skin/scalp picking, eating, participating husband

[why]

I'm petrified that I'm posting this.

Like so many of you I've picked forever. Always careful though not to get too bad in visible places. I can go for hours and often I eat what I find if it's solid. I think the biting is satisfying, I guess. I pick at my scalp badly too, mostly in the back and often till I bleed there because nobody can see the wounds but I'll pick everywhere I can find anything on my body. And when there's nothing else, I'll run my fingertips over myself for another hour just to be sure I hadn't missed anything.

Also... it started years ago before we were married that my husband had something on his back that he couldn't reach. He doesn't pick at all but he lets me pick at him, all over on his face, back, legs... (I don't eat anything from him, only from myself.) It happens before we go to sleep and often he'll ask me to do it when I normally wouldn't have even thought to do so. At least it gives my skin a break for the night. He usually falls asleep and I'll keep going on for an hour or two.

I have so many types of tweezers (13 all together). I have three pairs that were about $50 each. I've used all kinds of tools but tweezers and a widely opened safety pin are the ones that work best for me.

Where in the world would I find a doctor I could talk to about this? I mean really... to someone who doesn't do this sort of thing I just can't see a psychologist/dermatologist/whatever being really, truly understanding. I want to talk to someone about this so badly but I would never, ever believe that they weren't sitting there the entire time secretly thinking what a sicko freak I am as I tell my story. I feel pretty lonely about it, even with my husband because we don't really talk about it and he doesn't know just how much I do it to myself on my own time.

[Constance]

It's normal that you have fear, we are driven by it. I've also picked for years, but I do get bad in visible places. I too have many tweezers that I've used for picking, but it's only by grace that I don't use them like I used to. There are many counselors who work on sliding scale basis if you don't have insurance, but I don't know where you're from, so I can only give you numbers from california. Here is a number for adult acsess- 916-875-1055. I've also found that the principlas of aa work for me too. You can call me at 916-489-4203

[linlin]

Hi.

Talking about stuff is always a good start to getting a handle on it, it seems to me, so -- good for you! And, you know, psychiatrists and psychologists are trained to be truly non-judgemental. You have to remember they are sometimes working with people who most of us really WOULD consider
'sicko freaks' (child molesters, for example). And therapists still work with , listen to , and try to help them. So, I don't think any good professional would really be that surprised or put off by anything you've written about. Good grief, you're not hurting anyone else. You are just someone with a problem (and, really, who doesn't have problems), which is exactly what the mental health field is all about. When you consider all the posters on this board and the fact that a website company (StopPicking.com - see above) offers an online behavioral modification service for $30 a month for this kind of problem, you begin to realize you are not alone! And, if you did see a professional and got a bad vibe, well - sometimes it can take a while to find the right professional for you (whether it be a psychiatrist, a dermatolgist, or even a mechanic, for that matter!) Anyway, i just wanted to respond to you, to assure you that I am not falling out of my chair with shock, I'm not apalled (I doubt anyone on this board is) - but I am pulling for you and wishing you well.

[twinkletoes6]

Your story is pretty close to mine so let that relieve your shame a little bit. I also eat and in the past I have (at least tried) to also pick at my boyfriends if I could. I finally started to see a therapist and just talking about it has helped a lot. I've shared it with a couple of my closest friends and "lifting the veil of shame" has reduced my anxiety a lot--especially if I'm with them and I'm doing it or if they see the results. I have not kicked the habit but I'm getting there. Please don't be afraid to get help. YOU ARE NOT A SICKO FREAK!

[jbyars]

I used to do the same thing when I was married!! I would pick at my husbands scalp (sounds really gross now). But, sometimes he would tell me to stop because I was hurting him. I never feel pain when I am picking my own scalp, and I most often make it bleed. I haven't resorted to tweezers yet, but it crosses my mind frequently. I will pick some at my cuticles, but not like my scalp. I am new here, but I know that we are not alone. Maybe this forum will help. I don't really know how to approach this with my doctor either. It just sounds too bizarre. Janice

[bluegem]

I've never actually picked at anyone else, but it sometimes drives me INSANE when my boyfriend has a pimple with pus. I just want to squeeze it, so badly. Don't feel ashamed, I was at first too but I've learned to just see picking as a compulsive behaviour, it's a coping mechanism, like alcoholism, nail biting, cutting - anything like that. We do this for a reason, we just have to work that out. Don't view a therapist as a bad thing too - in my opinion, every person in the world would benefit in some way from seeing a counsellor. I love mine, not afraid to tell anyone I see a counsellor. I end up talking about mostly other issues, but when I've mentioned it she's not repulsed or anything. I saw a hypnotherapist about this specifically and she was the one who gave me my first big turn around - she made me realise I picked to get rid of the blemishes (logically, makes it worse, but who needs logic!). Most doctors think I have acne, eczema or something similar, but my current one realised it was picking and he's never said anything to make me feel bad. It's scary to first get out there and tell someone, but the more you say it (even just on here), the more you'll realise there are people to help. You've just made a huge step - admitting it to others and to yourself. Be proud of yourself for doing that. The next steps are hard and will take time, but you aren't alone because even if you have no support in real life, you have support on the net. In my hard times I come back here and it's inspiring to hear others opinions on strategies and stories of recoveries or almost recoveries. And remember, there's no need to be ashamed here - we all pick, we all do things that others think are gross, but we all understand what it's like and most importantly there's no judgement here, just support and inspiration and help.

