blondie's journal

[blondie88]

Seems that everyone's doing their own daily "picking" journal I think I'll start one too, at least it'll get me more motivated.

Day 1:
I've just put makeup all over my face, I'm going out in about an hour and I don't want to look like as if I had a run in with a chainsaw.. unfortunately I do. Ugh I just caught sight of my reflection - my face is completely orange and the scabs are still poking through layers of concealer. My chin is a mess, and my forehead.. ugh can't say much about that either. Last night I had an unstoppable urge to pick again, the third time that day. Usually I'll take care and only pick spots which I know won't become infected, red and sore, but last night I just went for everything

I'll be starting the Two-headed CSP Colouring Chart today. I've already printed off a copy But I got dangerously close to picking this morning when I woke up, fortunately all I did was pull off a bit of skin off a scab.

Oh man I really hope I get through the day!! I'm going to keep myself as occupied as I can, and I'm even going to hide my mobile phone because it's got a tiny mirror on it (how convenient!). Even if I don't pick for 5 days I'll be happy! It'll give my skin some rest!

Wish me luck!

~~~~

It's evening now and I haven't picked yet apart from 2 white spots which came up after last night's picking session. My parents bought me an iPod Shuffle today yay! My mum said it might take my mind off picking.. I guess, since I think that I usually turn off any music when I pick so that I can concentrate. Ah school in 3 days.. and I've still got this assignment to do. Argh I told myself I'd do it in the first 3 days of the holidays but I ended up delaying it by 1.5 weeks lol. Nope, can't stress though. Can't pick today, I want at least 5 pick-free days!

[blondie88]

Day 2:
Whoo hoo!! I haven't picked at all today! Except for a bit of skin and a TEENY (honestly) white spot. I've still got scabs, so I'm constantly covering them with penaten cream to heal them. I'm hoping to look halfway decent for when I go back to school in 2 days.

Apart from that I've been keeping myself pretty busy so that I don't pick.. Almost finished my assignment, but I've been eating like a pig. Argh. I've never been diagnosed with an eating disorder but I'm so scared of putting on weight. I'll do an hour of cardio pretty soon

I've actually been tempted by mirrors a few times but amazingly I had some willpower!

Anyway I'm off now, back to finishing my assignment.. and trying not to pick!

[blondie88]

Day 3:
Aaaargh I was so tempted today. Right after I brushed my teeth in the morning I sat up onto my bathroom counter (as I usually do) to start applying pimple cream, but then I saw some spots.. well they werent even bumps, but they had to go! fortunately I didn't pick them, I distracted myself with the bit of scab left on my chin, so I just picked it off. lol. Apart from that I only picked about.. oh around 5 little spots, but nothing too serious.

Yay I think I'm finally on my way.. back to school tomorrow, and I look okay! Whoo!!

[blondie88]

Day 5:
I didn't pick too much yesterday, only a few spots. Umm this afternoon when I got home from school I did quite a bit.. nothing I'd consider too serious though. I get alot of those spots which are VERY slightly raised and have a little spot in the centre, you can't see them at all unless you get really close to the mirror. Anyway so I did a couple.. in areas where I know there's a 50% chance of red and sore infection (forehead).. :S And alot near my hairline and upper jawline. The worst is if I pick them on my cheeks, and I only did one. I'm worried though because I don't think it came out fully. eek. And I'm going out on Saturday Night!!

Oh and I decided to speak to my counsellor today, I mentioned how I've been pretty stressed and how picking is one of the catalysts to it, but she didn't really focus much on it. Oh well, at least my stress management will be on its way. Or so I hope anyway.

Argh I just had a look in the mirror. All those 10-15 spots I picked are kinda reddish now. I better put Eryacne on them soon again. I'm actually suprised I've gotten this far, except I'd prefer not picking at all. What really helped me was having a proper look at my face, without makeup, in the mirror. So many scars and scabs, I can't afford to look like this! But it's still not gonna stop me from picking.

At least I haven't picked yet as much as I normally would.. I'm going okay. Urges are constantly rising though.

[blondie88]

Day 6:
Okay so I haven't picked much today. Actually I only picked 3 spots!!!!!!!! WHOO!!! one had HEAPS of pus coming out, but another wasnt too good.. got a bit bloody, red and sore. its in the middle of my cheek too.
Other than that I don't want to pick because I'm going out tomorrow night, and I want to look scab-free for once. It's working slightly though, I've only got a few odd scabs left over from the past few times I've picked.

I'm still stressed though. I know that if I decrease the stress then I'll stop the picking. I think. Or maybe if I stop the picking I'll decrease the stress? Either way lol.

I'm going better than I would've expected.. if it weren't for that bump I can feel in the middle of my back. I can't see it but I keep on picking it. I'm gonna put some acne cream on it, otherwise it'll be too obvious tomorrow!