help me i cant stop!

[Emma]

i need serious help ok i am 13 nearly 14 , i dont get pimples that often maybe like i break out in once a month when its "that time" but thats about all .in this time little bumps come up and i squeeze the hell out of them and when nothing comes out i get angry and squeeze it even more .the next day its really red and the surrounding area is full red. its bad becos i do it to every bump i have on my face even if it isnt a pimple! i then get upset and angry becos my face is destrotyed so much that i stay inside for like a week and i dont let anybody see me,its really upsetting me but the thing is i only get the on my forehead no where else! i dont know how to stop because once i squeeze one i cant stop! and i use a needle to get the things out of i cant squeeze them out! its horrible!!!

[reformedpicker]

Emma-
I am so glad you are smart enough and strong enough to catch this at your age- I know that does nothing for you right this minute, but please try to step back, take a deep breath and see that there are over 700 members of this group- many, if not most, of whom are in their 20s, 30s, 40s and on- many of us also started doing what you are doing- and we have continued for DECADES!!! I wish I had been half the person you are and recognized this in time to prevent scarring that will fade, but never fully disappear!

I want you to please feel free to email me or respond here any time you need anything- to vent like your original post, for advice- anything. I would loooove to help you feel better!

I wish there was a magic pill you could take before bed that would give you a clean slate- an unpicked face free of red splotches, holes, and the rest of the marks we furiously impart on ourselves!

The bad news is that the only real way to get that face back is time- it sucks though!

The fastest healing trick I have found is to put neosporin and bandaids on the spots you have gone after- if I have used a needle I try to put hydrogen peroxide on a cotton ball and rub that over the spots first- that helps disinfect and reduces scarring.

It also might help to find a picture of your face looking like it did before you started this and tape it on your mirror- make yourself look at this before going in for the attack!

Force yourself to throw away the needles, tweezers, safety pins and any other tools you use. It's hard, I know- but if you don't have them you can't use them and eventually buying new tweezers gets old!

Hopefully these tips will help you immediately, because I know you are frustrated and want and need instant results...

The best thing you could do for yourself to put a real stop to this would be to talk to someone, but I understand that isn't always an option- this group isa terrific source of support and I'm so proud of you for finding it and asking for help!

Are you able to talk to your Mom or Dad? What about a doctor? Do you go to a dermatologist?

Please let me know if any of this is helping- sometimes just knowing someone is there who understands and cares makes a world of difference!

I hope I haven't irritated you with my loooooooong list of suggestions- if I did tell me and I'll shut up!

Most importantly, remember- IT WILL HEAL IF YOU LET IT! We will help you stop!

Hugs,
reformedpicker

[Emma]

Thankyou so much! i feel like everyone i see has perfect skin and then theres just me with these red marks on my face ive chucked out the needle ive been using and cut my fingernails short so i cant dig into my skin i think this started when i got my first pimple i pooped it and thought it was fun to see the stuff come out of it.pretty sad i know. but my best friend has gorgeous skin and i feel that if i sit next to her my skin will look really bad so i squeeze all the bumps so its smooth.but every night before i have a shower i scan over my skin and squeeze any little bumb i have.i nned to get out of the habbit.im going to be strong cos everytime i squeeze i end up in tears everytime.and wish i hadnt picked or squeezed it! im just going to not go up close to the mirror for a week and see what happens i promise. thankyou very much again.

[reformedpicker]

you are EXACTLY RIGHT!!! it's so frustrating because we all know our 'surgery' as i like to call it- will only make matters worse- i don't think anyone has ever come out of 'surgery' looking better than they did going in- we are all intelligent enough to make that connection, but once you get caught up in picking you can't stop. if you stay away from the mirror for one week i would be willing to bet that your skin will look even better than your best friends does!

a week sounds like an eternity to me, though so i try to make it through one hour chunks of time- sometimes i even break it down to minutes...whatever it takes.

i started out same as you- when i was in highschool my friends, my parents friends- everyone would say "look at her skin- i'd kill for a complexion like hers!..." i would just roll my eyes and think to myself- 'what are they talking about? big deal!'

our psyche is so closely tied with our self esteem. acne can be so devastating- one spot takes on the weight on having a third eye! when i do have the rare, occasional breakout (sounds like we have similar complexions) it's hard to even concentrate on a conversation with someone because all i hear is this alarm repeating in my head: 'they are staring at your bid, ugly, monster spot' over and over- i've realized i frequently will walk away and have no clue what they said, what i said or anything!

