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Post by Icyblackkat on Jan 24, 2006 23:43:18 GMT -5
Hello my name is Rebecca and I'm a long time picker. I've recently made the decision to finally quit picking by whatever means possible. I know this is a decision many have made before without being able to stick to it, I am included in this group. However unlike the many times before I refuse to let a simple slip define my success. If I slip then I will record the time and circumstances surrounding the slip and do my best to make sure it won't happen again. If I slip again I will simply repeat the procedure. I also have a few ideas to help me along the road to recovery and they are as follows. 1. Post my progress in this thread everyday, and to be honest in doing so by including all slips. 2. I am a chronic scalp picker, it is my main focus of my picking. So, I've decided that when (not if) my scalp is fully healed I will treat myself to professional hair colouring and a new hair cut. I will continue to let my hair grow until my scabs heal as a reminder to how important it is. 3. No more excuses. "Just this one scab" "I'll stop tomorrow" "It's out of sight" "It'll help the healing process" and many others will not be tolerated. 4. Keeping my hands busy with other things such as recording my progress, writing various things, video games, doing my nails, and whatever else I can find. I will also wear gloves at night as I pick before I sleep and I have found myself picking as I wake up. 5. Timing my bathroom visits, leaving only enough time to do what I went in to do. Staying away from the mirrors as much as possible. 6. Limiting TV and Internet time as I find that when I pick most. 7.Chewing gum more often to limit cheek and lip biting. 8. Keeping my nails short, and only allowing myself to use tweezers twice a week to tweeze my eyebrows. 9. I am also happily accepting any suggestions people may have. As of 11:30pm EST time I am pick free. I plan to stay this way but I do realize that there will be slip ups. Yet as long as I learn from those slip ups then I can help prevent them in the future so that I may one day be fully healed. This is my dream, seemingly simple but if anyone knows how untrue that is than they will be you, my fellow ZTers. Wish me luck  |
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Post by Icyblackkat on Jan 25, 2006 23:46:14 GMT -5
24 hours! I've gone 24 whole hours without picking! It's the longest I've gone without picking in a very long time. I'm so proud of myself. Even when I was close to going at my scalp I was able to get by with simply feeling the scabs. When I felt close to picking I put up my hair in a few tight ponytails which stopped me from even feeling around. I was also able to totally avoid my legs and face. I hope this can continue for at least a week, after that time I expect the scabs to heal to the point where I'm not as tempted to pick. Hopefully tomorrow will be as successful as today.
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Post by Icyblackkat on Jan 26, 2006 18:33:20 GMT -5
I awoke at 4:30am fairly out of it and started picking my scalp. By the time I fully realized what I was doing an hour had past and the damage had been done. I blame this on how hot my room was. Upon going to bed I had noticed it was a bit hot so I turned down the heat, or so I thought. I was lying down as I turned down the heat and accidently turned the heat up. After later inspection I found I had turned it full blast. I awoke in a sauna. Tonight I will make sure the heat is at a comfortable level and hopefully there will not be a repeat occurance.
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Post by ameise as guest on Jan 26, 2006 21:38:36 GMT -5
I'm wishing you strength & best wishes, Rebecca
I like the approach of your journal - very honest & straightforward... I think it's the kind of earnest & "start where you are" approach that will pay off.
Just wanted to let you know people out here are pulling for you,
ameise
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Post by karla on Jan 27, 2006 19:36:06 GMT -5
Hi Rebecca, i wrote a message in this but i felt i had to write to you personally after reading your journal. My skin piacking for me was just a disgusting habit, i thought i just liked the feeling of picking things and i even liked that little bit of pain. I always had an idea that people who cut themselves were very ill and was something i could never imagine getting into, i was probably ripping ay ,y skin while thinking this. But can i ask you what can we do about the scars? I have picked my skin since i was tiny. I remeber making my holy communion and crying when the photographer showed up cos my scars were all over my arms. Oh crap im crying now, im sorry just enevr knew that this was a compulsve problem
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Post by Rebecca on Aug 1, 2012 0:54:03 GMT -5
Six years, it's been six years since I last posted, wow. Time really does fly doesn't it? I'm looking back on my old posts and I'm actually tearing up, I remember those days all too well. Over the years I have gotten better, now for instance I have gone almost a month without picking my legs, arms, or butt ( my newest "canvas", started as a lot of it does, with acne) and although I am still at my scalp, inner cheek/lip and soles of my feet even they aren't really that bad. I've been taking Wellbutrin for about a month as well and I believe I have it to thank for the increase in self control that has led to the healing. Now of course there is the issue of the ever so pretty lingering scars that have made a home on my legs, butt and upper torso. They were at one time much worse though, and I have proof that they do fade in time. I'm trying to lessen the appearance of the scars at the moment with some over the counter creme that I have been using for a few weeks, but so far I don't think there's much improvement. Can't be sure, I really should've taken some "before" pictures.
Tanning is my next idea, as I am so pale my marks are very apparent but I'm hoping they won't be as noticeable once I have some colour, I will however make sure the scars are well covered in SPF as I've read that the sun will make them darker (wish I knew that before.)
You see there is a bit of a time crunch at the moment because my sister's wedding is in 17 days, on the beach, and I'm a bridesmaid (she wouldn't let me get a longer dress.) Sally Hansen's Airbrush Legs stuff looks like it would be a good bet, I've tried it before (for a different wedding) but left it until the last minute so I ended up with the medium colour which worked I guess but made my legs a completely different colour then the rest of me, so this time I will have plenty of space to actually find a place that carries it in the right shade. I have hope that I can be comfortable with my legs and be able to just let loose and have fun.
It's weird, after all the progress I've made, I'm still not confident that I can beat this thing for good. Over the years I've been able to quit a few times and for a while but I always regress. Sometimes now, I'll have a thought in my head/urge to pick but then I'll realize I don't really have anything left except my scalp and feet, and if there's nothing left in those places then I'll actually feel disappointment which is messed.
What's convenient is that the fear of ridicule and/or disgust towards my body makes it a bit easier to focus my picking to places that can't be seen even when naked. Again, the scars bother the hell out of me but then when I think of how many other people (including a younger me) would kill to have made the progress I have and to have skin practically free of cuts and scabs, there's still a few here and there, mostly hands as I have to look at them all the time and can see the imperfections.
All I know is that I am actually very lucky to be where I am with this right now, and I wish everyone else all the best in their struggles with this disorder.
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Post by Icyblackkat on Aug 1, 2012 0:55:17 GMT -5
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