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Post by Picked On on Dec 1, 2005 19:48:38 GMT -5
I'm so sick of his picking my pimples after he's picked his own to the point where he has permanent raised scars on his chest. (Sometimes he scrubs at them with pumice stones and gouges them with needles.)
We just had an argument after he kept insisting on picking a pimple to the point where I was screaming with pain, and he wouldn't stop. When I tried to push his hands away, he claimed I was trying to scratch out his eyes. Normally he is a super-logical person, but his arguments in defense of his picking are totally irrational. He's borderline abusive, turning on me and saying I'm the one who's nuts for objecting and "overreacting."
Things have gotten so bad that immediately after sex, he starts in on my pimples again. In fact, he spends more time scrutinizing me for blackheads than he does in sex itself. I feel like he's more interested in my pimples than anything else about me.
What is the best way to get him to recognize that he is the one with the mental disorder and needs to stop? It's so nuts that he calls ME insane for complaining, especially when he holds me down and squeezes so hard it hurts--sometimes using a needle to puncture the skin.
This is getting way out of hand. He's been away for a week, and he immediately started in on this the minute he got home. I'm too angry to go to bed.
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Post by anonymousartist on Dec 2, 2005 0:02:01 GMT -5
You could look up some information online and print it out for your husband. Don't approach it in an accusing manor, but you need to communicate that what he is doing is something that he's not alone in doing but it is hurting you and that you can't go on with it.
It is an abusive behavior though, and that's pretty scary. There are other couples who pick on each other and don't mind (my parents used to, but they had umm, other abusive issues). I really think it would be best to seek out counselling for you and your husband. There could be more serious issues that need working out. If the abusive tendencies are carrying in to other areas of your life, they need to be taken care of as well.
Try looking up and calling a women's resource center in your area. They can probably help set you up with counseling. The people who work for these centers are very caring people who are qualified to help people in abusive situations.
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Post by bluegem on Dec 4, 2005 3:04:35 GMT -5
Picking is a totally irrational behaviour and most of us do seem to be the types who are otherwise highly rational. I agree with anonymousartist, counselling, communication, just letting him know that you understand it's a disorder but it's hurting you. Just make sure you approach him in a gentle way - even getting counselling just for yourself to help calm your anger to start with will probably help. Counselling isn't just for 'crazy people' - in today's world, I really believe everyone should get counselling, life is just too full on.
Please remember though - he isn't nuts. He has a compulsive disorder and has found a way of coping with his feelings in picking, but make sure you don't insinuate that he is a crazy person when you talk to him. That's one thing we all get defensive over, so insinuating that will just drive the problem to be worse. Not crazy, but needs your help and support. It's a long road to healing, but a good support system really helps.
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Post by Caileag on Dec 18, 2005 16:43:29 GMT -5
Show him this forum. Like many people who pick he probably doesn't even realize this is a compulsion and is not normal. I certainly never realized what it was until I started reading. I even look at my children and want to pick at their skin even though I would normally never do anything to hurt them. If my husband has a pimple it drives me to distraction to the point I can't even look at him. Your husband's overwhelming urge to "fix" your skin is overriding his rational feelings of not wanting to hurt you. Once he realizes it isn't normal you have to get his buy-in on creating limits of what you will and won't allow him to do. I would recommend not letting him pick you at all because once you get going it is very difficult to stop with just one blemish. Maybe he can get some ideas of how to reduce or limit his picking from the "tips for quitting" forum.
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Post by LinLyn on Apr 26, 2006 16:15:13 GMT -5
I started picking when I was 4, because I saw my mom doing it. I joined in and started picking at her too, then I moved on to my own flesh. I have phases where it gets better and worse. I dont cause the original scabs but even the smallest skin problem can give me enough to make a real mess. I have even held my cat down and ripped of her scabs. How awful is that?!
I tried to not pick as much because I got a boyfriend who finds me beautiful, and I wanted to keep it that way. But one night, he asked me to pop his zit. Now he has more than one zit because he has been stressed, so after popping that one, as time went on, I have popped about a dozen of his zits. If he has a big pussy one, I can't even look at him because I want to destroy it so much. My face has gotten gross again because I am not scared of him knowing I did it to myself, since he asks me to do it to him half the time. But now in his sleep, I pick at his skin... looking for something to rip off without him waking up. I am so worried he will wake up any night now and not just realize that I was trying to pop his zit or something, but that he has blood all over. Luckily he is a heavy sleeper and I normally dont hit blood because he will jerk a little or groan before I get the chance. I realy dont want him to wake up and know that I was trying to get him to bleed. I feel like a bad person, like a sicko. When he wakes up for a moment and wraps his arms around me, I wonder if he would still hug me if he knew that I was staring at his blemishes... feeling around them... sliding my nails over them. Back and Forth. Searching for that flap of dead skin that I can rip off quickly to reveal the glossy crimson goodness underneath.
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Post by sabreena on May 23, 2006 22:21:30 GMT -5
Dear LinLyn, the two of you just stop, just stop, just stop, pretend you have no skin to pick, do anything else.....
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Post by Gnosis on Jun 7, 2006 15:56:59 GMT -5
show him a web site with information about the disorder.. try and get him to see a counselor... and please remember that he does not do any of these things to harm you in any way. it is a disorder and he will have you yelling and begging for mercy and still not stop what he is doing... I know because I do the same thing to my mother... It is horrible, but she puts up with me... poor woman  |
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