next time yhou are in this situation try to remember what they were wearing after you leave. you probably won't- by nature we are all so caught up in ourselves and what they might be thinking about us that we dcon't notice them- then a lightbulb went off in my mind- it's not just ME who is like that- PEOPLE in general are like this, to varying degrees- they probably didn't look at me anymore than i looked closely at them!

maybe this will help you get through the next few days of healing- it's always worse in your head than in reality!

keep up your spirit- great job on throwing out the needles! put the rest in an out of the way place so they aren't convenient to get to- if you have to leave the bathroom and search them out you may be less likely to come back to the mirror.

also make yourself come here to diffuse the urge when it hits- again you WILL beat this- you are already partway there!
Geez- i sound like a cheerleader...time for me to go to bed!

[Ari]

Hey Emma. I am 15 years old, so I now how you feel. I have been picking my fingers since as long as I can remember, but I believe that I have practically gotten rid of the habit. Stopping the picking habit takes time, it causes frustration, there can be times when you are really good but then you fall apart again, but each experience brings you closer to healing. Just give yourself time, keep yourself busy so you don't think about picking, create some alternative behaviors (go online or go here!), try ZT, just don't give up. I gave up many times, but now I am doing the best I ever have. You will stop picking, I promise!

[Emma]

oops i started day one today and ive already broken it i have a sore pimple that i squeezed al yesterday and i squeezed it again this morning cos i thought i saw stuff underneath it but it was only the scab!!! *cries* im not gonna touch it anymore becos it will heal faster if i dont ive been putting an anteseptic (sp?!) cream on it seems to be working but the rest of my face is clearing up i only have about 5 little red spots on my forehead but none on the rest of my face! i had a shower last night without squeezing anything! yes first time in like a year lol good start.ive had no pimples yet for a couple of day well no new ones which is good um.....what else...im gonna stick a note up near my bed so the first thing i see in the morning is "DONT SQUEEZE IT!"i did that last year and my skin cleared up tremendsly(SP?)well that sbout it ill keep you updated on how it goes .BYE!!!

[reformedpicker]

Emma-
so glad to hear about your progress- congrats!!! unfortunately i forgot to follow my own advice...and have picked the hell out of a couple of spots- i'm sooooo pissed at myself. i paused and tried to walk away- telling myself i am the BIGGEST hypocrite- trying to tell you what might help and then not doing it myself...

i'm really disappointed and angry with myself! your most recent post with all your progress has renewed my determination and inspired me to start over RIGHT NOW! i'm going to try your note trick too.

off to find a pad of post its so i can stick them EVERYWHERE!!! wish me luck. thanks!

[Emma]

glad i can help i havent picked all day!!!! going strong!! i suggest also that u go out and buy some healing cream from the drug store something with anteseptic in it so if you do pick u can put that straight on it also if you find that oncealer doesnt work trying to cover the spots buy a "green stick" they r so good look in the make-up section.hope i helped you and thnx for helping me! kep ya posted!

[M]

Emma,

I feel like Reformedpicker does about you! I am 36 and listen with envy that you are so aware of this at 13!! Believe me, you have to know that, right now, your face will heal pretty well, but continuous picking WILL eventually age you so much earlier than you need to!! The damage will happen gradually until suddenly you notice, besides scars, in certain lights you will have little holes, and your pores will have gotton larger on the spots that you pick/squeeze!! I started picking at about your age (7th grade). I happened to have a pimple on my nose and went up to the mirror to pop it in the locker room at school. When I did, I realized it was deeper than I thought, so I squeezed harder, and then noticed all of the little white stuff coming out of all the pores on my nose. I thought, "My gosh, my face is filthy!" And from that point on, I scanned my face often to remove this white stuff from as many pores as I could, thinking I was really "cleaning" my face. If I would've known what I knew later, I would've stopped immediately, and never got into the habit! The worst part is, I never even had that many pimples, I just found things to pick. Of course, I was stimulated by it too, and that's how it began. I've now learned that if I pick, I will cause the pimples to come more . . . it always happens, but it has taken me years to see the correlation. I have also learned that I can never just "pick/squeeze one." It always leads to another and another, because as you squeeze one, stuff starts coming out of other pores, which leads you to go to those, etc.!! Also, after a day of picking/squeezing, you damage the top layer of skin, and in a day or two, it starts scabbing/peeling, which leads you to pick at that, which prolongs the healing process. It really is a vicious cycle. You have to know, that from the start . . . it's never just ONE . . . its a beginning to a week long (or longer) cycle of pain, frustration, and hiding (inside or behind make-up).

