Reflection's Selfportrait 2005

[Reflection as guest]

Auuuu my face hurts. I said I wasnt going to pick in my last post,,, but here I am same night haven picked constantly since then. I am serious I have stood infront of the mirror since then and I didnt move at all.
I dunno why I do this.
But I have to stop. Hopefully christmas will help.
Reflection

[Reflection as guest]

I just compared the two posts... I picked for almost 2 hours straight. I am sure I have done that many times before, but I never actually realise its that long although most times it probably has been.
I gotta change.
Reflection

[friend]

hey reflection-

I am new to this forum, but I wanted to say that I read your portait and I hope you had a good trip. I live in the U.S. What you described with the dancing and not being able to talk sounds like me a year ago. I finally agreed that I had social anxiety and started taking medication. My doctor explained that my brain chemistry is just not working for me and if I didn't like the medication I could just quit taking it. It took me months to feel comfortable with the idea that I was taking it, but when I started realizing I was more outgoing and worried less I realized that I am still the same person, just happier because I don't worry. I hope you will consider and read about social anxiety and different medications. If you don't feel comfortable talking with your friends or family about it because they don't understand then talk to us since we do. I still pick, but my anxiety has decreased and given me the feeling that I have more power then my habits and I can control them and change. When it is time and you are ready you will know the best thing for you to do since everyone is different. Good luck.

[hoppe]

Hi Reflection

I don't have much time, but I just wanted to welcome you back to the board. I have been thinking about you and how you are doing.

I was hoping the trip to Norway would give you the break you desire so much. But it sounds as if you still feel very stressed. Maybe it will first be possible for you to relax completely when school is over...? I understand your wish to just leave everything for a week. I did this recently when I took a week of from work and just stayed home, taking care of my inner child. It was very good and helped me a lot. But I don't know if it would feel as good for you, so I will hesitate recommending it to you. And then there is school, I guess you cannot just leave it behind.

I hope you still have the same plans for the time after school that you had before Christmas. Maybe you can focus on that? Just try to visualize yourself in the future, to the time after summer, where you will be in a nice place, surrounded by peace, and hopefully also with peace inside yourself!

Reflection, I get worried when you write you feel like doing something extreme! Don't do something you will regret terribly.

I care about you.

hoppe

[Hecate]

Hi Reflection

Good to hear you're back.I've missed you!With your determination I'm sure that you'll find a way to beat this obsession.Dealing with this desease seems to be a long & painfull process but I will never give up hope that we will come through the other end,stronger & wiser.Wishing you a great,pick free day.

[hoppe]

Hi sweet reflection

I have missed you!

Glad things have been going so much better. That is so wonderful and most be such a motivation for you. Now you know you can do it!!

I know it is hard being back home and there is school and stress. I think it is also a big contributing factor that you are used to pick in your current environment. Maybe you can change some things around you. This might sound silly to you, but maybe you can just move all the furniture in your room and redecorate things beautifully and create a feeling of beeing somewhere else in space and in time. Doing things like that helps me - like everytime I see the new decoration there is a signal to my subconcious - see, things are changing around you and within you and everything will be better soon.

hoppe

[hoppe as guest]

Hi sweet reflection!

So great to hear from you again. And thank you very much for the post in my journal. I am often thinking about you, how you are doing, and it makes me glad that your picking seems to be so much better.

I am really sorry about what happened with your parents. I wonder if you still go to therapy? Maybe you can try to find out why you feel such a desire to hurt your parents. And I hope you will be able to make peace with them. I envy you for having such loving parents. Even though your mother slapped you, I know she did not mean it but did it out of desperation. Hope things will get better soon.



hoppe