hoppe maybe i'll try writing my own journal here

[newandbetterme]

hi hoppe maybe i will try to start my own somewhat anonymous journal here..

maybe i will keep the window open and visit hourly when i am stuck at home healing...and drop in and write reminders of how happy i am and how i appreciate life withou pickin.

[newandbetterme]

ok it is 7pm on august 19, 2004
4 mo since on unempl
have worked once in a while
depressed
from my shortcomings
and family situation

realize that this ocd type behavior is a manifestation of lazyness and unhappiness...as one of the articles posted here states.

i now have 2 big wounds and 3 small ones covered by duoderm..in order for them to heal as fast as possible..but i keep examining..and touching..
the goal is if i examine at least not to touch..

i just examined and touched one on the side..thats it. i have a job interview next thursday so that is ane v good reason to not touch.

just 2 wks ago i had almost nogthing.
and i did not appreciate it
--------------------------------------------------------------
8pm-goal do not think, examine..
--------------------
7:16: put new cheaper mirror in bathroom so when i look close when i do not have my glasses i will not be so tempted. i will put a towel everytime i go in the bathroom over the other mirror while i am there...
i might even put a typed paper..stating:

with respect i lose nothing, and will eventually win everything. with disrispect i win nothing, and will eventually lose everything
with humility i lose nothing, and will eventually win everything. with arrogance i win nothing, but will eventually lose evrything.

i keep looking..
but thankfully i did not touch..
tomorrow i have to go to my prior work..to fill out something...

i should stay out more with walkman and read...look at various magazines....but not home so much so i don't look at the mirror so much...

i need fr 1, sat 2, sun 3, mon 4, tues 5, wed 6
to fully heal

[hoppe]

Hi newandbetterme

Good idea to start your own journal. I feel that my journal has helped me several times, when I wanted to pick, but instead came here to write.

I can sense from your posts how much you are fighting. Don't stop. You are so determined to end this, I think you can do it.

You are in my thoughts.

hoppe

[newandbetterme]

thanks hoppe
and only the best for u

i did good today. i have the duoderm in place. and did not touch any of the wounds under. i did remove them for a shower, but put the duoderm right back.

DAY 1.

i also placed a cheap $4.oo mirror in the bathroom which is worse quality than the regular one on the cabinet. so i open the cabinet door with the good mirror, so it is hidden. this is great because i have a more realistic view..not so close. the main reason i look so close is cause i take out my contacts at home so i don't see well, so i get close. this is great..more realistic view..not so detailed.

good luck all.
i am praying for all of u.
remember. respect->lose nothing/ disrespect->will lose all/ humility->lose nothing/ arrogance->will lose all.

cherish the normal moments

;D ;D ;D

[newandbetterme]

i touched the big one on the sides a bit
and touched a new one a bit

i think i do this the most when i am stuck at home healing. it seems to be from boredome..and being used to doing this.

i might try forcing myself to go outside
or imagine myself going outside...so not to touch..and imagine that it makes a big difference if i touch it *neg, versus leaving it alone or just with medication.

[egiggy]

Thanks for the duoderm suggestion.

I am fighting the urges, but it would be helpful if these things were covered up.

Also, I find I am scarring more, now that I am over 30. I'm looking for anything that helps!

Good Luck!
egiggy