Remember this . . . the white stuff in your pores is there to keep your skin soft and to give it elasticity. It also blocks your pores from taking in pimple-causing bacteria. These are all signs of HEALTHY skin!! Not "dirty" skin!! And pimples are your body's way of isolating and pushing out the bacteria that actually enters your pores periodically! Think of your skin as a divine, self-protecting/managing system. If you do your part, then it will do its part cooperatively and effectively. It is not against you. Neither should you feel against IT. However, if you keep squeezing it to remove stuff from your pores, you will gradually weaken the elasticity of your skin, causing your pores to "stretch" and not have that young "tight" look anymore. You will also damage the underlying layers of your skin, thinning/stretching it way before it's time!! I am only in my thirties and I can actually push my finger on my skin next to my nose and see fingerprint indentations that stay there for awhile . . . it also does not bounce back, but "stays" in the position that it was in when I squeezed it (for awhile). I once went to a health clinic that had one of those skin cancer machines where you put your face in it and you can see (with special lights and mirrors) all the damage (supposedly, sun damage) that has occured in your skin to warn you to be careful and use sunscreen, etc., and mine was all pink, like a mask, over the areas that I constantly pick, the rest of the areas were the more "healthy" color. I know it wasn't sun damage, because I use sunscreen on my face all the time! A lady who was in her fifties showed my hers under the lights, and she had none of that!!! And she is out in the sun all the time without sunscreen!! Boy was that embarassing and eye-opening. You cannot see the damage that you're doing underneith that top layer of skin!!! I now feel so old-looking next to others my age . . . even others way older than me!! I get so mad that I didn't understand all of this when I started. It sounds funny, but I really grieve and resent what I have lost through my own obsessiveness. I also thought that I was the only one who did this until I found this site less than a year ago!! What a blessing!!

(Continued on a later post by, "M.")

[M]

(Continued from last post to Emma by, "M.")

Right now, your challenge is the immediate damage (swelling, redness, scabs) that you're doing to your face, but you need to be aware that there is much LONG-TERM damage that you are starting right now also, that won't show up until all of a sudden. And it will seem to come faster and faster as you age! Please keep this in mind. If I only would've known that when I was your age . . .

Well, besides scaring you, here are a few more of my suggestions that have helped me move towards the road to recovery . . .

1. Become REALLY aware of your PATTERNS and the patterns of your breakouts. EXPECT that you will begin to see a few pimples here and there as you reach the time of your period. Try to EMBRACE them and not HATE them. See them as a sign that your body is releasing special hormones that will one day assist you in planning a baby!! It really is amazing how our bodies work!! BUT, REALIZE that the pimples will go away as you end your period without any help from you as this cycle ends. Tell yourself that if you pick at them, etc., they may be there until your next period cycle, in otherwords, constantly!! So, prepare yourself, by watching your cycle (on the calendar, etc.) and be ready to treat your face extra special during this time, by inviting and embracing the pimples, "allowing" them to stay awhile, knowing that they will pack up and leave for vacation in about a week's time, and you will be rewarded with three weeks or so with undamaged skin that will lead to a lifetime of well-cared-for skin!! Oh, how I wish this for you!!

2. Come up with a healthy, rewarding, simple, and quick nightly ritual. Try washing your face in the shower before you go to bed, causing you to stay away from the mirror during this often very vunerable time of the day, at least for many people on this site (a mirror where I could get really close was always a trigger for me to get me started "searching"). Then, when you get out of the shower, the mirror will be steamed up just enough for you to see your face to put toner and night cream on your face, as well as acne cream on any budding pimples, but not not clear enough to allow you to get really close to the mirror to start "searching." Brush your teeth, and then MOVE out of the bathroom to bed or to another activity. This ritual should be clearly in your mind when you enter the bathroom, and you should be very conscious of this plan throughout your time in the bathroom. You should have your supplies (clothes, face supplies, toothbrush, etc.) already laid out to encourage you to get right to them when you get out of the shower. Remember, that if you stop to "investigate," you are already on the wrong path.

(Try candlelight in the bathroom also, as this helps you to see your face as a whole entity, rather than "pimples on a face.")

