a really bad spell

[jediknight]

hello, i am new here, i was happy to stumble onto this place i think it could help me, and maybe i can help someone as well.....i have been a skin picker as long as i can remember, ok so i recently broke out severely, i was doing really well for a few months before that. since this happened about 2 months ago its a constant, bloody battle. my face keeps breaking out more, i keep picking. there is so much crap in my pores -i just want it OUT. sorry to be so nasty. but truely this is killing me inside. last nite i just was like f*** it. i went all out and just sabotaged my face. i called off work and went to the doc this morning it was so bad- and people there were staring- it made me cry. i am a grown up mind you. this is truely destroying my life. i can't even stand for my children to look at my face i am that embarrassed. so anyway here is my question, what do i do now, now that i look like a war victim and cannot leave the house, and keep getting more bumps. how do i let myself heal and stop picking, and not want to just end it all everytime i think about what i have done to myself. i can't have anyone here to help me, and i can't go anywhere, makeup cannot cover this mess! its like i am so depressed i get to the point where i wanna scratch my whole face off -to win, to show my face/body who is boss. to hurt myself more as punishment, i know this is insane. but i am being honest i hope i an get some input. thanks for listening

[anonymousartist]

hi jediknight. I've seen a few of your posts around lately. I'm sorry about your bad spell but remember the only way to go when down is up. Now let's see about how you can let this one go....At night, I would put desitin creamy all over my face. This will help heal those nasty spots. Salicylic acid can also bring down the inflamation, so maybe try some of that first. During the day, some aloe or aloe gel (this is very cheap in the stores right now with summer coming up, try to find a fragrance free one) after a gentle wash (I use cetaphil). The aloe gel will make your skin feel smoother, but most importantly, clean. It also helps healing. You can aslo try a clay mask for all over your face to make you feel like you're doing something to clean those pores, and it'll take your attention off going at them one at a time. Spend some time pampering yourself: do your nails, light some candles, take a saltwater bath (or milk bath), listen to some soothing music, maybe try meditation. Let yourself feel refreshed. I promise you it will all be so much better in only a couple of days if you can reduce your picking (maybe you need some time off.....maybe it's not so bad to be stuck in the house).

And to take your mind away from thinking that you're "doing good" while picking (even though you know logically it makes it worse, I feel ya, I've been doing it too lately) remember that your skin can take care of itself and will heal itself with time. That puss you're sqeezing out is really a collection of white blood cells and skin cells, the white blood cells are trying to "eat" the infection, and picking doesn't get the infection out, just those cells that are trying to help, while maybe even squeezing the infection down more. I'm going to this one with you and keep repeating: "picking will NEVER do good for me". I think we keep trying, waiting for that ultimate, final pop, but it'll ver happen. We gotta give up.

--becca