How can I help myself?

[scarred4life]

I have been reading through some of the messages posted on this site and realize I am not alone with my problem that has caused me to change small changes in my life. First of all this is my first post and want to tell other people that I can truly understand the pain you must go through trying to hide your scars and other blemishes. I have been picking my face and arms for years, and am disgusted by my actions but somehow continue to pick. I have been able to stop for short periods like a month or so, but it never lasts. I can't wear tank tops or roll my t-shirt up because I am so embarrassed of my scared and discolored skin. It bothers me so that I get upset about it and obess over other people's skin by always looking at their arms, which I feel is weired, but I just wish I had skin like thiers. I have taken oral medication as well at topical creams but have found marginal success. I really want to know how i can get rid of discolored blotches and red scars. I feel as though it will never get better and that makes me upset, especially at myself since I am the one who caused it. I hate myself for picking at my skin and know I shouldn't, but I feel that I have no control over it. My mother started me off when I was young by not making a big deal about it and even trying to "help" fix my pimples on my arm by popping them. For that I am angry with her, however, I continued to do this for years following. I know my post may not sound like an organized thought, but it is the first time in my life I have been able to express what I have been feeling as a result of picking at my arms and other areas of my body. I don't know if anyone has the answer to my problems(even doctors who just gave me medication and said it would help) but I have to do something about it, since it really upsets me inside to no end and decreases my confidence around people greatly. I also really hate myself when I think about how I have hurt myself so much. Thank you for listening to my issues and this is really a great website for people to speak their mind on this subject.

[Lucy]

Babe, I feel the same and I think most of us do. I really feel bad about picking and picking is one reason for my suicidal tendencies and depression, which I am not getting help for. I think that you should get all the help you can get. I think this is a really good step, because this is like a support group. Except we don't have to see each other, which is another good thing because we are all mainly upset with how we look.
Just try around at different scar reducing creams. I've heard that retina-micro when used with scar reducing creams help clear up discolorations better than just the cream alone. Just something to look into.
I hope I made sense babe, and I hope I've helped at least a little.
When I am feeling hateful toward myself, knowing that something might work, one day I might get a medication that works, makes me want to try harder to stop picking and actually love myself a little. I know it's hard babe, but if I can get through this, then I'm sooooo much stronger for it.
xoxo
Lucy

[basementchick]

hi scarred4life,

i had been picking for 18 years (i'm 31 now) and basically stopped about 3 months ago. this is the most painful disorder both mentally and physically, and seems impossible to recover from...but i have!

i've tried meds but they didn't help or made things worse for me AND they had awful side effects. i believe my recovery had a lot to do with the overall changes i made to my life. i got away from a miserable job, ate better, started exercising, and most importantly, i let go of the shame by opening up about this disorder, treating it as such, and talking about in this way with my friends, family, and doctor helped me to rebuild my self-esteem and my life. unfortunately, there is no ONE magic formula that will help everyone...i think i was somehow finally "ready" to stop picking and then the changes just came. it has been VERY difficult to undo the patterns of thinking associated with my picking habit but i've done it! the urge to pick will always be there but i try to overcome it day by day.

it's important to find a doctor whom you can talk to about this, and to discuss/make referrals for psychiatric help, meds, therapy, and scar treatment.

we're all individuals so what worked for me may not work for you. find out all your options. for me, getting help for the physical scars was an important part of healing. i had realistic expectations and knew that there was no way to erase all the scars completely. i knew from past experience that scars fade slowly but gradually over time. i wanted something to quicken this process.

my dermatologist prescribed retin-a, glycolic acid, and hydroquinone (a skin bleaching agent). after 3 months, i am pleased to say that my pigmented scars have faded to the point where i hardly ever wear coverup anymore. i recently had a procedure called Intense Pulsed Light (IPL) photorejuvenation which literally "zapped" some of the remaining scars (a little painful but worth it!).

i hope this gives you some hope that there is life after picking and that if you are "ready", you do have various options for treatment.

[anon,irresp.]

thanks for the reply basementchick.

i have not fully stopped, but i am on the way. i also stop for months or so and then get down, and forget.

i think for me also seeing that the scars fade, is making me feels a bit less guillty and with more hope.

my plan is to not cause more scars and just help the ones i have fade with time.

i'll look into the intense pulsed light (ipl), by the way, i was told to use topical steroid. it seems to have worked somewhat. the scars turn to somewhat skin color. a bit lighter than skin around, but the redness goes away. the idea is also to flatten them. Does the (ipl) flatten? or does it just work on the color?

[basementchick]

anon,

IPL helps to reduce pigmented spots, redness, broken capillaries, and enlarged pores...exactly the type of damage i've accrued from years of picking. it also promotes the formation of new collagen in the dermis or deeper layers of skin. overall, i notice that my face has a more even tone. i'm going back for 2 more IPL treatments in the next few weeks and am hoping that my skin will only get better.

in anwer to your question, i think IPL targets pigmented scars rather than raised or pitted scars. but your best bet is to have a dermatologist assess your skin to see which treatment would be best for you.

in my case, i've only had very mild acne and my scars are mainly of the pigmented variety from picking...brownish patches from old scars and reddish spots from more recent scabs. i've also got broken capillaries from picking. my dermatologist said that aside from topical treatments such as retin a and glycolic acid, IPL is the most effective procedure for such scars.

i'm considering getting the procedure done on my back, which i picked at for a few years but managed to stop.

p.s. congrats for getting on the road to recovery...just keep looking forward!

