Please Read-- looking for ZT partner

[peculiarpetunia]

I am new here.

I am starting ZT this second. I would love it if one or two of you would reply, and check in every day. I will write on this thread everyday, too.

I have been CSP for about 13 years. I live in NYC. I am 32, female. I have had some recent success in my writing career which could mean some time in the public eye in the not-so-far-off future. I'm generally considered attractive, and would love to feel that way everyday-- not have good days ruined by this.

I am only recently admitting how much of a problem this has been for me, for so long.

One inspiring thing about these boards for me, besides just feeling not alone, is that so many of you are talking about bad scarring. Somehow, god only knows how, I only have one tiny scar on my face, and some white spotting on my arms (arms are a major problem for me, I have keratosis pilaris, and well, you can imagine...).

So, if I stop now, I won't have any permanent scras to deal with...if I keep going, I guess they are inevitable.

Anyone want to be my partner in this?

thanks.

[jaxietoo again]

ugh. i spoke too soon and my spelling was atrocious. i see that ZT is zero tolerance- how i wonder does that happen? anyway. sorry for my less then steller response. i hope you find what you are looking for! good luck with your career and the hope of a pick free life. it is nice to find a place where people understand you, ya know? Anyway- take care.
jax

[peculiarpetunia]

Hi Jax,
thanks so much for resonding. yeah, zero tolerance. It seems like you were scared off by that. Don't be. All it means so far to me is that I decided to stop last night, and so far haven't picked today.

I think just deciding that and being honest with someone --anyone (for me its just the boards, no one in my real life realizes the extent of the problem).

Anyway, I just want someone to report to. Whether it's a good day or a bad day.

So tell me how you're doing, and i will do the same.

It was a really bad week for me. Money has been a problem and when I get stressed about money, I pick. When i get stressed about anything really, and this week I did worse things to my face then I have in a while.

[Lucy]

I will join you. So far I am 2 days pick free!!!
Woo Who!!!!
Keep going. I did ZT before and it cut my picking in half. Now I just need to get the other half gone and I'm set!!!

[tryingtoquit]

Peculiarpetunia,

I am with you. I am back on this board. Last time I was on was in November. I still haven't gotten any better and I think a ZT partner is the way to go.

You and I have many similarities, so I think we will be of great help to each other. I am 30 year old female and picked up this annoying condition at the age of 19. I am also considered attractive and intelligent from the outside looking in.

I also pick my arms becuase of KP and I also don't have any permanent scarring on my face, and I was thinking the older I get the longer it will take my skin to heal and bounce back, so scarring probably will occur.

I am pick free as of this morning after picking about an hour last night and two hours the night before. Unbelievable! Can you pick this long?

Good luck to you and I will check in daily. Just talking about this with each other can help so much I think.

Are you like me in that you can't stand the sight of yourself without make-up? The quicker I get it on, the less chance there is I will pick. It is just unbelievable to me the amount of time and angst this CSP has caused me for so many years. Thinking back on my life, I've had good days, like you said, ruined by self inflicted sores....my wedding day, my honeymoon, vacations, everything. I really can't believe that I am this "crazy."

Thanks for posting, we can do it. I feel better already, even with my new sore on my face. At least it is not oozing.

Hope to hear how you are doing.

[peculiarpetunia]

hi tryingtoquit.

thanks for responding. Ok, so I will write to you on this thread everyday.

Yesterday was a good day until late at night, when I picked a little while working on the computer. Sometimes I can kid myself that face picking if not in front of the mirror doesn't "count".

I think being tired is the biggest trigger for me. This is a huge problem since when I am tired before bed is when I am in front of the mirror, washing my face, and applying lotion to my arms.

I also found myself doing something last night I have only recently pinpointed: I have avoided the guy i am dating most of the week because I had really done terrible things to my face. Then, because I hadn't seen him, last night I started feeling down about the whole relationship, 'this is ridiculous, we haven't ween each other in a week, he obvioulsy doesn't care'.

Then I started analyzing problems with us and worrying about it. I made myself stop and admit the truth: I avoided seeing him because I have a serious problem.

