Please Read-- looking for ZT partner

[Jax]

Wow,
You three are far ahead of me. i've been reasonably good with a few unconsious picking sessions and one pick on my face (yes, like an alcoholic, i always get myself to believe that one won't hurt). I spoke to my husband about the research i did on the computer on Sunday and we had a long discussion.
He told me about some places i pick that i had NO IDEA about. he said it was so bad many years ago but it had gotten so much better so he hasn't said anything- he also said i get so furious when he mentions it (and he is always gentle, usually just saying "oh, baby..." like he feels sad) that he is afraid to say anything. That got us to discussing if there were any resources for him- to support him in this- ya know? ANyway- i haven't seen any but i guess i haven't really looked either. He was near tears when we spoke of it- i felt awful about it but encouraged him to point things out since i am obviously oblivious to certain places and triggers.
As for the make-up and scar thing. My sister has somewhat of a "facial deformity" mainly a birthmark with some lip swelling- and i was always beautiful- another reason why nobody ever believed that anything could be wrong with me on the inside. I showed them! I have scars on my face- nothing major but enough that i can see when i am doing damage to my pores and some broken blood vessels (small ones). it is heart breaking, my husband said that my back is all scarred- i had no idea. this is just so sad. i've never worn any makeup- i fear that if i tried i would just see more scars (and my sister always wore thick make-up to cover her birthmark- she still does- maybe that is why i resist!) Oh - it is so complicated. Please recognize your luck in not having any noticable scars and remember- you WILL scar if you continue- and it will be just one more reason to avoid opportunities in your life.
thanks for listening, good luck to all of you and please keep writing, i will send in my thoughts when i can.
jax

[Lucy]

I did minor picking on my arms today, nothing too drastic to break skin.
You are doing good though, peculiarpetunia, you are better then you were a day ago right? At least a bit better, soon, you will notice it.

[peculiarpetunia]

I've done nothing today,but late last night, overtired as usual, did some minor arm picking. sigh.

[peculiarpetunia]

it's me, writing again. I did things to my face today. Oddly, I don't think i did any real damage, but it is ind of red and marked up. I am just going to start over right now. It's been a bad few weeks, life-wise but as of tomorrow, things will be looking up.

Also, have any of you ever seen the movie Death Becomes Her? For some reason, Meryl Streep and Goldie Hawn are dead and decaying but still walking around. They have to stop now and then to spackle and spray paint themselves. I feel like them sometimes.

A few times, i have even used long-lasting foundation on my arms and chest to conceal damage.

OK, i really think now that life is going better, I will be better able to really go ZT.

I am going to get my hair done, and buy some new clothes for inspiration.

Look forward to hearing how you guys are doing.

[workinprogress]

i read the logs and got inspired. i would love to jump in to the ZT fun. i am new and i have not picked in 20 minutes. i noticed that i pick all the time so it is goin

g to be quite a challenge to stop.

thanks for the inspiration. i would love to write when i have the urge. i am new and want to turn my life around.

[Lucy]

Anytime you feel that you will pick, just write here until the urge goes away. Even if it takes 100 times to write, as long as you can stop from picking, it's worth it. I also write here when I feel it coming on.
Today I haven't picked all day, I feel so good because my redness and my new marks are going away.

[tryingtoquit]

Good job everyone. I just thought I'd check in here. I haven't made any progress, but am more aware of the problem at least. So I've made an appointment with a psych for the first time. Ten plus years and the problem has not gone away. I really think I need some meds to reduce the impulse, because even though I know it's wrong, I still do it. You know the deal.

The appointment is in a few weeks, I will let you know what kind of advice/meds I get.

I know what you mean about Death Becomes Her. I think I look pretty good but need to make sure all my places that are "rotting" are patched up.

Happy to know I'm not alone and keep up the improvements, lets be gentle on our skin.

[workinprogress]

Hi Everyone:

I think our ZT club is great. I too tried the ZT challenge and lasted one day...well quite honestly i picked alittle without even realizing it..thats how bad it is.

I can relate to all your threads. i think it was P.Petunia that said you do it when you are tired. i just noticed the same thing.

So, i had a good day yesterday almost pick free. Today I am struggling with some stress and i actually told myself that i deserved picking my butt scabs and scratching my head. I managed to avoid doing a major session on my face and took a nap instead. While going to sleep I though that I have never used a sowing needle (the eye side) on my face...that would be a great tool. Even mentioning it now gives me a craving.

I was also inspired by a recent post from a daughter of a mother who picks. At first I felt alittle violated, like she was invading our turf but then I realized that she is most welcome and it is interesting hearing how it can affect others. I have a new daughter and many times I have delayes going in to read her books because I was in the middle of a session. Or hiding the mirror as she toddled into the room where I was picking and pretending that I wasn't doing it.

God forbid she is inflicted by this. My father and my maternal granfather had it so the genetic loading is really high.

Anyway, I want to stop for me, but I also want to stop for her. I don't want to leave that legacy for her.
So, again I will renew my ZT vow. I will not pick for as long as I can. I want to catch up to you all. Wish me luck. I will be thinking of our solidarity to get me through this.
thanks

[peculiarpetunia]

thanks so much to everyone who is on this thread.

first, a comment, then a revelation.

