help me i cant stop!

[M]

Terrific, Emma! Keep note of this good feeling and, like you said, even if you pick just a little, if you can stop yourself in the middle of it, you are on the right path to retraining yourself into a different pattern. You will no longer be "caught" in that "trance" that is so difficult to get out of once your in. Congrats, again!! (by the way, my face is clear now, too, except for a few red spots that are almost healed : ))

[reformedpicker]

Emma- that is soooooo wonderful! Congratulations- you are such an incredible inspiration!!!

M- I don't think you sound preachy at all! Please don't become short-winded- at least not until you have shared lots more of your insight. I think you are exactly right- we have to work through what is 'off' with us internally - then the picking will probably take care of itself. My new dermatologist (who was the first to ever say I was doing this to myself and that I have no acne at all) used the best analogy (in my opinion)- he said "I think you need to talk to someone who has more expertise in the roots of this behavior- I feel like I'm just replacing a headlight when there's really an engine problem" and it all clicked for me- up until that point I truly didn't consciously know it was me creating, increasing and prolonging marks on my face. I thought I had bad skin and I was just trying to always purge those damn pores, no matter what it took!

No doctor had ever acknowledged that it might be self- induced. My (ex)boyfriend was with me at the appointment and had to steer me out of the office and to the car- I was in such shock and couldn't even talk- we went home and talked about the entire thing and he had known all along that it was me!!! He knew that if HE had tried to tell me that I would have been livid and denied the accusations- it had to come from someone not so close, personally, I guess.

It's been a rough road to accepting it and admitting I needed help- it's bigger than I am and not something I am able to beat on my own, at this point, but the derm referred me to an amazing therapist who has been a true gift.

I really wanted to thank you for your one drink analogy- for the past 24 hours each time I catch myself going in for a close-up exam in the mirror I have stopped and asked myself- would you give an alcoholic just one drink? no- don't give yourself one pick... and I have been able to walk away EVERY SINGLE TIME!!! this is really big for me- and I'm so glad to have another tool to use against this terrible habit!

thanks again! have a great week everyone- and Emma you are the best!!!

[M]

Reformedpicker - Reading your message gave me tears and chills. In writing these things, I really feel that I'm giving myself therapy, as I am definitely not REformed, just more INformed than I was before, which is helping me to move in the right direction. My behaviors are definitely better than before, and I know that if I continue all the things I'm writing about, I'll grow more and more into that vision of clear skin being the norm! It was so nice to hear your thoughts in response to my post, as shortly after I wrote the last one, I went in for a short, but "naughty" pick session. But, doing well today, and reading your note just gave me energy again. I feel like such a hypocrite. But, guys, just know that, even though I talk like I'm a "know-it-all," I'm still struggling too. Like they say with "alcololics" . . . they're never NOT an alcoholic, just "recovering." I guess we must look at it that way too. We will probably always have a tendency toward some type of obsessive behavior with a weakness toward our faces/skin, but there will come a point when we will look in the mirror with strength and self-confidence to smile and move on. We will, for once, have only gratitude for the gift that this challenge will have brought us!! Hmmmm, that, I think, will be the vision that I will run through my head daily. At least for now, until I think of a better one : ). Good night, All!