Post by Dreamer on Dec 24, 2004 0:03:21 GMT -5
I am writing this because I need to, but I would really appreciate it if someone reads this and responds to it. I only yesterday learned that my shameful secret is not only something that other people have, but it has a name. I recently turned 17 years old and I have been compulsively picking at my face for about 3 years. I guess I have always had a form of compulsive skin picking because I remember that when I was about 9 or 10 (in 4th grade) I became obsessed with the idea that I had lice and that I could scratch them off. I scratched my head to a bloody pulp...but of course there were no lice. I am not sure why I stopped...but I think I was frightened when other kids asked me about the scabs on my head. And I think that I put neosporin on which made it heal, so I no longer had something to pick at. I don't really know why I started picking at my face. I am not depressed, I don't have other OCD symptoms, no one in my family picks. I don't even have bad skin! I remember my friend telling me once that her dad used to take her blackheads out and I think that gave me the idea. Then, once I started, I became addicted. I guess I am a perfectionist, at least in certain things and I became captivated with the idea that I could take the bad things out of my skin and make it even better. As other people have described, I can stay in front of the mirror for hours "purging" my pores, only to come out of a trance like state to see a blotchy, bleeding mess. Picking helps me clear my mind after a stressful day (and with homework and college applications, pretty much every day is a stressful day), though after I always feel guilty and scared that I cannot control this disgusting habit. I don't know how many times in the last few years I have tried to stop and not been able to...I have tried everything from writing and drawing all over the mirror to buying every advertised skin-clearing product known to mankind. Nothing works. I am completely powerless over the situation; the compulsion always wins. Yesterday was a breakthrough day because after reading an article in a magazine about hypnotherapy which briefly mentioned people like me, I decided enough was enough. I was lucky to find this site through another site that not only told me about CSP but also about treatment and recovery. I am a happy person in general, but I am worried about my picking. Thinking about my life, I have realized that I am a compulsive person and I feel that not being able to deal with picking has made me prone to other compulsions, such as overeating which has never been a problem for me, but since I started picking has been, sort of. Thank you so much for offering a site like this, and if anyone has read this, I appreciate it. Please, do let me know if you can relate to my situation at all. I am trying to quit zero tolerance, and I would really, really appreciate any help you can give me. My mother is the only person who I have talked to about this; I am fortunate that she cares, but she has never gone through anything like this...I don't feel that I can go to any of my friends at this point. It will be really great to be able to have someone to talk to through this page.
Dreamer
(Dreamin dreams of pick-free days)
Dreamer
(Dreamin dreams of pick-free days)
. But there are number of helpful tips on the 'Tips for Quitting' board - such as dim light in the bathroom, gloves, etc., you might want to check it out. 