jem's journal

[jem0920]

Hi all-

I figured that journaling would be a good place to start and figure this thing out. I did pick today, only minor stuff that will heal in a couple of days. Yesterday, was a bad day with hours in front of the mirror with the pin getting every bit of sebum out of my pores. I woke up this morning sporting a red blotchy face not to mention some infections starting from all the picking. It usually takes at least a week to recover from an episode like that (that is if I behave myself in the mean time). I am due for my period in about a week so I will have plenty of temptations, I'm sure.

I want to beat this thing. I want to be the confident, charming person I used to be. Heck, leaving the house regularly would be great. I want to believe that I am beautiful even if I am not perfect. I want to get over this, so I can realize my full potential and be a contributing member of society agian.

I will try the techniqe that I read about on this board that Ken developed. I will start tomorrow. It can't hurt.

Wish me luck

jem

[Dreamer]

Dear Jem,

Welcome to the board! Please, the first step to healing your face is getting rid of any "tools" you use to "aide" you in your picking sessions. Throw away any pins, tweezers, knives, etc. that you use to help you hurt your beautiful face. Picking can still be done with fingers (trust me, that is my problem) but tools cause so much more damage, and like you said, infection. Good luck with everything! We are all here to support you!


Dreamer

[Nelly]

Jem,

I definitely think trying Ken's technique is a step in the right direction. It's really not that hard and doesn't take much time. Plus, Ken is always there to provide support and encouragement. I've been doing his exercises for a few days now and I think I'm starting to feel a lot better, even in situations when I would normally be dead tired and super cranky. Best of luck to you and let us know how you progress!

Best wishes for a peaceful day full of (self-)love,

Nelly

[jem0920]

Okay, I did not pick at all this morning. It was sooooo hard. I am breaking out due to hormones, stress and self-inflicted abuse.

I tried the technique that Ken developed and found it quite easy to do. I hope that doesn't mean it won't work for me. I will continue to practice it regardless.

The other day when I picked my face for hours, afterward, because I was so red and swollen I put cold compresses on my skin to reduce the swelling. Well, I think I over did that as well...on certain areas I have what almost looks like a slight burn. I have done this before.

I have some zits with visible pus in them and it is so hard to not get it out! My logical mind tells me that they will go away if left alone, that doesn't stop me from obsessing about getting every bit of junk out.

My husband is away until late Monday night, he is going to the Superbowl with our brother in-law. I am so excited for him but nervous about how I will deal with the next few days alone. By the way, I was supposed to go with him originally, but backed out last week...partially due to me having brochitis and mostly because my skin and the state of it and my fear of things getting worse in an unfamiliar environment. It's not like I love football or anything but the Eagles, my hometown team is finally there. Not only that, the trip was free.

So this is what I do, I sit back and watch other's live their lives. My fear is that my husband will get sick of me not participating and find someone who will.

I hope to start getting a handle on this, I can't live like this anymore. Something has to change.

jem

[jem0920]

Thanks Nelly for the kind words, I wish you the same!

jem

[ameise as guest]

Hi jem,

I jut wanted to welcome you to the board - and let you know that you sound tremendously earnest in your intention to stop picking -- so you can live a full life, with those you care about.

sometimes I really believe that our best & truest intention will have to come to fruition eventually... let's hope so.

I also wanted to say hi because you mentioned that you're from Philadephia... I am not, - but I'm from Maryland, and Philadelphia seems close to home compared to California, where I live now. So hello, fellow mid-atlantic resident.

good luck

ameise

[jem0920]

Hi Amise-

I actually live in Arizona now, so we are neighbors once again.

I hope that you are right about the picking, I have gone 24 hours so far. The temptation is great, especailly when I know I could get it out so easily.

Oh well, today is another day, hopefuuly pick-free (no matter what my skin does).

Take care,

jem

[jem0920]

It has been 2 days since I posted in my journal. Things have been going relatively well so far, although not perfect. I would think that I would be picking like crazy, since my husband is away, but I hardley have at all. My acne is flaring even (period is days away). Maybe it is Ken's excercises, which I have done for the past 3 days. I don't feel as obsessed with the gunk in my skin. I hope that this feeling lasts and his technique is successful for me.

I am (hopefully) going to give my skin a couple of months rest, with no picking or very little. If I can do this, I will reward myself with looking into a laser skin treatment to even out the hyperpigmentation and acne that remains. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

jem

[jem0920]

Okay-

My urge to pick right now is great, I can see these little clogged pores on my forehead. I know that if I do pick them, most likely I will create infections and then the cycle of scabbing and then the red marks.

My real test will be after I shower tonight. "Just leave it alone", I keep repeating to myself.

I pray for streangth to get through the evening.

jem

[ameise as guest]

I hope that you made it out of the bathroom with little or no picking, jem!

continued good luck, ameise

[molly]

hi Jem

The bathroom and showering is my struggle area too. well, I guess it is for everyone on this site. Find some gloves that get be used in th shower and put them on. Stand at the door - say out loud - God, give me the strength to not pick. Go in, cover the mirror with a towel - try not to even look in that mirror while covering it. Keep repeating 'give me strength, give me strength'. Get undressed - with your eyes tight shut, or leave the lights off - just dont fall in the toilet! Be determined, be strong, be positive. Get in the shower and look up, basically try or the whole time not to look at your body. Keep the gloves on even while you dry yourself - and DONT look! Once you look - thats it, dont kid yoursefl that you're ok and you just want to look to see what going on with your skin.

Leave the bathroom feeling strong and so proud of yourself for not picking.

I know, I know, easier said than done. Most of the time, it works for me, occasionally, more often than Id like, it doesnt. But it cant help yo try.

Anyway, I hope you're ok and Ill be thinking about you.

Molly

[jem0920]

Hi-

It has been a few days since I updated my journal. Things are going well, I think. I still am picking but not nearly as much. I went at my nose yesterday for only a couple of minutes, I couldn't help myself. Today, I can hardley notice. I only squeezed softly and only on the areas that looked like they would come out easily.

I know this is still picking, but this is a huge improvement for me.

I have been doing Ken's exercises for 6 days now and I think they really do help. I hope to see continued improvement with them.

I will let you all know.

Love and Light to everyone here,

jem