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Post by Sara on Dec 11, 2003 0:23:23 GMT -5
I have been picking my skin since I was in the 7th grade. I am now 21. It just started one day and since then it never stopped. I have never told anyone about this before so this is a little wierd for me. I thought that I was the only who did this to themselves. I am just so glad that I am not alone in this. I basically pick all over my body, arms, back, thighs, chest, and face. It has gotten better. I have more contrl over it on the other areas, but my face is still too much and now and then I really go at it on the other parts of my body. The worst part is that I have these white scars from it, especially on my back. I cannot stand them and I am always looking at them checking to see if they get any better. I think they are improving, but I am so worried that they will never fully heal. On my face I have small scars I do not even know how noticible they are, but to me they are huge. I have always worn makeup. I am really good at hiding it all. I feel like my body is my prison and I will never be able to get free. I feel like because of this I will never be happy. Noone will ever love a person with skin like mine. I did not care as much about it as I do now. I became really concerned last May because it was then that I really noticed all the scars. During last summer I was extremely depressed. Suicide was always on my mind. I am doing better now, especially now that I know for sure that it is a psychological problem. I just cannot handle it anymore. I want it to stop, but it is so hard. I just don't know what to do with myself. My friends and family have no idea. They think I am normal, but I am not. I am so tired of having to hide. If only the scars would go away maybe I could stop the rest. It is just comfortable to know that I am not alone in this. Thank you for allowing me to talk about this.
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Post by Carree on Dec 12, 2003 8:50:38 GMT -5
Sara-
Your story sounds so familiar, so familiar to me!! I have been dealing with this disorder for most of my life. It all started with my legs and as I got older I moved to other areas of my body including my face. I just want to tell you to not lose hope, hope of living a normal life with normal relationships. I am 30 years old and I have a wonderful husband and family who are very supportive. I never told my husband about this problem until recently, I would always find ways to hide my scars. Also when I met him I was going through a really good time in my life and I was almost pick-free. I didn't pick for almost 7 years and just started again the last couple of years. I told both of my sisters about my picking and they talked me into going to see a doctor about it. It felt so good to finally tell someone what I was going through. I think you should consider getting some help, you shouldn't deal with this by yourself. But you have come to the right place for support, everyone on this board knows how you feel and what you are going through. Welcome and I hope you find this board helpful....
Carree
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Post by Stef (Incubabe) on Dec 14, 2003 0:22:20 GMT -5
I started in the 7th grade as well. Im now 16 and I want to stop before it gets completely out of control. With ZT and a lot of will power I've cut my picking in half. It doesn't haunt me that badly anymore and it's not on my mind all the time. I've figured out when the times are when I pick the most and I've tried various things to avoid the moments where I'll get fixated. Don't worry, you can beat this or at least get in under control. I think now I have controlled CSP where as before it was insane and uncontrollable.
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Post by antigone on Dec 18, 2003 1:48:48 GMT -5
Dear Sara,
I am 26 and have been picking since high school--thighs, then arms, now breasts too. Yet, I have had several intimate relationships. I too, however, have berated myself by saying no one would want me with my skin in tatters. I thinkg now that when i say that, ia m sayign it because on some level, i want that to be so. In other words, i think picking can be a defense against intimacy. For, it hard to get someone to thake his or her shirt off when the underneath is scabbed.
HAve you seen the Mantra posting--the "i have stopped picking" mantra? It's great. Let me add to this a mantra that you migth like. INstead of "No one woul dwant me" you say: "Somebody would love this body of mine right now."
even if you don't think you believe it, say it. and day dream about it. and feel the frown on your face trasnfrom intro a happy smile. And notice how much more relaxed you are, how much *less* you want to pick. Becuase all of a sudden, that's a hly temple ubder your clothes, not something damned and damaged.
Be gentle with yourself,
Antigone
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Sara
New Member
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Post by Sara on Dec 20, 2003 22:55:25 GMT -5
Hey Thanks for all your support. The things you all said have really made me feel better. I think my problems have a lot to do with the scars though. I have really ruined my skin and hate myself for it. I just feel like if I could have stopped this sooner I would be leading a much different life. This problem has taken so much from me.
