trouble.

[rabbitmoon]

damn. i got a little bit carried away tonight.... i mean nothing major....but enough. its scary how fast i can go into a trance. its like this building momentum or sinking underwater. i think i need to put up my mirror covers again. one thing i cannot seem to stop myself from doing is leaning in really close over the sink to see how my skin is doing on a microscopic level. and thats so stupid! what do i care, dammit? my skin looks practically perfect at this point from any normal distance! no person could stand close enough to me to even notice these tiny clogged pores im looking for! the mirror covers go up tomarrow. even though i hate them. taking them down the last time felt like taking off sunglasses at the end of a bright day.

im coming to a very slow, very simple realization, that no matter what csp is making me think, no picking will ever actually HELP my skin. i mean, its like i have this voice in my head telling me that i HAVE to get this spot, and that one because then it will go away. some part of me thinks im helping somehow. but i know for sure from experience, that of course im not helping and the spot wont go away, only become more noticable, more infected, and lead to more picking. i know this sounds kinda crazy. im trying to force it into my head that no picking will ever be good for anything. but its so strangely hard to do that.

and another thing. (i hope this rambling is of use to at least somebody) i think that smoking makes my picking worse. i used to smoke a lot. then i quit. and now i seem to smoke for like two days out of every two weeks or something like that. recently my excuse to myself has been "im not picking my skin so its okay to smoke- if thats what it takes to calm me down" thinking i can exchange one problem for another. but no. smoking actually puts me in an overall more tense mood and i end up picking more. plus the smoke is bad for my skin. they arent interchangeable. they go together. no more smoking binges for me.

zt is hard. its like quitting smoking with a pack of fresh cigarettes somehow attached to you that you can never get away from. we cant escape our skin. we have to face our addiction constantly.

dont get me wrong. i believe in us.

end of rant.

love, rabbitmoon.

[Heather]

(((hugs rabbitmoon.))) That is a very important realization to make. Not only does picking virtually never make your skin better, but also when once in a blue moon it does make your skin better, you are just perpetuating this awful illness! I've read that the brain chemistry behind picking is similar to that behind compulsive gambling. We keep coming back in search of the perfect pick, and when we get it after 1000 tries, it just strengthens our desire to go at it again next time. Beware of all picks! "good" and bad!

In some ways, quitting skin picking is probably more complicated than quitting something like smoking. But remember, there is a huge spectrum of addictions out there. Many involve everyday behaviors that are difficult to evade completely...ie, handwashing compulsions, sex addictions to name just a few random ones. They all have been overcome, and we can overcome ours too.

[Janita]

rabbitmoon, I know exactly what you mean about the mirrors.

one thing i cannot seem to stop myself from doing is leaning in really close over the sink to see how my skin is doing on a microscopic level.

This statement applies to me too. This is something I've been doing for a long time but up to now, I didn't realize it was one of my biggest problems. If I see the tiniest bit of dry skin or edge, I feel like, if I pick it, I'm helping it heal. Of course I'm only fooling myslef because I know I'm not helping it, I'm making it worse.

Yesterday was my day 1 of ZT. I did great. I kept myself busy and everytime I thought about my face, I just kept repeating, ZT, ZT, ZT, in my head. It worked, for day one anyway. I even watched the whole Redsox game without ONCE touching my face. That to me, is like climbing Mt. Everest.

ZT IS hard but I have more confidence now more than ever. And believe it or not, your "rambling" as you put it, was of use to me. We must all keep posting to help each other out.

Keep up the hard work.
God Bless.

[rabbitmoon]

i know you're right Heather. i really do have to stop picking completely to ever get through this. thanks for backing me up! and yeah, its my belief that absolutely anything, ANYTHING can become an addiction for a person. you could be addicted to using post-it notes!
Janita! great first day of zt! keep it up; i know you can.
thanks, both of you, for support.

i love you strong women! rabbitmoon.

[Amy]

Rabbitmoon,
I understand about the adding habits. I have added eating to mine. I was so shocked to read your statement about having the cigarettes attached to you and trying to quit smoking. That is the same thing my husband told me the first night I was trying to quit picking. He said it was something that will always be with me, following me around, like trying to quit smoking with a pack of cigarettes in your pocket.
I wish I could put the mirror covers up, but my kids probally would not understand. So I have been trying to avoid the mirror and the rooms that have them. It seems like your skin heals so quickly when you stop, so the urge to inspect is so strong. And that can lead to trouble.
Keep going strong, ZT is hard, and I am on my second day 2. I thought the first day was going to be the hardest, but apparently I have trouble making it through the second day.
Take care,
Amy

[ruffy69]

I can so relate to you it is amazing. I always lean into the mirror ansd study my face. It has become such a habit. Mow that I am doing this ZT thing I think this is really danderous leaning in so close to the mirror. After I get a few weels off picking maybe I will get a mini facial and let a pro pick for me so I don't scar. I can't believe their are people in my sitution. I get into trances too. We all need to hang in there. One day at a time. I have a few little bumbs I am dying to pick and get the stuff out. It is very hard but I tell myself If I pick once I may not be able to stop.

[coolhandluke]

Wow, look at me, I made a post!

Anyway, I just wanted to tell all of y'all that we are tough and strong and we'll get through this...I left a message on the guestbook thingie. You can go look at that for my detailed stuff. I'll put more on this tomorrow or the next day.

Later!
~CHL

[rabbitmoon]

hey coolhandluke! you are the first remotely southern person i have met on this board. i live in tennessee. did you grow up in ky?

[Teresa =)]

hi girls!!
yes Janita u are right is like climbing the Everest i have climb some here is sudamerica.. Pastoruri... huascaran ( that was very dangerous so the guide told as to get down ) Huaytapallana and Aconcagua ( wow!! i cnat believe i was there...) cause i love risk sports and first u are like dying... and omg thinking why i do this or i cant.. etc,. etc but when u get to the top very very tired u say wow i did it and are happy and feel peace.. u are right is like climb some parts are tought and dangerous and other are more easy but the objetive is the same always!
take care
Teresa