bdd versus ocd

[tina]

Just checking in. Today was a little better, at least I didn't gouge myself all day. It really helps to write here.

I made a commitment to my boyfriend, who is very supportive about my csp, that I will not pick today. He knows that I can only be more aware, that sometimes it is unconscious.

Just wondering- How many of you believe that your skin picking is symptom of BDD and how many of you think it is OCD? And does anyone have information on skin picking as it relates to these disorders?

I am trying to find out why I do this. I mean I know why but I still feel like I need more info.

And recently I was rejected as a subject for a BDD study. So now I am questioning if I have BDD...

Thanks,

Tina

[anonymousartist]

Well, I don't know so much about diagnosing either (that's up to professionals) but you could've been rejected for any number of reasons. In order to do the best scientific study possible it's important for them to get people with as much in common as possible, so maybe they just picked a candidate more suitable to their needs.

This is based on my opinion. The only thing I'm professionally qualified to do is tell someone if their business cards are ugly.

As I understand it (from lurking on a BDD message board) BDD is this intense belief that some part(s) of your body makes you horribly ugly and unacceptable to other people, no matter how untrue that may be, or that there's something wrong with you.

OCD tends to be characterized by repeating some ritual but also having a belief that if you don't perform that ritual something awful will happen.

Now, we all probably have an extent of these belief systems. For instance, I tend to belive that I should wash my hands after I use the bathroom because its germy and I could prevent disease. I created a habit of it. But, it's seen as pretty reasonable because it's backed up by scientific evidence, popular belief, and after that's said and done, I no longer worry about it. If I were to wash my hands four or five times, trying to get extra clean, knowing that there's a bazillion germs around that I could contract and I have some fear of getting ill or having something icky on me if I don't do so, then I would have crossed the line into OCD tendency. The question is, where is that line?

As OCD relates to picking, I would say that some people definitely pick as a symptom of OCD, but I would also suspect that if OCD is taking over that person's life and becoming a problem, that the OCD manifests in other ways as well. Maybe they pick because they feel that the skin needs to be smooth or they need to get all the "stuff" out.

It is a ritual. We do seem to rationalize doing it over not doing it. And we have in common that it's a problem because we feel we can't stop. So it seems to have that in common with OCD.

But a lot of people go on vacation and don't get private time at the mirror for days and the skin clears up. The problem's unecessitated and forgotten about for a while. Didn't think about any dior consequences for days. Now, OCD is characterized by ritual and obsessive thoughts. I don't think an OCD would stop obsessing and stop the rituals just because of a change in environment. I think in that case, rather, the habit was interrupted and because the vacation was short, a new one didn't get time to form.

So it could be OCD, or something different. Maybe even as-yet undefined.

Then there are BDD pickers. They are most likely picking as part of a pre-occupation with their skin (maybe there are some similarities and relationships to OCD). Some are trying to smooth imperfections. Some believe there are parasites in the skin (non-true). Some truly believe they are doing repair. I will admit to having picked in the past with a believe that I could clean out all my pores (you will never ever ever accomplish this!). Then maybe the person spends hours on make-up, and still feels too ugly to be seen in public. I think that's the biggest problem for BDD sufferers. They seem to find themselves too hideous to be seen even if they are absolutely beautiful in other people's eyes and will go to extreme measures to try to achieve some sort of security.

I used to think I was BDD until I read accounts like that and realized I don't have quite the same feeling. I definitely have an altered body image sometimes. I obsess about my weight. My skin, I go back and forth with. But neither generally hinders me from facing the world (and I will do it without make-up). I used to think picking was dong something to help my acne but I know logically now that it doesn't (read the ebook on selfinjuriousskinpicking.com for the skin facts). I don't really obsess over my skin. So where does that leave me? I know I use it to cope with anxiety. I know that it's a series of habits that I created by repeating an action until it became an automatic response. I think for myself, the picking isn't the disorder, but the anxiety is. Picking's more of a symptom for me. I could probably stop completely if I really try, but if the anxiety isn't healed I may just find another nervous habit.

I saw this thing on some health channel about anorexia and how they think that anorexics may be so turned off to food because their anxiety levels never dissipate entirely and it turns off the appetite. I definitely don't have lack of appetite, but it makes sense to think of anxiety levels and this ebb and flow we cause. We know that a lot of junk foods can make the brain suddenly spike in happy chemicals but that they also cause a huge drop afterward, making us crave more, need more, and go totally out of balance. And maybe picking, eating, obsessing, whatever, are all ways of dealing with an increased anxiety level.

This is where health can come in. Building healthy habits supports the healing process. These are things that have to be built though. It's like, you can't run a marathon tomorrow without training for it. You can't make your irrational habits go away without first learning why they're irrational. You can't make anxiety disappear in a day (you can't rationalize it away) because you can't change the biological reasons it backfires with a thought, or a meal, or a picking session, and in fact all that thinking may be the problem. But I think that eating healthy, resting, exercising, meditating, affirmation, living in a less cluttered environment, will all support a less anxious and less stressful response over time. I'm sure we all honestly believe that either one day we'll have that one, big satisfying pickfest and it'll be so great, the ultimate, it'll all be over! Or that one day we'll get that last pore empty and it'll NEVER CLOG AGAIN!!! But that's just not going to happen. It's going to take some time, some effort, some better choices (key word is better. Life will be better!) Maybe it will be a little scary, but the thing we forget in this world of heroes is that we're all a little scared and that it's ok.

I know I wrote a book here, but it helps my process to write. I guess it forces me to think in a more linear fashion than obsessing over the same stupid things over and over.

[tina]

Thank you so much for your response. It's funny now that you describe both disorders this way, I feel like at best, I borderline on both of them. It's hard to say whether I have BDD, I think I am all ugly, I don't just fixate on one particular thing.

And I have a couple minor OCD symptoms, besides the CSP. But I went to an OCA support group and could not grasp most of what they were talking about.

My theory is that I have an Anxiety disorder. OCD is an anxiety disorder, but I don't believe that something bad will happen if I stop picking.

I pick even when I am not terribly anxious. It is so ingrained in me that I pick when I am happy, sad, upset, elated, tired, energetic. Constantly. Since I realized (back in february) that this was a disorder and others shared this malady, I have had about 3 weeks abstinent from picking. Other than that, my skin picking is progressive and is becoming one of the most debilitating things I deal with.

Thanks for your post.

tina

[Toni]

I don't feel something bad will happen if I don't squeeze, I squeeze more than pick. I'm just obsessed with making stuff come out of my skin. When something does pop out, it feels devine and I HAVE to repeat it, the thought and sight of it goes over and over in my head, visualising it and imagining the sound and feel of it happening. If I feel a bump that probably has some puss in it, I squeeze and squeeze until it is out. I also feel this horrible urge when I see spots with heads on other peoples faces. I don't want to squeeze it myself but I do want that person to. I can't stand to look at them, I feel they have to be popped. I know that this developed as a result of picking and squeezing with a desire to just get clearer skin and try and get rid of spots quicker. Now it has gone beyond that, I squeeze things even I can't see but maybe feel with my fingertips.

I think I also have mild BDD because I hate my nose and always have. I can't stand photos of me, I think I look hideous in nearly all of them, my nose looks bigger and my face looks wonky.
I see myself in night club toilet mirrors and think I look awful. I might feel ok when I don't see myself in a mirror, even have a photo taken but when I see the photo, I think I look terrible and hate seeing myself in the mirrors.

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