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Post by farhan khan on Jan 17, 2004 6:09:01 GMT -5
TEXT[glow=red,2,300]TEXT[/glow][td][/td]  TEXT TEXThi i m realy happy wih ur hard work . n i hope that u wl keep continue to ur hard work .i wud lk to talk wt u on net , n i hope that u wl not refuse me n add my hotmail id (farhankhs). Thanks ur best regard farhan khan
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Post by downtimeheals on Jan 25, 2004 19:08:33 GMT -5
About scars...remember that because they're on your own body, not to mention the fact that you feel responsible for them and have experienced the creation of each one as a separate painful emotional and physical event, they will seem SO MUCH yuckier to you than to anybody else. In other words, you're not just seeing them with your eyes, you're seeing them with your mind and heart through a dark lense of pain and shame and anguish. (Not to mention FEELING them with your skin itself!) Here's a handy test--imagine meeting a stranger with similar scarring. Would you be so horrified by it then? Would you think that it ruins their looks? Imagine a friend or maybe even someone you're attracted to with similar scarring...would you be able to tell them honestly that they're beautiful? If you're able to imagine that you could tell a scarred OTHER person that they're beautiful and mean it, now see if you can do the same for youself. It's harder, but SO important  And remember, any moment spent NOT picking something is a moment that that something is healing. Good luck...I have scars too (back, chest, face, upper arms, etc.) but the better I do at pampering instead of picking my skin, the happier it looks and feels. I also remind myself that since no one else could POSSIBLY care about those scars as much as I do, they LITERALLY aren't as noticeable to other people as they are to me! |
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Post by musician on Jan 26, 2004 9:16:53 GMT -5
You're so right, downtimeheals...
When I look at other people, I see them as people, and not in terms of their skin blemishes! That we have scars or wounds is because our mind is focused on them; if we can shift that focus, we can heal.
Thanks!
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misha
New Member
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Post by misha on Jan 27, 2004 4:01:34 GMT -5
even my own husband has been grossed out by my
carving techniques! that is a great self esteem downer...
because i have caused the ugliness... it is more state of mind!!!! for example, we lost our water resource, because our pipes froze... we had to take showers @ our marina facilities... have'nt picked since.....public rooms!!!thanks for the inspiring thread... :-*M
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Post by Want to Stop on Jan 28, 2004 20:32:55 GMT -5
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Post by scarred4life on Apr 5, 2004 3:49:16 GMT -5
"I think my problems have a lot to do with the scars though. I have really ruined my skin and hate myself for it. I just feel like if I could have stopped this sooner I would be leading a much different life. This problem has taken so much from me."
I feel the exact same way. I couldn't have said it any better, and I have felt that no one else out there could possibly feel the same way. Its very difficult to discuss it with someone who doesn't comprehend what the scars have casued, and they just tell you to see a doctor. I always feel i will be in hiding from the others, since I am so insecure about my skin. There has to be a way to help fix these scars with treatment, or some kind on surgery and i'm trying to find an alternative. I can truly understand your pain, and the thoughts you might have about what you caused to yourself ( I know I think about it way too much), but hopefully there will be something out there to really minimize scars and allow for a healthy life as a result.
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Sara
New Member
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Post by Sara on Apr 5, 2004 12:07:52 GMT -5
I think that one good thing about the scars is that without them I don't think that I would even try to stop picking. The scars and the threat of future scarring has helped me to stop 90% of my picking. If I could just fix the scars I would be okay. I feel that if the scars were the result of some other disease I would not care about them as much, but because they were of my own doing I am so mad at myself and just wish that I could turn back time. It has been especially bad lately because I found a picture of myself from right before I started picking and my skin was so perfect, not to mention I was a lot thinner and I keep looking at it over and over again. I feel like I will never be able to lead a normal life, I will always have to hide. I can't do the things I want to do or wear the clothes I want to wear. Everyday is a struggle for me. I hope that you find help for your scars as I am trying to find help for mine. It is nice to know that I am not alone.
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Post by Tiggerette on Apr 5, 2004 13:49:22 GMT -5
I feel that if the scars were the result of some other disease I would not care about them as much, but because they were of my own doing I am so mad at myself and just wish that I could turn back time. I know just how you feel, I often think if I was badly burned at least then I could show my scars with pride...there would be a reasonable explanation for them. When people ask I could explain the terrible circumstances and would get lots of sympathy. You don't expect sympathy when the scars are self-inflicted...just revulsion and horror. I even find myself envying people with 'legitimate' scars....how sad is that? |
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Post by Nancy on Jun 1, 2004 23:59:27 GMT -5
Maybe you could check with a Dermatologist to see what might be done to minimize scarring? Maybe there's a product or a type of peel that would help. Peels are expensive, but if they make you feel better about yourself, they would be worth saving for. Best Wishes ~ Nancy
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