I think I've always done this: convinced myself there is another reason why I resisted sex (arms0 or resisted seeing the person at all (face).

you said you had done ZT before. Exactly what did that involve for you, just keeping it on your mind, or did you used tricks, reminders, etc?

[peculiarpetunia]

one more thing: yes of course I coat myself in makeup. Then I feel that the makeup clogs my pores.

One thing that really helped a while back though was this makeup I got at sephore, cant remember the name, but expensive. It was an acne treatment with a lot of sulphur, like a chalky shade of foundation. Not for going out, but I wore it around the house and it helped heal my face, but even better, the chalky texture skeeved me, which prevented me from picking. And it did cover, so I didn't see stuff in the mirror and start.

[tryingtoquit]

I never got beyond a couple days picking my face, so I can't offer any advice. I need to stop analyzing my face in the mirror. I always think a little picking won't hurt and that I really don't have a big problem, and then get in the same cycle of picking and disgust.

This is why checking in here frequently will keep me aware that I do have a condition that needs constant monitoring, especially at night for me too. I will stay up late picking when I should be sleeping.

I compare it to alcoholism, just one drink, like just one pick, will turn into a big problem.

I have avoided people as well becuase of this issue. My husband is understanding, but I am still embarrased by the damage I cause.

As you have done, I avoided people as well, especially when someone I was dating some years back would point out my picking spots and make me feel just awful. It was much easier just to avoid him. Not sure if the person you are dating points out your spots, like you didn't know they were there.

I am going to check into the makeup you mentioned.

Still pick free, hope to get through the evening, that will be a success.

[peculiarpetunia]

Nice to know you're there, and that I have someone to report to.

The person I'm dating would never point anything out in a mean way, and he has no idea I do this.

Once he noticed some major damage on my upper chest, as i was trying to prevent him from taking off my shirt. I mumbed something about an allergic reaction.

Long ago, he was a drug addict (clean for many years, and very succesful). He admits this freely and has helped others. It's sad that I don't tell him this, because out of anyone, he would propbably be most understanding. I have no plan or urge to tell him whatsoever. My plan is to stop.

[peculiarpetunia]

I found that makeup I mentioned: www.ddfskincare.com/Pages/productPage.aspx?productId=112

I am going to post it on the tips for helping board, too.

I have been good, except my hand keeps going to my face, and like you said, I always feel the need to "just check things out" in the mirror, but I am resisting.

Honestly, I think I have only the mildest acne, but always thin of myself as having major skin problems.

I do it to myself.

This seems like the grossest of all disorders to me. I honestly feel that it's more shameful than hair pulling.

[Lucy]

Today I am 3 days pick free!!! I feel the same as you two. I really have to stop looking at every little imperfection in the mirror and that will help me not to pick. Also not really letting my hands start to feel on my arms for imperfections helps too I've noticed.

[tryingtoquit]

I picked some last night, I did well this morning. I am surprised how programed I am to picking. I will do better today.

[peculiarpetunia]

Hi Lucy.

I have avoided any mirror-sessions, but even a second ago while reading this thread, I began picking at something on my chin.

Last night after remembering that makeup-treatment trick, I found some neatrogena on the spot stuf fwith color in it. I put this on probably around 6 and just left it on. I talked myself out of rewashing my face and applying something else before I went to bed, because I am betting skipping the mightly picking will be far better for my skin than whatever else i would apply.

So, I've done okay...picked by feel at a couple minor things last night and today for a total of only around 10 minutes. Some days I seriously can spend 2 hours or more in total.

[Lucy]

I can pick for hours too. It gets easier to resist as ZT goes along because you see improvement in your skin and you think, "I don't need to pick" that's how my picking was cut in half. I have bad scarring on my arm and my face, but since the first time I did ZT, it has gone down somewhat.
Keep up the good work.

[peculiarpetunia]

"the good work," ha.

i just had a bad phone call with my editor and of course took it our on my face. I know all the other times I have stopped for even a few days, my skin has dramatically improved.

My habitual picking is the full on inspection (mirror for face, bright light for arms and chest) but my stressed, anxious habit is roaming over my skin just picking.

As I mentioned elsewhere, I am having soon-to-be relieved money problems, and money problems make me anxious most out of anything I think.