I am new here and I hope I can help

[SF31]

I have been picking for ten years now but it is only been in the last few years that I have tried to figure out why. I have what I feel is valuable information but since I am new I don't know what may have already been posted on the subject. If I repeat anything I apologize.
What I have learned (brief version):
I am a perfectionist. My attempts to be perfect inevitably fail which causes me anxiety. This is where the picking comes in. I pick for a lot of reasons but they all relate to anxiety from not being perfect. (e.g. not being skinny enough, not being pretty enough, not being assertive enough, not being motivated enough and the list goes on but you get the point.) It all boils down to not being "good enough." Of course this is a lie but sometimes it is easier to believe a lie than to reprogram our thinking.
Picking for me serves many purposes.
1. It relieves the anxiety (for the short term)
2. It makes me look on the outside the way I feel on the inside (takes me down a few notches)
3. It gives me something to hide behind ("Oh I can't go out my face looks horrible")
4. It lets the world around me know that I am not perfect-taking the pressure off in a way (in essence I'm telling the world "I can't possibly be perfect! Look at my face!!!")
*It serves those purposes but it also serves to make me feel ashamed, sad, out of control, foolish, ugly and all those horrible feelings we all feel when we do this to ourselves.
Things that I have found that help with the physical aspect of this problem.
1. Taking Zinc. It really speeds up healing.
2. For those inclined to wear makeup MAC has a really great foundation stick and powder. It covers unbelievable well.
Since realizing these things I have been doing better because knowing is half the battle. This is the first time I have ever posted on any website and the reason I did is this: I hate doing this to myself as I know you do. It hurts not only our skin but our spirits and out self esteem. If my opening up myself helps even one person then it has been well worth it.

[reflection]

I am soooo glad u posted on the board. I am going to therapy and have found out i do it too cos i am a perfectionist and get anxious when i cant follow my goals and am not motivated enough.

When I read what you wrote I felt like it was my own thoughts!! ;D

Hope to hear more. Good luck


Reflection

[SF31]

I am glad I posted too. I have never done this sort of thing but I felt like it would help me (and it did) and hopefully someone else. I was so glad that I found this site because I thought I was just "weird." It always helps to know that you are not the only one.

[reflection]

Exactly. It really does help a lot. It has helped me soo much lately. I hope it will be as good for u. ;D
How much do u pick a day? U dont have to answer...

[SF31]

How much I pick really varies. It depends on how much time I have on my hands and what may be "eating at me." There have been times where I have picked on and off just about all day. I can do it for hours!!! I'll rotate between my face, arms, legs, chest and back. Of course some days I don't pick at all or maybe I'll just pick that truly offensive one that really "needs" it. But I have found that the longer I pick the less it seems to matter to me that I am damaging my skin. The whole idea that it's going to look nasty anyway so may as well keep going.
A side note on what else I have realized. I am always thinking about something while doing this. It is usually the same thing the whole time (sometimes it might me two things). It is, for me, generally something that I need to say to someone or perhaps something I felt I should have said better.

[reflection]

yea i tried figuring out what i was thinking while picking but i can never find any patterns.. i just think of random things that i wanna do or have done..
does it help u stop when u r aware of ur thinking?

[SF31]

sadly, no. I just keep thinking about it until I suddenly stop picking b/c the urge is gone. In reference to the things that you're thinking about: Is it about how you will do something or how well you will do it? Anything that would indicate the need for perfection?

[hoppe as guest]

Hi SF31

Welcome to the board!

I am impressed by your insight. You just said everything I have been thinking in ONE post - for me it took like 200 posts to get there! I pick for all the same reasons. Relieve anxiety. Show to the world how I feel inside. Have an excuse to hide ..... . etc.
Hope to hear more from you!

Reflection, are you ok? I just saw your post on the support board!

hoppe

[Ronja]

"I'm not good enough" That's exactly what I wrote in a mind map I did with my therapist (I started it two weeks ago and I can't wait the next time even though I need to talk about things that make me feel ashamed)

I recognize perfectionism in myself too. It seems that every time I try to start doing my homework I start picking because I want it to be perfect, and I know it won't be. Yesterday I tried to start several times but couldn't get very far before I found myself picking my arms. Finally I tied my wrists but then I started to cut my nails and fingers. Oh well, today they hurt so bad I couldn't pick at all...

Thank you for posting, theres something to talk about with my therapist the next time! I'm new here too but I've been reading these posts for a few weeks now. Just haven't had the courage to write before.

[manic]

Nonono!!! Please don't use MAC, it is so bad for your skin. They designed all of their makeup for Studio lights, & fashion shows. Most of what they have on the market is not "all day everyday" makeup. Look at it's spokes person. The reason that it covers so well is because it's pretty muck spackle. The main ingredient in it is like a wax, which stretches out your pores and only leaves them susceptible to dirt dust, and other particles that we will ultimately try to pick at. When I read your post, I was shocked because I feel the exact same way about perfection. I get so mad at myself... I don't know if this will help but this is my advice. This has helped me so much.

1. Stick to one Cleaning treatment system. (Your skin can't handle all the different products) One Cleaner, Toner, and Moisturizer, Masks. I use N/V Perricone M.D. which you can get at higher end department stores. It's expensive -but I'm willing to spend money on something that will alleviate this problem. My dermatologist has the exact same face picking problem she uses it also. She also recommends things like nutrigena & eucrin. I used to use Proactive- it helps too ( but then I realized I don't have an acne problem) Just stick to one it really helps. I know what it's like to be a product whore. I would buy anything that promised to help- but unless you buy the whole product line -it doesn't. The ingredients are designed to be used with one another.

2. If so inclined to use make up (which I do) Use any with a multi-vitamin it covers and simultaneously helps restore the skins pigment. I used to over dry my skin, to close all of the pores That I picked at. It just elongates the healing process. And increases the risk for long term scaring.

3. It helps me when I start to pick, to make myself step back a couple of feet away from the mirror and tell myself "this is what everyone else can see, no one else can see this shit that I'm picking at"

4. The bumps (not black or white heads) The small bumps are deposits that rise on your skin because of an excess of nutrients in your body. Mine is mostly calcium. (I went as far as to take an allergy test because I thought I was allergic to something) I'm not. 700 dollars later. To help this problem they say to drink a lot of water- it helps flush the excess out (it also helps with wrinkles and in general will make you feel better) I hate drinking water so I bought straws it helps a couple of glasses go down smoother.

All of this has helped me so much, I hope it does for you. I'm still not "perfect" but I only relapse maybe once a month.

[alice]

i was so glad to read on your site that im ham not the only person with this problem. I have been picking me skin from about the age of 10 i am now 34 yours old my fase as sufferd a lot because of this habbit problem im not sure what you could call it is it self harm i can think of a million reasons why i do this i just carnt stop

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