Try not to focus on extreme or unnatural ways to HIDE your "damage," or how to change the ever-existing fact that there are mirrors in the house and EVERYWHERE by covering them up, never looking in them, etc., or depriving yourself of fingernails, etc. until your face heals (or, at least, only plan to do this for a short amount of time just to get you started . . .) This is like going on a diet that deprives you off all you like to eat, and then once you lose the weight, you go back to your old habits and the weight all comes back again! Try instead to focus on your BEHAVIOR around these things. Your success will be more long term if you learn new, more natural easy to learn/maintain habits and pride yourself in these, instead of taking drastic measures that are difficult to maintain and don't retrain, but rather "punish" you because you are afraid of your bad habits and upset with yourself for having them. Your recovery should be about being creative, personalizing your recovery, self-control, self-praise, and learning things about yourself that you never were aware of before and using that self-awareness to make better choices for yourself!!

Think of your self as an alcoholic . . . (I hope, however, that drinking is not part of your repetoire of things to do, as it isn't mine, but I thought it would be a good comparison . . . ) you've got to break the negative behavior pattern, starting from the VERY beginning of it. "Investigating" your face is like taking that "one drink," which usually is the trigger that leads you to the "second drink," which eventually causes you to get "drunk" and to do stupid/dangerous things that you always regret when your are sober. Does this remind you of the "trance" you fall into once you begin to pick? One "second" leads to an hour in front of the mirror?? And then comes the "damage" that you've done, and then the shame or the "hang-over" that you feel/see for the next several days afterwards??? Thinking this way, I hope, will make it clear to you that you don't even want to start!! The more you do the things mentioned above and are successful with them, the more you look forward to doing them every day!! "Pampering" your face becomes as stimulating as "mutilating" your skin was, but much more rewarding and inspiring than that "past" behavior!!

3. Look into Color Analysis to find your color "season" for clothing and make up. It will help you find the colors that look best on you, and get you the most compliments, so you'll know you look good, every time you wear your colors!! This will give you something else to get obsessed about and look into the mirror for . . . something "bigger" than those darn pimples and pores!! Check out my post "Something Else to Get Obsessed About" in this category!

4. Be aware of your most vunerable times of the day. And be aware of your vunerability during stressful times (lots of homework, negative situations with your friends, etc.) and times when you are alone or can "hide away." These are all times when you may fall more easily into a "picking frenzy." Limit your time in front of mirrors, especially during this time when your not as "strong" as usual. Don't start to "search" for bumps, etc. by feeling your face while your reading, watching television, doing homework, etc.. But if you do, train yourself, day by day, to be OKAY with these. Remember, you WON'T get rid of them by running to the bathroom and trying to squeeze them out!! Not only will this get you started in a full blown pick/squeeze session, you will almost always look/feel much worse than if you just continue reading, etc. Train yourself to think a certain rewarding thought, or to go do something rewarding, like hug someone, call someone, have a piece of candy, chew some gum, etc. when you accidently touch the FIRST bump, instead of looking for more, picking at it, or running to the first mirror you can find. Eventually, you will retrain yourself. But, remember, it will take time. Be patient with yourself!!

5. Look inward and see if there are other problems that you think might be causing stress or fear in your life. "Attack" these with discussions with trusted people, school councellors, a doctor, a friend, etc. rather than attacking your face, which won't solve the underlying problem if there is a significant one.

6. Try going to the bookstore or the public library and find self-help books on all kinds of subjects and categories. You'd be amazed at what you can learn about yourself through this type of reading and how much these types of books inspire you and demonstrate how you can "choose" the life you want rather than being a "victim" of your life/circumstances!

7. Train yourself, little by little, that you are not "your pimples and imperfections" but are something much bigger and beyond what you see in the mirror. See my post here under the title, "God's Domain."

I know there are more tricks that have used and which continue to help me. I will write more if I think of them. I think I've written enough for now, and my son, who is a year younger than you, is at me to get on the internet now : )

I have only positive images of you, Emma. I am sending you my "excitement" for your quick transition to a new and life-fulfilling path.
Speak only of what you believe is true for you. "Be" what is is you want for yourself, and before you know it, you're already there!!

[reformedpicker]

M- LOVE your analogy- searching for pickers is exactly like one drink to an alcoholic- I think that one little thought is really going to help me- thanks so much!!! I'll let you know how it goes. Thanks so much!

Emma- I hope you don't think we are being to preachy to you- I think we both just see sooooo much of ourselves in you and I know I look at it as an opportunity to save someone from this miserable nightmare- that's why people are so excited to pass on every thing we wish we had done- you are so lucky to be so on top of this at your age!!!

