont really know the whole reason I do it, but I suppose it is the equivalent to cutting without razors. Afterwards, I feel a sense of relief and less stressed than prior to picking. However this causes more stress later because I now have a broken out face that i'm even disgusted by. For the next few days I can have a little field day, because of the new white mounds developing on my face, but for the most part I hate myself for causing these lesions. I know that it is an addiction and I want more than anything to stop, but they dont make any meds for the source of the addiction or a clinic that will help break the cycle. And even though it is more common than I thought, I am still to embarassed to talk to anyone. I hope that someday down the road someone comes out with an organization or something to help people like me