[smartstufflisa]

I pick my face, and sometimes my back if I feel something. I am really bad about picking at my boyfriends back. He gets the occasional pimple or he has this one blackhead that is in the same spot and every few months I can convience him it needs to be squeezed. it has gotten to the point though that when he is undressing to get in the shower I will stand behind him and rub over his back playfully , but the truth is I am searching for something to pick at. Whats sad is he knows it too, so now he doesn't like me in the room when he's getting in or out of the shower. You are not alone. I think that if a complete stranger would let me pick at them I would. I always find myself staring at people strangers and people I know thinking of what I would go for first.( how sick is that)

[Cath not logged in]

Hello,
I know how you all feel, I remember watching this girl at school playing with her hair and pulling it back into a pony tail, and it gave me a very strange feeling inside. Kind of like satisfaction or comfort. I know this isnt' to do with picking, but i'm sure it's kind of related as a grooming urge. If the girl would stop playing with her hair it would drive me insane, I really really wanted her to do it again. That is the kind of urge I feel when I pick, it is so strong sometimes.

I think picking allows me to turn off part of my brain somehow, it feels like I'm meditating or something. If it wasn't for the emotional stress I feel when I see the effects I wouldn't be worried about picking at all. I think if we did live in tribes and could groom all of our family and stuff then this wouldnt' be a problem. But most of us live alone and only have ourselves to "groom".

Do any of you like having your skin tickled or stroked by someone else (a non-picked bit of skin)?

Cath x

[why]

Since I first posted this, I've been diagnosed with an eating disorder and have been taking part in big-time therapy. I'm on Cymbalta for depression which has helped sooo much of my life. I actually go outside everyday now and answer my door when someone stops by unannounced (both are a big improvement from hiding in my house all the time). The picking, however has gotten worse as I work on ending the eating disorder, but I think overall I'm much happier and healthier. I'm working with a psychotherapist and, while I really thought talking about this stuff would be nothing more than humiliating... it feels sooo good to talk about it with her. Shes helping me more than I could've imagined. This was the first place I'd ever dared to speak of it and likely your responses are the only reason I dared share this part of myself with my doctor. I'm sure I would've just kept the picking part a secret and continued suffering.

Thank you all very much for your encouragement to talk with a doctor about this, over time it will get better and I have hope and a life again finally.

[Miss Jones]

I am amazed at how common this seems to be, for about 6 years now I have considered myself to be alone in this awful picking obsession. As I sit here typing I feel the pull to wonder back to the mirror and spend another hour scouring my face and every inch of my chest for pores to squeeze and dry skin to scratch.

All my friends have perfect skin. If they do get a spot it will dissapear as quickly as it arrived. My face is cluttered with pink and red marks, which during the day time are carefully concealed beneath make up. My ex boyfriend left me because of my obsessive compulsive tendencies and now I have a real problem facing men. I presume they all want a ocd free girlfirend.

I am still a very confident, and (apparantly) attractive girl but I wish I could stop the picking, it is ruining my life.

[Kriss]

Hi, my name is Kriss, and I have just discovered that your story sounds exactlylike mine! I can't believe how similar your story is to mine. I am a compulsive picker, when nobody is around, I get out the brightest light I can find, shine it behind my head, and use my magnifying mirror to find things to pull out of my pores. I am obsessed with pulling out perfect "plugs" as I call them. I hate it when the build-up doesn't come out in one solid piece, because then I have to really mark up my face in order to get out what I feel is still in there. I also wish I had someone I could talk to about this, because quite frankly, I can't stand looking at myself in the mirror any more. I sometimes wonder if the need to pick stems from our ancestors the monkeys who constantly groom each other! I just can't imagine why else I would enjoy doing this so much. Make-up is no longer hiding my marks, and the really bad part is, that I don't even think I would have acne if it hadn't been for my picking. I go to see doctors all the time in the hopes of finding an acne cure, but the real problem is me. I can't stand having any sort of a raised area on my skin, I have to flatten it so that it is even with my skin. My boyfriend also let's me pick at him, and I don't want to do to his skin what I did to my own. Help ME!!!

[Dee13]

Find out your bad times and find something else to distract yourself. It takes time and effort and constant vigilance but progress can be made. Let me know if you want a list of tips.

[Picker 1]

Kriss,
I am just like you. In addition to picking at my face, back, chest, and now I am picking at my arms, I also pick at my husbands. I have had this problem for 10 years now and I have been with my now husband for 9 years so he knew about my problem when we were dating. It is a constant battle not to pick on his back or face. I will beg him for up to an hour to pick "just one pimple" which leads to more until he gives in. Lately, he is not giving in because he is trying to help me. I am also seeing a therapist. the way that you describe the face that you do not like any sort of a raised area on your skin, is exactly that way that I have described it to my friends or family. Do you have any tips that have helped you not pick for a day or so?