tired

[S]

There is a song by Dido I can't remember the name right now and I don't have the energy to find out but there is a line in it that says something to the extent of "...to be safe in my own skin..." at least I think that is what it says. I need/want to be safe in my own skin. I want to be comfortable in my own skin, but I don' t know how. Sometimes it just feels so sick to me like it crawls and I can't stand it. Maybe that is why I hurt it. I have actually stopped hurting it for the most part except my face. Now, I just have to find a way to fix the scars or at least accept them, but I feel that this is impossible. I just wish I could start from scratch. The scars are so ugly. Why did I do this to myself? Why do I have to be perfect? I feel like I need to be the smartest, funniest, nicest, prettiest person and if I am not than people will not like me. Or maybe if I am not all these things than I will not like me. I feel like I am not good enough. Why can't I just be comfortable being me? Why can't I accept myself? Everything is wrong. Will it ever get any easier?

[Secret]

I know exactly how you feel. I just got done posting about how I wish I could turn back the clock, to have never done this to myself, and now...how am I suppose to live in the world? How am I supposed to live with myself and others when I get consumed by so much pain? It hurts so bad, I know, and you're not alone.

[anne]

Tired,

Just know that we accept you for who you are now, and maybe after awhile you will be able to accept yourself as a good person the way you are and forgive yourself for making mistakes, and realize it's ok.

I try not to beat myself up to much anymore, because I guess I feel sorry for myself I think one of the lessons we can learn from picking is how to perservere and never give up. We're with you! Anne