What helped me quit picking

[sadaf]

heya... this is the first time iv added a post so sorry if i get it all wrong. here goes any how.

im 16 and have been picking my skin for 4 years. when i think about it, i have tried many things over the years to stop my constant picking. such as taking away all mirrors, dimming the light in my bathroom, taking each day as it comes
..but i am still picking and i feel this awful guilt after each picking session...its as if i loose myself for wat seems like hours infront of the mirror. my outbursts of commitment and motivation last only for a matter of days this cycle of hope and than sheer dissapointment in urself is very difficult.

im not sure why i do it i used to have ocd as a child but i really thought i was over it, now it appears im not. i have visited other skin picking sites and have come across people who have been picking for up 30 years i really want to stop. and i no that i am not alone in my problem but sometimes this overwhelming feeling of hoplesnessnes just fills me up.

a few months ago i fell into a deep deppresion, everything became pointless a close member of my family was in hospital for months, i was having problems with self harm but apart from this, terrible things from my past which i am not able to expand upon on the interent had been haunting my dreams. i also had anxiety and hypervigelence to top it all of. i had low self esteem i thought everyone was better than me and that life was not worth the hassle. during this period i picked at my skin non stop, leaving open wounds allover my face and my skin with this strange tingling sensation. i had given up trying to resist the urges.

my really rough patch ended but my bipolar depression continues i thought had stopped self harming, but i now realise that i havnt and that picking at my skin is still a form of self harming. and after all i have been through during my childhood and my adolesense...after all that has happend to my loved ones. i know that i am strong and that i cannot do this anymore as much as it may be an easy escape it is harming me and i deserve more, i beleive we all deserve more and the only ones stopping us is us.

i often feel that in life my burden is mine and no one elses. i would never want anyone to feel wat i feel. but why should i continue feeling it myself. all we really need is to open our eyes and see the world for wat it is...beautiful. once you realise that you are free.

even if its one person just the one a sister or mum even a friend let them help you let them keep you strong.

oh yeh i found that wearing gloves while in the house helps. just a quick tip amongst all the deep stuff.
i hope i could help sumone out there.

have a great big sparkling tree to tie up all your pains in glittery ribbons of red blue and green.


forever forever strong xsadafx

p.s im not sure what im supposed to be asking from this board just anysort of help really wether ou have been in similar situations, that sort of thing? there are so many sections i just put it anywhere sorry if it irelavent to this area.

many thanks.

[Tinaq]

FIrst, I want to send my love out to all of you who log on to this site.I feel like every letter I read tonight has been a gift , and I feel like I can finally begin to get better. I didn't know I had a real psychological problem, I just thought I had bad skin, and it's been amazing to read how so many others have felt the same, and done the same as I have. I feel that reading these letters has really effected a big healing for me tonight (thank you Mom for making me look) , and so that's why I'm writing in the "tips for getting better" section. READ LOTS OF LETTERS like mine, and know that you are really not alone. I thought I was. I made myself feel like a leper, and I really identified with what one poster said about "putting the inside hurt on the outside for all to see" ..I am back visiting family right now (Ialways leave family vacations with a scarred, red, crusty, bleeding, weeping, mini band-aid covered face) and I picked away at a milia last night with a sewing needle I found in a travel kit, and now the milia that was maybe a milicentimeter or whatever is now a scab a good two inches in diameter, along with the rows of tiny clogged pores along my chin that I "just had" to get out. I am noticing how many of the posters describe themselves as "considered beautiful but for " or "before" the picking...it's funny that we destroy our wealth to get back at others for stealing from us, or something like that...I have been a model and actress, and when I don't pick I can be stunning. Not a six foot tall Naomi Campbell but certainly a headturner. But when I get into that zone and start picking , for weeks, months after , (months because once I start , I generally can't stop because then I start picking at the scabs, and whatever else comes up because I have been picking) I have people look at me with repulsion, avoid my eye at the ckecout..I feel dirty, and I look ten years older than my usually youthful 32 years . ANd the worst is how I hate myself then . I feel this creepy disgusting feeling inside myself, like if I could crawl out of my skin and go elsewhere I could . I get suicidal but there is so much in my life I love that I would never do anything like that. I realize now it is something I do, a compulsion like drug taking or smoking. I quit smoking, and I can quit this too. I really did think I just had bad skin. I spent thousands on fancy dermatologists , I even used to fly across the country from California to see one in NYC! With all the money I spent on fixing the mess I made of my face I could have had three first class trips to EUrope a year. Holy shit.
Anyway, to all of you out there: I send you soo much love, I really feel for each and every one reading this who suffers this problem. I wish you strength and prescence and the fortitude to get away from that fucking mirror and stop digging away at your face at those imaginary sins or whatever they are to you. ANd to those of you who have scarred, so you know, after you have stopped picking (long after, please!) you can get laser and filler injections for the scars..but I am sure so many of you are like me, that if you can just stop for ONE WEEK you will see how lovely you are, and your skin wants to be... I am telling you this so I know it myself, and remember, tonight, when I go upstairs and face that mirror.
Also, in reference to Acutane- I really don't recommend it to pickers , as I took it for a brief period a few years ago and it really helped ruin my skin for a while. FOr two reasons: a. because it dries out your skin and makes it very vulnerable and difficult to heal, like an old person's skin, so that if you are a picker as I am and you take it you will end up with pock marks, etc..and B., more importantly it can cause depression, which it did in my case, horrible black depression - imagine that with skin that won't heal at all! If it has worked for some that's great, I just would say please don't use it at all if you have any inkling that the picking hasn't stopped.
I really related to when the picker/poster said " I realised it was unreasonable to expect I could clean out every pore" ..I always think I am supposed to clean every pore , or what- I don't know ? where do we get this thinking? It must be a micromanagement control satisfaction thing. I am thinking of when I met a girl who cut herself and she said that when she did it the pain stopped. I dont' know about you guys but that's how I feel when I get into that superfocussed state in the mirror, better somehow when I'm in that zone. It's the weeks and months after of depression, of hiding, of despairing of having a normal relationship because I keep avoiding my possible lovers when they call or want to see me. I hate this, and i know what it is, and I am going to do my best to stop and once more I send you all my love and best wishes that you find another way to feel better. Bless you all.