WIP: I HAVE used a needle on my face, but it doesn't even work well, so stop thinking about it.

revelation: I have been feeling really down all week about the picking, and yes, I did some damage to my face last week and didnt let it heal this week, but I realized tonight that I have really left my arms and my chest alone.

As for my face, it hit that point tonight wher eit just seemed to take over and start the healing process even with me in its way. Do you know what I mean?

My revelation is that since I came to this site, I think I have made an improvement overall.


I have just been feeling worse than usual because I am now so hyperaware that it IS a real problem, with a name.

SO I will say it again. Going ZT.

It may be a hard week as it will be the week before my period.

WIP: naps help a lot...if I am having a strong urge and can lie down in the dark for even 15 minutes, it does subside. I will try to focus on that this week for PMS.

A short nap. Or go out in public and have a cup of tea.

thanks again everybody, it means a lot to know you're there.

[Lucy]

It's great to know you have improved. I have too. I let myself pick on my arm, lower back and face. Two dry scabs on my arm and my face I started to on my back, but didn't let it go too far. I feel I have a little better control. Not much.
Naps and going out really do help. Since you're not gonna sit there and start to pick at everything right in front of people. I like to get out sometimes just for that reason.

[workinprogress]

Hi you guys,

Great reading. I am glad that you are having a reduction in symptoms. Since I joined ZT and thanks to you I also have had a major decrease in picking. I am pick free with my face for 3 days and I allow myself a meltdown pick on my scalp and I am trying to phase this out. I also am letting my scabs on my buttock heal. So embarrasing when I have little dots of blood on the back of my kakis. Also I had a massage 2 days ago and I kept pulling the sheet over my but so I wouldn't be outed.

I will check in. Its weird but the less I pick, the better and more confident I become. Alot of my anxiety goes away. I almost think that the picking disconnects our s=process of processing pain and self-loathing to heal,

duh, right.

Anyway... I renew my vow at 11 oclock tonight to be mindful of my thoughts and to NOT PICK as long as I can.

wip

[peculiarpetunia]

My weekend wrapup:

Stayed at boyfriend's house last night. By the time I went there, my face had really healed up, and as I reported yesterday, chest and arms were doing good.

When I got up this morning i left straight rom there for a really full day and by this evening face had healed so much from no picking for over 24 hours that I wore very minimal makeup out.

I did just pick a little bit getting ready for sleep (of course, "had to" check some spots after leaving them alone for so long...but didn't do any damage)

Also treated myself to some new face products. One is a moisturizer by Aveeno. It contains sunscreen, "light diffusing particles to improve look of skin"' and soy to fade spots. I am using it for motivation in hopes that within a few weeks, maybe I will feel comfortable going out in just the moisturizer.

I am not doing perfect. I haven't stayed at Zero for more than a day, but I am a lot better.

I will be around here a lot this week checking in because this is pms week which is hard.

One final embarrassing note. My boyfriend has terrible vision without his contacts. This is comforting because when I wake up with him in the harsh morning light with no makeup, my face is a bur to him. After we shower, I put on makeup in the other room while he shaves.

Today that was really minimal, but what a weird thing to find comforting.

Please write. Knowing how you guys are doing helps me feel like we're on a team (I know that was cheesy). Just know someone is thinking of you and hoping you're doing well. Good night.

[Kat]

ok, someone said the if we wanted to pick, we post until we dont anymore.

I'm sitting here wanting to pick, because my breathing is all funny, and it's annoying me (and i always pick when i'm on the computer.)

i think i may sit and chew my lips - they heal quicker - i'm working for individual areas here!

ARRRGGGGGH - erge not going - must keep going till 8 - then i go and feed my horse and forget about nose - must keep waiting!

[peculiarpetunia]

Hey Kat,

I have at times done the area by area approach, but it has gotten me in some trouble.

I just decided that since this week is PMS (worst week) for me, and I am trying to get through it w/o picking, I will eat whatever I want. Just this week, cheesecake? fine. fries? fine. And I will buy whatever skincare products I desire.

Today has been good. Minor "checking on" some face areas, but face is looking ok.

Slept in and lounged in bed for a while and fought the urge to pick at arms in face in bed, which was great because I feel so mucch more whole when I don't pick.

[ready2quit]

hi guys, it's Monday night and I am so sick of my horrible habit. My skin is finally clear(not getting zits) but i keep picking at these scabs I have-my skin hurts!

N/e ways i want to join ZT, starting tomorrow I want to go for 2 whole weeks with out picking at my skin. I need to let everything heal.

My plan is to start tomorrow-March 16 and allow my skin to heal until March 29-hopefully I will then quit forever!!

Any advice as to how I can stop picking. I get really annoyed and pick b/c i want clear skin so bad and i feel it's impossible to attain.

If anyone has any tips, please pass them along, and if anyone wants to start fresh with me let me know too.

I am making a promise to God, to myself and to everyone here with the same problem as me that i will stop picking.