[Ari]

M-Thank you so much for your post. I am 15 years old, and these past two weeks, I have been doing really well not picking, only a few picks, and I am lookings o much better. Your post has renewed my urge to stop. It makes me so happy that there are adults like you who really care about making teenagers like us stop. Thank you so much!

[M]

You're welcome. It helps me so much with my ongoing recovery to do this.

By the way, sitting here thinking, I felt that I should repeat the most important step(s) that you/me need to take and continue to focus on . . . I know it's more rewarding and easier to focus on how to get our faces to HEAL, thinking that, "Once it's healed, I'll finally be happy with myself, and I'll leave it alone and never touch it again!" Or looking at going on a "diet," we say, "When I lose all this weight, I'll be happy, and never gain all this weight again!" Well, how many times have people lost the weight only to gain it back. And how many times have our faces been clear or almost clear, and, somehow, we fall back into attacking it again!! Like alcholism and dieting, a person NEEDS to work on the BEHAVIOR part AND learning to be happy with themselves REGARDLESS of our current circumstances. Because, once you get to your ideal goal of having a clear face, you NEED to have all the behaviors, positive thinking strategies, and self-esteem in place to help you continue to maintain that goal (just like losing weight or becoming sober). You won't magically pick these new habits up AFTER you get to your goal!! Isn't it funny how we have this all backwards!!. I guess this would be part of the denial stage??

This has come to me since losing 50 pound over two years ago now. I HAD to change my eating habits, the types of food I ate, and it was LITTLE BY LITTLE, made mistakes, but didn't give up, etc. I also didn't deprive myself or go on any type of diet that you can only eat certain things. This would not have been "changing my behavior for the long term" as I could probably have still gotten to my goal, but I would have felt so deprived, and my eating regimin would be so unnatural that when I entered the "real world" of food again, I wouldn't know how to handle myself and I would probably go overboard and balloon back up. It was important for me to be really conscious of the habits that caused me to become overweight in the first place. It wasn't the food, but the way I BEHAVED around the food. So, when I reached my weight goal, I didn't have to change anything to maintain! It's been an incredible life-changing event for me.

Then . . . I was determined to move to my next challenge, and that was my face picking! After finding this site, I have been slowly changing my behaviors, and it has been slow, but I'm learning that it is not the mirrors, the long fingernails, the pimples, the bumpy skin, the dry flakes, the people around me with nice skin that caused my problem, it was my behavior and my thought processes around these things that began my problem, so this is where I need to continue to focus. Stress, feeling down, crises, being alone, taking showers, removing makeup, looking in the mirror are all things that are going to continue to happen over and over again throughout our lives, so we can't fool ourselves by changing these things until we reach our goal, because we can't do this our entire lifetime during the maintenance stage! But, we can teach ourselves to react and behave differently to/around those things, so that even after we reach our goal of skin clarity, we will continue to have our new self-taught behaviors, reactions, responses, thinking, self-concepts which will continue to carry us through the rest of our lives . . . and may even help us on our next challenges!!

You're right, Reformedpicker! I do sound awful preachy! I'm very long-winded too : ). I apologize. Gotta go for now!

[M]

Oh, one more thing . . . a few times on this site, I have heard people mention the "12 step process" that people use to recover from alcoholism, and how it can be applied to the skin picking behaviors that we struggle with. I haven't looked into these steps, but I think they are similar to what I've been talking about above. I will see what is on the net regarding the "12 steps." You may want to check it out too : ).

There, that was short : ) See, I can do it too : ).

[Emma]

hey guess what?! one week nearly and ive only picked about three times but nothing major like nothing my skin is looking sooooo good that i havent picked omg so much better!!! i love it its so good! im applying cocoa butter on my red spots that i have (like 3) and they have gone down remarkably its amazing im going to keep using it! and guess what i found on here the other day? a post i did last year when i picked my skin so bad that i had a HUGE scab on my left cheek lol i couldnt believe it.i wash my face in the shower now so i dont stand there and look for imperfections. the only thing that i squeezed was a sore pimple but it popped easily cos i didnt squeeze it really hard and it has the tiniest mark now that i didnt over squeeze it i think my main problem is over squeezing.well im getting brace ssoon so that may take away some of my interest in my skin onto my braces becos they r new and exciting. evertime i look at my braces ill think dont squeeze..um.....well that all for now i dont know if u can post pics on here i would if i could to show u how much it has cleared up..but lets just say it has lol.ok cyas!!!!