Help? :(

[Okaii]

So here I am again. I thought I'd introduce myself.

I am 19. I have had CSP since I was about 13. It got very bad when I was about 15 when I also had OCD, an eating disorder and severe clinical depression. I used to cut my arms and want to commit suicide every day. Luckily I'm sane now ;]

This is the last thing I have left from that time, unless BDD counts as a seperate thing.

I am almost crying. I have come so, so close to being able to go without foundation. That has been my dream for YEARS because usually I have to cake my makeup on to cover my 'spots'. I slipped up yesterday whilst being in some kind of trance having a daydream about a situation that terrifies me. Now my skin is terrible. This very weekend my sister, her husband and my boyfriend are all staying over at my house. I look like a pizza. I will have to get up early as hell to put my makeup on.

Without my disgusting skin I am not ugly. I am a model and want to be more of one if you will but because my skin is so shit I don't have the confidence. I can't face people if they are close, I turn away. When I am outside or in light I cover my face with my hand or my hair. I feel physically sick looking in the mirror sometimes.

We don't have Neosporin in England. I think it would've helped me.

Please... I need to get over this. My once-beautiful skin is now forever marred with HUNDREDS of acne scars. I can live with that just about. But I can't live with the redness and wounds and habit any more. It's driving me mad. The only thing to keep me going is my boyfriend who insists I look beautiful when i KNOW I don't. Without him I'd be a bloody recluse.

Ok. Rant over.

...Help?

[Me2]

Hi!

I am very glad you found us. If you read my "What Works" thresd you will see how I am fighting this. Your family and boyfriend love you, you know. I hope you get to have a nice time with them while they are at your place. Take care of yourself!

Fay

[K not logged in]

I'm glad you found the board too. Isn't it awesome?

Re: neosporin- it is a first aid ointment, and I am sure you must have something close to it in England-
I looked up the ingredients for you and it is:
Bacitracin 400 units
First aid antibiotic

Neomycin 3.5 mg
First aid antibiotic

Polymyxin B 5,000 units
First aid antibiotic

And like the last person suggested, there is a ton of advice on the board- so definitely look over it and pick what sounds right for you.

Best wishes,
K

[hoppe]

Hi Okaii

Welcome back!

I am sorry that picking has brought you back to our board. But it is good you are reaching out for help.

Unfortunately,- K. - it is really true, it is not possible to buy anything containing antibiotics over-the-counter in Northern Europe. In a way I support that - people overuse antibiotics way to much. But then ... I remember being slightly annoyed when I first came to the board and everybody was talking about neosporin non-stop.... .

I live in Sweden. Recently, I went to the U.S., and when I stood in a regular shop in front of a whole wall of neosporin and different generic forms of it - I could not close my mouth in pure amazement. 'Picker's heaven' was my first (bad) thought. I bought a tube - just one - and brought it back home with me. I have used it a few times since, on self-created infections - and it works wonderfully. I have seen it take swellings down within hours. Okaii, I wish I could send you a tube. It does not solve any picking problems though. But it does calm down the really bad infections. Maybe we should convince some U.S.-residents on the site to send out a few tubes. I suspect it is illegal though, but I am not really sure.

Okaii, it is wonderful you have the support of your boyfriend. But I understand your desperation. Even though my boyfriend accepts me with my picked face, it only makes things moderately better. I know that I can be loved for who I am - not for how I look like. But that is about it. I still feel a constant need to hide when I am in public. I use my hair a lot for that. And make-up of course, but that only really works on the red marks. Not the big scabs ..... .

Keep coming back, Okaii. I think you can beat this. Also without neosporin!

Best wishes,
hoppe