feeling dirty

[dandelion]

Anyone else feel this way....I realized tonight while I was picking that I get this feeling of being dirty and that if I keep picking I will get myself clean?

[Dee13]

For me it's about imperfection.

[anonymousartist]

Sometimes I pick more when my skin feels icky to me. I find a good and fast way to alleviate that feeling is a baby wipe and/or some aloe gel.

[spotty]

I do it when my face feels itchy and grubby some make ups irritate it more i just live in sudocream!!! soon as i put it on i feel better how sad is that I walk around the house with white splodges on my face no wonder im single eh!!

[BurntRose]

My legs were one of the last places that I started picking on. I've had to wear pants now for about 2 years. I just got myself out of long sleeves, even though you can still see the scars there recent marks. It took me a long time to gather those clothes hide. Every time I go out with out one hiding item, I actually feel like I'm walking around naked . Anyone else feel like their trapped long clothes?

[irishjig]

Yes! I know what you mean.

[Melissa89]

I know exactly what you're saying....when I pop a pimple I feel like I'm pushing out all of the "dirt" that is bothering me. There is probably something figurative to that too...not just literally pushing out dirt, but taking out all of the imperfections I see in myself and my life

[Simby]

I can relate Burnt Rose, but my legs were the first place I started picking. I have not worn shorts for about 8yrs now. One of my most favorite things to do in the summer is swim, but I haven't done that in about 8yrs either.

[Nogoodreason]

I feel like if I don't pick every black lil dot my face looks dirty and is going to break out if I don't get to it. my mom will point out where I need to wash better, which makes me feel like I need to pick there more, not wash bc washing doesn't get everything. ahhh. what is there to do to help the healing? does using toner make it worse? I never had scars I have really nice skin but now I have scars that look like chicken pox scars.

[Chicago1]

Honey, I know exactly what you mean!

I totally agree with Nogoodreason: washing isn't enough, in my eyes. I feel like picking (specifically, squeezing) cleans deep down, whereas soap just rinses the surface. Never mind the fact that I look like a leper. I'm a clean leper, lol!

Melissa89 makes a great point: perhaps this is an emotional thing, too. Well, it's all emotional, but maybe we're trying to "clean" ourselves inside and out. It sounds funny, but that's one of the things I like about doing laundry: you put a lot of dirty stuff in an "electric box" and it comes out clean. There's something soooo satisfying about that. I wish I could just throw myself in with the linens and come out perfect.

[Nogoodreason1]

Thanks Chicago, I'm glad to hear abt people that can actually relate to my self destructive behavior. It gets worse sometimes.. and better sometimes too....it's an emotional (& stress-relieving)rollercoaster ride. everytime someone tells me my skin looks good...i pick my face the next time i'm in contact w. a mirror... weird, huh. Anyways, I am going to cognitive behavior therapy right now. Some things that may be helpful for you guys is to keep a log of everytime u pick, or a journal, and say what you are feeling before u pick to pinpoint what's triggering it. For me this is hard bc i don't feel like there is any specific trigger. but it raises self- awareness, which is good. What I have learned on my own is it helps to talk to myself while I do it. But not saying, "you're bad, you're stressed" thoughts, but instead, "Dontttt ruin your face and think about how much better your face looks if you don't pick. Also, washing my face(so i wont think i lk dirty) while not looking into the mirror helps with prevention. That's my method, and i'm not "perfect" yet, but i'm doing what i can to try and stop. ill try and post more stuff abt what my cbt tells me in hopes to save everyone the big bucks i'm dishing and help u guys work through this too i hope..