On a really big downer

[pookadot]

Ok this might sound depressing but I have just gone and picked and and on a huge downer and feeling really low haven't felt so bad like this for a while. Yesterday i was feeling really good because my face was healing up good but then last night i picked a few spots and this morning i was feeling low when i woke up and first thing i did was go and pick in the mirror and picked loads and now im in that sitiuation where im questioniong my self in why i done it and feeling guilty and horrible and thinking im back to square one where i think its going to take ages to heal up and thinking i might not never change because i was feeling so positive yesterday about trying to stop but now ive gone and done this and just really upset and i hate when im feeling good one day and then im really low the next due to picking. I usally pick at my spots after squeezing them to get them done right so i think they will heal up propaly and then apply tissue to stop the weeping but im so low i can't even be bothered to do any of that as im just getting sick of doing it and spending ages doing it, so i have just put some 'savlon cream' on the spots which i guess is like neosprin and stops them getting effected but ive never done this before and just left the cream over them because they weep and i think they will stay soft and not heal up propaly because i like a hard scarb to form so i know thye are healing propaly if you get me? what will happen now after i have put the cream on because my spots are weeping into the cream will they heal up ok what do you usally do to stop them from weeping or bleeding? im really anxious as well because i think they will take even longer to heal up now because i haven't\put tissue on them.Please help

[K not signed in]

Hey P.
I am not sure about the healing- I think it's okay if you leave the cream on them for now, especially b/c it will help you to keep your hands off of it.

I just wanted to let you know that it's okay to fall down like this- it's part of the whole thing. Chances are that most people don't just stop doing it, and relapses, temptations and obstacles are part of recovering. Just try to be compassionate with yourself and move forward, try not to focus on what happened except to try to find ways that you could better avoid the temptation next time. Good for you for coming and venting and getting it off your chest.
Be kind to yourself today.
Hugs,
K

[Froglet]

Don't worry about them healing... there are these special expensive plasters out there that seal the moisture underneath. Apparently, if a wound is never alowed to scab, it has less chance of scarring. I used to use cream all the time, to try and take the swelling and pain down, and the healing was never really affected. Once you remove the cream they should scab up like usual.
And try not to blame yourself about the relapse. We all have had our best intentions ruined by the uncontrolable urge to pick... and Im sure everyone here can understand more than anyone how unbelevably hard it is to stop. Be kind to yourself. Its a long and slow process to being pick free, don't give yourself crazy targets, just take it slowly. I am not pick free yet, but Ive managed to cut it down by about half. It took a whole year to do that! I would let myself pick the spots, but stop myself from digging to deep. Now Im working on not picking the spots. But only when I stopped beating myself up about it, could I get this far. At some point you just gotta shrug your shoulders and say, I am going to be happy with or without this thing. I only live once!
I understand what the lows are like though so Im sending you happy thoughts. You have the power to gain control of this. ;D

[pookadot not signed in]

Thanks for your response it's made me think a bit more postive. But the trouble is most of you sound like your getting out and leading some sort of life and im not im stuck in every day and have been since about August of last year and every time i pick it sets me back again so i have to wait another week or more for them to heal up but in that time another spot comes up and i pick it so its a really bad cycle and it gets me really down because i never know when im going to get out and start a life again and when my skin starts healing up i think to myself i could try and make it out in a weeks time when my skin is just about healed but then i go and pick and it sets me back and i have been thinking like this for ages and im am getting so sick of stayin in and looking in the mirror and seeing open wounds and it bugs me because if i don't think the scabs or whatever are healing up propaly then i get really anxious and might start picking or pulling of the scab again. And im just getting down even more then i used to and even when my face is healing up i can still feel down could this be depression the only thing i haven't tryed yet is medication and i have been suggested it before but not sure on it but i was thinking of it as my last resort and now i think i should try and see about medication to balance my mood out because when im low i pick more obviously. Does anyon else find medication a help and what kind are you using? Im 17 years old so i don't know what kind that would suggest me hopefully not something strong that i wont become addicted to and i have trouble with swallowing pills and heard they can make you gain weight?

[Froglet]

Im 22 and my picking was really at its worst when I was around your age. Hormones and home life made it all so much worse! You do seem to be trapped in a cycle of staying in picking etc. Its so difficult, I know.
However, the more you stay in, the more temtation there is to pick. I always have people around me, because as soon as I get the flat to myself, the mirror starts calling me!
Maybe you are feeling so low because you are stuck inside so much? I what way do you mean about starting a life? Try not to place all your hopes of happiness on being pick free and having perfect skin. You are so much more than that!Why don't you just slap on some make up and get out there? Its amazing the horrors I could hide with careful application of make up! People hardly notice. I really think if you just get out there and face your fears it could help.
Maybe looking for some kind of therapy could help? I have been, and it wasn't as scary as I thought it would be. The doctor canhelp teach you ways to deal with anxiety, etc. Not sure about meds, never really trusted them, but I know they got my gran through a tough time when my grandpa died... Maybe some one else could help on this one?

[Wee One]

Hey there, it does sound like you have some kind of depression and low self esteem. I got really depressed about it and although i wasn't housebound for long, i would go through periods where i wouldn't leave my flat for two weeks because i just didn't like being around strangers and always thought they were looking at me and judging me and i just felt so much happier in my own flat. i always thought that i didn't cover up my face properly with make up and so everyone would be able to see what my face was like.

I'm on antidepressants at the moment but i'm coming off them. For me anyway, i thought they were good because they broke a cycle. I could stop and take a look at myself from a propective that wasn't under the influence of my negative thoughts. Although for the first two weeks i got more anxious, after the initial side effect period, my anxiety reduced and i started to feel happier with myself. Because the antidepressants made it possible for me to think clearly, i could then go to therapy and analyse all my thoughts, etc. The therapy is the thing that helps you in the long run, but if you are really depressed then i would suggest antidepressants to break the cycle.

Antidepressants aren't for everyone and you have to be prepared to feel worse for the first couple of weeks before you start to feel better. If i were you i would speak to your doctor about it. I know that when i went to my doctor it was open surgery so very busy and i really didn't like being around so many people, so if you don't wanna go then most doctors can visit you at home. It seems like you should do something and your doctor will know more about the options available.

I hope this helps and i hope you do get help, because it is possible to lead a normal life even if you still pick but you need to gain the confidence.

Em x

[pookadot]

Thanks for the good advice people very much appreciate it Im feeling alot better today because my face is healing up again and i haven't picked in two days but thats propbaly because ive picked my face so much and just don't feel like picking no more. I just must try not to pick the scab of after a few days i just want it to fall of naturally instead. Im getting help at the moment a therapist comes round to see me once a week she will be round this friday so i will ask her about antidepressents then because i think they will be a big help if im given the right ones. Anyways thanks once again.