[Can we win this]

Hi scarred4life, I am so sorry that you have to live like this too. I am 38 years old and have been trying to beat this forever.I have tried to take care of this on my own for years and I can't win. I no longer have control of it. It has control over me.I have a good life, a wonderful husband and two beautiful daughters. I have alot to be thankful for and I still do this to myself.I love to workout and go to the gym and at this point I can't go because my arms and legs are in such bad shape and I am so embarressed.I have been looking up web sites now that I learned how to work my computer and finally got ahold of Doctors that specialize in compulsive skin picking disorders.I really dont think people understand how hard this is. I know it is a habit, however it is killing me. I have my 1st appointment with a Doctor tomorrow and she seems to know how I feel and what I am talking about. I take medication for other issues and see a medication management Doctor, however we can't find the correct medication for this terrible problem. I must tell all of you, until now I have always felt like I would never find anyone that was going through this. Sadley enough, I am not alone.I have many stories to tell and I hope I hear from you or anyone that reads this. Maybe I can pass on something helpful that I will be learning from my appointments. Please take care and try not to hurt yourself.

[Carree]

Can we win this-

I'm glad that you found this website, the people here are full of support and good advise. I also thought that I was the only one with this problem until recently. I hide behind clothes so most people don't even know that I suffer so much. I recently went to the doctor and I have started new medication, I will also keep everyone posted on results.

Good luck and welcome!
Carree

[pickles]

Hi scarred4life,
I just want you to know that I totally understand your pain and everything that you are going through, and so does everyone else here. This website is so awesome! I have been picking for 14 years and I didn't even know I had an actual condition untl 5 or 6 months ago when I found this website. The first thing you should do is keep coming here! ;D This website has helped me so much! It is because of this website that I decided to see a counselor about my picking. I just started seeing one, so I haven't made a lot of progress yet but I am very confident. Just being able to tell someone in person is a relief! It 's difficult to do, but it also feels better. I have also been able to tell two of my friends about my problem because I kept coming here and getting support!

I would suggest seeing a counselor or someone. I know that is a scary thought, but it has made me feel better. You probably aren't ready to tell anyone about your picking, but just keep it in mind. It took me awhile to get the courage to tell people, and I still haven't even told my fiance! Rmember you can say anything here, everyone will understand! Take care!

pickles

[nix]

I know exactly what you mean with being angry at your mom--my sister used to hold me down when I was a small child and do this to me. Her eyes would sort of glaze over while she did it. Then my mom would catch me doing it and she'd either beat my ass or scream or punish me by taking my privleges away. But she did the same thing, she just knew when to stop before it caused skin damage.

I'm so afraid to have children because I'm terrified that I'm going to pass this habit on to them.

[Carree]

Nix-

I am 30 years old and have been picking as long as I can remember. I have a 3 year old son who in the summer did pick at his mosquito bites. At first it really did worry me, I would try to distract him when I would catch him doing it. I have never picked in front of him so he was not copying me. I do believe that picking can be genitic, my father used to pick but that was when he was younger. I can't even remember him doing it but he has told us about it. It is very scary knowing what we have gone through, knowing that you do not want your child to go through the same. I guess I will just have to wait and see but now that it is winter he seems to be doing ok, no scabs - no picking. But every once in awhile he will see a hang nail or something and he will just have to get it, it is almost as if it bothers him if he doesn't. I hope that I can help him if it does become a problem for him, I will do everything that I can at least!

Carree

[Laura]

I can relate with what everyone has been saying.

When I was little I used to pick scabs, but it was never a problem... until I hit puberty when I was 11. I don't even remember how it all started, but I do know that it got worse over the years. I am 18 now, so for 7 years I have been picking my pimples and blackheads. Some days are worse than others, but no matter how hard I try, there hasn't been a day I can remember that I stopped picking.
In my early teens I must've tried every different anti-acne product on the market, and while some helped a little, overall these attempts were unsuccessful.
At 14 or 15 I realised how depressed I felt, and how my picking had taken over my life. I spoke to my doctor, and he tried a variety of different medications and creams, but none seemed to help.
At 16 I was study psychology at school, and in doing so I learnt alot about myself and my problem. It closely identified with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. I went to see my doctor again, and told him that my problem was psychological, not just a skin problem.
At 17 my doctor put me on Zoloft to help my anxiety. But it hasn't helped my compulsive behaviour.
Now I'm 18, and he has referred me to see a psychiatrist, in early Jan 2004.
I also find that having less access to mirrors helps, because I can't get lost in that trance-like state of picking. But I still pick without thinking about it while watching tv and such.

After 7 years of hurting myself I am determined to stop. And I know as long as I open myself up and talk about my problem, I can heal. I also need to learn to love myself for who I am, and let others love me too.