Really just need to bitch.

[skigirl]

It's Friday - and I loathe Fridays. Started my day off tripping over my vomiting dog, landing on my face and getting a rug burn. I'm sick, my kid is sick and crabby. Then I got to step on a packing staple. I guess it hurt - sure seems like it should've. I just lost another friend and I'm pretty damn sad about it. This is what happens, though, over and over again. I meet someone, trust them, think they're a friend, and it ends up like this 100% of the time. Turns out this guy was using me to make his wife jealous so she would fuck him more. Nice. The shitty part is that I trusted this guy so much. Out of all the guys I've been going to school with, and thought I got to know pretty well, he was the one I thought I could absolutely count on. Such a good guy. Well, his wife went through his phone records and found out he called me, and she sends me a pissy email, and he's hardly talking to me now. The bad part is that I started to count on him to be there for me, just to talk about stuff. I get so lonely and sometimes need to know that someone out there cares about me and what's going on in my life. Turns out that just like every other guy in the world, the extent of his caring was how much he wanted to fuck me or otherwise use me. How is it that's all anyone sees in me - like I'm not even a person somehow. I only talked to this guy because he seemed to "get" me, y'know? Thought he could see past the outside, that I'm real and have thoughts and feelings like everyone else. Turns out it was a bullshit story - he never really "got" me at all. Now I find myself in quite a predicament. I absolutely don't want to pick anymore, at all. But I think I've sorta always used it as a barrier, an outward show of my inward imperfection. Much the same way fat women use their fat to keep men away. Guess a few blemishes isn't enough to protect me from them anyway, so I may as well stop this shit. Who has the time for it anyway?

How in the hell am I supposed to trust again, let someone in so I can enjoy another person, without being so damn afraid to feel like this again.

[anonymousartist]

I think really trustworthy people, will stick wit you even if you tell them you are afraid to trust, and it'll come to you when the time is right.

I have trouble with male friends too. So much so I don't really consider any of them close to me anymore. It's like when something's wrong they don't really wanna know. (And maybe I really want one so bad because when I do talk to them they don't really listen, they just pretend to, so I end up thinking of a solution on my own.)

But just because someone treats you like you're worthless, doesn't mean you are. Take it as a sign that you know you are too good to be treated that way. And it sounds like you're just having a bad day in general, so maybe take a bath or something with some soothing music and have a good cry if you want to. We all need it sometimes. And remember that you're a good person and a good mom and that is worth everything.

[drprincess]

First of all, consider it a blessing from god, for all you know he could have been a sociopath, defintely sounded like he was one shalllow prick.

Yes, I have noticed many of us pickers have intimacy issues, just like those of us that are overweight. We use picking as a protective mechansim. Sometimes it protects from the sociopaths and other times it ruins our chances of really getting to know a good guy.

Just think, it is your gain from not being with him, you deserve better. take care of yourself, go for a walk, take a steaming hot bubble bath, or just do nothing, enjoy yourself, or better yet get a full body massage(that does wonders for me).

drprincess

[Wee One]

some men are just such bastards! It's really weird coz you can meet a guy who is really nice and lovely but then can be such a bastard in other respects. Like i was going out with this really nice guy who looks after disabled children and adults for a living and was just sooo nice to me and my friends, then i didn't hear from him for a week and when i finally got through to him he told me he was on a date with someone else and that he's seeing her now! i just don't understand men, are they bastards all along or do u think that they can actually be nice?

if u really clicked with this guy then that was real. He was there for u when you needed it and i'm sure that was because he cared about you. He acted in a bastard way and definately doesn't deserve your friendship, but u can't think that everything you said to each other was fake and lose faith in friendships. If he made you feel better about yourself by listening to you then that was real. Just to make it clear, i'm not sticking up for him at all, i'm just trying to say that he did act in a terrible way that reflects on him as a person, but it shouldn't reflect on you, and that he did actually take time out to be yr friend and so i'm sure it was because he enjoyed it.

anyway, i have to say, the people who i really trust and confide in and talk to when i'm lonely are girls. You don't have the whole sexual thing there and i know that when giving advice they always have my best interests at heart as opposed to theirs. you see i do confide in men, but it always seems to come back to my female friends who are there for me. So don't lose faith in everyone!

Em x

[skigirl]

Thanks for the input ladies. I did take a walk and took a bath. Feel better, but I'm still feeling that huge void. We used to talk for hours and really clicked, so now that that's gone, there's nothing to replace it. I guess I'm supposed to just fucking get it already that I'm meant to be alone and lonely. Here's what I don't get. My husband fucks around on me, and leaves me. Guys who are my friends, think they want to fuck around with me, do what they think they can get away with and then head straight back to the wife they told me they don't want any more. It's quite a hit to the pride. He started bitching to me, as his "friend," about how his wife doesn't want sex anymore. So what he does is show her a picture of me, then introduced her to me, and now I guess she's getting on the ball, havin lots of sex. Feels like crap for me, like I was used by them both, to spruce up their dysfunctional marriage. He wants us to still be friends, and I said I'd give it a shot, but I can't figure out how to do that and I don't trust him the way I used to. I know a lot of this is on me, bringing my own preconceived notions to the friendship, because of things that have happened to me in the past. I think I just need to sit back and let him prove to me, some how, that he does care like he says he does. And if he can't do that, then I just need to tell myself that he was just a waste of time from the beginning. Try and get some work done, stop thinking about this stupid shit. At least my skin's lookin pretty good, aside from the mark where cheek met carpet this morning. And I have a fun day to look forward to tomorrow. I'm going to a firefighter training school and get to dig through rubble, rescuing manequins, crawling through holes, etc. I think I'm a relatively awesome chick, not too bad to look at, so why is it that I'm such a loser magnet?

[Froglet]

You are not a loser magnet. But you have made some not so good choices. By choosing men who are having trouble with their wifes, surely you deep down realise there that you are taking a big chance with your feelings? I am probably much younger than you, but I can relate to the pain you feel on some level. I too after being hurt, started to get involved with a guy who was having relationship trouble. Do you think there is a reason for this kind of choice in men, that could be related to our picking and self esteem?
I was so desperate for a man to help relieve my pain, and lonelyness. But my vulnurabilty meant i was easly taken for a ride.
The best thing you can do for yourself now, is forget about men, and work on loving and respecting yourself. If you don't, how can anyone else? Its difficult, and takes a long time and Im only about halfway there myself!
Best of wishes feeling better!